Girlfriend broke up but still wants to be friends. How do I deal

>>17935102
You grow a spine, stand up for yourself, and remove her from your life entirely. You shouldn't take any torment for her. Put yourself before her at every single moment. Be an egoist fuck.

>I don't want to hurt her even more.
Two things for you to think about. Firstly, she didn't consider your feelings when she broke up with you. Secondly, she isn't precisely hurt.

>>17935111
>Firstly, she didn't consider your feelings when she broke up with you.
She did. She didn't break up with me, we broke up together because we knew it wasn't going to work.

>Secondly, she isn't precisely hurt.
I don't know what this means. She is definitely hurt over breaking up.

>>17935113
>She didn't break up with me
That's what you implied in your OP.

>we broke up together because we knew it wasn't going to work.
Tell the whole story.

>>17935111
This still applies though OP. I dated my best friend on and off for a few years and whenever we would break up I would feel terrible. All it did was make me resent her when I finally did cut her from my life, but I'm so glad I finally did. Swallow your pride and just cut her from your life at the very least until you've moved on to someone else. It will likely just get worse from here, and if she really is your friend she'll understand.

Why do you think break ups hurt OP? I'm seriously asking.

It's not as easy as "grow a spine" and kick her out or just deal with it. You feel loss right now and that is ok. Tell her that you can both be friends but for now you need some time apart from her because emotionally you're still hurt. Give it a good amount of time, find your footing again because relationships (be they codependent, or interdependent) change how you look at yourself. However, once you get a clear view of who you are again you'll feel better. Same goes for her.

If you dont have a pretty clear view of who you are in the first place I recommend figuring that out before trying for more relationships.

Don't be friends. Maybe in a while when there's no more feelings, a long while.

Go full no contact. Don't text or reach out to her in anyway, including social media.

Tell her something like "It'd be great to see you again sometime but I don't think we should be friends right now. Take care"

that's it, really. Worked for me multiple times.

>>17935119
We disagreed with some things early on, mainly she was religious and I wasn't, but we thought we could look past that. Turns out we couldn't. She said she knew for a while it wasn't going to work and was deeply sorry for having it go on for so long. I think she was afraid of hurting me and/or losing me as a friend.

>>17935125
Should I at least tell her why I won't talk to her anymore?

DO.NOT.DO.IT
i cannot stress this enough. For your own health and well being, just part your ways.

>>17935132
Why do you think break ups hurt OP?
Because someone you loved to be with is suddenly not there anymore?

But yeah I'll try to take some time alone and maybe reconnect with her in the future.

>>17935133
Considering.

>>17935132
Except that doing what you're suggesting requires growing a spine. Otherwise you will do whatever she says, even at your own detriment. And that's what OP is risking to do.

>>17935137
>Turns out we couldn't. She said she knew for a while it wasn't going to work and was deeply sorry for having it go on for so long.
Then my answer still applies. Part ways, it's for the best.

>I think she was afraid of hurting me and/or losing me as a friend.
Stop projecting your own emotions into her. You literally don't know what she feels - all you know is what you feel. And you must stand up for those emotions because they're as valid.

Don't be afraid of "hurting" her, she will be okay. You do what's best for your own interests.

>>17935142
I don't think it takes growing a spine to figure out who you are.

>>17935137
Of course, it's always good to tell her why you won't talk to her any more. Let her know that you can't be friends with her for the time being because it will hurt too much. Even if it hurts her OP, it's for the best, and you don't have to give up your happiness for someone else's

>>17935148
>>17935142
I'll tell her that I don't want to keep in contact for now.

However I do see her in my social groups and university clubs sometimes so that's going to be awkward. Small detail I forgot to mention.

>>17935102
One of the many differences between men and women is that women honestly and innocently believe that they can end a romantic relationship and still be friends, while men find an ex's presence a constant source of pain.

Your feelings are as valid as hers, and you can say "No, I can't handle being around you right now" without feeling you're doing something wrong.

>>17935102
You're probably not in highschool anymore, once you see someone naked theres no going back.
No matter how strong willed you are theres always going to be a part of your brain that remembers you being together.

>>17935158
It's a good idea for your health and well being. I was in a serious relationship and they broke it off with me suddenly but then asked to remain friends and "see where it takes us..." I was confused and agreed to it. Biggest mistake I made! I spiraled into another depressed episode with them "comforting" me and it getting worse. They used me to feel good about themselves. Don't let this person use you to feel better about stringing you along in this relationship. Break contact and heal, learn about who you are.

You don't. Tell her you need time to yourself and never get into contact with her again.

Trust me, it's the better option.

Yeah, don't do dude, My ex dumped me about a month ago, we agreed to be friends, then she moved on and found another dude and it fucking killed me.
She'll keep you around till she finds someone else, it fucking hurts breaking up dude, Its slow and drags on. Just cut off all contact from now, even anyone that reminds you of her. go hang with your friends and just fuck around because doing nothing makes it worse.

It's one of those things that happens to everyone, I was head over heels for that girl.

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>>17935859
The worst part is that she wouldn't give a single fuck about me.