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So I just found out everyone in my workplace, where I've

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So I just found out everyone in my workplace, where I've been working for 4 years, have a whatsapp group without me (and without a couple more people) and are meeting for drinks after work nearly every day, and have had trips together and parties.
I always felt I was on good terms with them because we say good morning and sometimes joke near the coffee machine, but apparently I am being shunned. Is there any way to change this and become part of the group or is my social life beyond rescue as long as I stay here? (at least 6 more years)
>>
Just do what you do. Why would you want part of a group that didn't invite you into their clique? You have friends outside of work right, anon?
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>>17911894
Definitely have my own friends, but it feels weird that I keep working with all these people every day now that I know they're actually all friends except me.
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>>17911894
>>17912186
And the highlight might be that they actually thing I'm a snub!
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What do you hope to gain?

Are your colleagues the kind of people you want to spend your free time socialising with or do you just want to be part of the group because you feel left out?
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>>17912338
Mostly feel humiliated by being left out, even people who joined last month are in the group, and I am being left out despite working there for years. But they always did seem like nice people I'd love to spend more time with, just thought it wasn't "a thing" in our workplace. Turns out it was a thing for everyone but me
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>>17912345
I understand how you feel and I have experienced similar scenarios myself. There is no reason to feel humiliated. Nobody is laughing at your expense.

Now personally I just let it go. I've got my own life to live. However if you do want to be part of their group then pay attention to other peoples behaviour. What do they do different to you?

Are they more social? Do they arrange plans at work? Do they take casual risks? (e.g "Hey Lucy why don't you, me, Rob, and Becky go to a bar after work?") Are they more entertaining to be around? Do they socialise more at work?

Then just gradually develop that character. Grow into the scenario you want out of it.
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>>17912365
You are right in saying they are probably not doing this to mock me, but still a huge hit to the ego, especially as I consider myself a pretty friendly person.
Maybe I should give it some thought and see I there's any point in joining their group. Since I feel it will be very odd at this point, to the point of making everyone uncomfortable.
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>>17911870

I wish I had your position. I hate being social with others, I fake all my conversations, I hate parties, I don't care about social cues and circles and all this bullshit.

But.

I can't stop being invited to do things, people constantly asking me about my private business and shit. I never tell them anything truthful but they believe ever word from me.

Everyone whines about no friends, no this and that. But I want to have people leave me the fuck alone why does this happen to be, answer me that OP...
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>>17912375
It is possible that the amount of attention you perceive as too much, others perceive as too little, otherwise perhaps you have a friendly environment who is trying to help you, not realizing you are being unsociable by choice rather than circumstances.
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>>17912371
>Since I feel it will be very odd at this point, to the point of making everyone uncomfortable.

I would feel exactly the same way but its irrational. Unless you have terrible social skills and come across creepy you've no reason to consider someone elses comfort. It isnt your concern.

In my experience in watching other people socialise at work the problem isn't that it "would be odd" it's that you believe it would be.
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>>17912375
>humble brag
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>>17912393
I understand what you are saying, but I do socialize with them a little, we joke around the coffee machines, sometimes talk about politics, but nothing too major. I think it will be really odd if I suddenly ask to join their whatsapp group and events after I've been out of it for 4 years
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>>17912566

Take baby steps then. Go at a pace you feel comfortable but be prepared to strike when the opportunity presents its self. If someone mentions the group ask to join it.
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>>17912581
Good plan, hopefully they aren't actively hiding it from me (but in that case I won't be interested in joining anyway).
Thank for the advice
Thread posts: 15
Thread images: 1


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