I have a crush on a guy in my study group (I am a girl), but

being a girl is dating on easy mode

>>17936848
not when you're afraid to approach guys and when no guys approach you

>>17936851
And why are you afraid?

>>17936863
The two times I told guys I liked them I got rejected pretty harshly, they were both some variation of "I don't want to date you or spend time with you, but I guess we can have sex if you want" and then getting mad at me when I refused.

I don't think I can go through that again.

>>17936874
HS age? It sounds like you're not confident in who you are. So what if those retards got mad at you for not wanting to be their fuck buddy? Put yourself out there because you want to and don't let stupid idiots get you down.

>>17936874
That's pretty fucked up 2bh f@m. I can see how that would hurt your confidence. You just have to brush it aside.

>>17936884
No, early 20s. I do feel like i should be past this by now, but I'm not. It does give me further reason to think he's not interested though, since he should presumably be past that lack of confidence stage too.

>>17936897
Ok. Didn't mean to come off as calling you immature. Instead of thinking you should be past this stuff, think about how you can move forward from this stuff. People of all ages struggle with these things.

You gave got to SUCK....His fucking....COCK!!! COOOOOCKKKKKKKKK!! Oh my god!

>>17936903
I'm pretty immature sexually, I don't mind. I've only had sex once with an 10 year older friend when I was drunk. It was not a good experience.

I don't want to have sex again unless I'm in a relationship with the person.

>>17936897
he sounds like me. girls often like me because im decent looking and nice but they think im not interested because i barely talk to them. i barely talk to them because i dont know what to say and im a bit self conscious. when i start dating them, im often not what they expect and they end it with me after a few dates.

>>17936930
So you would react favorably to a homely girl who only has your phone number for non social reasons texting you?

Have you talked to him? Not flirting but about stuff in common.

>>17936944
I think I speak for all men when I say I would not give a fuck. The only way I can see this being a problem if he's one of those whipped guys whose girl has their phone and go through it

>>17936978
No, not at all. I'm very quiet and it's hard for me to socialize, especially with guys I'm interested in. We are friendly in terms of the study group, but we pretty much never go off topic.

He looks at me and smiles a lot, but I may just be sitting in a place where his eyes naturally go. The time I was the most confident that he might like me back was when our seats got screwed up and we were sitting on the same side of the table with someone in between us. I got a little bored while someone else was talking so I leaned back in my chair to look over at him and saw him already leaning back in his chair looking at me. We smiled at each other and went back to paying attention.

Then there was one time when we were both early. He was sitting down at the table already, so I sat down a few seats away from him and said hi. He said what's up and then immediately got up and left and came back a few minutes later when other people had arrived. I took that to be a really bad sign and it pretty much scared me off from trying to be friends. But if it turns out he just had to go to the bathroom or something, I'd feel really stupid.

>>17936944
yeah, i would be fine with that, in fact i would probably be happy about it

>>17936986
That's good to hear. I think most girls would consider this a pretty awful move.

>>17936836
>I'm not very good looking
Fat?

>>17936996
Should I wait until the next session (tuesday) and text only if he seems sad and tired again?

I feel like if I text him now, it would be an admission that I'm thinking of him for no reason. I'm not sure I'm ready to open myself up to that yet.

>>17937004
no, i'm a butterface, i think. 5'4 130-135 lbs, DD cup size.

>>17937007
if i was you, i would send him a text at first asking about a question relating to the study group, and then say something like "so how are you anyway?".

>>17937016
Oh, you can't be that bad then.

>>17937035
Maybe, but there's absolutely no reason I should text him over the organizer for any questions. It's not uncommon for us to text amongst each other though during the group (well not me, but I'm kind of an outsider), so I don't think it would be too weird if I sent him an "everything ok? you look stressed" provided he does really look stressed, during the session. I am regretting not doing so last time, partly for selfish reasons because it might have broken the ice and partly because I want to help.

>>17937047
If he's not a cunt he will most likely feel flattered that someone cares.

>>17937052
Ok, if I don't chicken out, I will try it if he seems down again. If he seems upbeat, I guess it's back to the drawing board.

Part of me kind of worries I'll annoy him and won't know it. He seems nice to everyone, even the people everyone else is annoyed by.

I'm also just not used to asking people questions that are none of my business so this will be a step for me.

File: tumblr_nqdgtgVjtI1twx7xgo1_500.gif (1MB, 500x637px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 500x637px

>>17937064

>>17937047
>but there's absolutely no reason I should text him over the organizer for any questions. It's not uncommon for us to text amongst each other though during the group (well not me, but I'm kind of an outsider), so I don't think it would be too weird if I sent him an "everything ok? you look stressed" provided he does really look stressed, during the session.

fair enough. probably be fine if you ask him then. as the other guy said, if he is a decent person, he will appreciate the concern, i know i would.

>>17936836
>He looks at me a lot
That means nothing.
He might look at you because he feels sorry for you, or because you look funny.
You don't know this guy at all and you are already worried about him having a girlfriend.
If he has not shown any interest in talking to you outside of the group, don't bother. Spare yourself the humiliation.

>>17937125
>female /r9k/er

>>17937154
From what she has said, I see nothing that should allow her to cling on to hope.

Please, OP, do not send him the sappy wall of text guys on this board so often do.
>you're basically a god

>>17937170
It's just small talk.

>>17937170
she was just going to ask how he is. chill. sounds like you're jelous.

>>17937173
>>17937176
From what she posted, he doesn't seem to acknowledge her in the study group, let alone outside of it.
How do you think it's ok to text a person who probably sees you with some frequency and still never says hi?
Of course she can go ahead and do it, but I don't think she'll be happy with the result.

It's a pretty good opportunity. If you ask him how he is and have a conversation he'll know you're interested (unless he's retarded but it doesn't sound like it). After that the ball is in his court.

Do it and showscreencaps OP.

>>17937190
>he doesn't seem to acknowledge her in the study group,

they smile at eachother often, and they get on when discussing study related stuff. he probably doesent speak to her a lot about normal stuff because he doesent know what to say or is shy. texting someone is a completely normal thing to do

>>17937203
>they smile at eachother often, and they get on when discussing study related stuff.
She reported one occasion in which they smiled at each other. And then he might have gone to the bathroom on the one chance he had to talk to her on their own? Yeah, right.

Don't fantasize, anons.
OP's first step should be trying to approach him in person. Smile MORE, get actual verbal greetings from him, find out if he actually knows your name at least.
Texting is normal when you know the person or when you are expecting the text. Not when it's a stranger asking about your personal life (since she knows he's stressed and wants to ask about it).

>>17937231
Hey anon, I'm on your side kind of. I don't think there's a lot of hope here for me. He is a really great guy who everyone likes, and I am not so much.

But he does say hi and bye and he has smiled at me on more than one occasion. He absolutely knows my name and calls me by it.

We make eye contact and smile at one another at least half a dozen times each session. I just recounted the one weird instance where we weren't sitting across from each other and I still caught him going out of his way to look at me, just as I was going out of my way to look at him. I also catch him looking at me and then he averts his eyes like he wasn't. If I was just going off by this stuff alone, I would absolutely think that he liked me. That he doesn't seem eager to talk to me otherwise is what makes me think he does.

Right now I think he probably knows I have a crush on him, gets a bit of an ego boost from it, but isn't interested in pursuing me otherwise, for whatever reason (not interested in me, has a girlfriend, etc).

I have heard that I can be intimidating social-wise - that people don't know how to approach me, so I want to try to break the ice just to make sure that's not it.

>>17937264
>That he doesn't seem eager to talk to me otherwise is what makes me think he does.*

is what makes me think he doesN'T

Not trying to discourage you, but I'd also advise against taking the first step in getting to know someone on a personal level through text. It COULD go well, but if for whatever reason it doesn't or he gives a somewhat ambiguous response that will leave you worrying, overinterpreting and asking for more advice, it could lead to an awful kind of awkwardness that is easily avoided by confronting someone face-to-face first. I realize this might seem like an absolutely daunting task when you're shy, but it's always worth it to try and approach someone in real life before taking non study/work-related communication to texting, social media etc. Try to seek out an opportunity for a casual question of "hey you alright man" the next time you're in his vicinity during study.

>>17937275
There's literally no time to do that. I've tried. Unless we happen to both be earlier than everyone else again (unusual, even though I am usually very early) and he doesn't run off, he is never alone. He has a lot of friends in the group and one guy in particular tends to dominate his time before and after.

Trying to get a word in would involve me following him to his car or the bathroom, which I'm not going to do obviously. I have tried hanging back and using my phone or flipping through the textbook but he's always talking to someone else, usually that other guy.

>>17937264
I don't think your situation is hopeless, but I think you should set yourself the goal of having at least one decent conversation with him in person before thinking your next move. He seems to be at constant flight risk, so don't overthink it when the opportunity comes.


If you absolutely wish to text him, I'd say to keep it study-group related at first. If he mentions a subject, you can text him later saying something like "Hey, I found an article about what you discussing before, here's a link". Something along those lines.
But take slow steps. If he doesn't give you an opening for a more persnal conversation, don't push it.

>>17937314
I can try to have a conversation with him as a group. Like I said in >>17937304, he is never alone. I know a youtube show that his friends watch and they sometimes talk about before or after. I can try watching it, I guess, and hope it comes up.

>>17937348
Don't do this >>17937035
Best way to go about this is recently after you see him, maybe a day or two later you text him and ask him how are you.
That way he won't think you just text him because you want something from him but it's a friendly chat. If he proves to be mature enough he will also just take it as a friendly chat and next thing you know you are in a conversation every now and then.

Don't overthink and don't make it seem like you just want something from him, then you wouldn't be different than anyone else to him. i know that because i was in a very similar situation in a study group every week.

>>17936836
>Would it be overstepping if I texted him and asked if he was doing ok?
no
you may not wanna go for stuff like "if you need someone to talk to I'm here for you", but as a general idea I would appreciate if somebody asked about how I was doing
if it was an ugly girl I wasn't interested in I'd just politely dismiss her, but I'd still appreciate the thought

>>17937488
>you may not wanna go for stuff like "if you need someone to talk to I'm here for you",

yeah, that seems a little dramatic. i was just thinking along the lines of "Everything ok? You have seemed stressed the past couple of sessions".

I'll have to create a flow chart in my head for the different possible answers though. I guess if he says he's having a rough time personally, I can say "Sorry to hear that, if there's anything I can do, let me know."

If he says he's having a rough time with studying or something, I can offer to help.

If he says no, he's fine, I can say "good to hear"

and if he says "leave me alone", i will just say sorry.

I'm a bit of an autist.

do it