I cheated on my ltr boyfriend at a Christmas party over the holidays

Tell him, lying whore.
Then let him dump your low-value ass.

Tell him and break up. No relationship can survive from this, and if your bf try to stay together he has no spine.

>>17897213

Hnnng this is my fetish.

What did you do? Who was it with? What was the race of the guy you cheated with/whats the race of your bf? Will you do it again?

>>17897213
What in the literal fuck is wrong with you and people like you? Can't you just communicate with your spouse and resolve issues the mature way if you feel your needs are not being met? Can't you forgive and resolve to be loyal and dedicated to the one you are literally sharing your bed and bathroom with? God damn you don't deserve someone loyal. Tell him and leave, you have no dignity to do anything less.

>>17897222
>>17897215

I don't know if I can tell him! I don't want to make him feel worse than he already does.

>>17897224

I don't want to answer this I don't see how it's relevant.

>>17897234

Just tell me please I really need to know.

>>17897234
HE'LL FEEL WORSE ONCE HE FINDS OUT YOU'RE A LIAR
AND HE WILL FIND OUT
DUMP HIM HE DESERVES WAY BETTER THAN A LOW QUALITY HUMAN LIKE YOU

>>17897213
Idk, that is quite a sin. I respect you got a conscious to feel bad, some dudes/girls be hella savage and cheat with no prob.

If you respect your partner, they should know. If you guys continue on, this lie will be a faulty brick in the building of your relationship, and it will be worse in the future, especially if you guys get kids.

The other option is to not tell him BUT make it up to him with more loving devotion, but its mentally risky and stressful.

Idk mane

>>17897233

I made a mistake and I regret it but I don't see how that just disregards everything good I've done in my life. Cheating does not make someone a horrible person.

>>17897243
It makes you a cheater, however.

>>17897237

I was extremely drunk. I made out with a guy and when he led me to a room I and undid his pants I didn't say no. I wanted it in the moment but no I don't think I will do it again. The reason I did it is because my boyfriend is on medication which screws up his sex drive and he can't stay hard. I told him to try new anti depressants but he says these work the best for him and make him feel better than the other medication did. He's white, so am I. The guy I cheated with was I don't know. I think half white and Puerto/black.

>>17897240

He won't find out. There is literally no way he could.

>>17897243
>>17897251
This.
You did a horrible thing, which makes you a horrible person. Not owning up to it and lying is another bad thing to do, which makes oyu an even worse person. You're just looking for validation that what you did "wasn't so bad" but it was, really it was. And you as a person did a bad thing, which makes you a bad person. If you don't own up to it and tell the truth and accept the consequences of your actions, then that proves you're a shit person who will continue to lie and cheat because "they don't want to feel bad".

Loser.

>>17897255
The fact that you can keep that kind of secret without allowing to slip really tells what a deceitful, horrible person you truly are. Tell the truth and accept the consequences.

>>17897255
>I was extremely drunk
That makes it worse, it doesn't help your case at all, this is no excuse.

>>17897243
Prove it. Tell him and stop pretending that keeping it from him is for his benefit. It's for yours and you know it. You did wrong by your boyfriend and the values of loyalty and honesty that you had with him. Your behavior now is abhorrent and childish and cowardly. If you have an ounce of respect for him, you will tell him and accept the consequences of your shitty actions.

>>17897263
I mean, if you kill someone while drunk driving you will have an even worse sentence.

>>17897213

Don't tell him. I have cheated too and I told her out of "guilt." She got fat and lazy and depressed and she had a way more attractive friend but at the same time I felt regret so told her to alleviate my guilt and make myself feel better. It just made things worse. She didn't leave me but she hates my guts, it caused drama with her friends. Eventually I got so fed up I left her. Seriously. DON'T say anything. specially if you're financially co-dependent and moved in together. It will definitely make him more depressed. If he can't get it up, just get yourself off or consider cheating again but make sure you are careful not to get caught. That means use kik or another application to chat and then uninstall it before you go home.

>>17897266
Yes, take the advice of this guy. He's just like you - a cheating pos.

(sarcasm for idiots)

>>17897266

Thanks for not judging me. I don't plan to tell him. Your post basically made me think that is exactly what would happen it would just make things worse. I don't want to cheat again though but the guy keeps texting me I don't know what to say to him he wants to meet for coffee. He knows I have a bf and he does not care but I've never done anything like this before. My bf was my first and I have never experimented before besides this 1 indiscretion.

>>17897281
Then get the fuck off 4chan. You've made your decision, now lie in it and hope nothing bad happens. It will though. Probably not in any way you are thinking of, but it will.

>>17897281
Says thanks to the only person that validates her crappy behavior. God you're an idiot OP. Have fun living a miserable life.

>>17897281
So you just came here for confirmation? You sound like a awful human being, fuck off.

>>17897286

I don't understand why you're so angry I came here for advice not be judged by you and be called names. It's not your relationship it's mine.

>>17897281
>bf won't find out
>still texting person you cheated with
Holy fuck OP you are literally the dumbest person alive.

>>17897281
lol wow. you're gonna cheat again. at least be std free after this if you ever fuck your bf again.

>>17897293
Our advice was for you to tell the truth. You're doing everything and anything but.

This thread is 100% bait. Stop replying.

>>17897281
I'm a whore who can't keep it in her pants because my boyfriend's depression makes it hard for me to get my rocks off. I could have been an adult and told him about it but instead I decided to do what every other scumbag with no impulse control does, get drunk and fuck another guy. Oh, but now I'm sad and scared because I realized what I do cheaply threw away in a night of passion is actually what I wanted and needed all along. But I feel sad that I did this thing. But I'm not a bad person, I swear!

>>17897301
This is my party I can do what I want to!!!! Ahahhahababhabaa fuck you and calling bait, lol. As if anyone gives a fuck, right???? Like, ...Problem? U mad? Lololol fuck man... It's for the lulz anyway so which gives a fuckright?

>>17897293
Because you cherry picked the one piece of advice that ultimately makes you scum. You want to hide and pretend that your relationship is still honest and good after this? It isn't. Because of you. It's a fraud. A sham. A lie. Because of you.

>>17897213
Ignore the virgins. You made a mistake. Dont tell him. Just forget it happened. No big deal.

>>17897213
You should have switched the genders.

Now half these responses are gonna be from bitter /r9k/ers and guys waiting for responses on their "Did I fuck up my chances with this girl?" thread.

>>17897215
>>17897233
>>17897240
>>17897256
>>17897275
etc, etc.

Case in point.

ANYWAYS.

IMO? You should spend the next month or two doing your best to make him feel loved and adored. Then tell him, when you're ready(The sooner the better) that you wanted to prove you still love him even after what happened. Then tell him what happened.

But really? Leave him. What's there to do? You don't love the guy at his lowest, and he'll be there again one day. If you're a savage, just stop grooming, get ugly, get unpleasant and hopefully he'll dump you. That way you don't have to worry about his depression.

I know about this stuff from being friends with the dude in your situation. All of us realised it was for the best for him if we made him want to break up with his girlfriend before he found out she cheated.

>>17897302
She isnt a bad person. She did a bad thing that is all. Youre a judgemental fuck.

>>17897310
>virgins
>because we want her to tell the truth
kys

>>17897318
Virgin response

>>17897317
Out of all the advice she was given in regard to her cheating, she actively wants to hide it from her loyal spouse and responded positively to the one poster in this thread advocating for it. She is a coward.

>>17897310

Thanks

>>17897296

I have a passcode on my phone and I don't text when my bf is around and I deleted all the messages anyway

>>17897317
None of us want to think we are bad people, but in reality we are defined by what we do, not what we want to think about ourselves.

>>17897327
Yes,
Ignore the virgins!
Now instead of moving on somebody you don;'t like onto somebody you do and leaving him to live his own life, now you can be stuck with a person you don't love while texting the person you want to fuck while living an overall life of deceit! Sounds like great fun?

Isn't telling the truth much easier? Just dump the poor guy and move on.
I know you won't take this advice and this thread is probably bait, but not telling the truth will lead to misery.

>>17897213
well adjusted anon here

so you cheated on your boyfriend, that was a bad thing to do
I'm sure you're giving yourself a long hard look

you could tell your boyfriend about it, but I wouldn't
the longer your put off him finding out the less upset he is likely to be

"I slept with another guy last week" is a tangible threat
"I slept with a co-worker last year" isn't

honestly I can't see any purpose telling him would serve, it would just upset him
you did the wrong thing, accept the consequences yourself instead of running to him for moral support

>>17897341

That's not always true.

>>17897341
This. She wants to receive advice that will assuage her guilt and make her feel justified in her actions, whilst leading herself to believe it's for his benefit which is selfish. Like he is so weak of a man that he can't handle what the truth of what his relationship has become; a lie.

>>17897352
What is a relationship to you, anon?

>>17897314
So basically do anything to not accept guilt and reflect on what you've done.

DEFLECT

DISTRACT

BAIL

Gotta love women

>>17897255
Cut out your whole paragraph of bullshit and just keep the first line

I was extremely drunk

/thread

What actually surprises me is that you people still don't realize that women cheat.

No, I do not hate women I'm just pointing out a fact.

>>17897371

>Let's generalize an entire gender!

You're so fucking stupid. Bitter, /r9k/, kissless virgin who wants to shove his arbitrary morals down everyone's throats and thinks the way to get laid is by being a "nice friend" to a girl and sending her messages constantly and giving her gifts. Kill yourself.

>>17897377

Men cheat too, what's your fucking point?

>>17897378
So according to you, if someone is against lying and deceit, they are virgins.

Okay.

>>17897378
Is it arbitrary to expect respect, loyalty and dedication in even the toughest of moments, anon? Is it really so hard to want those things from someone you are investing years into?

>>17897371
Life's short.

Not everyone has time to meditate on their sins, pastor.

>>17897387
An unreflective life is a life unlived.

>>17897387
Say that again in 10 years if you live that long.

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>>17897378
>I have no refutation to his statements
>Better call him a virgin!
You devalue women more than he ever could hope to.

>>17897378
ad hominem
ad ˈhɒmJnɛm/
adverb & adjective
adverb: ad hominem; adjective: ad hominem

1.
(of an argument or reaction) directed against a person rather than the position they are maintaining.
"an ad hominem response"
2.
relating to or associated with a particular person.
"the office was created ad hominem for Fenton"

>>17897317
>She isn't a bad person

>She did a bad thing

>that doesn't make her a bad person!

Wat

So how do you judge someone's character? The bullshit they spout or their actions?

>>17897327
You'd be surprised how perceptive people are. When you are careful about your texting and taking your phone wherever you go... he'll notice

We need to get R9K in here.

>>17897386
Okay, let me sling it to you this way bud.

I think you, drunk, would have a very hard time turning down a smoking blonde 8 at a party when your girlfriend is at home, putting on weight and refusing to have sex.

Be real dude, girls are as asshole-ish as we are, once you accept that, it makes avoiding these situations easier. I think we're unrealistic because everyone has a mother who(usually) loves them unconditionally. I guess we must expect this, to some extent, from all women we're close with but that's not the case.

>>17897352
Well, i appreciate your opinion and all, but...

What she did wasnt wrong, how is it tho? She wanted to fuck some other guy because she's nothing but a cunt and cant act all by her mind. Is it bad? Meh, morals are unconstant.
Yet, she tries to deny who she is because she's afraid of change. She cant approve her own action as her own, thus she's blaming alcohol.
Plus, she told that she wants that guy d, and still text him

My only advice - stop pretending to be someone else. You like to fuck more than having trustful relations. Thats all.
Stop trying that you did good/right. There is none of such thing. You just have to decide for yourself - do you want to be associated with whore by most of peoples, or faithful gf.

>>17897378
Your right I did generalize an entire gender, but let me own up to that and correct it, I meant op and you, and people like you that think this behaviour is acceptable. Your response full of adhominems only bolsters my doubt in your sense of respect, and honesty.

>>17897240
How has she lied to him I didn't see anywhere on her post saying he asked "did you cheated?" And she saying " no" so she hasn't lied

>>17897413

>I want to get into her pants I know I'll make her my best friend REEEEEE she's fucking a guy way less nice than me

>>17897384
>>17897386
>>17897394
>>17897396

Triggered

>>17897419
Cheating is lying, deceit.

>>17897352

I'm sorry, what? More time makes it BETTER? No. Absolutely not, it makes it worse. Because what happens in that time? He thinks everything is lah-dee-dah and that his relationship is healthy and has no lies in it. He feels that they bond and grow even closer.

Then it turns out that she cheated on him a YEAR ago, all that time becomes a fucking lie to him. It's fucking disrespectul not to tell him.

>>17897423
Cheating is cheating

>>17897255
Figures the devil's nectar was behind this.

>>17897404
OK, but in this scenario you are omitting the fact that each action that lead to that reality came with a choice. A choice to communicate and build my relationship with my girlfriend so that if she was putting on weight and refusing sex, I would know why. A choice to speak with her and compromise over the things that caused her to get to that point. The choice not to go to a bar of all places because of my girlfriends mood. A choice not to get drunk because of the effects it causes on inhibitions. A choice to care about my relationship and what I built with someone OVER myself and my singular wants.

>>17897419
A lie of omission is a lie.

OP should have just asked /r9k/ directly
so many spergs

>>17897404
The difference, bud, is have the moral character to drop the girls if he doesn't like her and hook up, yes it's a dick move, but he is being honest and respectful by telling her before having casual sex in an established relationship. I'm not saying men or women are worse, all humans are equally shit for the most part, but it takes moral integrity and strength not to be a shitter, like op.

>>17897420
This is a non post that contributes nothing to the conversation, kys

>>17897213
Bait brah.
>>17897234
This clues us in. Trying too hard to be the "confused by my own actions" woman who doesn't want to admit like on that there TV.

>>17897419
wtf
are you literally this tarded
if she did something and said she didn't
that's lying
and yes, lying by omission is a lie as well
so not telling him counts as lying

>>17897423
An act of telling a lie, or falsehood

>>17897433
>is against lying
>sperg

It's a good thing ltrs aren't real relationships or I might have to feed your posts into an analytical machine, use the fist to find your Facebook and begin letting people know what happened.

Boggles my mind that so many people support the deceit in a relationship and defend this woman because she "made a drunk mistake".

Sure.

She made a drunk mistake. You know what's not a drunk mistake, what's indicative of her character? Thanking the fist person to say that she was right to hide it and acting cavalier about the chances of her boyfriend finding out, and getting upset that people are judging her from willingly inviting deceit into her relationship.

Guess what, sweet cheeks? People judge you based on your actions. Barely anyone is calling you on a drunken mistake, we're appalled and outraged what you're doing - avoiding the consequences of your actions and trying to justify it to yourself. You're a coward.

I hope your boyfriend leaves your ass and gets better. He deserves more than this shit.

>>17897430
Well, OP knew why. Her boyfriend was taking anti-depressants and it killed his sex drive. Her efforts to find compromise were met with a wall.

So let's flip it, she's putting on weight and refusing sex(In case you're not seeing why I'm adding the weight, a depressed guy is generally an unattractive one to women. They like us, usually, for our energy. A fat woman is generally unattractive to men and weight gain can come from coping with depression). Your efforts to make her stop putting on weight and refusing sex are met with her saying it helps her the most with her depression. At this point, the person you fell for is disappearing, if you leave now you're a monster. So you try and tough it out and essentially become her carer. The opportunity to finally let your hair down comes along, you're young, and this smoking 8/10 comes when you're hammered at a party.

Would you fuck her, yes or no?

And also fuck your choice analogy. His depression was never her choice.

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>>17897452
This so much.
I feel sorry for your BF. I hope he finds out.

>>17897457
She should just dump him and not be a spineless human. He's better off, then can improve himself and find somebody who actually loves him for him, and will not cheat on him at a low point in life. That's what an LTR is for, right?

>>17897457

Not him.

She should have left him first. His depression wasn't a choice for him either, and cheating on him - then lying about it and making him think things are okay when they aren't - is undue. It would have been hard, but the right thing to do was break up with him. Or not cheat on him. OP is far from a bloody saint.

>>17897449

>Long term relationship vs Long Distance Relationship

LTR's are not long distance it means they have been together long term. In OP's case 5 years. God you're so fucking stupid and clueless. Clearly a virgin stalker too. Creep.

>>17897457
>. At this point, the person you fell for is disappearing, if you leave now you're a monster. So you try and tough it out and essentially become her carer.
That is where my choice analogy comes in. You are choosing to stay and tough it out because leaving would make you a "monster". That means you accept the responsibility of helping them through an insanely tough point in their lives. But you want the satisfaction of feeling like a good person and the cathersis of enjoying physical pleasure outside of your relationship. Essentially you are making the relationship about you.

>>17897467
Which part of my post are you trying to quote?
You're not very net savvy.

>>17897480

Complete autism.

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>>17897452
>Boggles my mind that so many people support the deceit in a relationship and defend this woman because she "made a drunk mistake".
Probably because they think they could see themselves doing it too. It pisses me the fuck off, people use alcohol as an excuse all the time. I even see normalfags try to normalize drunk driving.

Alcohol just lowers your inhibitions, but it's always your fault for drinking to begin with. Alcohol is never an excuse, at best a contributing factor.

>>17897378
>thinks the way to get laid is by being a "nice friend" to a girl and sending her messages constantly and giving her gifts
You seem to be projecting a lot of issues.

>>17897482
Why do you need to have the final response?
Isn't that autistic too?

>>17897243
If you don't tell him it really does make you a horrible person

I'm so sick of people complaining on /adv that they cheated. Your pethic. Tell him, get over it and Gtfo

The only thing that makes it better is that you said no adventually. Dought that happened though

>>17897469
So really all we can glean from this is that trying to do the right thing when you're not fully committed is bad.

And that you'd totally fuck the 8 after your friends got you smashed at the christmas party. As good friends should, might I add.

>>17897490

Holy shit, exactly. Personally I have no idea why anyone would get anything more than buzzed in a place with a shitton of other drunk people, but that's beside the point. Being blind drunk is a partial reason, not an excuse.

>>17897492

You thought that LTR stands for "Long Distance Relationship" you lost your right to call other people autistic a long time ago

>>17897501
It's only right if you don't look for congratulations or brownie points, otherwise it's narcissistic and egotistical, like you right now.

>>17897508
You mean it doesn't?
[spoiler]:^)[/spoiler]

>>17897515

:^) faggot

>>17897213
kys cumdumpster

>>17897501

Not who you're replying to.

No, all you can glean from that is that "trying to do the 'right' thing" by staying and cheating on your boyfriend to persue sexual fulfilment and STILL thinking you're a good person is contradictory.

>>17897513
Still not denying it.

Anyway, its all well and good to spout things with such a clear and unfaltering moral compass but it can be hard to hold true to that judgement when the emotions are storming. She's cheated, it happens. She's no better or worse a person than you or I.

>>17897457
I'm a 24 year old virgin and I jack it and get by just fine, don't see why she can't

>>17897554
No, I wouldn't do it because I would never allow myself to be put in that position and have no interest in it.

And she is worse by her subsequent actions. She chooses to hide and lie further rather than face the consequences of her infidelity. That is telling of a manipulative selfish personality, one worse than you or I by virtue of her being in that position and choosing to respond that way.

>>17897564
Because she doesn't have to, anon. She's a woman.

>>17897564
same as fuck

>>17897213
Don't tell him and keep the cuck in line, make him buy you some stuff and guilt should go away.

>>17897213
You did a really, really shitty thing and either the current iteration of your boyfriend is inadequate, or the relationship wasn't sustainable. Or both.

In terms of action, my dumbass recommends that you confess and once he dumps you, stay away from sex with anyone for a long time. Like, probably a few years. Analyze who you really are at your core and what your motivations are. Then judge what actions should be taken to become more like your idealized version of yourself.

Improvement is a long and challenging road and often as humans we reflect and realize we've got no option but to either improve or continue acting like spoiled fucking brats. But it's either undergo it, or stay the same shitty person forever.

>>17897213
hide it. What others don't know, won't hurt them.

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>>17897213
lol you should feel horrible because you're a bad person.

Christ, no, it's all about you though, yeah? Njoy sponging off the bitch boy you're fine with lying to while you satisfy your lust like a baboon.

>>17897213
the fact that you cheated on him means that you didn't care about him in the slightest.
i have more love and compassion for my dog of two months than you do for your "boyfriend" of FIVE YEARS
if what you think you feel for him is love, then you are too broken to truly feel it.

>>17897314
if she switched the genders she would have gotten angry whiteknights trying to defend a poor innocent depressed girl from an evil chad.

you don't need to tell him.
but if you care about him even the slightest bit, you will break up with him.
he deserves someone faithful and honest.

>>17897352
this is the absolute worst thing you can do
if my girlfriend did this to me i would immediatly recognise that she had this thought prosses soon after she cheated in an attempt to emotionally manipulate me, and i would nail her to a fucking cross.

>>17897457
Of course i wouldn't!
are there really a significant % of people who would?
i can understand murder, rape, theft, and most crimes as being things people want to do at a time and then regret.
but cheating is just completely incomprehensible to me.

You are a scumbag OP and given your responses it definitely shows. Even if you didn't cheat he deserves better. Tell him so he can leave you

Why has no one asked if the sex was good? Was it? I love cheating just makes each thrust feel better.

>>17898467
This

I love cheating threads, everyone gets so riled up, it's cute

>>17898473
Indeed. This kinda thing happens. I doubt the op is even female.

>>17897213
Do not tell him, we all make mistakes, you made one, you wont do it again, ignore the autists.

>>17897255
>I think half white and Puerto/black.
nice, how hard did he fuck you?

>>17897255
>I was extremely drunk.

And people make threads all the time complaining their SO doesnt want them to party or drink without them and wonder why.

>>17897281
>My bf was my first and I have never experimented before besides this 1 indiscretion.

LoL I should screencap this for those losers who think dating a virgin is less risky to make them a cuck

Just be honest to yourself OP, you want to taste other dicks and alcohol just gave you the guys. Just leave this poor guy and don't even tell him you cheated, just go

>>17897429
How many katanas do you have?

The fucking autism you managed to get in one sentence holy shit

Confess.

>cheated on Christmas of all days
>got the guys number, yet it was a "mistake"
>boyfriend is on depression meds
>out drinking with strange men

Inconsiderate is an understatement.

The least you could do is tell him, write him a letter if it's too painful and leave. Eventually he'll realize he dodged a bullet.

You came her for agreeable people who will comfort you so that you can get away with this and inherit your new found cozy circumstance without divulging anything.

Be honest with yourself. Do what is right. None of us are perfect, but at least you can leave with some dignity.

>>17897213
You're using his depression as an excuse to avoid confrontation. Don't act like hiding it is for his benefit.

first of all

shit like this happens. after all, we are human fucking beings. if you cheated on somebody, or if you were pissed at somebody, or whatever, it doesnt mean you dont love them. you were just weak. and people get weak at moments. and fuck it, it happens.

BUT

dont find excuses that you wont tell him just because he is so depressed. you are afraid to lose him, that is what is the problem here. you are afraid of losing safety, not him.

if it fucks you up so much inside, then tell him. admit it that you made a mistake, and then respect his decision. whatever it may be.

question your love. is it him you want, or the feeling of safety you have?

>>17897281
that means you still want him. if you truly dont want to meet this guy (or possibly just take off to another relationship because you cant stand being on your own through life) then you would tell him that you dont want to see him again.

men cheat differently than women. heck, we just see it as jerking off with an additional piece of meat. doesnt mean we expect something from that particular one girl and doesnt mean we dont love our own girlfriend. we just have our dicks hard.

but women...

oh boy, you base your "love" on feeling secured and safe, and having somebody helping you with your shit. you just expect to get things in life just for having a vagina.

>>17897255

Looking past the flood of insults from all these other people for being a "cheating whore" I'm seeing a lot of issues with how you explain what had happened. Just read back over what you wrote and you might see it, you start with an excuse that you were "extremely" drunk and then that you were "led" to a room, and that you didn't say no to what happened. And then you proceed to put some of the blame onto your boyfriend as the "reason" you did what you did. Everything about the way your write is either passing off blame or downplaying it as much as possible.

I think firstly you should deal with how horrible what you did actually was, it's soul crushing for most people who believe in monogamous relationship. No excuses, just own up that you decided (keyword) to do something that could deeply hurt someone you are supposed to love.

Telling him I think is probably best in both your interests, see if you felt truly remorseful you would want to clear the air and make sure it doesn't happen again, it also gives him the decision of whether he wants to stay with someone who would do this and give them a second chance. Keeping this from him is using him in a sense because he's not with the person he thinks he is dating, you're deceiving him.

>>17898708
this is the most sensible post here

>you start with an excuse that you were "extremely" drunk and then that you were "led" to a room, and that you didn't say no to what happened.

people (well, mostly women) who do something against some norms tend to blame others for their own bad behavior. i mean, ok, it is shit that your boyfriend is depressed. then if it bothers you so much, why dont you leave him? that would give you all the freedom you want.

>>17897213

Having read most of this thread and getting the bigger picture here it's probably in both of your best interests to move on from each other, you are inexperienced like you said, clearly not happy in your current relationship, and you're still talking to the guy you cheated with. If you want to make the break up easier on your boyfriend you will also tell him that you cheated and the reason why, anything else and he will be left wondering what the fuck happened which could torture him for years. At least if he knows he can come to terms with it eventually, and also the fact you were a shitty person helps in getting over you.

Hiding this from him is an option sure, but if you want to stick with that be 100% sure he is the person you want to remain faithful to from here on out and be with for the rest of your life, I have a feeling that is not a commitment you want to make to this person. So just break up, slut around all you want, maybe even start seeing this guy you cheated with, and leave your boyfriend to forget about you and find his own happiness.

>>17898739
>anything else and he will be left wondering what the fuck happened which could torture him for years


fuck, this happened to me in some way ;_;

>>17898753

Same here bro, I mean reflecting on things I pieced together a harsh reality over time but initially it was confusing as fuck. I think breaking up without honesty is incredibly selfish, being up front allows the person to learn and grow and move on much faster.

>>17898762
exactly

with loves also comes great responsibility

just imagine, for instance, you get in somebodies house, you accidentally put something on fire, and then you have two choices:
1) help them put out the fire and admit that you have made a mistake

2) sit there and act as if nothing happened, and wait for the situation to solve itself


same goes for relationships, friendships, work, family, whatever.
responsibility is part of love. that other person has emotions too. they can easily get hurt. if you dont want to be with them for some reason, tell them how you feel. it doesnt mean you dont love them. heck, even today i cant say stopped loving some people who are not in my life, but circumstances, or our differences have put us on different paths.

>>17898773
True that. I think most people on here just hate to see people throwing away a good thing with their partners for shallow moments that destroy trust, honesty and loyalty. To cheat takes the desire to want someone else in your mind already, as well as a conscious agreement to let it get to that point at the detriment of your oath to your partner. It's like willingly walking to your doom. Why ever do such a thing?

>>17897213
>If I tell him I fear it will make his depression worse.
Don't do that. Don't try to mask your own guilt and fear of reprisal by blaming his depression for your lies.

>>17897233
Holy cow, what a whiny, immature, sheltered, judgemental asshole you are.

>>17898784
because your dick gets hard. and you see an attractive female.

cheating in itself is not the problem here. its just like any other mistake we make. but its up to us to be honest with ourselves. and think about the partner we are with.

problem is the lack of honesty and responsibility towards yourself and the others. i mean, i dont know if i have ever been cheated on, and i certainly wouldnt like the feeling of it. but if i found out, i wouldnt be just boosting my ego with saying what a bitch she is and that i dodged a bullet (well id do some of that too, but id cool down after some time), but would rather seek for the true reason why my partner did that. and later realizing what decision should i make. and whatever decision you make, its neither good nor bad. as Erich Fromm said in one of his books (im paraphrasing right now):
"the relationship that has problems is equally bad breaking it up as it is continuing it" - meaning that no decision is a good or bad decision. its up to you to build or not build that love further.

>>17897256
100% this.
You are a bad person. Good people don't cheat. There's no excuse.
This wasn't an "accident" or a "mistake." This was you, a bad person, acting according to your nature.

>>17897266
This is good advice from a mature point of view. Don't tell him unless you want to seriously consider moving on.

Frankly living with anybody with depression sucks the life outa you and occasionally respite is needed, either a dalliance with someone different or a solo holiday.

Ignore the loyalty and purity brigade, they're just inexperienced children trying to be adults. Choose the path of least harm, not an idealised one.

>>17897281
>Only accepts the advice of another cheater who validates her horrible behavior
>Calls cheating "experimenting"
People are judging you because you're horrible. You clearly just came here to get someone to tell you that your disgusting behavior was okay so that you could carry on lying to your boyfriend.
This wasn't an "indiscretion." This was a betrayal. If you had a decent bone in your body you would break up with your boyfriend (he deserves better) and try to become a better person, but I don't think you have any interest in being a truly good person. You're probably going to keep seeing this guy and betraying your boyfriend, always telling yourself that your disgusting lies are for his benefit.

>>17897293
People gave you advice. They told you exactly the right thing to do. Tell your boyfriend the truth and break up with him.
You didn't listen because you don't actually want advice, you want validation.

>>17897213
the purpose of cheating is to get away with it so never, ever tell. Rarely is anyone witness to the cheating so if neither party tells everything is conjecture and you can easily deny. Deny, deny, deny. Another tip. Do not hand out any additional information that can lead to further interrogation. If your partner sees text, only confirm that these are text of fantasy not something that actually happened.

>>17897327
>Thanks
Once again only appreciating the advice that validates your behavior.

>>17898787
Depression is a horrible thing and not just for the sufferer. It sucks the life and joy from everything and the only escape for a parter lies with getting away from the depressed person for respite.

Good sex with someone else may be a great respite.

>>17897317
>She isnt a bad person. She did a bad thing that is all.
Doing bad things is what makes you a bad person.

we all do bad stuff

it may not be cheating, it may be something else

and good or bad is usually a relative term, based on the culture you live in

but, OP, dont make excuses. heck, even if you are a cheater and a bad person, well thats ok. just face it. yeah, its shit when people are judgmental, but for some things they are right.

just look into yourself what you actually want, and think of the responsibility you have for the partner you are with.
>>17898797

there were some people who did great and generous things for their communities, even humanity, but they cheated. so are they all bad with no excuses?

idealizing people and situations wont take you far in life.

>>17898805
Guess who's been chucked before....

>>17898814

You're not obligated to stay in anything thats not making you happy. And if you do decide to stay, don't do a shitty thing and then try to deflect the blame by blaming your partners depression.

both OP and these purity brigade fags are just horrible people

>>17898820
The depression seems to be the cause. No need to wreck the good stuff in the relationship for such a dumb insignificant thing as a feeling indiscretion.

>>17897452
/thread
Its not even the act itself that's so offensive its her attitude about it. She's acting like she's the victim because she's being (rightly) judged for doing a horrible thing and blaming her lies on her boyfriend's depression so that she can justify continuing to cheat.

TELL THE TRUTH AND BREAK UP WITH HIM. THAT IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. ANYTHING ELSE IS COWARDICE.

>>17898822
Yep... not so much OP because she admits she did wrong but doesn't want to cause further harm. The majority of responses seem to be from buthurt, immature, inexperienced and idealised points of view and unlikely to bring anything but harm to real world relationships.

>>17898825

And that's not likely to go away any time soon, so your advice is to what just continue backstabbing the person you supposedly love while they deal with their depression?

And it's not as if in OP's case she is even remorseful, she's still talking to the guy that she cheated with lol. Just fucking drop the depressed guy and move on.

>>17897213
after reading the OP and comment/replies I don't understand why OP lives together with a depressed person. Living together is difficult enough. I get wanting to save money with a roommate but everyone needs a calm, quiet abode to relax and recharge.

OP. There is no need to tell your bf but I would make plans to move out on your own. Way better for you in the long run. Oh, it is not necessary you tell your bf of the indiscretion.

>>17897213
Easy. You live with it. You live with that decision that you made. No one's perfect. Granted you must really ask yourself if you truly love this man that you've been with for 5 years. I've slept with about 4 different women so far this year while dating someone. To be really honest I'm the type of guy that would expect infidelity simply because I've had women do that time and time again. I greatly view "dating" as an emotional commitment rather than a physical one. I've long considered whether I'm poly or not, and physically that may be the case, but emotionally it is not. Granted I might just not love the person I'm seeing and might call it off.

So op you really need to ask yourself, do you love your guy or do you want to move on? I'll tell you right now it doesn't hurt as much finding out you cheated on him because you don't love him, rather than leaving him because you don't love him. My ex did the latter and it made me the way I am.

Be honest with your bf and yourself. If you truly feel bad and want to be with him and can't go on with the feeling that you cheated, then just tell him. He'll be pissed, he might even break up with you, but he'll still want to be with you. But that's really not an expectation you should have.

I don't feel bad for cheating. In my eyes, I've been loyal to every single woman who has wronged me and it has made me skeptical. I never for one moment assume that a girl I date will ever be loyal, but that's just me, and so I am able to bury those feelings of guilt. You need to reconsider your own feelings op. Best of luck.

<ignore>
>>17898826
/ignore

Butthurt, immataure responses do more harm than good. Get some experience about what really harms people and then come back and provide advice.

>>17898830

There's a point where you should understand that your partner deserves better, OP has passed that point. She admits she did wrong (arguably) yet still entertains the guy she cheated with and says "I don't think I will do it again" ... LOL

>>17898521
>Decent people are autists
The lies that people tell themselves so they can feel like their inherent brokenness is normal never cease to amaze me.

>>17898831
Disagree completely. There's no back stabbing involved, she's not character assassinating him, she simply had some kind of sex without him.

As a single occurrence it's more harmful to disclose it than keep It secret.

Now, if OP is unfulfilled and has to consider getting her sexual needs met elsewhere that needs to be discussed.

>>17898816
>there were some people who did great and generous things for their communities, even humanity, but they cheated. so are they all bad with no excuses?
They lack the aspect of moral fiber which makes us not desire betraying people who trust us, yes. They may be good in other ways, but they will always be bad in that way.

>>17898837
>If you tell me cheating is wrong you're just not mature and grown up like me
Uh huh

>>17898832
Best advice I've seen in this thread.

>>17898850
See this is a perfect example of immaturity. What OP has is an issue of harm minimisation not right or wrong.

ITT white boy gets cucked by a half nigger and everyone acts surprised


This is the way of life

>>17898846

>There's no backstabbing involved

It's literally the definition of backstabbing, he just hasn't found out about her deceit.

>If OP is unfulfilled

It's clear from her attitude and what she has said that this will be a repeat offence, very little remorse and keeps in touch with the dude she cheated with.

>>17898847
>You are a bad person. Good people don't cheat. There's no excuse.

so first you imply they are completely horrible and bad with no excuse

and then you say
>They may be good in other ways, but they will always be bad in that way.

where you made an excuse

i mean, we can fight about this whole day long. i dont justify anyone. but we, human beings, are not morally black and white. life is not a superhero movie where you defeat villains who are ugly and horrible and the protagonist who you relate to while watching it is some kind of an ideal human being who does everything for the good.

we are all both villains and heroes, depending on the way you view it and the situation you are in and how you are acting. we can now find in you several thins that will make you horrible to most people here, but guess what? its ok. we are humans. we do shit. we are not perfect. that is why some religions call us all sinful by birth. we have our urges, we have our desires, things we like and want. and we slip, and do shit.

But here is the similarity between both you and OP:
you see definite images of some people to be inherently good or bad, with nothing in between. OP is all like DONT JUDGE ME PLS ONLY GOOD COMMENTS PLS, and you are all like LOL U R SHIT FOR THAT! LIFE EXPERIENCE IS BAD FOR YOU AND YOU WILL NEVER BE GOOD. you both actually lack judgement.

>>17898889
Dude shut up

>>17898860
>Harm minimization
Good god, the delusion of some people

>>17898889
Yes, life is full of morally gray areas and humans are not static and can give into weakness, but out subsequent actions after are what define who we are. She wants to hide and lie to get partner, which is wrong. It's a bad act and a poor show of character. If this is how she acts when he's depressed, how is she when he's just sad?

If you want to stay with him, don't tell him otherwise your relationship will never survive. Be loving and find other ways to enjoy sex with him.

>>17897213

>>17898699
Dubs of truth
Roastie Bitch READ

>>17897213
lies lead to more lies. That's all there is to it.

Learn to be a good person. Tell the truth.

There are two paths before you.

One path leads to temporary pain and heartbreak, then change.

The other path leads to a lifetime of stagnant guilt and depression and malaise.

There is no middle path where your relationship that was fucked enough to facilitate cheating will become repaired through lies, and the sooner you disabuse yourself of that notion the better off you shall both be.

>>17899064
Fucking this.