I'm aware this question has a million different answers

>>17966103
try some stupid half assed attemp

claim it was life changing

resume being a miserable pussy that can't pull the trigger.

>>17966117
I've already attempted before after my first brain surgery but was ultimately caught before I could bleed out.

the fact that I know I'd have to be quick about it is what makes me the most worried, since I know I'd do it correctly this time.

>>17966103
>Why did you do it?
Despite living a rather complete life due my parents, I've never had a reason to wale up in the morning. I'm the type of person who needs a purpose to continue and as of yet I've found none. I believe that a life's purpose is inherent to its liver and that no objective purpose exists.

>...and how?
I starved and dehydrated myself for 13 days.

>What ultimately made you decide to keep living?
During my starvation/dehydration induced delirium, I answered a call from my parents via Skype. Upon seeing my weariness and sickly appearance, they asked what was wrong and whether by Freudian slip or just an inability to make proper judgements I informed them of my plan. They then freaked out, called campus security (I was away at University at the time) and tried to keep me on the line. We continued to talk until they said something that made me reconsider, that if I did this to them then they would follow suit and kill themselves. Up until then I had considered them to be stronger than that, and that they would still have my siblings, and that they would understand that life isn't for everyone. This realization served as reason to end my attempt because I'd prefer not to affect this reality anymore.

My current situation is I attend tri-weekly therapy and take medication. I've done TMS, to no avail. I've participated in numerous pharmaceutical research studies (LSD, MDMA, Ketamine, etc.). I am under the impression that nothing will change my mind. My only goal right now is to serve almost as a therapist to my family and to try and cushion the pain that an inevitable future attempt may cause.

>What ultimately made you decide to keep living? Faith or philosophy, some promise or drive to keep living?
Sheer panic and dread at the final moment. Just can't go through with it.

>>17966103
>What ultimately made you decide to keep living?

One day at a time.
I basically realized that I could end my life at any given moment and that there really is no rush for me to do so. As much as I hate my life and as sad as I am I might as well just stick around for another day - until things eventually get overbearing or there is an event that would push me towards suicide (being kicked out or w/e).

>>17966103
Because life has many experiences and wonders (ive yet) to discover and feel.

I know if I get rid of my problems I can feel them and be with them 100%. No anxities, no worries, no stresses, imagine living like that.

I'm terrified of eternal recurrence. I'm 21 now and doing okay, well much better than when I was 13 thru 19. If I kill myself now a third of my life will have been hell. If eternal recurrence is true I'd spend a third of eternity in hell.

Instead I will live in a lesser he'll for the next 60 years. This way only a tenth of my possible, eternal existence will be spent in absolute misery.

>>17966103
Can i post photos of my own self harm or will I get banned cos it's a blue board?

Well, I guess it's kind of a challenge more than anything.

It just doesn't make much sense to kill myself to spare myself life when death is both eternal and inevitable, right?

So wanting to kill myself is just an acute emotional response. We understand how emotions and thoughts are dictated, and how they can affect our actions, however, we can also consciously override these actions with sufficient willpower.

So I guess you could say that I've made it my goal to conquer my emotions and learn to enjoy this life whether it wants me to or not.

Ultimately, I've internalized the problem. So, we'll have to test and see how well this holds up.

> how did you attempt to kill yourself?
First attempt: drown myself in the bath tub. I kept getting these thoughts telling me to do it and before I could my mom was asking me what was taking so long in the bathroom. Didn't want her to find my body.
Second attempt: starving myself and dehydration. Friend and neighbor came and made me eat.
Third attempt: freezing myself outside. Found by a friend and forcibly taken the ward.

> what made you choose to live?
Ultimately seeing how grieved my family was made me not want to try anymore as well as the therapy I've been through and the other people I've met and connected with in groups. Being able to connect and be who I really am in a safe environment (and meds haha) have really helped me. It's hard most days but I know I've got people rooting for me who love me. Also, learning to accept myself really has helped too.

Mostly philosophy. I started to think that there are more import things than me and that I need to work towards them. Basically I got something to care about