Why does most advice suck? Whether on here or in real life?

>>17955384
>Why does most advice suck?
Because we can't tell the future and we don't know what's going to happen.

Most advice sucks because people sugar coat it to spare feelings, or the recipient doesnt try to follow advice at all then complains that nothing is working.

One of the few redeeming qualities I have is I always tell my friends the honest truth, it pisses them off but they always thank me months later lol

>>17955384

Are you making a generality out of your bad experience with /adv/ ? I thought people are well intentioned and they helped in many ways.
They can't always excell at every question, you're free to refuse an advice, but don't come telling me NOBODY gave you a good answer to a specific /adv/ you asked. You probably asked a question and dismissed every answer.

Anyway, do you need an advice right now ? Ask your question away, will try to help. I'm doing my best when I come here, student in psychology, try to help most people with bad phases when they get in here, and also a few "practical" advice about studying or life in general.

Oc nobody is going to give you THE advice to make your life, x10 better

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>>17955384
1. &2. Because it is often frank and involves a critism or hard life changes
3. Thats what advice is
4. YOu are a faggot

Because people don't really know how to help others, especially ones who are in positions where they can't help themselves (that just descends into prejudice and victim blaming). And there's a shocking amount of people out there who are only helping others as a means of validating themselves, or having power over them in the worst case scenario; some kind of selfish reason.

There's also a rule where you put empathy first, honesty second, but have to include honesty at some point. Which is a balancing act to say the least.

>>17955399
>>17955404
you generally have to give advice that works with the person specifically. if they feel that what you're giving isn't working, or isn't good advice, it probably is. at that point, your intent means nothing.

>>17955410
Well let me tell you my first advice :

There will be no sentence, no book, no phrase coming out of another's person mouth that will please your frustration. If you need an advice, you might use /adv/ as guides, but nobody will help you please your inner feelings. If you're not ready to take advice, don't take it.

I'm not saying you are a crybaby who refused every advice because "that didn't work" (probably never tried them tho' )

But you are a crybaby.

>>17955422
>There will be no sentence, no book, no phrase coming out of another's person mouth that will please your frustration.
then you failed in giving that person advice.

>But you are a crybaby.
and you show a stark lack of empathy.

>>17955406
>>17955410
This. You have to flex it based on person. Something most of /adv/ fail to comprehend.

>>17955405
>Because it is often frank and involves a critism or hard life changes
that's just bestowing your own beliefs and standards onto the person. not giving advice.

>>17955426
Empathy doesn't mean lying. If you're expecting /adv/ to be a bot solving problems and then complaining because you are realizing that every anon is another human being with his own experiences and a subjective point of view. Then you are. There is nothing rude about saying that. You will find no miracle in here. Sorry.

>"There will be no sentence, no book, no phrase coming out of another's person mouth that will please your frustration."
>then you failed in giving that person advice.

No, I gave them my subjective view on the matter, based on what I know of the problem, based on what I know about the world, about my knowledge on these matters.
Most of them are grateful, and when they aren't, no big deal he will find a better answer in another anon's reply.

Anyway, now that we're so far, you could tell me what triggered you in the first place, will do my best.

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>pic related

>>17955435
>Empathy doesn't mean lying.
empathy DOES mean dropping honesty if the context calls for it.

>There is nothing rude about saying that.
just because you're not intending to be rude doesn't mean it isn't.

>No, I gave them my subjective view on the matter, based on what I know of the problem, based on what I know about the world, about my knowledge on these matters.
stlll you haven't given them advice that works. if they take issue with you, or feels that it doesn't work or won't work with them, then you failed at giving them advice. and are just trying to get them to subscribe to your views, not theirs.

>>17955435
>Empathy doesn't mean lying.
You might wanna check >>17955406. Sometimes you have to be empathetic instead of being honest.

An advice is whether a door to yourself, the other one, or something to be build together : a door being built
A door van be infinité if true. Religions book : door to your life. Phylisophy : to someone. Stories : to imagination...

>>17955435
Sounds like you're actually just forcing your opinions on them rather than advising.

>>17955447
Where do you honestly think you are?

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>>17955444
>>17955447
>>17955451
(I don't know who's the OP in all these replies)

People don't complain about me giving advice. I give them my view and the reason I'm thinking that, what I would do if I were in their place and that's all. I never an argument about that.
Because most people understand that the advice they're given won't solve all his problems in an instant. I don't pretend to be the ultimate truth, I don't think my view is better than the OP's or the anons, I just give my view.

And just so you know, I'm not the edgy type faggot, but /adv/ was never a little place to confort your feelings, it's about saying things that work, you could go against the OP's feeling and still be right, you know. Empathy is a thing to consider, but it's far from being superior to practical advice and interpretation of the situation. If I believe you're doing something wrong, well I can be as empathic as you wish, you're doing it wrong.

Right now you're getting butthurt for some reason that I don't specifically now, you can't accept that most advice are flawed and not objective words of truth. Do you honestly expect people to hear your situation and just pop a sentence that will fit your situation AND without hurting your feelings ?

>>17955438
kek nice one

>>17955479
>(I don't know who's the OP in all these replies)
I don't think think any of them are.

>People don't complain about me giving advice. I give them my view and the reason I'm thinking that, what I would do if I were in their place and that's all. I never an argument about that.
Anecdotal evidence. You're also probably giving advice to people who have the same privileges as you, thus not having much problem to begin with.

>but /adv/ was never a little place to confort your feelings
Then it's not actually advice.

>it's about saying things that work
Which is unempathetic to someone in need.

>you could go against the OP's feeling and still be right
Whether you're right or not isn't the point, nor the goal. It's what works for them personally. If they're not accepting it, it's not working.

>If I believe you're doing something wrong, well I can be as empathic as you wish, you're doing it wrong.
That's not empathy.

>Right now you're getting butthurt for some reason that I don't specifically now
That's your own projection. And the fact you're interpreting people's posts that way, and take offence to them, highlights that you're in the advice-giving habit for selfish reasons.

>Do you honestly expect people to hear your situation and just pop a sentence that will fit your situation AND without hurting your feelings ?
That's basically what you have to do when giving advice.

>>17955479
>typical white male attitude

>>17955496

Same privilege ? Which privilege ?

Just so we get on the same boat :
>but /adv/ was never a little place to confort your feelings
Then it's not actually advice.

That is, an advice isn't made to support the feeling of the concerned, it's about giving him more knowlegde on his situation and how to break it.
It has nothing to do with his own feeling about the matter. Let me ask you an ethical question : If someone tells you he's getting a lot of money from ethiopian prince on his mail, you need to get him back to reality.
Will you be empathic or utilitarian ?

>it's about saying things that work
Which is unempathetic to someone in need. I'm on adv, I'm giving advice, not psychological help. If you seek psychological help, you need to be somewhere else than here.


Define empathy for me.

>Do you honestly expect people to hear your situation and just pop a sentence that will fit your situation AND without hurting your feelings ?
That's basically what you have to do when giving advice.
Then nobody never gave an actual advice since the birth of this earth.

Because the people on here and most people you'll meet in real life are idiots.

>>17955510
>Same privilege ? Which privilege ?
The privilege of having their problems solved with a few simple "truths." Something a lot of people don't have the luxury of enjoying. And since these are people you know, you intrinsically have the same privileges as you both belong in the same personal culture.

>an advice isn't made to support the feeling of the concerned
Advice is suppose to support the emotional well-being of someone.

>it's about giving him more knowlegde on his situation and how to break it
You're only telling him what to do. Not giving advice.

>If someone tells you he's getting a lot of money from ethiopian prince on his mail, you need to get him back to reality.
Only with his consent.

>Will you be empathic or utilitarian ?
Utilitarian.

>Define empathy for me.
Feeling with.

>Then nobody never gave an actual advice since the birth of this earth.
1). False consensus bias
2). A lot of who are capable of empathy and compassion give *actual* advice like the one just defined there. I'm aware that, as you're a western male, compassion and empathy are something you're taught away from in favour of self-protection. But those who can pull off compassion often give advice that's relative to the person, and takes in account of their emotionality and mentality.

People base their advice on bias due to their personal experiences. It's why I just try to remain neutral about everything. It's not your life, it's just life people.

A lot of advice is based on the person giving them. They're usually just giving what would work for them and the people in their life instead of what should work for the person they're giving it to. In fact, you can tell quite a bit about someone by the advice and tips they give.

>>17955384

I'd say 9/10 times people already know the advice they're looking for, they just want someone else to reiterate. And I think most people know this, that's why you get so many threads here where the responses are saying the exact opposite of what the OP wants to hear.

Because advice is just little tips and tricks to get you through some kind of inconvenience. People with actual problems cannot be help with just mere counselling.

>>17955519
well let's shorten this up. You're actually going quite philosophic, and I like that but I don't have time for this.

Your view is that the well-being of the OP is more important than a redpill factual answer, you're into the positive psychology paradigm, which is totally fine to me. But I'm more of a philosopher in the way, when people ask for advice, they ask for reinforcement, for knowledge that will led them to greater moutains.
I will do my best to do that. I never claim an objective truth on everything, I just give my opinion which I try to base on arguments. There is no forcing, no persuasion into my opinion, you take it, that's good, you leave it, that's good.

You're totally going for what I expected tho' with my example, you even gave a weirder answer than expected.
> "Only with his consent"
So you're saying that only with his consent should I show him that he's wrong ? Do you honestly believe that exists ?
Of course there are rhetorical ways to smooth the message when I do it, and I never said I don't use them. I just prioritize his progress in his situation rather than his well-being.
You're conforting the person in a vicious cycle than he/she can't get out, the person doesn't know the wrong doing, yet you're giving them phrases full of empathy and expecting them to get better out of it. If they're here, they need another view on things, they ask for something their own mind never thought of.
I won't be the doctor who reinforce his patient while the guy is getting diabetus thanks to his habits, I treat the environnement as much as well as the person. Telling someone what he's doing is wrong, on a pragmatic view and not a moral one, is breaking the vicious cycle.

I'm giving you the right to answer, and then it's settled I don't have that much time sorry. But know that I do respect you for what you're doing, and I don't care about our disagrement.

>>17955536
So you assume 9/10 you know what advice someone wants to hear? You also assume most people here have reached the same conclusion, must be comforting to know the human mind so easily. Especially on an anonymous image board where you don't know anyone's personal history.

>>17955543

From my experience yes, the topics people need advice with are generally pretty cut and dry, if they did any amount of self reflection they would come to a similar answer. Granted some people are clouded due to their emotions and need someone to tell it to them straight but I would wager the amount of times people hear advice they didn't expect would be as low as 1/10.

>>17955384

Depends on who you're taking advice from. Ever go to therapy, OP? If so, how was that experience?

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>>17955569
>If so, how was that experience?
Twelve years in and still going to it. But at least there are no longer dragons in my kitchen.

>>17955575

Either that's a reference I don't get or you have schizophrenia. If not, say why.

What kind of advice has been given to you? Just a few examples. Good and bad.

>>17955384
>as a means of telling others what to do?
Just what do you think advice is, faggot?

>>17955384
Because it's not professional unbiased advice. Lemme tell you something, most people project what they want for their lives or what they would do in their advice and that is not necessarilly the best thing to do. What you need is an unbiased point of view from someone that actually knows what he's doing and to be honest, a therapist will rarely give advice or tell you what you have to do since "giving advice" is another way of saying "fulfilling our own desires by proxies".

Now I am not saying that giving advice is a bad thing to do (some people give perspective into things and that's very helpfull), but do take in mind when giving it that what you are trying to tell the other person is not actually for you or what would you do because, and lets be honest here, you can do the most retarded shit you can imagine.

>>17955384
>Why does most advice suck
because people are dumb