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I've been close with this girl for a long time. She's a bit withdrawn and spends most of her days staying in on her own unless she really must go out. We haven't met for a while (though I try to and sometimes she does too), but throughout the day we keep close text contact. We're not sappy or flirty or anything, but every now and then it shines through that we do care about each other. Over time I've grown very fond of her, kind of like being interested but not exactly like most of what you see around here.
Details aside, a relative of hers passed away recently. She told me she was going to step back for a while and not text anymore in general. Sent her a supporting message telling her I'd be there if she needed me, gave her space, but felt worried for how she was doing.
So a few days after that I asked her how she was doing. She completely blew me off with a "fine", a few matter-of-fact and single-word answers and stopped responding when I got the hint. That's the last I've heard of her for quite a while now.
I'm bad with loss, both on the receiving and the supporting end. I care for her and want to be there for her in this rough time, but I have no idea what to say or do that I haven't said already and wouldn't seem like it makes things worse. She also doesn't open up to me and we're not in a position or relationship where I can just drop by unannounced and wave my magic wand to make things better.
What should I do?
Do I wait things out until she's comfortable enough to talk by herself, even though that feels like I'm giving her the idea the people close to her abandon her in a time of need?
Do I keep checking up, even though she doesn't open up and doesn't seem to like it one bit?
Do I try to talk like we used to, work around the elephant in the room to make her think about something other than the pain?
tl;dr recently grieving friend, how to support and act in general when you're a very close friend but contact is mostly over text
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Bump. It's not a >tfwnogf post for once, guys.
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>>17932026
As a girl it sounds like she goes through her own stuff.Maybe give her time while staying supportive. Has she any issues with depression or any kind of anxiety? Because I've been there as a girl, it reminded me of that.
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>>17932074
Yeah, she never actually called it depression, but I get the feeling that it's around. She also makes a big point of being introverted and tired a lot, so most of the time she hasn't got much energy for being social.
What do you mean by giving time while staying supportive? I understand giving her time and space, but how can I best stay supportive?
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>>17931049
I think we agree that you SHOULD NOT go to her place or something like this.
From there, trying to enforce conversation seems to be a bad idea, but you could still send her some sunshine kind of shit, a little text every 2 or 3 days just to get her a smile, without expecting any reactions wouldbe my go to.
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>>17932121
check up on her no and then,but dont be pushy. she has to know she has someone that cares. especially if she's psychologically not well. also you can try taking her out, do fun activities like hiking, exploring,photography, whatever. you get the point. something interesting that will keep her on the move. dont tell her "we are going there because you have to get out of the house" , but try to lure her in. what about that?
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