Why do get so surprised when men interpret friendliness to mean

>>17949386
No some people are just nice

>>17949417
Then they're weird and coming on way too strong.

>>17949417
Perhaps, but that's just gives off mixed singles about what their intent is, and what they're getting out of it. Having someone be 'just nice' to you, despite not knowing each other well enough, is creepy and imposing.

For one thing, what (some) men and women perceive as "normal, polite" behavior is different for men and for women. Behavior that for a man is seen as curt or just a bit gruff, is often already bitchy/PMS for a woman. Women need to smile more, sound friendlier etc before being perceived as pleasant by both men and women.

Speaking as someone who's worked customer service in stores/call centers and so on, this only heightens the effect of needing to be perky and warm when interacting with strangers to be seen as friendly (enough). Then yeah, you can be more businesslike when buying something after work, but it influences you if you are actively encouraged to be lively. Hell, plenty of bars/stores actively encourage their female employees to show borderline flirty behavior.

Thirdly, it's a matter of what you are personally used to and find normal. You said that you were raised to be "neutral and nonchalant". For me, smiling at a stranger doesn't have much to do with not being neutral. It's a sign of goodwill towards a fellow human being, and if they are remotely kind or attractive looking it happens naturally (for me) when we make eye contact. It is also just a more fun way of living life for me to be helpful and more friendly than you technically had to be. Why would you stick to that minimalistic attitude? I don't think I would've gotten in contact with half my friends if I didn't show them a lot of enthusiasm and niceties in the initial stages.

>>17949457
>For me, smiling at a stranger doesn't have much to do with not being neutral.
If I smiled like that at random strangers, I risk getting the shit kicked out of me. Which has especially been the case when smiling at other men. :/

>>17949457
Also, I'm just realizing now that maybe you were talking about interacting socially in general. I read your OP with a customer service or acquaintance level of superficial interacting for college in mind.

Then it's absolutely a matter of different standards. For me it is basic politeness to show attentiveness, interest and encouragement when you are listening to someone, and try to be engaging and receptive in turn. Why else would you want to talk? If you want bare dry info, try google.
If I were talking to someone who barely smiled at me, was nonchalant, gave me zero signs of enjoying the talk etc... I would not think that they were not attracted to me, I'd think they were a douchebag and try to cut the talking short.

>>17949466
Male or female? If you're a man then yeah, sadly there's a different kind of tension possible if you go outside of ordinary etiquette. They feel like you are secretly humoring them or trying to hit on them or whatever.

But if you're talking about smiling at women, it happens a lot. There's very little that everyone can appreciate outside of free money, but I live in a region where small talk with strangers is relatively rare and still it is nothing odd for people to smile at each other when out. Sometimes it just naturally happens but I also have men saying hi or something to catch my eye. In those cases they are people who no doubt get a bitchy response sometimes, but seem like they don't give a fuck about that and are not going to change because of it.

>>17949466
this is why I don't miss living in socal

>>17949476
Mostly male. If I smiled at a female, it'll be taken as flirting or hitting on them, and can easily make you a creeper.

Smiles and friendliness are generally best left to those whom you're close to.

>>17949482
Not by everyone, it just depends on their idea of normal and how spontaneous/used to it they are themselves. And I get that you want to avoid any risk of being perceived that way, but you give some random person way too much power over you if you're going to feel like a creep if she overreacted because of a smile.

Yeah sure, if it's 2 am and you're at a gas station and there's no potential witnesses and then you pass close by and make intense eye contact, that's creepy. If you're in a public place in broad daylight throwing someone a smile might seem flirty depending on their frame of reference, but if someone feels threatened or creeped out because of that they are beyond saving and you should not feel responsible for that in any way.

It's just how each person reacts to things. Like I learned this girl in my friend group when she laughs she usually touches people to lean on when falling over, or sometimes just fall on their shoulder. She did it to me alot and I thought oh shit she must like me in some way, but nope that wasn't the reason. I came to that conclusion on my own so I didn't weird her out but asking her out or anything tho