How are you supposed to handle sex when you don't want it?

I'm trying to maintain a relationship here. Some input would be appreciated.

>>17939027
There are a few categories of sexual compatibility, like fetishes, appearance, and frequency. Frequency seems to be the issue here. You two might not be sexually compatible. This would mean that a break up is for the best interests of happiness.

>>17939064
I don't plan to die alone.

>>17939066
That might mean you die unhappy--and drag someone else down with you.

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Look, most men need sex in a relationship. It's not just some base animal desire, but it releases oxytocin in the body, which promotes bonding, and feelings of love. A man who cannot get his own worn to fuck him, the woman he wants, the woman he desires, the woman he loves, that HURTS him, it damages hi and makes hi feel like there is something wrong with him.

So if you have no sex drive, then you are broken. If he is a good man, and you love him, and used to desire him, but you just don't anymore, then you are broken. So you can see a doctor about hormones, etc.

If you love him, but you no longer desire him, and feel he doesn't Deserve your love, then maybe he is not the man for you, and you should just let him go, because he doesn't turn you on. There is no shame in that.

I don't think I have a sex drive, as far as I know, but I allow my husband to turn me on, and it's always worth it, and I attribute a huge part of the success of my >15 year relationship to the fact that I put out. He deserves it, so I let hi turn me on, or I give him a hand job in the car, or I suck him off before bed, because he deserves it. And in tHe end I am always horny, or satisfied, and pleased at having pleased my man.

But if the thing is that you really can't stomach sex, then you need to seek medical help, or the chances of you maintaining a healthy relationship with a man are very slim.

be my finnish sexdoll instead
ill make you want it more often

>>17939066
Why?

You are getting fucked over and over again by someone you don't like because you are worried about what happens on one day sometime in the future?

>>17939103
Finnish girls are usually starfish in bed. OP is just a typical Finnish girl.

>>17939080
This.
Maybe you have an hormone inbalance, anon, it's not that uncommon.

>>17939080
absolutely based
stay wise, anon

>>17939080
I've seen a doctor. He found nothing wrong and suggested it's psychiatric. I saw a psychiatrist. He found nothing wrong and suggested there IS nothing wrong.

I don't see how base animal needs and the release of whatever chemicals are mutually exclusive, either.

Would you like to tell me how, exactly, he turns you on when you don't want to?

>>17939103
I already have one better than you.

>>17939120
Been tested, do not.

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>>17939080

To be fair, I understand where OP stands. After being with the same person for 3 years sex becomes like a chore. I can't enjoy it either, I used to, but it gets so tiring these days and it just hurts. It also takes a lot to get me in the mood, I haven't looked at porn in months and when I do I don't find any interest in it either.

I love my partner very much and so does he, but I don't know what to do about this. I just let it happen, but it's extremely difficult when you can't enjoy it and just feel pain. I haven't felt the need to orgasm for a very long now.

>>17939166
The question isn't "if", it's "how".

She talks about being turned on like she's some machine with a button, but won't tell me HOW.

>>17939027

Did you ever want it? Is this a recent development or something you've struggled with for some time? Only with him or with previous partners too?

>>17939186
Always has been an issue.

>>17939226

I think you should have a proper open discussion about this with your SO. Since it's a long term issue, it probably wont go away and thus has long term implications for your relationship. Tell him you feel this way, but love him regardless and are willing to make arrangements to accommodate both your needs. Not much else you can do, avoiding sex will make him doubt your love and having sex could make you resent him over time. Just work to find a compromise. If he loves you, he'll listen and will work with you.

>>17939156
apparently not if he cant even turn you on
you dumb bitch

>>17939232
And what use would that be?

Women just don't want as often as men.

>>17939027
This is where you introduce him to your cute and slutty friends so he can get his dick wet somewhere else and stop bothering you all the time

>>17939293
If that's your attitude, you aren't looking for a solution; you're looking to complain and get validation for that.
You don't just rule shit out as "nah that's useless, not going to bother" when you're trying to solve an issue.

>>17939319
Well, do tell what's the best-case-scenario you expect of me telling him?

He going "oh sorry, I must want less from now on"?

Have you seen a sex therapist? They can give you exercises to help you find your flame. Maybe you're just bad at masturbating? Have you ever orgasmed?

If you really do not have any interest in sex, have you looked into asexuality? Do you identify with it? I'm not asexual so I can't help you but there's a community out there that can help you with your relationship and where you might possibly find a more compatible partner.

>>17939344
He could try harder at making sex enjoyable for you. Maybe he's a selfish lover in bed and you wouldn't know any better.

Honestly, your attitude has to change as well. You have to be open to your sexuality if you want to make sex more enjoyable to you. It's the harder option instead of just giving up and complaining, but it will make you happier in the long run.

>>17939459
sex therapist? nigga pls ill give her all the sex therapy she needs, you can even pay me if it makes you feel better about it

>>17939344

Well, if nothing else, if he understand the reason behind your unwillingness to have sex, he won't feel so much like there's something wrong with him or something wrong with your relationship. This might come as a shock, but usually relationships tend to work better if the parties involved understand each other and each others' needs (or lack of).

>>17939459
I've looked into it enough to find that there is no community.

I don't masturbate, I gave up trying to learn how somewhere last spring.

>>17939461
All I want is for it to be over quickly.

You might be asexual OP

>>17939027
>>17939178
He deserves better than you.

>>17939298
This might get the guy to stay with her for a little longer, but it will make the inevitable breakup even more likely.

I'm a guy, and although I find women sexually attractive, I don't enjoy sex at all...

... It's extremely frustrating

>>17939857
Did you even read

>>17939888
Try looking for a girl like >>17934139

Now everyone is happy.

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>>17939487
>asexual

OP what is your bf like in bed? Has your sex life always been like this? Even when you first got together?

>>17939080
Now that's a sensible roastie

This is why men cheat with young, horny girls. Sex isn't a chore for that 18-year-old coed with smooth skin.

>>17939027
>>17939911
OP should look for a guy like this too.

>>17939058
>I'm trying to maintain a relationship here
Why? You clearly don't love him

>>17939080
>the only women who say sensible things on /adv/ are ones who have been getting regularly dicked for decades by the same man

leftists btfo

>>17940164
this

>tfw no gf who helps hurt my self esteem by being open about her lack of attraction to me

>>17939080
>when the best reply is in the first 5 posts
Well done, femanon

>>17940167
You could be on to something, but it has to be a good man.

>>17939027
I tell you what you do:

You pretend you like sex and fake the orgasms + learn how to make him done quickly.
Then you marry, have two kids and then you stop pretending.
He either gets some mistress or you just get divorced like all others.
You will end up lonely with two kids and you will turn into one of the old ladies who complains about man.

Does that sound appealing? Cause some people live like that. Where do you think all the jokes about marrying, man and sexless mariage with terrible wives comes from?

Do whatever you want, just make sure to realize you will waste not just your life, but yours man's too.

Or maybe try comunication with your partner and inform him about you being asexual / broken / frigid / whatever term so he knows what the future holds.

ps: asexuality isn't found only in females. It is disorder like any other found in males too.

>>17939027
I was with a guy a few years ago, and had a very low sex drive, i found it in the short term, easier to just take it, however it got out of hand and he started raping me and i had to end it. So the best rhing you can do is break it off or take a break and see if that drive comes back after some time. There a also some herbs and medication that are supposed to boost your sex drive