My boyfriend is a wonderful person. I'm approaching my thirties

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>>17925375


>How can I ensure that I fulfil all his relationship needs and continue to keep the relationship awesome, while also working through my temporary slump?

Stop right there. I know you're approaching your thirties so at this point you have to know that perpetual happiness is not the key to a succesful relationship.

If he isn't able to hang with you through life's ups and downs then this isn't the right guy for you. I'm not saying that making an extra effort to inject positivity in your relationship during this trying time is a bad idea. I'm just saying don't get caught up in this "Oh I'm so lucky to be with him, oh I hope he doesn't hate me." mentality that you forget to focus on yourself and invest all of your energy into pleasing him.

A good relationship with a good partner means that you can focus on yourself without having to worry that your partner is going to run away as soon as things get tough. It takes a bit of trust and a lot of communication.

Its okay to feel shitty. Communicate with him. Tell him everything you just told us. Do your best to be positive but don't sacrifice yourself to accomplish it.

If this guy is as great as you say he is, he'll completely understand.

If he's a piece a shit he'll make you feel guilty for being stressed and temporarily unavailable.

You need to work on becoming emotionally stable and healthy. If talking to him about your problems doesn't help, you can always get therapy. Talking out your problems can do a lot to make you feel better and then you can work on improving your situation. I have a close friend who deals with anxiety problems and I always let her vent to me and listen. She gets really calm near the end and it makes her feel better. I am sure the same can help you.

>>17925386

Thanks - you're awesome.

I'd never sacrifice my own mental health just to keep a relationship, regardless of how great it is. The point I was trying to make was that I don't feel shitty because he isn't putting the effort in, it's just because I'm in a bit of a negative cycle.

You're right though, a relationship should last through the good bits and the bad, without negative influence. I just need some advice on how to get a grip without it becoming extremely damaging.

>>17925375
Let him know how you're feeling. Give him the gift of the opportunity to take care of you for a while.

>>17925375
Don't worry OP, everyone goes through rough patches, both personally and in the relationship

Just tell him you are stressed out, and apologize in advance in case you get overly snappy

Just the fact that you are self reflective enough to realize your personal issues might affect him is proof that you are a keeper.

>>17925398

Thanks for this :)

We travel to work together and I'm pretty sure I use this time to talk to him about my thoughts - essentially like my therapist. It's usually a long rant about my job or how I feel about myself, but this almost definitely isn't attractive and is probably quite draining for him. Perhaps I should look elsewhere to vent (the venting thread?) rather than spending wind down time talking about stressful things.

Therapy isn't really necessary for me at the moment, as I'm pretty sure it's just a combination of the holidays, eating badly and feeling negative. Hopefully I'll pull myself out of it in a few weeks, I just don't want to ruin anything in the meantime.

>>17925375
quit job and start making babies, your ovaries will dry up and you will always regret not having little cute children who will take care of both of you when you get old.

>>17925427

Nice suggestion but I don't think either of us are desperate for children and I'd rather work up in my current field before taking any breaks anyway. I can only imagine having children at this stage would make my stress higher and my lifestyle less enjoyable.

My job isn't bad at all, just unfulfilling at times. I think this has been highlighted after having two weeks off.

>>17925419
Therapy isn't something that you only need as a last resort or when things are bad. It is a very useful tool even when you are in a good place emotionally. It allows you to be honest about yourself to yourself and prevents you from holding any emotional baggage since it allows you to unload it before it gets heavy. It's nice to talk about your feelings whenever they occur and to not bottle things up. Consistently talking to someone whether it be a therapist or someone else is important for your own emotional and psychological well-being. The only problem is it costs a lot. Therapists cost a lot of money and it can be burdensome if you only unload on one person a lot. The key is to diversify.

I am a person that loves it when people confide in me. I love listening to people's stories and feelings, etc. and even it tires me sometimes. If your boyfriend is like me, don't hide all your feelings from him. Just don't drown him in them. Find people you trust to confide in and spread the burden, and then take some of the burden from others.

Ideally, what you want is to not feel the need to vent a lot. When a long rant comes out, it means you are bottling stuff up. You want to prevent the build up of raw emotion by leaking it out. Just keep in mind that hiding and burying your feelings don't make them go away. It just makes them stronger and they will consume you.

I'd suggest talking to your boyfriend about it and see where he stands. He might enjoy being able to be your emotional support and it might make your relationship stronger by being there for each other.

>>17925435
sure, but the window for having kids will soon be closed and you will still need 20 years to raise them and 20 years of them to take care of you until you die, if you want more of them then you need at least 10 years to give birth to 3 children. Considering that you are already so old I would say that you most likely wont have anyone to take care of you and to sincerely love you when you get old. Better start planing that suicide in you 50s, OP.

>>17925459

Already planned, but thanks for the suggestion.

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>>17925459
She's not gonna take you seriously, m80.
Women like this aren't willing to accept these facts until it's too late and then they end up being even more bitter than /r9k/.

>>17925375
>How can I ensure that I fulfil all his relationship needs and continue to keep the relationship awesome, while also working through my temporary slump?

Communicate what you're struggling with to him, while continuing to work toward solutions that help you mitigate your depression, including active exercise, a healthy diet and enough sunlight. Men are very emotional creatures, probably more so than women. If you try to identify your behavior when it's happening, and call it out, you can mitigate it, and make sure to encourage him to be open in communication with you if it affects him.