Any advice on polyamorous relationships? My gf and I have talked

https://www.reddit.com/r/GWABackstage/comments/5o6tdj/fff4a_the_coolidge_poly_podcast_episode_1_three/

there's no point unless you actually think you're able to get other chicks regularly . otherwise you're just a cuck

I was in one for like 3 weeks.

My GF had a BF. Her BF had a wife and 2 other GFs. I liked fucking "my" GF and chilling with her but she always brought up her BF and constantly compared the two of us.

Her poly "family" was really nice and friendly to me. they were cool.

Eventually, I realized I was just like a fuckboi on the side for "my" GF and she would never STFU about her "real" BF when we hung out.

Got to the point where I couldn't stand it anymore. I said I wanted it to be just me and her. She wasn't into that so we broke up.

They seemed to be having a great time, but it just wasn't for me. I got too jealous.

Poly relationships are for children who just want to be able to say they're in a relationship while they have casual sex. Immediate red flag. They won't be faithful to you, poly "relationship" or not

>>17963484

This

It's basically a way of saying "I don't really want to be in a relationship with you, I want to be casual fuck buddies"

Which is fine, but you should insist with her that you not use that pretentious term (because it implies there's an actual romantic relationship there, when there's not) and make a note that she's not suitable for long-term relationship status

And yeah: At this point, even if you decide against it, she's not suitable for long-term wifing. Even just thinking about it shows that she's immature

>>17963427
Dont

>>17963427

I'm in one now; I guess you'd call me the "other guy".

So far it's worked out pretty fine based on total transparency and honesty. If there's a setup that I don't like or the boyfriend doesn't like, we talk about it. We talk about what we will and won't do. For example, both the boyfriend and I are fine with the girl fucking either of us, but we both made it 100% clear that we don't want to do a 3-some, and absolutely no cuck-shit. If there's another girl we want to date or bring into the picture, or the girl wants to bring in another guy, we talk it over. No surprises. If there's an issue, then just work it out like people.

It also helps to make the nature of the relationship perfectly clear. I'm 100% aware that I'm not anywhere in this girl's end goals. Done. No confusion.

If you all are open with each other and can't agree on anything, maybe polyamorous isn't for you.

I was in a poly relationship and it left a bad taste in my mouth.

>>17964719
may I ask you if you love her? does she love you (back)?

>>17964744

I love her. She loves me. We go on dates and stuff.

We're both in the same mind its not permanent, though. It's still a kind of love, but not "til death do you part" love.

It's weird to explain. I feel like it'd be different per relations.

>>17963445
i thought the cuck thing is not real but apparently it is
what the shit

>>17963456
You agreed to rent out your girlfriend before you even broke up. Genius.

>>17964784
>She loves me
Isn't that a little rude to say?

I honestly hate when people use the word so lightly, as if it could mean anything from gentile touch to violent abuse. Do people really like using a word that has no meaning to describe what they have with another person?

What is love to you that you can somehow think of it as flavors? What happened in your life that convinced you people can hurt you on purpose and still love you?

I get that love is a relatively new concept to human history but that, "he beats me because he loves me" shit has never had validity, don't care what anyone says. That's insanity/ Stockholm.

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>>17963427

>Any advice on polyamorous relationships?

Its hard. People will think you're weird. People will call you names. You'll get jealous and often wonder why you bother being in an open relationship at all. It'll feel shit at times and you'll ask yourself whether you'd feel just as shit if you were in a monogamous relationship.

They say its all about communication but at times you'll get tired of communication. You'll get tired of constantly knowing each other's thoughts and just fantasize about being able to fuck other people and come home and pretend to a be a regular couple and act like nothing happened.

You'll doubt yourself, and if you fail you'll wonder if monogamy could of saved you. You'll wonder if there's something wrong with you for fighting that deep, instinctual part of you that wants to own your girlfriend and beat to death any other guy that looks at her.

My advice is to ask yourself why you think polyamory is the right choice for you. Is it a choice you came to on your own or is it a solution for a problem you couldn't find any other solutions to?

Life is a series of compromises and learned habits. Breaking one of these compromises or changing these habits always comes with a set of drawbacks. Regardless, with most conclusions we come to in this life you won't really know how you feel about it until you try it. Could be a momentary success or a resounding failure. Don't run to it because you're scared but also don't let the prospect of failure stop you from trying something, even if its kind of weird.

>>17964944

>Do people really like using a word that has no meaning to describe what they have with another person?

All words, intrinsically, have no meaning. Just because you struggle rectifying the simple words we use to communicate vastly complicated ideas doesn't mean that using those words is some kind of uninformed practice.

>What is love to you that you can somehow think of it as flavors? What happened in your life that convinced you people can hurt you on purpose and still love you?

I'm not the poster you're referring to but you're being extremely presumptuous about his relationship and the nature of the love he is referring to. You don't know anything about his life nor do you hold any kind of authority to tell people that their idea or application of love is any more or any less legitimate than yours.

>I get that love is a relatively new concept to human history

It really isn't.

>"he beats me because he loves me" shit has never had validity

In its own dysfunctional way it kind of does have validity. Love isn't always a byproduct of positive interaction or connection. You can still love something yet hurt it at the same time. People are misguided. People are complicated. Whether or not its dysfunctional or not is a completely different story but history is littered with people who did the wrong things for reasons they believed were right.

>>17964944

I'm not even sure where to start with that, so I'll just sum it up with she tells me to my face. We've supported each other, were friends before we were in a relationship, and I think we'll still be so after all's said and done. She's never given me reason to distrust her, so I take it at value that she means it. Old relationships, lost family, friends, and so many more things in my life have taught me that love isn't some gigantic, grand gesture. It's in the great and small of life, bigger for some, stronger for others. I know that sounds like a stupid "moral of the story" answer, but it's the best I have.

I'm not even going to touch all that other shit you said.

>>17964974
Why are you wasting your time on a temporary relationship that will end? Wouldn't you rather devote time to someone you plan on growing old with?

It always ends, anon. No matter how long people will insist it goes for, it always ends. Know a guy online who is the side to a girl and her husband and just helped to pay off "their" house. Biggest fucking cuck I have ever seen, hope he knows that his setup will never qualify him for the same shit her and her husband have.

>>17964976

>Why are you wasting your time on a temporary relationship that will end?

Monogamous relationships end frequently. Every relationship is temporary.

>Wouldn't you rather devote time to someone you plan on growing old with?

Nope.

>>17964976

The relationship doesn't end; the sex does. We step down from being friends with benefits to just close friends.

I do want to meet a woman that I'll marry, start a family with, and grow old together. There are a lot of reasons why I didn't just do that instead of joining a polyamorous relationship, but the short-short version is my last few years have been a goddam clusterfuck and I did not want to deal with a long term, "get married and have kids" relationship.

I suppose I see where you're coming from, though. I guess it breaks down depending on what you expect out of love and a relationship.

And before some anon starts saying weird shit again; I didn't mastermind this, and I'm not bending her arm to do it. We worked this shit out together, and it's conveniently ending more or less because she got engaged to her main guy. We''ll still meet up to drink, smoke weed, play games, and whatever the fuck normal friends do after.

I never tought poly was possible, tought it was just some excuse used to slut around

That was until me and my gf did a threesome and had a crush for the girl. Nothing came from it (she lives in another city and kinda ghosted us), but lets say I have a totally different idea about it now

Love is not a zero sum game. If you can love your offspring why can't you love multiple partners equally?

Now of course, there's tons of arrangements possible besides everyone loving each other equally, those I think are a bit strange, but to each their own

>>17964944
love is evolutionary response to the need of bringing up a very fragile offspring
just like monogamy

polyshits who try to reason but we ARE ANIMULS have no idea what they talk about

we literally conquered earth and became top dogs because we breed so well, and thats thanks to monogamy

now women are capable of raising their baby alone, so it might change, or the fact that we are so successfull at this population thing that we might not actually need that many new ppl
(global scale) but it will take a long time for our genes/nature to adjust

>>17965023

>we literally conquered earth and became top dogs because we breed so well, and thats thanks to monogamy

Thats the silliest fucking thing I've read in a long time.

>>17964986
>All relationships end, that's why I choose the one with no future prospects because I don't see a future for myself
Good to know

>>17965013
So, you're just a glorified fwb then. And also, good luck explaining such a setup to your future girlfriend/wife. I'm sure they will take it well.

>>17965030
because you are a glorious 4chin retard who never heard of the word ethology or any sort of education

>>17965035

Debates go so much easier when you just get to make shit up and tell the other person what they think instead and feel instead of using your brain to ask them, huh?

>>17965036

I'm getting the ever so slightest idea that we've reached a point of understanding but you just don't seem to approve.

shucks-darn

>>17963427
Instead of giving my opinion on these relationships, here's some advice:
Don't make rules about falling in love. You can't control catching feels. If you are planning on "just" having sex, I would caution you. If you don't like the thought of your girlfriend falling in love, I wouldn't recommend this.

Curious bystander here.

Has anyone ever been in a polygamous relationship that feels equal or triangular? Like I get the understanding of being that "other" but I'm curious to know if it's possible for three people to equally as possible love the other two without it devolving into being a side-booty. I don't have anything against it like that other guy but Im also wondering if humans could even manage to achieve it