I posted this on another thread, but it doesn't seem to

>>17927501
If your fat, yea probably
If not, probably not

>>17927530
Not fat. Kind of weird looking though, mostly because I never learned how to try to be attractive. I mean I think my foundation is, you know, OK but I don't know how to wear makeup, do my hair, or dress to be attractive.

I don't get asked out often, but I find out down the line that guys used to have crushes on me.

But I can't imagine dating someone I'm really into and then telling them all of this. It's so rare to find someone my age that's available, cool, that I like, and who likes me back. So rare that it's yet to even happen.

>>17927501
nobody else? I was kind of expecting to get attacked

Seems like my current gf just that she is 10 years younger than you. If you are interesting then someone will want you. I know I wouldn't mind any of the things you described besides the cutting.

>>17927796
Is the cutting a dealbreaker even if it's int he past? I haven't done it in 10+ years, don't think it will ever be an issue again, though I do think about it from time to time.

I think that 10 years is pretty crucial.

>>17927804
It would depend on what kind of person you are for me. I wouldn't say it's an instant redflag. For me it's mostly how the scars look.

>>17927827
I see. thanks anon.

How's the rest of your life? Do you have a steady job? Do you take care of yourself for the most part. I mean cook for yourself, keep a tidy house, etc?

If the answer is yes then I don't think you're entirely screwed. Everybody has baggage.

>>17927546
>I don't know how to wear makeup, do my hair, or dress to be attractive.
There are many guides on YouTube about these. How do you think trannies learn to do makeup and hair?

>>17927866
Yes, my job isn't fantastic (40k a year), my education isn't fantastic (excellent high school student who dropped out of college due to depression, now has an associates and is looking to go back for a bachelors this year), shit apartment in the worst area of a (low crime, high expense) city though.

I'm not really happy with where I am, especially because a lot of my college friends have literally gone on to become lawyers, rocket scientists, and Ivy League professors. But I'm in a spot where I wouldn't be a burden on anyone.

>>17927869
I'm working on it. It takes practice. I don't think a lot of men realize that it's not as simple as just rubbing some shit on your face. A lot of times I try putting on makeup before I go out, it comes out looking awful, and I wash it all off and go out plain.

>>17927932
You sound like you're doing somewhat alright then and I think that will go a long way. Just stay optimistic about meeting someone. You aren't entirely screwed so don't give up.

>>17927972
I'm interested in someone now, but it looks like he may be quasi involved with someone so I feel like I shouldn't pursue it. But even before I found that out, my situation was paralyzing me from doing anything.

Like I said in my OP, I don't really get puppy love crushes. I think I really need to feel like someone is worthwhile and trustworthy for me to even think about approaching them with all my shit, so once I pass that threshold, I'm pretty much already in deep. It's going to suck to force myself to move on. Sometimes I wonder if it's even worth bothering with. I really wish I could go back to being 20 and not giving a fuck.

>>17927501
At your age and level of experience don't think in terms of typical teenage dating games. A more likely route is friends-to-lovers.

Widen your circle of friends, if need be, and do a lot of group activities. With luck, you and some man in the group will gravitate toward each other, just as particularly enjoy-each-other's-company friends. If he doesn't eventually ask you out, you ask him.

>>17928669
Thanks anon, though I don't think I want to pursue someone who may be involved with someone else regardless of my age. In this case, it seems like he's still heavily involved with an ex girlfriend and I don't want to 1) set myself up to get rejected and 2) interfere.


I am trying, but making friends does not come easily to me and has not been an overnight process. I will keep at it.

>>17927501
Not screwed. Just bipolar. You are basically a ten year older version of my ex.

If you switch between "love" and out of it in an instant, and you will, it is cruel to drag someone into a so called relationship with you.

But hey: You can try sleeping around. Nothing wrong with that.

ps: Let me guess - you had a bad childhood as well, perhaps even a trauma, havn't you?

>>17929745
I don't switch in and out of love. I just tend to go from the intrigued phase to the in love phase, I guess, but once it's there, it's hard for me to let it go.

There's been 3 men: one in my early 20s when I was still a bit in denial about wanting sex and romance so it didn't go anywhere, one in my late 20s who got me to come to terms with these feelings but wasn't interested in me back, and the one I'm interested in now, who is basically the second guy v 2.0.

I've thought about going on Tinder and banging some guys for the life experience or going on Craiglist and point blank saying I want a boyfriend for 3-6 months and then we break up so I have some relationship history and experience. But I don't know...I like the idea of having sex and a relationship with someone I care about, it's not appealing to me with a stranger or someone just acceptable. I'm just afraid those guys I care about won't want anything to do with a 35 year old virgin weirdo.

>>17929745
Oh, and I don't know if I would say I had any trauma. My dad was kind of weird and maybe did stuff that was inappropriate (watched porn with me in the room, may have tried to start a sexual relationship with my sister, etc), but I don't feel like I'm a rape victim or child abuse survivor or anything.

>>17927501
Yeah 35 is a pretty bad age for this stuff.
My wife was pretty much exactly like you but I met her when she was 21, so that's different.
But just you know someone out there might give you a chance and not even be a desperate creep.
You probably should be open about your asexuality and become friends with men first before trying to get into a relationship, so you weed out the ones just wanting to get into your pants, also it's easier to accept your past if you're "just a friend".

>>17929745
Borderline, not bipolar. Bipolar is much steadier and the phases last longer.

>>17927501
Oh my god. You're a fucking unicorn!!! Where do you live?

>>17930437
Yeah, 21 seems completely acceptable, if a bit unusual, for this stuff. 35 seems kind of horrifying to me.

I wish I had sorted my shit out much earlier. I moved around a lot when I was younger and didn't have many close friends. I think I needed some close friends before I could start admit to myself and to them that I had feelings towards them. I don't get crushes on random strangers and acquaintances.

Part of me hopes someone will find understandable and maybe even endearing, like I'm special, but realistically I know that probably will never be the case and I can only hope it's just not an auto-reject.

>>17930475
I'm in Austin, but if being a 35 year old virgin is exciting to you, you're not for me. Someone specifically wanting someone because they're a virgin is a bit creepy to me.

>>17930485
>tfw I live 15 000km away
Btw I was just kidding. You're as bormal to me as any other girl. I'm not a /r9k/ retard

>>17930503
Sorry, I assumed it was a joke, but I am concerned that it exciting someone will be as big a turn off as someone being a jerk about it.

>>17930503
*normal

>>17930511
One thing more. Don't make your life objective getting a bf. things happen naturally. I'm sure one day you'll find love. It happens when you least expect. Best of luck.

>>17930544
Yeah, trying not to. I had a bit of a heartbreak with the second guy after he lead me on so I've been a little more fixated on it than usual because it feels like a new relationship would "fix" it.

>>17930555
*And I know that's not healthy or something that leads to a good relationship.

Well it's a plus that you're not divorced or a single mom like a lot of single women at that age.

>>17930653
Is that really worse?

>>17931005
Well I'm not him, but I'm seeing one right now as FWB.

She's great, really. I like her a lot. But it's pretty much a go all or go home scenario in that this either won't last, or I shore up and commit to something I won't be able to do.

A 35 yo virgin is interesting though. Usually the appeal to older women is that they have a lot of experience. But at the same time, it's really cool idea to walk a person through an new experience, sex or not.

>>17929952
you're not a weirdo, just had rough patches here and there.

I'm in Miami, I'd date you.

>>17931263
Should i ever get into a relationship, you think I should tell them? I was wondering if maybe I should just keep it to myself, at least at first, and use a dildo or something to "pop my cherry" in the meantime.

>>17931295
>keep it to yourself
not him, but meh..tell the truth. gotta be plenty of guys in Austin who would like to take you out to dance or something.. why not try a bar or saloon type country boy hangout? betcha finda feller to slow dance with.

>>17931317
may not lose your virginity, but you will feel nice being accompanied by a guy, will make you feel womanly.

>>17931317
>why not try a bar
alcoholic, maybe. I guess I could have added that to my list of red flags. In any case, I don't drink. I'm willing to go to bars, though I dislike that it calls attention to my not drinking.

>or saloon type country boy hangout?
gross. i am more sci fi and dungeons and dragons

>>17931330
i don't like bars or drinking either.. but if a girl invited me to dance, I'd find it pretty heartwarming..

guess maybe you can try meeting peeps at local cons?

>>17931334
That's an idea. I don't usually go to cons because of the expense and lack of anyone to go with, but maybe I'll give it a shot. I should probably try to make some geeky friends first, I guess. I'm trying. Making friends does not come any easier to me than relationships.

>>17931346
hmm.. i avoid making friends usually.. desu, I'm in a perpetual state of wishing to be accompanied by a woman already (at 31 i feel similar) i don't use fb or social media, most apps i download i delete.

I feel like I close my doors more than I open them. But I guess it's because I'm tired of how full of shit dating apps are, and how cruddy a person I become using em. No success on any of em (no sex anyway, after years of using em).

I want peace of mind and an awesome gf.

Not Fucked at all femanon...

full disclosure didnt read much of everyone elses replies, but im fucking brutally honest so, ya know here we go:

post 40 females are not in high demand, guys think that women can just walk outside and pull dick anywhere, and that may be the case when they are normal or attractive in their 20's

if you appear to be on the younger side of 30 than you are prime for a good time bar hopping and getting the kinks out of your game. make an ass of yourself as often as you can they are learning opportunities

go to Sephora get a makeover, have your prettiest friend help you too, also sephora apparently does free shit on your birthday(thanks bb for useless info so i can help strangers on the internet)

if you have friends odds are one of them takes care of themselves, confide in them for assistance, most people will help. especially if they are friends. if not, hey theyre not that bad in short bursts. shrug* befriend them

But i think the key is to make an effort, effort is truly underrated. men of your age will appreciate your quirky nature and your effort.

if i can underline and bold something however id say stay away from anyone who gives you any kind of positive reaction to the fact that you are a virgin... telltale sign hes fucking weird or a pedo or something undesirable ... the correct response should be along the lines of "oh,[taken a back]... its fine or it doesn't bother me.

also what state do you reside? it could help geographically speaking.

>>17931355
I feel you on the dating apps. I try, but I just can't get interested in someone that quickly no matter how compatible we seem or how much in common we have.

Then I'm stuck between trying to stick with whoever it is and hope feelings develop or cut it off early before anyone gets hurt, and I always choose the latter.

I feel like I can't be honest with the people I meet like that anyway. I even once made a fairly long term friend from OKCupid and still felt like the friendship never progressed beyond shallow early shit. I never felt like I could open up or be myself around him.

I've all but given up on them. I want to be around someone who makes me feel comfortable and secure.

>>17931346

I think the key is to just... let go. One thing that makes having friends and maintaining friendships hard is if you start to second guess and analyze every little thing. I.E. "What did he mean when he said that I'm 'quirky'?? Does he mean I'm weird? I'm going to be more careful about I say..." This kind of anxiety is self-defeating and will just make you feel even more self-conscious.

Make a serious effort to recognize that people are generally casual and don't have ulterior motives or negative intentions and you'll find that you'll be able to relax more which in turn drops you guard a bit. If you relax your guard, other people will relax theirs and you'll be able to connect better.

>>17931369
I'm in Austin, Texas.

>>17931373
That is a good point. I'm going to my gaming group tomorrow and there is one much younger guy who often seems to dislike me, though I like him just fine. Maybe I'll just interact with him like he's my friend regardless of his prickly demeanor.

>>17931361
I think I look much younger than I am, but who knows.

I think part of the issue is that I don't just want a dick, I want a relationship. I have no doubt I could lose my virginity if that's all the end goal was.

Yes, I would be creeped out if someone was excited by my virginity. I am absolutely hoping for someone to be surprised but then accepting, but not excited or bewildered. I think I fear someone will be disgusted or alarmed.

>>17931382
it's not disgusting, it's only disgusting in your mind.

I have a friend, she's 25 or so, she's a virgin, and even has a skin disease that's contageous. And yet, I think of all the women I've met through the years, she's one of the greatest, like top 3 easily. She's Christian like me.. but I think if I was near her, we wouldn't be very Christian in practice, probably be all over each other.

For every generation you feel you missed out on, there is opportunity to relive it eventually. Gotta be someone out there good for you.

>>17931407
aaand, yes, it's okay to want a relationship. it's the most normal thing..

>>17931432
Thanks, anon.

>>17931521
I hope you find someone worth it.. someone who appreciates you, and sticks by you.

nothing of those things are really important.
As long as you have an ok face (6 or even 5/10) and are not overweight, you'd be attractive to someone.

>>17931585
I think I'm a 5, maybe a 4. I think I have polarizing looks though (short hair especially). Sometimes I hear about how ugly and masculine I am and sometimes I hear that I'm gorgeous and sexy. Celebrities I get compared to the most are Harry Potter and Winona Ryder, so make of that what you will.

>>17932317
eh.. doesn't seem so bad, to be honest giving your circumstances I don't think it would be hard to get people interested in you, the problem would be keeping them around.
Also remember that wanting a relationship doesn't entitle you to one.

>>17932331
Good point. Thanks

>>17931361
>if you have friends odds are one of them takes care of themselves, confide in them for assistance, most people will help. especially if they are friends. if not, hey theyre not that bad in short bursts. shrug* befriend them

She needs to ask her friends how to buy a vibe?