Why is it so hard to find women who actually like you for who

>>17935612
What you do is often a consequence of what you are as a person.

>>17935617
But they're still going for you because of accomplishment or what you've obtained, but not actually for you. You weren't a different person before, you aren't now, so why couldn't they have shown interest before?

>>17935612
You may want to put yourself in the position of the girl, they want to be taken on an adventure with you, you will have to show them your world and leave them wanting more. Show them that you can provide fun, romance and make them feel special in the very beginning, if they don't see that then they just assume you are a great person for your accomplishmemts or just go for that.
also don't be so revealing until there is a bond if you want to avoid that.

>>17935624
What are you exactly talking about?

In my experience achieving great things changes you.

>>17935612
How often do you try instead of cry?

Maybe the answer lies within try.

>>17935625
But they still don't actually like you as a person, just what you can do. They're only interested in you via superficial, shallow reasoning. Rather than sincerely liking you as a person. She's just someone who isn't genuine or thoughtful. You're just means to an end.

>>17935628
No it doesn't. And even then, you're still not being yourself in that scenario. Just what's expected of you. You're still you at the end of the day. You're default person. Achievements don't change that. Who you were determined that achievement.

>>17935612
It is hard to find good people like this. Trust me. I know. They're out there though. The key is to be discerning with who we share ourselves with. Don't let others unacceptance ofyou take away from your own acceptance of yourself. Focus on the things you enjoy and that bring purpose to your life. People gravitate towards others who are authentic and respectful of themselves.

>>17935633
That's silly and very reductive.
Experiences change you, both being successful and failing makes you a different person, even if just slightly.

>>17935648
No, no, no. Hate to pull the Dostoyevsky card, but who you are already determines the effect of the experience or any accomplishments you make. People change at way too gradual a pace over their lives to make that claim.

And if a lover is attracted to you because of your actions, they're probably not into you because you changed somehow.

I achieved losing lots of weight. Women don't only appreciate that I look good, but the actual journey itself gave me a lot of attractive qualities, like work ethic.

If you're wondering why people are unimpressed with a life spent behind a TV screen, well, sorry.

I can tell that this thread is gonna fall pretty quickly into self pity, so I'm not gonna stay married to it.

So OP, that leaves a question, then. Who are you?

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24KB, 2048x2048px

>>17935669
Just me. And that's who I should be liked for. Not what I do or have done.

>>17935671
And who are you? Are you likable? Are you brave? Are you charming? Are you friendly? Are you adventurous? We're all just "us", but you are taking something and pinpointing it as the reason you're not popular. It is not, and in the nicest way possible, you need to get over that thinking.

Go put some miles on your soul, dude. Experiences make you grow. This is good for you, and your partner. What you are advocating is being a stagnated manchild out of some misguided sense of pride.

You live in a world where shit needs to get done, and if you're someone who avidly avoids getting shit done, that in of itself is an unattractive trait.

>>17935612
Why should girls be interested in you if you dont have any interesting qualities?

>>17935663
And what else should make them attracted to you? They cannot know you in any other way if not by the things you do. You cannot know someone's essence, you can just deduce how they are by their actions.

>>17935691
>And who are you? Are you likable? Are you brave? Are you charming? Are you friendly? Are you adventurous?
I'm me. That's all that should count.

>We're all just "us", but you are taking something and pinpointing it as the reason you're not popular. It is not, and in the nicest way possible, you need to get over that thinking. Go put some miles on your soul, dude. Experiences make you grow. This is good for you, and your partner. What you are advocating is being a stagnated manchild out of some misguided sense of pride. You live in a world where shit needs to get done, and if you're someone who avidly avoids getting shit done, that in of itself is an unattractive trait.
You're just a fucking idiot, and most likely a white male.

What exactly is it that you "do?" Do you deal drugs? I know that drug dealers often think no one would be friends with them if they didn't deal…

>>17935701
Troll confirmed, abandon thread

I am not my accomplishments.

But, all of my accomplishments are part of me. I carry them wherever I go, because I'm proud of the man who braved them.

>>17935693
Because who I am should be my interesting quality. Not what I am or what I do.

>>17935700
>And what else should make them attracted to you?
Just me.

>They cannot know you in any other way if not by the things you do. You cannot know someone's essence, you can just deduce how they are by their actions.
Then they're only attracted to you for possessions and what you are. Not your person.

>>17935708
But how else should they get to know you if not by your actions? What else can they know?

>>17935705
What I do shouldn't matter. Who I am should.

>>17935701
Ok, I tired.

There's really nothing else to be said, or that anyone will say to you. Enjoy your pity party.

>>17935710
>But how else should they get to know you if not by your actions?
That still shouldn't matter. Otherwise their attraction to you is merely superficial.

>What else can they know?
Your character and personality. Not actions, achievements, status, or possessions.

If you don't believe in yourself, why would she believe in your potential as a partner? Start from within. Keep an open mind. Don't be bitter, most importantly - people can pick up on that from miles away.

>Who are you?
>Me
>Right but, what are some qualities you might exhibit?
>I'm me

I know you think you're being deep on some level, but you are not.

>>17935717
How else can they know who you are if not by your actions? Reply to me. How will they learn who you are if not by what you do?

>>17935721
Simple: they shouldn't. They should know by just actually talking to you, spending time with you, and getting to know who are as a person. If it's just by person or status, then they only like you as an object, not you.

>>17935717
Stop trying to excuse sitting on the computer all day. Maybe girls don't like you because "just you" is a total victim.

>>17935724
You realise this says more about you than them?

>>17935723
Have you considered that they don't like you BECAUSE of your personality, not in spite of it?

>>17935708
And what sets who you are apart from who any other straight man is?

To build a connection there has to be something in common, and if you don't have any interesting qualities you can't possibly have something in common with most girls.

>>17935730
It says something about you and only you

>>17935731
Then that would make them bigots who can't appreciate people for who they are. And considering the world we keep living in with stuff like police violence, increasing prejudice, rifts between demographics, and threats to the underprivileged. That seems to be the definition of modern humanity.

>Girls don't like me, because I lack X

Man, our interaction so far has been a few replies on an anonymous image board halfway across the world, and /I/ already think you're obnoxious.

>>17935734
>And what sets who you are apart from who any other straight man is?
Who I am as a person. Nothing more.

>To build a connection there has to be something in common, and if you don't have any interesting qualities you can't possibly have something in common with most girls.
Then they're no better than people girls who marry for money, or men who marry for looks.

>>17935736
But you made a projection based on a generalisation out of thin air. You usually have to base that on yourself to come to that conclusion.

>>17935742
And there you go, victimizing yourself and trying to legitimize your "plight" with examples with actual victims.

>>17935723
But it's much more meaningful to get to know someone by their actions then by their words.
I can tell you I am faithful and loyal but cheat, I can tell you I am a kind person but be an asshole. Out of all the guys who claimed to be "kind", no one ever did anything for their community or their family.

>>17935755
Everybody is a victim in someway. And the only person who can determine whether or not they're a victim is the victim themselves.

>>17935760
But who they are should still be main qualifier. Not their actions.

>>17935750
Lol, ok buddy. So what do you do all day? Volunteer?

Or is this one of those "you're right, but it was a guess so I'm gonna wave my wand and invalidate all of your advice" things?

Why did you even post this here? Bring it to /r9k/ and circlejerk there

>>17935766
Sure. And their actions are the only way to know who they truly are.

>>17935764
That's a convenient way to absolve yourself from any responsibility regarding your own life and choices

>>17935768
>Lol, ok buddy. So what do you do all day? Volunteer?
I am me. That's all that should count to anyone but the superficial.

>>17935774
I asked what you do all day.

>>17935772
People say the same thing to victims of rape, assault, murder, thievery, illness, etc. Your responsibilities and life choices should not count to your current status.

So you deal… hell, someone's got to do it. What's this all about, really? I bet there's a lot of people out there that would really like to know you as a person. Just let them in. Let them in. I'm saying this because I know someone who deals and I'd like to know him. Know him for what he really is. I don't care about the drugs. I care about him. But he shuts down and I can't get near him.

>>17935778
I be me. The only thing that should matter.

>>17935779
And there you go, trying to legitimize your lack of drive by posturing aside actual victims.

I'm an EMT, m8, I don't need you to tell me about victims. What do you do to help them, besides use them as a scapegoat whenever someone criticizes your shitty personality?

>>17935782
Well, you're self depreciating and unwarrantly victimize yourself at every chance. So, enjoy being you I guess.

>>17935787
Everyone's a victim in a way. Even those who don't traditionally qualify. And whether or not they're actually a victim shouldn't count against victim blaming logic and behaviour. That behaviour is still fallicious and unacceptable.

>I'm an EMT
And a bigoted white one at that, clearly.

>>17935787
yeah, but you're still applying victim blame here. even if he's not a victim, that's abusive and prejudice, and delegitimises actual victimry.

This has to be a troll.

>>17935796
Lol, wow. A'ight well, I'm pretty sure I was the only one left bothering to humor this shit. Think whatever you want, bro. The whole world is out to get you, and it's all everyone else's fault.

>>17935803
How many rape victims do you actually help in the course of a day? How many do you anticipate helping this year?

Or wait, is expecting you to do something that you posture over "victim blaming" now?

>>17935803
... You don't think that comparing your girl problems to actual victims of rape is de-legitimizing?

i understand what you mean. but consider this; you cant see the light directly. to see it, it should be reflecting on something. and different colors of light, becomes different color mixes at different surfaces. play ground shows who you are, even tho it doesnt determine who you are.

>>17935826
Are you high?

>>17935782

From across the globe and this thread I can see you're a total waste of atoms.
Nobody will want to know 'you' if 'you' is as interesting as an empty dumpster.

>>17935819
>How many rape victims do you actually help in the course of a day? How many do you anticipate helping this year?
why is my personal life your business? do you also want to know my race, gender, sexuality? do you seriously believe yourself entitled to other people's information like that?

>Or wait, is expecting you to do something that you posture over "victim blaming" now?
victim blame is not defined by who it's applied to, but rather that it's be applied to at all. it's not defined by whether the person it's applied to qualifies as a victim, but the fact the action is taken place. and there's no solid standard for victimisation. to believe it is delegitimises actual victims. nor does whether or not somebody got themselves into the mess means a). they're not a victim; and b). they should be held responsible for it. they're in that mess and misfortune in the first place. and that's all that should count.

>>17935825
anyone who claims or feel themselves to be a victim is not delegitimising to other victims. victimry is not a tier, ladder, or competition. and to discount a person as one just because others have it better or worse invalidates every other victim.

>>17935830
high on life

>>17935838
lol if you were really high on life you wouldn't be posting on 4chan adv babe.

>>17935836
Oh ok, thanks for explaining that to me, the guy who's job it is to go help victims literally every day.

What are you a victim of, exactly?

>>17935844
sure

babe

>>17935851
>thanks for explaining that to me, the guy who's job it is to go help victims literally every day.
you're obviously not very good at your job if you have all these tiers that prevents actual victims from speaking up.. :/

>What are you a victim of, exactly?
again, is that any of your business?

>>17935854
Oh, hell maybe I'm wrong. Sometimes I post on 4chan when I'm high on life, so fuck me I'm just being a dick.

>>17935867
its ok

>>17935866
I'm fucking great at my job. Every single life I save is something I'm immeasurably proud about. I took this job, and browse this board, because I have a deep need to help people. My job isn't to indulge sad teenagers on the Internet, it's to provide care and support to people who are in REAL DANGER.

You are not a victim of anything other than self pity, and me saying this doesn't devalue anyone except for you. Do you actually think that any sexual assault survivor would read this and be anything other than repulsed that you're trying to piggyback off their suffering?

>>17935851
>the guy who's job it is to go help victims literally every day.
It's not uncommon for people in those jobs to have a bias or misconceptions. Hell, I've seen feminists descend into slut-shaming under certain circumstances.

>>17935884
>I'm fucking great at my job.
so you think.

>Every single life I save is something I'm immeasurably proud about.
so it's about glory.

>I took this job, and browse this board, because I have a deep need to help people.
a lot of people tend to 'help' as a means of having power of them (ted bundy worked suicide lines). giving advice tends to be more about telling someone what to do than actually helping them. and either way, you're very clearly 'helping' others for your own selfish needs.

>My job isn't to indulge sad teenagers on the Internet, it's to provide care and support to people who are in REAL DANGER.
victimry goes beyond physical danger. a misconception.

>You are not a victim of anything other than self pity
that's something you can be a victim of. you can even be a victim of yourself (ex.: suicide, mental illness, &c)

>and me saying this doesn't devalue anyone except for you.
having contrived and unstable criteria for victimisation devalues all victims.

>Do you actually think that any sexual assault survivor would read this and be anything other than repulsed that you're trying to piggyback off their suffering?
survivors typically have more lax standards of victimisation, and are more likely to be accepting of someone who sees 'self-pitying' as something to be a victim of. and to separate the two as different hurts devalues both victims.

So was anyone here actually sexually assaulted? Or can we go back to talking about your problems that have nothing to do with victims of rape?

>>17935904
>Or can we go back to talking about your problems that have nothing to do with victims of rape?
well, you did say that the reason someone is suffering because of what they did, and thus don't count, which is something often said to sexual survivors. so it does have a lot to do with victims of rape.

>>17935904
>So was anyone here actually sexually assaulted?
I'm not black, so suddenly I can't criticize the concept of racial segregation?

>>17935901
Man, that's pretty nice of you to stand up for rape victims and stuff. I only save their lives, but YOU put words into their mouths. It's beyond me why you have trouble making friends.

Whatever man, I genuinely hope this is a troll thread, because I fell for it and I would be way more sad to find out that you are serious about all of this.

>>17935915
>I only save their lives
and you're still victimising them and other victims. just because you save lives doesn't justifying harm others.

>>17935910
But I didn't say it to any sexual assault survivors, I said it to someone who is trying to absolve their own personal responsibility in their life.

I'm not saying "u deserve to get raped for wearing that", I'm saying act like an adult and take responsibility for your life. That's when the "I'm a victim" shit came up. You're not a victim, you're a petulant manchild complaining about how everyone else SHOULD be behaving towards him, just because.

Man, I'm personally keeping this thread alive because I'm dumb and trollable. I'm out, sorry guys, please let this die

>>17935926
>But I didn't say it to any sexual assault survivors, I said it to someone who is trying to absolve their own personal responsibility in their life.

you still said it, though. you could've muttered it to yourself, and it still would be a problem. who you said it to isn't the issue, the fact you uttered it in the first place is. and the fact you said something that is often attributed to people who have suffered greatly simply accentuates that. rape, murder, robbery, depression, self-loathing, it's still "you're only suffering X, because you're/you did Y, so you shouldn't have done/shouldn't be doing Y," and implying they ought to suffer for it.

that's still victim blaming. and considering how frequent that logic, that type of argument, is used to disparage people who suffered some kind of great violence, just any application at all is not only inexcusable, but further disparages actual victims and adds to that victimisation. even if the person it's applied to isn't really a victim, that behaviour and argument is still delegitimising and stigmatising towards victimhood as a general concept. and creates these unreliable, unstable standards that make it difficult for victims to even be open, speak up, or come to terms with what happened. creates misconception and myths of what a victim is. and further targets potential victims.

the fact you're even descending into that argument, into that behaviour, is a problem. not who you're referring to.

>>17935915
>I only save their lives
That doesn't mean you can't be called on behaviors that contradict what you do.