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I am going to describe my situation and I am wondering if anyone can relate. It has to do with social anxiety and popularity.
>Part 1 of 2
I can sometimes be super awkward and sometimes I can be really cool. But I am really afraid of saying something and then people pretend like they don't hear it or not really care and that holds me back a lot. If I say something and people laugh and there is a positive reaction I snowball and become super outgoing and very cool for a while, until the conversation dies down and I have to go back to working up the courage to say something for the first time. I've been like this for a long time and I have always been super aware of myself probably too much. I really overthink simple social interactions and the ways people react to me. Because I don't want to seem like I'm trying too hard to be cool or them to say some shit like "youre weird" or "chill out" in order to make themselves seem better than me and improve their social standing in a group of people. The thing is I am actually pretty popular I just cannot consistently get to the relaxed and funny side of me and every once in a while I do some super awkward shit or at least it seems that way to me and I just obsess over it and just tell myself that I never want to feel like that again and over time that has made me afraid to say anything at all. I feel like if I stay quiet because I am scared people can tell that and do not think it is just because I am deep in thought or that I really care about my phone. I hate attention when I am like this though when I get in the groove I am the center of attention. I just cannot get over shit from the past and little times I fucked up a conversation or relationship.
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>Part 2
There is another thing though because recently I got my hands on xanax from a friend and when I took that it was like nirvana. If you have never done it it is like you are watching the movie of your life. You just do not give a fuck and you are so detached you just want to have fun. It is one of the best feelings ever and I never thought I would want to care so little about my life. You just forget shit so fast and it can actually end up in you losing stuff but you dont even care or remember until you are sober. When I am on like 2-2.5 mgs I am just so chill and socially competent. The first time I tried it I wanted to be able to be like that, maybe not all the time. I know drugs alter brain function so I do not expect to be able to replicate it exactly. It is just the best feeling I forget about all the shit I fucked up in the past and I am just the coolest fucking dude. So basically I have been like this for a long time and I am wondering if anyone has had similar problems and can help me be more carefree. Be like the me on xanax or while in strobe lights. Im just wondering if there is like a simple trick or philosophy to remember that can help me. Like just a sentence that I can think of when I am so fucking scared to talk its pathetic. Someone is probably gonna say that there is no trick and that I have to earn it or some shit which may be true and thats fine. Thanks.
TLDR: I want to feel like I am on xanax all the time how do I forget about little shit from the past and be cool. Any tips appreciated.
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>>17917498
Holy fucking god
Trim this the fuck down
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>>17917498
OP if that is you in the pic I want to suck your cock
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>>17917516
I just wanted to be specific I put a TLDR but yeah I could cut most of this post
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>>17917517
No its Danny Duncan
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