I need a bit of help, it's a long story but I'll try

>>17956729
Well, from my expert opinion of being, a 1. untrained, 2. anonymous, internet person, you seem like you have depression. I would say talk to a doctor, maybe look for a therapist. Neither of those things could hurt.

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>>17956767

I did that a couple of months ago. It did give me another perspective, but it doesn't change the main "problems" I have.

I refuse to take medicine that will fuck with my brain. I am looking to do some good.

I just don't know where to start. A broken person can't fix another broken person.

>I refuse to take medicine that will fuck with my brain

This is your first problem. Talk to a doctor and discuss options. Try medication. Try meditation. Etc. You can have a say in your treatment plan, just don't knock stuff until you try it.

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>>17956835

Well I appreciate you trying to help but I refuse to take medicine, like I said in the original post, I don't feel like taking my own life anymore, I'm just very confused because I don't feel like doing anything.

I like bringing joy to others but I don't feel much myself.

I have tried meditation before for some time, I am not sure what it's supposed to do, apart from relaxing my body.

OP, go to a psychologist. You sound disconected from the present and deppressed. A good therapist will be HUGE on your life, I talk from experience. You do not need to take medicine.

Another option, do what you actually want to do, I know you have said that you don't feel like doing anything, but well, work on that. Try to have fun on your day to day, and do whatever the fuck you want, take risks (take care), I mean, get out of your comfort zone, be a bit selfish and enjoy yourself.

Spend your money and your time on yourself. Become a master in amusing yourself.

>>17956876

I started doing that when I was 17, I guess, I got laid, then started smoking lots of pot then quit, been getting drunk with friends since I was 14, had lots of fun parties until they weren't fun anymore. Then got into making music, made 2 albums by myself, practiced the hell out my instrument, and kind of got burnt from all the intense practice. I did enjoy writing music, maybe I need to take a bigger break and the love for it will come back.

Maybe you are right about the good therapist.

>>17956729
Do you have a job yet? People have no idea what life really is until they start working.
"I need to find what interests me" and "I should change the world" are stuff that students say most of the time. People who are supported by others, and they have too much free time on their hand.
You just stop giving a shit about outside things once you get your own concerns in life. You just live.