How do I gain confidence? Everyone says to lift or work out,

>>17900842
>Everyone says to lift or work out, and that doesn't work.
>Going out more and talking to others doesn't help, either.

So bettering yourself AND practicing don't work. There's no other way to do this, mate. You must be doing something wrong.

>>17900851
So, what do I do exactly? I'm lifting fine. People come to me more and girls check me out/talk to me all the time, but I still stutter and mumble. I can look at a customer straight in the face, but never a girl or some stranger outside work.

>>17900859

Then practice talking. Identify what the problem is there: Why can't you talk to girls?

>>17900863
Nervous and low confidence. Once they poke fun at me that's when I feel really shitty.

Ever heard of fake it 'til you make it?

That's literally the only way to become confident.

Ask yourself what a confident person would do and do that until it becomes natural.

>>17900869
Okay. How do I stand up for myself? Whenever I do try to stand up for myself after somebody makes a remark, I usually just back down or talk too low. I feel really pathetic typing this, but I seriously need help with this. I'm 23 and others my age are way better off. I hate it.

>>17900842
Meditate 30 min upon waking and 30 min immediately before bed. Do this every day.

When alone, practice projecting your voice. Yell random shit, sing your favorite songs as best you can, go on articulate rants about crazy shit to no one. Focus on projecting your voice and saying things slowly and clearly.

Stop master bating. Cut out porn entirely, and forever. Stop fapping for 3 months straight, and from there never more than once every 2 weeks.

Combine these things with working out/lifting, going out, and having social interests and clubs you go to, and you'll make it. 100% guaranteed.

>>17900866
>Once they poke fun at me that's when I feel really shitty.

Does that happen often? Most people don't poke fun at each other with mean intentions. Either you are surrounded by assholes or you are being too sensitive.

>>17900879
I've.. actually been doing this for a month or so now. I talk to myself about 3 times a week, mainly yelling nonsense or trying to reason with my financial/relationship issues and meditate much more nowadays. I also cut out porn completely and fap less, too.

>>17900881
It always happens at work when a temp joins the team, to be honest. The temp co-worker is always a stuck up teenager and has a high-class lifestyle. I can't talk back too much because they have very close ties to the boss man.

>>17900897

But that's at your job. What about at the gym? Or in social gatherings? Why don't you flirt there?

>>17900859
not him but i dont know what more you can do. some people like yourself have been a hermit for so long that the social inept is deeply immersed in your psyche. one of friends is like you. i have my moments too. one of my methods to gain confidence is telling myself that im a beast. i think of all the cool shit i have done and it gives me a confidence boost. lifting gave me confidence when i was into it it but it doesent anymore because i hate the culture. i have gotten into more cardio based exercises, and i box a bit. honestly, reading, and learning about interesting stuff gives me more confidence than lifting. being able to talk about interesting stuff is more valuable than being able to lift heavy objects. also, most women here only really care about abs.

>>17900909
>Why don't you flirt there?

how do you even flirt? what do you say or do?

>>17900842
How long have you been lifting? What's your life like? How tall are you?

>>17900909
>gym
I work out alone but know a few people. Acquaintances.

>social gatherings
I think I talk okay there. But like I said, I don't make much eye contact and usually come off as the guy with a different opinion on the majority of things.

>>17900910
I was fine in my teenage years. Everyone liked me back then and I had no problem communicating. But I always did have an issue with standing up for myself when the time comes. I don't want to blame this, but I feel like the past few deaths of my close ones have messed me up partially.

>>17900917

Let's not go so fast. I'm asking about what happens on other environments outside your job. Without the spoiled teenagers, what plays against you there?

>>17900876
I can't stand next to you and tell you what to do all day. You need to come up with the answer.

>I usually just back down or talk too low
And what, in your mind, would a confident person do?

>>17900842
Acquire skills.
Go to a community college and learn to weld or something. You'll make welding friends and you can talk about welding together.

>>17900929

Sorry, are you this one too OP? >>17900917

So, the problem outside of work is that you don't seem to share the opinions of the majority then. How? Have some examples?

>>17900929
>s, but I feel like the past few deaths of my close ones have messed me up partially.

might be that. some stuff has happened to me and i havent mentally recovered from it.

im ok with talking to guys but most of the time i dont know what the fuck im doing with women.

>>17900930
i wasnt op sorry. i generally dont understand the concept of flirting. is it literally just telling a girl she looks nice etc? if im on a date i will tell a girl she looks nice so im wondering if that is flirting or just being nice

>>17900936
>>17900930
That is not me.

>>17900924
>how long
Lifted for two years. I enjoyed strength lifting but that messed up my back due to bad form, so now I just do a PPL and stay careful on lifts.

>life
I work 8 to 5, go home, lift/eat, meditate, and play my MMORPG. On my off days I either do absolutely nothing or clean my car. On rare occasions I spoil myself on buying things. Saturdays I normally go out with friends.

>height
5'11. 182 lbs if that matters.

>>17900935
I am learning many things at my current job, such as plumbing, electrical work, locksmithing, etc. None of those interest me anymore tbqh.

>>17900934
To stand up, but I literally cannot. I feel and sound weak when I do it. If it helps, I also have a very hard time expressing my feelings. Hell, even talking about myself to my very close ones makes me feel like a weakling. I can only do it with my parents when I visit them.

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>>17900948
It sucks, ma. one was my best friend's girlfriend. We weren't on the best terms, but I always tried to be her friend and she just hated my guts for no reason. A tree fell on her while she was going 60 MPH. She didn't die instantly, which is what scares me. The thing that scares me the absolute most is that they forced my best friend to see the collision photos. That fucked him up bad. Now all he does is smoke weed and shows no emotion. He used to be so outgoing, too.

>>17900958
>To stand up
And what does that entail

>I literally cannot
Can't or won't?

>I feel and sound weak when I do it
And if that's what you define as a non-confident response, a confident response would be the opposite, yes?

What is the opposite of quiet and weak?

>>17900953

No problem, got confused for a second. Without derailing OP's post, flirting is showing interest and making the other person interested in you. It's part advertisement/part show. The best comparison is dancing (and dancing is usually used to flirt).

You have to make the other person have fun, you have to show them you are having fun with them, and you have to tell them about yourself while learning about them.

It sounds complex, but it's basically "putting yourself out there". You usually need to talk, but dancing, playing an instrument, telling jokes, and other displays of your abilities (mental, physical or social) are a very big plus here.

So, to use your example. Telling someone they look "nice" can be an obligatory compliment. It can be a way to cheer them up because they look sad. Etc. It's not flirting unless you are using it to tell someone that you noticed them AND then follow it with something else. A compliment alone is not flirting. A compliment is a move during flirting.

>>17900958

Ok, but you didn't tell me why you feel you are the guy with a different opinion.

>>17900967
>And what does that entail
That I am weak.

>Can't or won't?
I know where you're going with this. Either way, won't.

>And if that's what you define as a non-confident response, a confident response would be the opposite, yes?
>What is the opposite of quiet and weak?
I'm not sure what you're going with this. Are you just saying to stop being a pussy? I've already tried what I think works, but those options are not helping me. It doesn't help the fact that I'm blaming all these silly reasons on my problems. Do you have a book I can read or something?

>>17900978
I can't really explain it well. It just feels like when I say something political in a political discussion, everyone just goes quiet when my opinion comes out.

>>17900989

Well, that's what I was going for. Politics and Sexuality are difficult topics for socially awkward people. Avoid them. Focus on amusing anecdotes and current events at first, just to break the ice. Don't get too personal, because it's hard to control tempers when things get heated. And both of us lack the social finesse to keep that kind of thing under control. So, focus on small talk!

>>17900979
>Are you just saying to stop being a pussy
No, I'm saying that all serious behavioral change is forced through habit. That confidence is not earned or justified, it is a habit that requires a starting point and perseverance before it becomes a natural part of who you are.

The reason I'm going through this is because what I deem to be a confident response and what you deem to be a confident response is surely different. You want to be confident by your definition, so only you can figure out what that means.

If you feel weak when threatened because your posture changes or your voice gets quiet, then stand taller and speak louder. It will feel unnatural. It will be difficult. It will feel wrong.

Does a confident person care what others think of him? To what degree? Does a confident person feel worthy of love? These are questions no one can answer for you.

It's the only way to become who you want to be: act like you're already that person and people will believe it.

Eventually you'll believe it too.

>>17901004
Okay, thank you. I'll try this and see what happens. Is there anything else to look into, like books or videos?

>>17901004
you know some people have mental problems that make it extremely difficult to do this kind of stuff right?