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There's this girl from tinder that I've been seeing

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There's this girl from tinder that I've been seeing for a few months. I just kissed her on the last date... the problem is, it isn't going very well. I'm not really attracted to her physically and I feel she doesn't like my assburger, awkard, lacking confidence personality. To be honest, I mainly kept dating her because I'm a virgin and it's not like I have other girls lining up for me (I'm pretty attractive physically but as you can guess I'm terrible with girls, so this is the farthest I've got aside from some drunken kiss), so I said eh why not.

It's been some two weeks from our last date and she doesn't write, I'm not sure if she even likes me. Should I continue this or go back on tinder and try my luck again, this time with more positive experience?
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>>17903591
Lol nice rare pepe card.

Do both, Keep on milking her all you can to get exp out of it. Just try out new prespectives, say things you've never dared of saying to girls due to insecurity. You're never gonna see her again soon, right? Just troll!
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>>17903610
>Keep on milking her all you can to get exp out of it
Lol dude, dating isn't some RPG where you get experience every time you go out or talk to a girl. Because of this very mentality you will not enjoy dating, it will feel like a chore and you will act like a sperg. If the only reason you're pursuing a girl is for "exp" then you should really stop it.

Never pursue a girl you're not attracted to. Nothing good will come out of it.
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>>17903629
>dating isnt some RPG

Real life is basically runescape. The more time you grind a given activity the better you get at it. Helped me get over anxiety, and made me better at math. Also Ebay is the GE.
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>>17903629
actually I'm glad I've dated her, it's better than doing nothing and I thought she's pretty cool to talk to, even if she's not exactly the girl of my dreams
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>>17903643
Man that's just sad. Going to dates to be better at dates. Somehow you people forgot that dates are about having fun and meeting people, not about whatever you think is it you must practice. Do you have fake friends you talk and hang out as practice for finding real friends?

This kind of fake interaction will only make you bitter and unsatisfied. You're not practicing shit, you're only wasting your time, energy and nerves. Dating isn't math, or woodcutting. You can't treat it as a runescape stat.
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>>17903643
This guy gets it.

>>17903696
It makes life funner to see it like a game. Chill out
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>>17903696
>you can't treat it as a runescape stat
You can't treat anything broad as a runescape stat, but specific skills sure. First time I fingerbanged a girl I was terrible. Now I'm not. Its pretty clear cut.

>>17903715
>Makes life funner [sic]
Also this (cantwakeup.jpg)
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>>17903696
Well I don't see what's so wrong with that? I don't see why you can't do both, that is go out to have fun with people AND practice your social skills - and God knows my social skills do need practice.

If I only went on dates to have fun I would probably never leave my house because I'm inexperienced in it and therefore it feels really stressful.
t. OP
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>>17903779
>I don't see why you can't do both
>If I only went on dates to have fun I would probably never leave my house
Don't you see the problem here?

it doesn't feel stressful because you're inexperienced, it feels stressful because of your mentality, because you see it as a skill you're bad at. Until you let go of this way of thinking you'll always see it as scary and stressful. Think about it, why does it really seem stressful to you? It's because you think you have to act a certain way. You think you have to do certain things, say certain things, impress your partner and so on. And that's also why you see it as a skill you can improve.

I've been in your shoes, I tried to "learn" how to make girls like me. I tried to practice my conversational skills, tried to look for what makes girls tick and what turns them off, even looked into PUA bullshit. But, as I later realized all I did was come off as insincere and needy. And I was anxious as fuck, talking to girls always felt like a chore, like a test to me. You can tell me you're glad you did it all you want, but knowing I did and thought the same things as you I'll never agree to that.

And all I had to do to make it fun was stop giving a shit about all of it. Stop caring if they like you. Stop caring if you say the right thing. Stop trying to appear in a certain way. Do it for you, to have fun, to meet people you like. Of course, some girls will be turned off instantly. But this is good, because it wouldn't have worked in the long run anyway. When you act naturally you polarize and this is great. Girls who'd normally like you would like you even more, girls who wouldn't get out of your life immediately so you don't waste your time on hopeless chases.

>"just b yurself" doesn't work when you're a disgusting creep who turns everyone off
Then change who you are, don't try to change only how others perceive you.
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>>17903839
A+ post.
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>>17903839
Well.
There's nothing wrong with practising your conversational skills.
>Until you let go of this way of thinking you'll always see it as scary and stressful.
That's not true, you get used to uncomfortable situations by exposure to them. That's what I need to do as I'm scared of rejection and meeting girls.
>Do it for you, to have fun, to meet people you like
But I did it for myself and I don't see anything wrong with it, it's a new interesting experience.

I'd rather try to live my live actively (as I'm late to the party anyway) than worry that I'm not 100% convinced about something and therefore should stop doing it and proceed to go back to bed and never leave it again. I'd rather try to improve than worry that I'm not being myself enough.

>Then change who you are, don't try to change only how others perceive you
I try. But it needs practice. I've been passive all my life, you know. I'm tired of that.
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>>17903591
First of all, why tinder?

why can't you just go to a bar, buy a beer to some lady and chat?
Cmon, it's not that hard. I know the first time will be a train wreck, but subsequent times will come natural.

And it's much better than tinder.
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>>17903839
>then change who you are

by grinding my weak stats :^)
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>>17904186
My point was that there's absolutely no reason why dates should stress you out, it's only your own mind that does that. does that, your view on the matter. Dating isn't something you have to practice, it's something you should simply enjoy. Like a videogame. You don't grind Runescape stats so you can enjoy it when you reach a certain level, the grind itself is the fun. Grinding Runescape stats does not stress you out. It's about the journey, not the destination.

Right now, your main reason for doing it is getting better at it. You see dating as something you must get better at in order to truly enjoy it. But all you need to do in order to enjoy it is to relax and stop seeing it as a test. Again, it's not math, it's not a skill you must acquire. It's a pleasant activity.

When you date for the sole purpose of getting better at it you reinforce the idea that dating is a trial. Yes, you will get used to it the same way you will get used to taking job interviews, but you will never experience that true freedom and satisfaction you can feel by just going there and being yourself. Yes, it is an interesting experience even in the way you see it, it's novel and you learn something from it. But is this the reason why people date? Of course not, we do it because we have pleasant interactions with people we're attracted to. We connect with them, we enjoy their company, we share stories and ideas, we learn to love them.

(cont)
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>>17904186
>>17904578
>worry that I'm not 100% convinced about something
Isn't that what you're doing now? Worrying that what you say and do when dating is not good enough? Trying to learn how to do the right thing when on a date? You're saying that you shouldn't worry that you're not being yourself. Well if you were yourself you would never worry about it. But right now you're not being yourself because you're worried about good enough for others, which in my opinion is much worse than worrying about being yourself. Improving yourself, changing yourself is not about becoming better in the eyes of other people. It's about becoming better in your own eyes without needing external approval. That's how you live a happy life, how you find a partner you "click" with, a partner who improves your life. By becoming a person you're proud to share with the world without any kind of insincerity, knowing fully that not everyone will accept you, not by learning what and when to say and do in order to please others.


If you don't take anything from my rants at least remember the following:
Go on dates, interact with girls, but do it for the sole purpose of having fun, not for any ulterior reason. It will make you happier and more attractive. It will make you seem more confident and less awkward.
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>>17904578
>You don't grind Runescape stats so you can enjoy it when you reach a certain level
B-but I do
This, however, is also true:
>the grind itself is the fun.
>Grinding Runescape stats does not stress you out

>>17904586
>Improving yourself, changing yourself is not about becoming better in the eyes of other people. It's about becoming better in your own eyes
One doesn't exclude the other. I want to learn some new things and skills to be able to show others that I can, but it also makes me feel better about myself, knowing that I could. I'm not talking about dating now; examples include learning how to play a harmonica, cook something new, learn a foreign language better, or learn any other nice skill. It's a thing of ambition to me, but I like this drive. Accomplishing things makes me feel good.

Also
>Go on dates, interact with girls, but do it for the sole purpose of having fun, not for any ulterior reason. It will make you happier and more attractive. It will make you seem more confident and less awkward.
Yeah, I will think about it all. Thanks.

Ok I need to go to sleep now, it's 5 am in Euroland
Good night
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B
Thread posts: 18
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