Thread replies: 6
Thread images: 2
Thread images: 2
File: 1473757585096.jpg (332KB, 2000x1333px) Image search:
[Google]
332KB, 2000x1333px
/adv/, I am faced with a quandary. I've been dating around for a little bit, just kind of fucking girls after spending about a year or so in cocoon mode. I've met this girl, and she's pretty nice. We've been on a few dates together, and she even kind of "waited" for me and kept talking to me while I spent a couple months in England traveling around. I'll list a few pros and cons that I wrote down about her while thinking about all of this when I got home from her place this morning.
Pros:
>closer to my age (within 1 year), has a steady career, has a car, her own place
>is funny
>have spent the night at her place, she has made it very clear she's into me
Cons/unsure:
>not very outwardly affectionate- it seems like there's some sort of "rift(?)" between us but maybe that's just because I'm fucking autistic and we've only been on a few dates- I haven't gone dating with people in a long time and I may be unconsciously putting up a wall or something
>her dog is a cockblock
>goes to church (I'm athiest and don't care, but I dunno if she would end up caring about my apathy towards religion or not)
>smokes cigarettes, and as a former smoker I find it difficult to resist temptation when we're outside at a bar and she lights one up
Honestly, I want to pursue her. She's got her shit in order- as do I, at least in the financial and (mostly) mental sense- but still knows how to have a good time. But I also was hurt very badly by a woman I was very much in love with a while ago, and I feel nervous about getting into a committed relationship again. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and she basically shat all over my heart very suddenly. It really fucked me up for a bit to the point where I stopped wearing my safety gear while riding my motorcycle and I was intentionally getting into fights at bars and I almost got arrested a few times.
Should I talk to this new girl about it? What do you guys think?
>>
self bump, if that's alright
>>
>>17960400
Don't talk to a new girl about your ex, that is the most unattractive and annoying shit ever. Seriously avoid that conversation she will drop you and lose interest I'm a girl and I know what I'm talking about with this one
>>
>>17960428
Alright, fair point. Thanks for the advice on that. Am I weird for thinking all of this shit? My friends all say I'm pretty suave with ladies but sometimes I get what they call "autism attacks" and I think this is what they mean
>>
You can tell her that you've become a bit cautious after being burned. Don't go into all the details and also stress (if she asks for them) that it's the past for you. Don't make her think you still have such tender feelings for this other woman that it's too private to share.
However, my concern is that you seem kind of... I don't know. Do you know/like this girl well enough to date her? Typically when people get together they don't have to make lists of pros and cons, they just feel whether they want to be together or not. That combined with some of the mundane stuff (her dog's a cockblock? really?) makes me think that you don't actually like her and are just feeling vaguely obliged to date her and/or want to date anyone and she seems as good as anyone.
If she has real feelings for you already you need to at least be upfront about not being there yet. It doesn't sound like you are, at least, you sound really lukewarm and pragmatic about her. Like she's a solid old car you could get for a fair price that you won't have to be expressly embarrassed of and will get you places. No person wants to be that car for someone.
>>
File: 1479915832770.jpg (61KB, 702x562px) Image search:
[Google]
61KB, 702x562px
>>17960541
I mean, I really do enjoy her company and I always leap at the chance to spend time with her. And yes, before you ask, I also arrange dates to hang out with her as well- it's not a one sided thing in those terms.
In reference to being lukewarm or pragmatic about it all- I think that's always just been me about everything... but also maybe the breakup kinda shook me up and made me a bit more distant to women and people in general.
Either way, I'd like for this to work. There have been other girls I've been talking to and seeing on occasion but I enjoy this girl's company the most. I guess maybe I worry about getting burned again so I overthink things (since being in the army, making lists has kind of helped me organize my thoughts) but then at the same time I start to put up walls? I'm pulling most of this out of my ass after sitting down and thinking about your comment for a little bit. All I know is that I like her a lot but I don't really know how to act, and I'd be upset if she decided to break it off.
Thread posts: 6
Thread images: 2
Thread images: 2