I swear to god my life is taunting me. I've always had

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Same shit dude.
I don't even know what to do.

BUT
I'm sure someday I will meet someone who will be into me.

Same for me too. Just met a girl I really clicked with but she's having problems with her ex/depression so it's probably not gonna work out and it's majorly shitty.

I'd say just keep trying to stay comfortable around people and eventually someone you like will like you back, believe in yourself. There's a lot of girls out there.

>>17940094
"Having problems with ex" is just an excuse to distant you.

>>17940094
Meeting people has always been hard for me, approaching/initiating conversations with the vast majority of people is extremely uncomfortable and just downright terrifying for me. My mind struggles to carry conversations/think of interesting conversation topics or stories around most people.

TLDR My social anxiety game is strong, which is why finding a female I feel THIS comfortable around is a big deal to me

>>17940113
Yeah, I know... :^( I may be a little autistic, but I'm not stupid.

>>17940115
I've definitely been there. Getting over regular conversations and stuff for me was just a matter of practice. I realized I was guarding myself around everyone in order to appease them and "trick" them into liking me. I've felt much better since I've learned to let my guard down and be myself more around people, even strangers. I still have a lot of trouble approaching people though, so it's still rough trying to make friends/meet romantic interests.

>>17940134
How do I even begin though. I find myself so petrified by fear taking action is impossible. I feel like everyone around me is negatively judging me, at all times, even when I'm simply just walking around my college campus going to class or something.

I over analysise everything everything other people do to, every vocal tone, facial expression, everything and almost always perceive it as negative.

I don't know how to control my fear and my mind bro

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>>17940150
Find someone the same loser as you. Try to socialize together.

>>17940158
I've yet to incounter very many lozer nerdy grills desu.

I'm at least somewhat more comfortable around guys.

>>17940150
Well in the OP you mention you're meeting more girls that you actually feel comfortable around. I would try to generalize that feeling to more situations. Think and realize what about these girls make you feel comfortable around them. If I had to guess based on my own experience, it's not the girls themselves, but something inside you relaxing and allowing you to "just be urself." Think about what works and try to apply it to every situation. Even if you can't do that "fake til you make it" is something that I've often seen in social anxiety support groups. So pretend like you're comfortable around those people you're uncomfortable around (I know that's definitely not easy though). Alcohol may help get you started, honestly.

>>17940169
I just occasionally meet someone that has a certain... spark about them. They're silly in all the right ways, always super joyous and full of life, I can tell by the way they talk or jokes they make that me being myself won't be super off-putting to them. if that makes sense

First, determine what this girl sees in an ideal man. If it's muscle, start lifting. If it's wit, start reading. If you want this girl badly enough you'll make these big changes.

I know that this girl at least likes confident, good looking men (even if it's not a priority for her, it will greatly help your chances). Go to /fa/ and start working on how you dress so ad to compliment your natural looks. Don't do anything crazy like you're in a film montage, but you want to look better than you do right now.

As for having confidence, you need to start making strong eye contact with everyone you talk to. It feels uncomfortable to look people in the eyes for more than a couple seconds if you're not used to doing it. Ignore that discomfort and make the person you're talking to know that you're worth their time. You should only break your gaze when you feel it becoming inappropriately stare-y, but you should resume contact after a couple seconds of looking away.

Exuding optimism will prevent you from coming off as a weirdo/jerk when doing this. If you're grateful that the person you're talking to is willing to spend their time on you, you'll be excited. This excitement translates in to upbeat speech and an air of pleasant-ness.

However, don't be too grateful. Keep your own needs in the situation a priority. This attitude will give your counteroart the impression that you're a capable person and thus desirable to around.

Beyond this, you should work on your overall tact. Be aware of what others are trying to get out of a situation and be the guy that delivers it.

>>17940115

Pay attention to how others in your circle of friends behave. What do they say that initiates conversation? What do they do that makes people like them? Next time you hang out with them watch person closely and study their behavior.

>>17940313
See I don't think she really sees anything wrong with me. She tells me how great she thinks I am on the regular. She's complemented my looks numerous times too.

The issue is mostly the one girl I'm really into. She's been into a crazy long term relationship so I guess it's my fault for letting myself feel this way in the first place.

This girls honestly 1 in a million. The universe is basically telling me "yeah you know how this is the first girl you met that's literally everything you want in a romantic partner. Lol 2 bad sucks to suck".

I feel like a whiney little bitch, getting this worked up over this.

>>17940335
They're just more confident, charismatic and interesting than me.

Bumping for interest

>>17940046
How old are you, OP? How old were these girls when they were cookie-cutters? How old are these girls you like? Why are you assuming these girls would never date you? Do you ask them out?

>>17940760
I'm 20. The girl I'm super crazy about is 18. I know it'll probably never work out because she's been with the same person for 4 years.

I feel ridiculous for letting myself falling this hard for a girl in such a long term relationship but when she seemingly checks off every box on your dream girl list it's hard not to let that happen.

>>17940794
So you're saying that the girls who made you bitter about women were highschool teenagers?

>>17940809
Kind of, I guess it's starting there.

But even now. So many girls I see around my college are just the most basic of basic white girls.

I'll admit I've probably grown too bitter about life in general tho.

>>17940830
You're very young. The people around you are also very young. I'm 21 and my best friends are all in their late twenties. They are more established and I like their world views. People in their early twenties are still figuring out their shit. They've only just now tasted independence and adulthood. They have a long way to go.
How many girls have you been interested in that you say you can't have? A half dozen? A dozen? I really doubt that it's anywhere close to three digits. So you haven't found the love of your life at twenty. There is plenty of time, and you shouldn't spend so much energy thinking that it's never going to happen. Your cynicism is a good trait. Be patient.

>>17940848
>Your cynicism is a good trait.
Is NOT a good trait, my bad

>>17940848
You're right.

I guess the biggest problem is, this just the first time I find someone with do many of the qualities I'm looking for and the universe is like "lol nope".

I've been historically awful at dealing with these feelings, I dwell on them. I can never ever ever let go. And this honestly hurts significantly more than any other rejection I've delt with

I've lost many female friends because of issues like this. I'm terrified of losing this one too.

>>17940867
That's also a bad trait. Saying that you can never ever let go. That has been your experience in the past. Y'know, as a teenager. Who can say how long this will take you to get over? You'll only know when you get over it. You'll have practice to deal with these emotions when you experience them more. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself for not knowing how to deal with it now. Just keep working at it.

>>17940867
The universe is showing you that people like this exist. How exciting! That's good. Your dream girl isn't a myth. Now you can more easily identify what you like. It'll make it easier next time around to recognize girls you enjoy. This is your first, and your only so far, so it looks bleak. But you'll surely meet other cool people down the road.

>>17940850
>Is NOT a good trait, my bad

It's just so many people I meet are so... cringed. Lame senses of humor, a refusal to listen to any music that isn't played on fucking virgin radio, just a genuine refusal to experience any culture that isn't spoon fed to them by the media.

I'm not saying I'm Mr super sophisticated or anything, I guess I'm just trying to say I want someone I can show new things to and they'll actually try to experience it with an open mind, someone who I can make laugh and makes me laugh. And honestly, it seems harder to find than you might think

>>17940879
I never actually thought of it like that.

So few women come into my life tho. Again bad social anxiety. I don't meet a lot of new people.

I get that I just have to practice, I just don't know how to give myself that push I need.

>>17940874
But how should I deal with it.

In the past the only thing that ever made it stop was just cutting the people out of my life. But that feels like running away from my problems as well as I really fucking hate losing friends.

>>17940046
same for me, recently met a girl that I felt 100% comfortable around which is incredibly rare for me
turns out she is a lesbian and we can never be together

>>17940983
Fuck man.

Why does life have to be nothing but fucking misery.

>>17940559
If she's in a relationship, you should back off. Protect yourself, and try not to ruin their lives.

>>17941327
Yeah I know. That's the last thing I want.

It's just it's really hard to be just friends with a girl you think of so highly.

>>17941430
Go No Contact.

It's the only way.

>>17941474
Losing another fucking good friend.

Wonderful.

I'm sure that that happens to all of us, despite our gender. We develop feelings for somebody but they don't feel the same way back. And then this happens X times.

It's just life bro. All you can do is get yourself back together and keep putting yourself out there. One day it'll gain results. But don't get desperate over it or give up. Giving up would just be sad and unfair, for the good women out there who could be interested in you and foremost it would be sad for your own sake. You deserve love and to be loved, but frankly you just gotta gamble with your emotions to get there.

But what you can do is to try to learn to control your emotions. Believe in yourself and tell yourself that even if someone doesn't like you romantically, it has nothing to do with your value as a person. You just simply weren't compatible. Stop falling for an image and dream of a person. The right person for you isn't the one you can't have, it's the one who wants you just as much as you want her. With other words, don't sell yourself a false fantasy of someone and then get disappointed when reality doesn't reflect on that.

>>17940313
No one should change theirselves dreastically just in order to make some specific person to like them. I'm gonna save his time and be honest here: there is nothing the men I have rejected in my life time could do to make me suddenly fall for them. Nothing. The chemistry just wasn't there.

Now developing yourself however is always a good thing and should be a priority for everyone. But changing yourself for a girl, just don't do it. You can't make anyone love you. You just can't. And the very best and realest kind of love is when someone loves you for who you are. Someone who accepts you and doesn't wanna change you. Cliche maybe, but if you think about it, that's what you should be after. Do not force relationships, do not chase anyone. That's not how healthy relationships are formed.

If something you should A) work on things which will make you feel more confident and good about yourself, which will make you love yourself and B) actively search for new girls to date. All that energy which you are wasting on obsessing over someone should be used to find the one who'll obsess about you. Also the only cure for that miserable cycle of obsession over someone is to find someone new.

>>17941941
I guess that's fair. If my post gave off that I feel entitled to be with her or anything that wasn't my intention.

>You just simply weren't compatible
I guess from her end, I guess this hit me so hard because this is the first time I felt such levels of compatibility on my end.

It's just... really hard to meet new people especally for me. Bad social anxiety plus the current situation I'm in doesn't exactly open up a lot of possibilities to meet new people.

>Live in town about 45 minutes away from where I go to college.
>Literally the shitty small town pop punk bands write songs about
>Drive back and force to school everyday.
>my program is on break during the winter semester and I go back in the summer, so I'm never at school.
>People my age in this town are pretty much non existant because they got the fuck out of here the first second they got
>Already knew them all anyways

I guess.... I just don't know how to be actively social. The friends I do have came into my life by pure chance, but I'm just tired of waiting for these things to happen but everything seems to terrify me to the point I'm petrified.

TLDR I have no idea how to get my shit together :/

Stop seeing friendship as second place.