I'm incredibly unhappy in my nearly 5 year relationship.

That cant be the only reason right, do you have massive OCD or something?

>>17965386
As someone who lived pretty messily for years, if the girl OP is describing is like I was, I can see how 3 years of having to deal with it can be a bit much.

Good on you for trying to work this out OP, there's nothing much I can tell you to do except try and express how much it's bothering you to her. If you just let things keep playing out, well, you already know how they're gonna go because it's been your life for the past three years.

Breakup before you fuck anyone else shithead.
Do you even talk?

>>17965386
We've had other complications that contribute to my resentment towards her (her attitude toward my friends and family, her constantly focusing on things she hates instead of things she likes which makes for poor conversation topics, etc. Etc), but this is the most frequent and ongoing thing I've had to deal with. Considering she leaves food in her study and it doesn't get cleaned until the stench travels through the hall and I clean it, I'd say it isn't OCD. It can still be argued though.

>>17965442
Yes, all the time. I try to keep as calm as possible but it seems like she doesn't listen until I get very upset and angry. She will clean and take care of things after I snap, but it only lasts a few days before she goes back to her usual habits.

>>17965456
You don't train a dog by hitting it. You train a dog by rewarding it.

So next time you snap and she cleans, make sure you "reward" her. Tell her she did a nice job. Tell her how nice the place looks. Tell her how much you appreciate what she did.

Remember that she's have a lot of years to get like this and will take some effort (not arguing about it but rewarding good behavior) to break her of it.

>>17965456
I understand. Seems like you have given this much thought already. Maybe you should accept her for who she is and after that decide whether you want to be with her or not. Decide whether the positive elements outweigh the negative ones. Just a plain yes or no. Because it seems unlikely she will change.

>>17965345

Do not take any decision without talking to her first (do not try to meet any other girl or break up immediately is what i mean).

You need to sit down together and you need to write down exactly how you feel and why you feel like that. You need to be honest and tell her that her behaviour is threatening your relationship to the point that you'd rather not waste anyone's time any longer.
If after this deep conversation, nothing improves, then at least you'll know that you have tried EVERYTHING.

Nowadays it is so easy to move on and leave someone behind because of one minor issue, but you need to try everything before cutting contact off or you'll regret it later.

>>17965345
>really messy and lazy

you will never ever change her op

neatness/slobbery is a fundamental character trait and definitely a compatibility issue for some people like yourself

note that the slobs could care less about the neatniks as long as the slobs can be slobby which of course drives the neatniks nuts

good luck op

your best bet is to try and change yourself to tolerate your gf's sloppy habits

but i'm guessing this is just the tip of the iceberg here, something else is bothering you about the relationship and this thing is just what you are focusing on

maybe try couples counseling or just accept the fact that you want to bang some different pussy and say g'bye to your gf

and then 3 months from now realize what an idiot you were and try to get her back - she will laugh in your face like you deserve

oh well

>>17965553
I used to take that approach, but not lately. Could be worth a shot again.

>>17965561
We've done this quite a bit throughout the years. The last time I sat her down and expressed how severely her lack of maintainance on the house was the week before Christmas. I told her that I'm at the end of my rope and that I couldn't take sitting down and having this conversation again. It still didn't seem to stick with her.

>>17965567
Your probably right about her never changing, but what bothers me the most about this situation is that she works 4 days a week, part time while I'm salary based working at least 12 hours, 5 days a week, sometimes 6 and 7 days a week. I'm hardly in my own home and when I am there I'm having to clean up just to get a glass of water or sit down on the couch and watch TV.

>>17965608
You need to get out of this relationship.
She's obviously unwilling to change, and probably also resents you for wanting her to not be a slob, so why are you wasting your time?
You're in a relationship where you're unhappy, where you've probably been unhappy for years, so why continue it? Do you think somehow you can't do any better? Isn't being alone better than being unhappy?

>>17965561
I second this

>>17965638
I know I could do better, I've had to turn down offers from other women that I otherwise would engage, and I've had a lot of friends that are girls that I've had to back away from a little because of her. Despite all of that I do love her, but she's making no initiative to keep our place nice, and now that we're in a house that I own it's a matter of respect as well as just being a clean person. Again, I love her, but I love my house too. I can find another girl, it's a bit harder to find another house, especially one I love and want to take care of.