I'm afraid I'll never get over my ex. We were together

>>17971582
Moving on with your life would mean you don't allow him back in your life like that. It's possible to move forward. It's not easy. It's fucking painful. Just take each day as it comes anon.

>>17971640
I mean it's been 9 years and I'm still pining over the guy. It's like I don't WANT to get over him at this point, but loving him is ruining my life. Almost every day he will pop into my head. Maybe I need to find more things to do with my time and I'll get so busy that I forget to think about him.

>>17971582
there will always be times when you think of them, but you can make them fewer and further between by focusing on achievements, coping mechanisms and cultivating new connections.

>>17971582
have you considered therapy? not being over someone after 8 years is pretty abnormal and you might need professional help. i don't mean this in a "you're crazy" way but rather a "someone who has professional training in dealing with emotions is better help than a chink animation forum" way

also you need to go no contact with your ex. block him on everything and never let him get back into your life, otherwise you will never get over him

>>17971670
>not being over someone after 8 years is not normal
lol

>>17971670
Nah, I'm not offended, but I never thought of getting professional help over this. No one I know has ever held a crush or whatever you want to call it on an ex like this before, and I finally quit talking about him after everything happened the second time around. Maybe a legit therapist would be helpful.

>>17971662
True, true.
I'm pretty depressed in my life, maybe that's why I've clung to his memory like this. It's a time I remember feeling so unbelievably happy that he became this...idolized thing in my brain that represented everything good.

>>17971680
Yeah, different anon here, you maybe have some unfinished business you've never had closure on and need to talk it out with a professional. And that's not weird or crazy or stupid.

>>17971684
I feel you, went through similar. There are just some lines in life that you cross then you cant cross back over.

>>17971680
a legit therapist can help you work through your emotions and find healthy outlets for them. they can also help find the root cause of why you're feeling this way--for example is it really about your ex, or is there just something missing in your life?

>>17971688
Definitely unfinished business. I know I probably come off as obsessive, but we both were pretty hedonistic, and just crazy about each other in general. Those six weeks felt like nothing had ever changed, we both remembered conversations that we had had after five years of silence between us. He told me he had loved and missed me so much, I mean...I tried to convince myself that he was really just looking to get laid, at least then I could write him off as an asshole and get mad at him. That would be easier than the weird, suddenly stand offish, cold feet thing he pulled for a few days before he just stopped talking to me all together. Then when I called him out on his shit he just blocks me from everything and refused to communicate WHY. I was shattered. And confused. Then a few weeks go by and I'm thinking maybe he just needs time, maybe he got freaked out by the fast pace, but then he gets a new girlfriend and it's like I never existed.

>>17971701
Yeah. That's really fucked up he treated you like that. Anyone would be devastated. You probably feel so stupid right now anon. You're not stupid. Things will be shit for awhile but really, take each day at a time. Talk with a therapist. You keep moving forward and doing what's best for you.

>>17971701
To add to the "just get laid" part - i feel like the amount of effort he put into everything was just waaayyyy to much just for sex. I mean he must have been desperate as hell to dig my ass up outta the grave after 5 years of nothing. I just don't see it as a booty call. It felt way too personal, and the way he told me he felt seemed so real. I just don't understand. That's probably what hurts the most. How can two people love each other like that and it doesn't work out? That's why I'm leaning more to a self sabotage kind of thing. He thought things were too good to be true or something and fucked us up before "something else" did.

>>17971710
I think what's best is not to try to figure out why he did what he did and to focus on how you feel about what he did to you. You need to focus on taking care of you right now.

>>17971714
That helps. Focusing on how he made me feel definitely puts things into perspective. Not the why, but what happened as a result of the "why". I definitely have come to the conclusion that even if I could wave a wand and send him my way again, I could never trust him not to do what he did again. And as a result, I could never be happy with him. I would always be anxious and worried of a repeat. And that wouldn't make me happy.

>>17971728
I'm glad it helps. Having thought this out for yourself and realizing what's best for you, how do you think you'll move forward?

>>17971582
People change. The person you fell in love with is gone. It's over.

>>17971738
Probably get back into my old hobbies that I let die in my late teens. I miss writing and drawing and my piano. I don't think I've ever really tried to move forward proactively. I haven't consciously sat down and worked on improving myself in an embarrassingly long time. Depression got the best of me after life kicked me in the lady balls and I usually resort to unhealthy behavior to cope. Nothing horrible, just binge drinking every couple of weekends or hours upon hours of Netflix of WoW.

>>17971755
Yeah I feel you. I've been rediscovering what I enjoy lately while trying to manage my own depression and it's hard. That's great you enjoy writing and whatnot. Go for it! Check out online forums and workshops in those areas you enjoy. Find meetups where you can hang out with others and talk about similar interests. Really, for me, going to support groups is really helpful. And I understand the unhealthy habits thing. I've self-harmed, binge drank, attempted suicide, etc. You can make it anon. One day at a time.

>>17971744
I just wish he would have stayed away from me then if he changed so much. I don't see the point in what he did if he wasn't interested, especially after he found out how I felt about him in return. He approached me first, then changed his mind six weeks after we had already started rekindling things. I wouldn't go so far as to say he was my boyfriend again or anything, but he was very convincing in that we had serious potential in trying again. Maybe I was over eager, maybe I took him at face value instead of questioning his sincerity given my feelings for him were already so intense. Maybe I blew everything out of proportion. But the thing is is that I never hid any of my feelings for him. I told him exactly how I felt and what I wanted and he responded with such enthusiasm that anyone would have been convinced that this was real. So to have the rug pulled out from under me so violently was really uncalled for given the NUMEROUS times he could have spoken up and told me the truth. At the very least he could have the decency to explain to me his sudden change of heart. But then the logical side comes up in me and says "Hey, psycho bitch, it's been 5 years since you spoke and six weeks doesn't exactly give you the right to make demands of people you don't even know anymore, he owes you jack shit!"

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From what I've read here this fool just wanted to get his nut in and you thought you were in love all over again. Pretty damn typical of a woman but also nothing you can blame yourself for. It'll be fine life moves on just occupy yourself with worthwhile shit and maybe get a new boyfriend yourself.

>>17971784
> pretty damn typical of a woman

That totally doesn't just invalidate her feelings and trivialize her experience *dripping with sarcasm*

>>17971784
I wish I could believe he used me but we only had sex once and it was really early on, probably within the first week we started talking. Part of me thinks the reason he split was because we didn't have sex again after that and after getting his dick wet after a pretty long dry spell probably set him off again. But all I can go off is what he told me, and he said he hadn't slept with anyone in almost a year...which again brings up the point - how can I believe anything you say? How do I know you weren't balls deep in someone else two days ago? That's what I mean. Coming to me specifically after 5 years of no talking, just to have sex One Time in six weeks? It just seems like such a stretch. I mean if that were the case, why not cut contact immediately once you see it's not gonna happen again right away?

>>17971797
I as a man can testify that what he has done to you was totally insignificant to him and you need to start realizing that. Love is confusing series of chemical reactions that take place in the brain mostly driven by the desire to breed and to be accepted (see: Maslow). Wake up and start living your life. You are a primate in a godless universe. There is no prince charming and everyone alive is a narcissist asshole doing everything ultimately for themselves. Forget this dude and make something out of yourself otherwise might as well just end it now ffs.

>>17971864
You're right about that.
It's much simpler to think of things this way. I wasn't really hoping he would be my Prince Charming, but the lifestyle we had together was really amazing and no one I've met or been with since him has come close to what I felt with him. I want to find someone that can do the same or better. At least then I wouldn't be so obsessed.

>>17971879
You're still assuming that you need someone intimately to be fulfilled. Is your life that boring? You'd have to be either 15 or work retail for this whole scenario to make any type of sense.

>>17971894
my life does suck pretty bad, but that's partially due to the fact that I'm not being fucked and loved the way I want to be on a regular basis. Girls like that shit. I wish I could be different and get obsessed with making money or become so cold that I don't have a heart at all anymore. But I don't really want to be that way.

>>17971894
I mean I do get your point but at this point if I can't find someone or something to alleviate this obsession, I'm gonna be stuck like this forever and be one sad miserable person.

>>17971913
Pretty pathetic way of looking at it. You seem like the kind of girl I would dump for sure.

>>17972907
>implying you could get a gf ;)