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Hey /adv/, I need some help. I'm an 18 year old living in

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Hey /adv/, I need some help. I'm an 18 year old living in Australia, and I live with my parents. My parents are very religious, and so is the entirety of my extended family. Although they all live in different countries but mostly in the ME.

For the past few years I've been pretty depressed and have all around hated my lifestyle. Part of that is related to my religion (Islam). Up until very recently I've refrained from drinking alcohol, smoking marijuana, stuff like that. All due to my religious and the fear of my parents finding out.

At the start of December I took a trip to Japan and basically went all out with the alcohol and cigarettes, and fucked as many girls as I could. I had as much fun as I possibly could before I had to return. For that month, I was free from any consequences. I was free to do whatever I pleased, and I loved it. Now that I'm back in Australia I want to make sure my life doesn't go back to the way it was, and I want to make sure the change is permanent. I want to speak to my parents about this, but I'm afraid of what the consequences will be when I explain my feelings.

I mean shit, when I tried to purchase a Study Quran (I'm interested in the history of religions) that was written by a Shia Muslim, my mother forbid that I do so and threatened to disown me just because I wanted to read a book published a man who didn't believe in the same sect as her. I can't imagine what will happen when I tell her that I've grown away from Islam because it's done nothing good for me. And my dad probably won't be of much help. His family's side is Shia but my mother made him change to Sunni and agree that the Shia sect is wrong.

Please /adv/, what the fuck do I do?
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fake it til you make it on your own. and just do things behind your parent's backs like smoke and drink, fucking bitches, but hopefully those bitches don't come with aids or any other disease.
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watch out, angry christians coming thru
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>>17935569
I don't want to have to hide it though, anon. I'm sick of having to live like this, I've tried to kill myself twice before because of how depressed I was.

I've started looking for a job, whatever I can get, so I can at least have a source of income so that I no longer have to depend on them. I plan on joining the Air Force as soon as I can but that won't be for at least another year and a half.

I know that moving out at this point isn't a realistic goal, but if I can at least get myself a job then the only thing I'd need from my parents is the room I sleep in.
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>>17935573
well if you're dealing with parents that are super religious and would possibly cut you out of their life because you don't agree with their beliefs, you might have to. or you could try to live with a friend asap.
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>>17935563
>His family's side is Shia but my mother made him change to Sunni and agree that the Shia sect is wrong.

Oh, Jesus fucking Christ.
You guys were supposed to be better than this. To keep your women in check and not give them the keys to your fucking life.

Fuck me, even the mussies do this shit.

OP, you gotta prioritise.
Do you care about your family enough to sacrifice your own happiness to keep them around? When they'd ditch you the moment you ave a disagreement?
You have to think about what you want more, only you can make this decision.

It may very well lead to you being disowned. You should prepare for that possibility.
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I been in a similar situation with very religious parents and I usually just say ima hang out / eat with my friends when I'm going to do something shitty.

It's good you don't want to hide things but unfortunately you have to or you risk losing respect from your parents for ever.
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>>17935575
I'll have to start preparing then. I don't want to postpone the talk for too long because it's already long overdue.

>>17935577
Yeah, it's pretty fucking bad. My mom's practically got my dad on a leash. He's much too soft to stay angry at anyone, but mother sometimes holds grudges for weeks at a time against others in the family.

I don't know whether I should tell them about my depression or not before I tell them about my lack of faith. I'm certainly not going to tell them about my suicide attempts or the visits to a psychiatrist. But if I do tell them about the depression then it might soften the blow for the religion thing, or maybe it'll convince them enough to not have to tell them about the religion thing at all.
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>>17935563
>speak to my parents about this
You know it will make them unhappy and won't make you more free. Lose-lose situation.
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>>17935563
How did you manage to meet and fuck so many people OP? I'm going to Japan in two months and I want to get with a lot of girls but I don't know what to do.
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>>17935615
If you don't look the slightest bit Asian, and aren't a complete retard then it'll be easy.

Just go to any club that isn't being promoted by the black guys in Roppongi, and talk to some girls. They love foreigners. And some will speak enough English to understand you although some phrases are very helpful to memorize.
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>>17935587
Yeah, that sucks. But I want to at least do something instead of nothing.
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Muslim here. Don't do this. There's no turning back from being disowned by your family. Even if you become kuffar just make sure you act Muslim for them so that you don't end up a lonely social outcast with no roots.
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>>17935627
I wish that I at least had some extended family members that might support me, but they're all Muslim too so if I am disowned I've got absolutely nobody that is related to me.

I don't know if I can keep the act up any more man. They're always berating me about praying when I don't do it. I feel like any second now I'm going to burst and tell them that I'm not praying because I don't want to, not because I'm too lazy to do so.
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>>17935563
Stop being a mussie, the religion only harms people as most religions do. Tell your parents how stupid you think that book shit is. Don't stand around and let bullshit stay bullshit, get up and stand against the bullshit.

Also, drinking is highly overrated. Weed is overrated, most drugs are overrated. (bar the main psychs)
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>>17935650
>drinking is overrated
Yes.

>tell ur parents theyre dumb to believe stuff lol
don't_do_this.jpeg
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If you are educated you could move to a country with lower living costs so that you can support yourself, then go back to Australia when you have enough skills and resources that if your parents disown you it will only be their loss.

A friend of mine was in a similar situation to yours, but his parents now accept him despite him being openly gay because they know that disowning him would be nothing but a burden lifted off of him.

Either way, remember the fact that they are entitled to their views as much as you are entitled to yours and it may well be that they raised you in their faith with only the best intentions.
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>>17935676
I've only just graduated high school about a month ago, and have yet to start university. So I probably won't be able to get any proper job that isn't in retail or fast food.

>it may well be that they raised you in their faith with only the best intentions.

I can understand that. What I want to try to explain to them is that it's just not for me, and hope for the best possible outcome for their reaction.
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You live in Australia.. you can sin freely here

Move out, live in student accomodation / share house while in uni.. work a shitty part time job and do whatever you like

You think most parents approve of what their teenaged / young adult children do? No fucking way dude

Dont let the guilt of religion weigh you down

Straya mate
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>>17935777
Thanks mate. I'm hoping to either get myself a spot in student housing on campus if I get into something like Swinburne or Deakin, otherwise my next best chance is sharing a house. Hopefully I can get one with a friend or two of mine, although I definitely wouldn't mind living with strangers.

Honestly, when I'm at parties and see my friends drink the night away while I sit there sipping on Pepsi Max, all I feel is envy. For most of them, they don't have to worry about being too drunk to even communicate with their parents when they get back home. If I'm going to be drinking I need to have everything planned out and shit. Need to stay out late enough that they're asleep when I get home by uber, and make my way to my room as soon as possible without waking anyone.
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>>17935792
>being too drunk to even communicate with their parents when they get back home

I don't know for Australia or Anglo countries, but that's hardly acceptable in Latin countries. I mean, parents are rarely happy to see their child is a drunkard.

Although you seem to be overrating alcohol, maybe you should study one year abroad? I heard from people with restrictive families that it was liberating.
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>>17935841
>maybe you should study one year abroad

I'd love to spend a year studying in Japan, though I'd have to find a university that offers that first.
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>>17935846
Why not study abroad in America? It has all the "sin" acceptance with the benefit that everyone speaks English. Do you just have unquenchable yellow fever?
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>>17936694
Haha, I guess I do.

I've been to the US before, California to be specific. And while it was nice, I felt that it was similar to Australia. But maybe other parts of the US are different.

And also, the legal age there in 21 so I wouldn't be able to purchase alcohol or cigarettes, not that it'll be hard to find on a campus anyway. But at least in Japan nobody questions the age of a foreigner.
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>>17935563

Fake it anon. My mom still thinks I pray and recite the quran lol.

I don't live with my parents though so it's a bit easier.
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>>17935563
>threatened to disown me
Threatening to fucking disown you for reading a book, about your religion, just because it was written by someone from a different sect of the same religion?
Your parents obviously value you a lot less than their religious values. So why should you value them more than your own happiness?
Lie about it long enough to get your own place so you don't end up on the street, but get out as fast as you fucking can and live however you want.
Seriously, I don't know you but it pisses me off that she threatened to disown her fucking child for something so trivial. Parents are supposed to love their children unconditionally, and yours do not. Fuck em.
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>>17937178
This is the ticket.. like i said, move out and get a job ASAP

Fake the religious shit when youre around your parents to keep them onside if thats what you want

Its honestly what heaps of kids your age do anyway (especially in Australia where everyone drinks the second they turn 13)

I dont come from a religious household but i sure as shit wasnt telling my parents the silly stuff i was getting upto as a teenager / young adult

Your situation isnt that different from many other young Australians

Im 30 and i wouldnt tell my mother the thing i got upto on the weekend just gone, let alone what i was doing as a teenager
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>>17935563
Hey OP. Atheist here. I'm Indian and my Catholic family is religiously lax, so I don't have the exact viewpoint as you but...

1. Given how controlling your Mum is, DO NOT give anything away. From what I gather, you live with your parents because you are financially dependent on them. That is a horrible situation for someone like you. Remember, being safe comes first. Live the lie just a little longer. She might suspect something, but she will fool herself into thinking it's not true.

Also, there are certain to be private and discreet support groups for individuals like you. I am assuming that you live in a city in this aspect.

And finally, when you do decide to come out. Your entire extended family may disown you,at least your mother's generation and older. That will hurt, but like you said, it's hard to keep living a lie. You may, however, turn out to be a role model for cousins and such of your generation, though, so there's that.
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I don't mean to be disrespectful or blunt.. but the fact that your mom made your dad change sects and he didn't put up so much as an argument..? I thought in Islamic culture men were the definite head of the household and it was the woman that was submissive. I don't see this flying in the middle east... I'd imagine there'd be a public beating involved, or worse.

Maybe your dad is forward-thinking and doesn't condone violence. What is clear, is that your mom runs the house... and your dad. I'm sorry man, but you're old enough to travel abroad and do whatever the hell you want, worship however you want.

No need to feel like you're living a double life. Your most intimate life details aren't any of their (more importantly her) business. If the question ever arises about what happened overseas or on any trip, you "had exposure to a new culture, and way of life". She asks anything explicit "Did you smoke, do drugs, fuck, etc?" plain and simple answer?

NO.

None of their business. End of story.
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Mate, you're Australian, you don't live in a country where it's actually illigal to do the things that your religion forbids (fuck, we even glorify it). Like someone said, just move out. Where are you? Melbourne?

Also, you didn't actually say if you believe anymore. I know you said you don't like the rules, but do you believe in God?
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>>17935563
You spent time in Tokyo, Roppongi nonetheless. If you are not white you will face discrimination outside of metro Tokyo in Japan. Those schools in Tokyo are world class, so you'd better be a world class student if you want to study in the same place you vacationed. Otherwise, America would be the dream for you--get in America via college, then enjoy everything you claim to want.
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>>17937301
Yeah, it's pretty crazy man.

>>17937444
Thanks anon.

>>17937701
Thanks, yeah I'm definitely financially dependent on them for the time being, and it's probably the most important thing for me to change right now if I want to improve my life.

>turn out to be a role model for cousins and such of your generation

I hope that happens, though hopefully the family member that decides to follow suit doesn't live in the ME since the consequences will be extremely harsh.

>>17937743
Nah it's okay man, you're not being disrespectful.

Yeah it's weird how much more dominant my mother is compared to my father.

>>17937819
Yeah I'm living in the south-east suburbs of Melbourne.

And as for whether I believe in God or not, I'd say that I don't believe in the Islamic god. I'd say that at this point I'm an agnostic.

>>17937954
Thanks. Yeah it's a shame that Japan is so xenophobic
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>>17938219
>it's a shame that Japan is so xenophobic

Then try Thailand. All the vice is readily available. You can sate your yellow fever. Living is much less expensive. Their colleges would love to have you there as a foreigner. Lastly, you would see much less xenophobia.

Go for it!
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>>17935573
As someone most the way through joining the army in Aus. What role do you plan to do in the Air Force? Have you looked at the requirements? The Defence Force isn't something you just do because you have nothing else, you have to work towards most roles before hand. It's not just a free shitty job, it's a lifestyle with quite good pay, it's a harder job than most employment. If those suicide attempts are on record (or if you mention them), you almost certainly won't get past the first stage of the application process. My friend attempted to apply 2 months ago and got refused because he mentioned that he had suicidal thoughts in the past. Don't bother with Pilot either, you have to be extremely competitive to beat the long waiting list of other, more suited people looking to be in that role. It also has a Minimum Service Period of 14 years.
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>>17938779
Yeah I've looked through the requirements and all that. I've been to the YOU session and passed the initial test that determines what roles I can apply for. I'm hoping to become an Air Surveillance Operator. Piloting would have been nice but I know that it's not a realistic option for me.

And yeah, I've omitted the suicidal thoughts during the interviews and questions because I know that as soon I mention them I'll be denied.
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>people giving (You)'s to bait
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>>17938832
What about this isn't believable?
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Talk to your father, you both should become Shia again (the only version of Islam that doesn't want to take over the fucking world through violence) and tell her she can jump in a fucking creek.

I would give more detailed advice but I find it hard to empathize with dog haters
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I'm going to provide an update, because I just had a talk with my mother about Islam.

I told her how I don't express my feelings to her and my father because I fear the consequences that might occur from it, and I reminded her of the time when I wanted to purchase the Study Quran and she threatened to kick me out. At this point she went on a five minute rant on how the Shia are horribly wrong, and how praying to normal people, and rocks is wrong.

She then said that everyone has their own opinions of the Quran and what they learn from it, and I asked her what makes her think that her view is correct whereas others' are different, and she reiterated the point that the only correct opinion is Sunni Islam because they believe in the word of God.

I then made an example of pretending to switch to Shia Islam, and asked her what her reaction would be, and whether she would resent me. She explained how she spent the last 18 years trying to teach me the right of way (Sunni Islam), and that she would be disappointed in herself and saddened that her son is going to face the gates of Hell upon death. She said that she would not resent me, and that she would not disown me because I'm still her son and she can't hate me simply for making this choice.

I think that now that I'm officially an adult, she can't convince or push me to make choices (I was still underage when I wanted to purchase the Study Quran). She said that now, the choices I make will be judged by God and no one else.

So yeah that was different, and probably a better outcome than I expected. I still haven't brought up the idea of not believing in Islam, and I still need to talk to my father about this. Hopefully that goes as well as this did.
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>>17935563
O boy in the exact same situation as u but I'm in NJ
I should have studied harder in HS so I could have went away to college but now I'm stuck at home with an 8pm curfew
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>>17939817
Shit man, that's got to suck.

My parents trust me enough to let me out late at night. I sometimes wonder if my mother can smell the weed/alcohol on me and just stays silent.
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>>17939901
Yeah It does
I usually get high AF of lean or pills when my parents aren't home tho and that's fun
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>>17939914
Fuck I wish I could smoke in my room or something while I'm home alone, but my parents are always going through my room and even with the windows open I don't think I can risk it.
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>>17939928
I don't smoke because I'll get caught but pills and cough syrup are easy
Same with edibles
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bumping because why not
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>>17939281
>She said that now, the choices I make will be judged by God and no one else.
I'm glad she is this wise.
In all cultures, the transition from their child to an adult is very hard for some parents. My wife and daughter are going through difficulty right now.
Having the child become an adult with different religious beliefs makes this even harder, but it is happening millions of times all over the world right now.
Usually there is anger and loud words, but eventually the parent learns to respect or at least tolerate the beliefs of the adult son.
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