any dads here? would you have been mature enough to have a kid

I'm 23 and have 2 year old daughter. No probably not but I am. I'm still just a kid but I manage, I guess.

Not a dad, but I've worked in kindergardens on and off between 2004-2016. Last three and halv years I worked in a private establishment, having sole responsibility of 4 toddlers for eight hours each day.

I've seen how tired the parents are, and although they only have one toddler each, they were the ones having to get up at ungodly hours, often spend hours putting them to bed in the evening, running errands and dealing with all sorts of medical advisors etc, eager visitors and play dates, reading the same books over and over again, worrying about wheather the stuff you buy is poisoneous, listening to awful children's music whenever you're driving your car. Your life as you knew it, is over.

Fuck that shit at 22, mate.

>>17940343

the thing about being a dad is that you don't suddenly get enough maturity points to do it. its having a child that makes you mature.

our parents didn't have some magical training the day before they got pregnant. they just got pregnant and said 'guess were having a kid' cuz thats the way the world works. then you have a kid.

you realize its stressful but not as difficult as it sounds. there are very few ways you can fuck it up unless you legitimately can't handle baby sitting.

that is essentially what it is, babysitting for 18 years.

>>17940443
>>17940447
>>17940480
thanks a lot, anons.

i also think that having a kid is what makes you mature enough to be a dad. i guess my question is more: "can you make a conscious decision to become a dad at that age and not regret it later?"

i'm a bit older. 27. but my fiance is only 22 (not that it makes a big difference but he will turn 23 soon). we'll get married in summer and have a baby. he sais he can't imagine anything he would want more than have a family with me.
i believe him. but deep down i am afraid that he is too young to grasp what he's getting into. i don't want him to feel like he missed out on his youth a few years from now. i feel like people usually change a lot at that age. i don't want to cage him up and make him regret his decisions later. do you think i can trust him to make a decision and still stand behind it after he turned 30?

>>17940517

you can't even expect a 30 year old to make that decision and not change his mind later OP.

a lot of people have babies fresh out of highschool. others fresh out of college. the later in life babies thing is a bit of a modern trend. people are too busy jumping from relationship to relationship to actually plan having a baby in any sane way.

one thing you have to consider is that ev eryone is conflicted. everyone. no matter what age you are now, you will have different feelings about what you did when you are 10 years older.

as for your fiance, take age out of the situation. judge him based on what hes actually done.

how long have you actually been dating? only 1 year? probably dont have enough evidence to take him seriously.

many people who have kids at his age regret misssing out on their youth. many who have kids when they were older regret waiting so long.

everyones conflicted.

he'll always love the kid, chances are he wont walk out when the kids 8 years old. he might divorce you, but that has nothing to do with age.

people who get married at the age of 30 still get divorced. its not just a young persons issue. its a human issue. the only reason divorce wasn't common before was because divorce wasn't an option.

if you're marrying someone you should only do it with the though that he WILL leave you in the back of your head. if you can handle that, then get married. but if you're convinced this is some magical romance and will work out for the best, maybe dont get married.

>>17940537
you're absoultely right.
this shouldn't be about age. i guess my fear is that he's young and also had a sheltered life. i feel like he has only seen such a little part of what "life" is and can be that it might be too little to make an informed decision.

i know he wouldn't just walk out on his kid. ever. even if we would end up having a very ugly divorce.
the thing i fesr more is that he will regret it and then suffer in silence for the rest of his life.

written out, this sounds very paranoid.


we've been dating for 1,5 years, yes.
we knew each other 2 years prior tough.

i mean, i don't plan to get divorced, but if we would end up doing exactly that i am sure we would find a solution and manage that too.

This thread has more wisdom than most threads on /adv/.

>>17940568

you don't need to plan to get divorced the same way you dont plan to get fired, but anytime you take a job you realize that is a real possibility and should think about what would happen if it did.

if you would ruin your workplace because they fired you, dont work there, you're not mature enough for that.

if you would ruin your husband becuase he left you, the ndont marry him.

people who get married without talking about divorce are in for a bad time. its funny becuase a lot of people just talking about the 'what ifs' of divorce end up causing them to call off the wedding.

not because the conversation is bad but because it brings out the potential truth of the situation.

hes 22 and only dating for a year and a half. he is in no way able to say hes ready to have a son. that being said, it wont stop him or you. its normal to have kids without making an informed decision. its hard to say any major life altering decision is ever done while being informed.

there are girls from 16 and pregnant who raise babies just fine. there will always be regrets, things you guys missed out on, but if this is something you're set on, just do it. its life. this is what life is about.

you're not going to get some perfect happy existence no matter what you do, so do what you want to do.

i do recommend talking about divorce. cuz if you can make it to the end of the conversation without a huge fucking argument or one of you insisting it would never happen, then you are ready to get married.

also , think of finances.

If you're asking "Should we have the baby?" PLEASE DO! I'm not some kind of pro lifer but I've never met anyone who regretted having their children. Never. You will experience love like you've never felt before.

>>17940601

i do, but mostly cuz my son murdered my daughter and i just can't figure out where to go from here.

its been five years and i just can't look at him. right now hes in a psych ward, but the doctors labelling him as not crazy and in a few years that means he'll just go to juvie if I sign the documents.

i havent seen him since 2012. im not sure he even knows i exist anymore or that i talk to his doctor every month.

>>17940599
we have actually talked about divorce. at first he tried to block with "i don't even want to think about that possibility/WE won't ever get divorced". but i told him it's not paranoid to talk about divorce if you get married nor is it going to bring down the curse of the wiccas on us. so after initial reluctance, we had that talk. we talked about how we would want to ideally handle a divorce with a kod involved. in the end, he agreed that it was helpfull because now we know that even the worst case would be manageable and not the end of the world.

i guess my paranoia is because i'm older. i feel like i am at the socially accepted age to settle and have a family. he's not. so i fear i have subconsciously pushed him to this point even tought he isn't ready yet. in reality, it's more he other way around. he's the one being very enthusiastic, eager and impatient to finally have a family. not put of unhealthy reasons. he just says he sees no reason to wait. every day we wait we will have less with our child.


finances are no problem. he earns enough to support a family, even if i end up being a sahm for a few years till the kid(s) are in kindergarden or so.

>>17940601
we alrwady settled that question. i already have an appointment to take out my iud...

>>17940611
w-what? what happened? my god... that's horrible

>>17940662

it sounds like you guys are set then and i would go for it if its what you want.

just remember that its okay to have fears, worry and paranoia. if you already have a ball park idea of how you'd handle it if things went south, then thats okay.

remember that being a good partner isnt about selfishly keeping someone close to you, its about doing whats best for your partner. right now you guys are happy and fine together. one day you might not be, and that might be the day one of you stops trying to fix what can't be fixed.

all in all, you are in no worse a position than the best of potential parents, so go ahead and do it. this is what life is about.

name the baby after me. call him anon.

>>17940662

he seemed like a normal boy at first. I remember a time when I loved him. my wife always had issues with him, but i thought she was concerned for no reason. i remember being a rowdy boy myself and i turned out fine as far as i can tell.

things went south when we got pregnant again. and hebecame violent when he found out it would be a little girl.

my wife died in childbirth, and i was pretty lost at that point. she was always the dominant parent, i just did what she said. i loved my kids and my family, i just wasn't sure how to raise them. she always seemedl ike she knew what she was doing.

towards the end of it I had to lock him in his room when charlotte was was learning how to walk.

and id locked her door at night to keep her safe. sometimes id come out and find him banging on her door at 2 in the morning screaming that she needs to leave.

one day i forgot to lock her door at night, and at 4 in the morning he came into my room and stabbed me. he got me in the arm (i have minor nerve damage now and struggle to type osmething this long).

i called the cops, and from there i just went through the motions. they did everything and i just... existed. im still just existing. i come here trying to find advice to help me but wheneveri post about it my thread tends to get ignored so i just go in other threads hoping someone will say something i can use to figure out what im doing with my life.

>>17940677
that's very reassuring.
i guess it's normal to be a bit jittery just before making major life decisions like that.

we plan to name the baby aron if it's a boy. that's just one character away from anon. that ok with you?

thanks for helping me sort out the mess in my head!

>>17940694

>that ok with you

fine, but at least once a year you need to tell him the story of the brave internet hero he was named after that saved him from almost not being born.

>thanks for helping me sort hte mess out in my head

its okay. most of us already have / know the answers to our problems, we just need to work it out outside of our heads. its kind of like math. you know how to do math, you just need your pen and paper in front of you to work through the problem.

ive come here a thousand times to write up a post, and by the end of the post i already know what i need / want to do, just becuase i wrote it out in a logical manner.

>>17940691
fuck... if this is true, i'm really sorry.
how old was your son when this happened?
have you gotten professional help to deal with the loss of your wife?
i mean, your son linked the death of his mom with the arrival and probably hoped he'd get her back by getting rid of his sister... oh my...
why did you have to lock him k his rolm? what was he doing? didn't he habe to go to kindergarden or so? was there no one to help you?

>>17940698
it will be like a mantra i pray to him every night as he falls asleep.

yup, that's why i love adv despite all. it's my brain storming device but much better since i can log into the brains of loads pf people who will tell me the unfiltered truth without trying to be political correct and not hurt my feelings. that way i can make sure i never get stuck by juggling the same old ideas in my own lonely brain forever with now fresh input.

the same has happened to me so many times. it's almost like an interactive diary sometimes. if something bothers me too much, i make a thread. after writing stuff out it's ammost already sorted out again. but then i even get the cherry on top. people reflecting on what i wrote and giving me fresh input on how to handle the situation or interesting ways to look at it.

>>17940701

Lol its not true. I'm the guy who's been giving you advice. I was just tryna disprove that no parents regret having kids. Many do and not even for crazy reasons likes that. Just messing with that anon really.


Gotta go but glad we could help and good luck with ur son. I do predict it will be a boy

>>17940907
kek. rude.
but hey, this is adv. nothing is truly impossible here.

thanks again.
i think it will be a boy myself. twins would be nice too.

>>17940343
As has been said, having a kid will make you more mature.

I'd actually say start when you're young cuz when you get older and "figure things out" you'll realize you're an old fuck when you have a kid and you're trying to remember how to put lego's together after changing their diaper and then cleaning the other smaller lego's the kid played with two days prior out of his crap in the diaper. NEVER lose a 4x2 lego!! See.. I'm not mature enough to have mine now, but fuck it. They love it and I'm re-learning to be fun.

Figured id ask you guys here instead of making my own thread.
I'm wondering if my girlfriend could possibly be pregnant.
Basically was happened was she lied about being on the pill and I finished inside of her - roughly 3 months ago. She missed her first period that month and again a month after that, then all of a sudden she mentions that she's been bleeding a little here and there, like a little each week. I had her take a test about a month ago and it was negative and I'd have her take another but I think she'll flip out because she's been really irritable lately. Also stomach aches, swollen hands, headaches, weight gain(10 lbs in 1 month) and back pain. Could this all be coincidental or was the test a false negative?

>>17940956
sounds like she needs to go to a doc and atleast get therapy, because lying to someone about birthcontrole is not ok. ever.
tell her you are concerned and a test would ease your mind. if it's negative again, i wouldn't worry anymore. female bodies do weird stuff sometimes.

>>17940953
yeah, those legos... my sister son pushed one of the round little ones up his nose. we had to gp to er and have it removed

i guess both sides have pro's and con's. but as he said: every day i get pregnant sooner will be a day more we can spend with our child. which makes a lot of sense to me.