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I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend, I'm

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I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend, I'm talking different countries. I live in America, he lives in Britain. If everything works right we are planning on moving in and eventually marrying in America, but that won't be for a few years. We take turns visiting each other every year until than, it isn't easy saving up the money but we make it work. But recently he's been talking a lot with this other girl online and they get along so well, he says he used to have feelings for her but is over her yet they remain very close friends. Should I be concerned? The other girl has a boyfriend too, so I hope I'm being paranoid.
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>>17905024
You're not being paranoid. You need to talk to him about this and express your concerns. It is very easy to emotionally cheat when you're in an online relationship and if he's truly not over her he needs to tell you and break things off.
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>>17905024

Seeing each other once a year isn't a relationship, its a fantasy. Expect very soon that he's going to start craving a real relationship, or if not a real relationship at least another new and exciting online relationship to replace the old one he's in now.

The catch 22 of this situation is that you're right to be paranoid yet he's also right for subconsciously taking steps to distance himself from this delusional relationship you're both entangled in.

I don't mean to be too harsh, or even imply that ALL long distance relationships are meant to fail but seeing each other once a year while planning to marry and move in years down the road? Sweetheart, you're fooling yourself if you think that's a real relationship.
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>>17905024
You being concerned or not depends on what kind of person your boyfriend is, the quality of your relationship, and how you react to this. It's very similar to a non-LDR, except that emotions/anxiety/jealousy all tend to run higher in a LDR. The most basic advice I can possibly give is to just talk to him. Explain to him exactly how what he's doing makes you feel. It will probably be awkward or embarrassing, but commitment in a relationship means you need to be able to have those kinds of conversations. A LDR takes a lot more work and sacrifice, and part of that is not doing things to worry your partner, even if they're things you'd do if you were both in the same place.

Ideally, I'd say the best option is for him to communicate with this friend less. But realize that you need to be willing to make similar sacrifices to what you're expecting from him.

>>17905303
I've been in a LDR from North America to Europe for 5 years, very similar to the OPs situation. Yearly visits, usually for a few weeks or months, planning to move to North America in the next few years. It is completely do-able, if both partners are genuinely committed, just like any long-term relationship. Just because you wouldn't tolerate it doesn't mean that others can't. Saying "just break up" is usually the most useless, condescending relationship advice you can give. Is a LDR ideal? No. But it isn't "fake" like you seem to think.
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>>17905024
The thing to realize is that people form crushes on other people all the time, even if they are already committed to someone else. As long as he's not the kind of person to pursue things on impulse, he'll likely stay committed to you. The other thing is too, in order for the worst to happen, both that girl and your boyfriend would have to be impulsive enough to leave their relationships for a new one.

I speak about this from my own experience. The two relationships I've had were long distance and I've formed crushes on other girls in both the last and current relationship. Usually with girls I seem to get along very well with. Of course, I've remained committed in all instances but I've struggled to prevent myself from talking to some of these other girls (never flirted or anything though (I don't even know how to flirt)). I've experienced a sense of guilt but it's a perfectly natural thing to happen; there's a plethora of people most people would be compatible with and you'll encounter them. I'm also certain these kind of situations occur even outside of long distance.

It seems the best thing to do would be discuss with him how you feel about it if it bothers you enough. I don't recommend getting him to stop messaging her; I think that's crossing a line. I think you'll be fine.
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>>17905024
At first I was like wait what the fuck did I write this?! I'm American and my boyfriend is British too. We just started this long distance thing and its been hard as fuck. How long has it been for you guys?
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>>17905024
>I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend

total mistake

these things like 99% end in failure total miserable failure

date somebody in real life you can see in person
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>>17906261
Most relationships end in miserable failure. Don't say "it isn't possible" just because it isn't possible for YOU.
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