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I've posted numerous times about my situation on this board and everyone has called bullshit on me and given no thought into helping me, but I want to give it a try again. I'm 18 years old, and he is 18 too. We're both guys. I met him when I was 13 and he was pretty much the only friend I got along with, and I was really drawn to him. I talked to him and pestered him every day at school and immediately messaged him as soon as I got home. This lasted for a few years and then I made some new friends and didn't see him as much, and after I stopped hanging out with the new friends I started trying to talk to him again but he made a new friend that he was talking to and so he had no room for me.
Since then, I have been utterly obsessed with him. I tried to talk to him and be friends again by initially messaging him on various social networks and platforms, by writing a (4.5k word, I'm autistic...) apology to which he replied and said he isn't mad at me... But whenever I tried to talk to him at any time in school, he always ignored me?
Anyway.. from that point on I got super obsessed with him. I would always follow him around and take photographs/video recordings of him (my folder consists of 8,000~ photos/videos across the years) and stalk any and all of his social media / internet presence. I only listen to the same music I know he listened to and like the same stuff he liked. It's been like that for years now but recently it's been getting really out of hand.
I make it a habit to wait and follow him home every single day we're at school. I have been outside his house a few times but I just wanted to look at it and not enter (yet). 3 weeks ago when I followed him home I got overcome by my urges and felt and grabbed his butt a bit while he walked..
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>>17923458
He didn't turn around or anything and continued to talk with his brother but crossed the road as fast as possible. I ran across the road and followed him for a little bit and eventually came to my senses and walked home. In that moment I felt totally euphoric and as happy as I have ever been, even now I can totally remember how it felt. He reported the action to the school and to the police along with all of my messages (inappropriate/lewd, saying how I would love to fug him and [spoiler]mutilate[/spoiler]) and the school took action against it.. I can't talk to him again or I'll be expelled and get a criminal conviction (according to them, that is.)
And so, I seen him today, for the first time in 2 months and my emotions are running wild. We got back to school, it was lunchtime and I was walking out to buy lunch and I seen him walking in. He looked towards me with an annoyed expression and then turned away immediately and kept giving me glances back. It made me feel really nice that he cared enough to look back at me, even though he shouldn't. Well, anyway.. I feel as though it's just a matter of time I do something impulsive again and possibly get a conviction / ruin mine, or his life.
I have extremely super strong feelings for him that won't fade over any amount of time and spring up randomly that I want to get rid of. I've tried everything that I can that isn't consulting my parents about the issue (reporting it to the vice principal/referral to a counsellor) but they can't give me the support I need to overcome it, or rather I do not believe I can overcome it and I am going to end up raping or harming him.
pls help and I am terrible at writing in paragraphs
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>4.5k word
Damn. That is quite literally just a little shorter than my final English essay I spent a whole week on.
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>>17923475
I put much more effort into it than I would an English essay. It's about a person very important to me, after all...
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It'll never work out.
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>>17923541
Yes, obviously. But I can't forget about him
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>>17923610
You're fucked.
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are u attractive op
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>>17923458
Just kill your time copy when you go back in time to obsess over him even more.
In all seriousness I could fug you from behind and you can pretend it's him
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If you're worried you might not resist your urges and do something bad then please seek help before you ruin your life. It's good that you realized that you have literally 0 chances with him, but I'm worried about what you might do if he gets a gf or something like that.
Unhealthy obsessions are OK, I've had one myself for two years but your situation is clearly beyond that.
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