I need to vent. I need to talk to someone about all this before

I'm a little devastated though. We are right back into long distance, but before I at LEAST had a life of my own. He says the relationship doesn't have to be over--I don't want it to be over. I love this man. I want to marry this man and one day have a family with him. All those things just seem like they're so far in the future, it hurts my heart and my brain. The trust we were building, I'm not sure we. can continue to build over the distance.

There is a DD/lg dynamic in all this. He wanted me to be a totally dependent little girl. I have been since we started living together. Now that I'm far away, I feel panic. I'm so scared. He usually tells me he can only comfort me so much and if that doesn't work, he's tired of hearing it. He's tired of talking about us. He didn't even video call me on Christmas or Christmas Eve like I asked for. I am lost. There's no time, space, or circumstance that would stop me from loving this man. I worry the opposite is not true at all and that out of sight is out of mind for him.

Pic related
TL;DR my mind is full of fuck without my Daddy, I'm pretty much on my own and dunno how to cope.

He's abandoning you, at least for now

It'll hurt, I'd tell you to move on but you won't. I have no advice

>>17893023
Yeah. I fear that. He says he's not, "Things will just be difficult/different for a while." I can only wait and see. Or, like you said, move on, but I don't think I'm going that way.

I can't tell you that you need to dom up, but you def need to set some hard boundaries for yourself. He's definitely trying to distance himself from u and it's really not fair because he's not communicating with you his desires and not complying with yours, esp since you moved far away it's a shit move to do to you.


Anyways as a sub you'll find it very difficult to pull it off but harden up and leave that stupid daddy.

>>17893035
What's confusing is, he's telling me he doesn't want the distance. Less than a week ago, he held my face in his hands and told me he plans to marry me. He has a plan for work and a career, but we don't know if or when it will come through. He refused to let me work or to find another job where we were living. I wouldn't ask him to keep jobs that he didn't love. In any case, this is an indefinite physical separation. I hate it.

>>17892990
For such a relationship there is no fixed standards so there is no general advice i can give you but desu as a submissive in a D/s relationship aswell speaking, hear me out.

For me atleast it is the most beautiful thing to live my life under the control of my partner, but i learned it every now and then that this feeling can also be quite dangerous because i would be in that state where i'd take everything but actually i was unhappy about some things but thinking that i am in good hands i trusted my partner. oh boy and those feelings started pilling up inside of me, this can emotionally fuck you up big time because you devote yourself but your expectations are fucked over.
You will need a lot of trust, respect and most importantly be able to communicate a lot about each and every thing to be a healthy relationship and a healthy relationship usually doesn't interfere with your life choices.

You can live the lifestyle in every way you want but the way i see it you should really consider standing on your own two feet for now no matter what he says, not for his sake but for yours. Perhaps you should even consider meeting new people in the future and breaking up contact with him before it gets too far.

>>17893035
This. Find yourself a daddy who can provide, who can take care of you. Until then, keep working on yourself, plus its way more satisfying to become submissive again after being independent.

>>17892990
>>17892992
You can't be a dom if you don't have your shit in order.
Part of having a stable dom/sub relationship is having your shit in order, not taking things out on one another during what you do and holding everything in place.
Without the foundations, he can't be a dom, and you can't be a sub.
If he doesn't have somewhere for you both to live, and he can't provide, he can't be a dom.

He might not have wanted you to work because it would change the dynamic, but whether you like it or not, you were depending on him, now you don't have to and the dynamic of the relationship has been changed, and you probably aren't used to being alone after being so dependent on him.

There's no way of sugar coating this, but the relationship in its dom/sub form is over, the only way to save it is to adapt to your circumstances and change, or to end it.
You can't be a dom and sub meeting and staying in hotels from time to time, and you can't do it living in a truck

>>17893079
Standing on my own two feet is difficult. I did it before and I did a damn good job. A year ago, I got a college education, I had THREE jobs, friends, a place. I gave all those things up because he told me we could finally be together. His quitting his job was impulsive. I knew he wanted to, but I thought he'd keep his job until the next one came through.

I've spent the last few months with my ideal and actual self completely aligned. I've been dreaming of that kind of life since I was 16, for almost 10 years. Now I just have to figure out how to revert. Go back to being independent. Change my headspace? It just seems like a huge undertaking for me to get back to where I was a year ago.

>>17893110
I understand that. I'm not angry at him. He could have kept his office job. We could have gotten married, bought a home, made some babies. Then he'd slowly grow resentful of the beautiful things we made together when he realizes he's getting old and he never chased his dream job. I don't want that for him. I want him to do extraordinary things. Unfortunately, I'm ready now. I'm ready to settle down and serve. He's still got things to do.

>>17892990
>>17892992
I think you should break it off clean for now, and get back on your feet independently. Maybe when he's in a better place, you'll get back together someday. But as things are right now, it sounds like it's just not possible to carry on your relationship in the way either of you want.

>>17893079
>He refused to let me work or to find another job where we were living.
I don't judge anyone for their kinks, I've got plenty of my own, but I wanna give some honest advice here - Sometimes, you have to know when to separate your practical, real-life needs from your love life. You have to know where to draw the line, or else these types of relationships can turn into something quite unhealthy. You don't want to paint yourself into a corner where it is literally impossible to break up with your man.

I think you learned something important about this guy, through this whole situation. If he had put the kink-life aside for a moment and "allowed" you to get your own job, then you could've stayed together, right? The dom/sub stuff should be a fun feature of being with him, those roles shouldn't be more important than the relationship itself. Know what I mean? You should be a bit wary of people who can NEVER "break character." Real life has a way of messing up your fantasies. Any good couple has to just roll with the punches and support each other sometimes

>>17893148
He said it's a point of pride for him. He feels like if I am working full time and have to do adult things, I can't properly be his little girl. I could work part time, he was okay with that...but he would need to work too. He didn't want to just get any old job though. He doesn't want that at all right now, so I'd have to be the sole provider and that's not okay with him.

:( I don't want it to end, but I don't get what I want.

So let me get this straight, you blew up your professional and social life, you gave up on your income and family just to be a sub? This doesn't sound insane at all to you??

If anything let this be a lesson. Don't let a relationship (or a fucking fetish) destroy your whole life. There is no way in hell it can turn out well. You can have a loving relationship without giving up on the rest of your life for it.

>>17893166
>He said it's a point of pride for him. He feels like if I am working full time and have to do adult things, I can't properly be his little girl.
But that's exactly what I mean. Does he love YOU, or does he only love your willingness to mold yourself to his fantasies? It's kind of a good thing this happened before you got married.

It sounds like you would've been willing to put the role-playing aside for a moment (or at least just change the "rules" a tiny bit) and handle your real-life needs so that the two of you could stay together. In a healthy, loving relationship, both of you should have that attitude.

>>17893182
Yes, I would do anything within my power to keep us together, even if that meant being a grown up for some time. Shit happens. I don't want him to be miserable and feel ashamed though. If that's how he'd be, I can't ask for it. He said we could physically be together still, if I want to work and support myself but that he won't be in one place for long and still wouldn't live with me.

>>17893166
So he's more entrenched in his fetish than actually being practical and making a living?

Yeah, it feels like a failing point for him, but being practical and actually making a living should trump that.

>>17893199
It's complicated to explain, but it's less a fetish to both of us and more of a lifestyle. I can admit, that's probably a bit wonky. Vanilla life doesn't appeal to me, personally. I'm not sure to what extent he's willing to live it. I agree that practicality and making a living together should come first--even if it makes the dynamic somewhat "off." It wouldn't be permanent. I think it's less about wanting the power dynamic perfectly maintained and more about him wanting freedom from a shitty office job (no matter how well it pays.)

>>17893195
Based on what you've said, I just don't think this relationship was built to last the long-haul. I gotta stand by my original advice that, as things stand right now, the best thing would be to just break it off clean and get your lives together separately. I know it's tough to find a partner who shares your kinks/fantasies, but if the kink is the only thing holding the relationship together, you can't really build a life and plan a future with this guy.

>>17893219
I don't think it's the only thing keeping us together. I won't speak for him, but for me, there's a lot of love. There's deep conversations, there's laughter, shared interests, a shared dream/vision for life. He's seen me at my very worst, and still tells me I am the best girl. There's definitely a primal urge to be with him, but not ONLY the urge. I feel plenty of things.

>:( I don't want it to end, but I don't get what I want.
You miss this lifestyle and you've been dreaming of it since a long time, sure you can pretend to ignore it but it will eventually catch up to you again and you will feel really submissive again. Sure you might aswell wait for him to get his life in order but you say it would take indefinitely, who knows if it really works out after all that time of waiting after all?
Cut all ties with him and go search for someone who's ideals match your dream or wait and keep getting your expectations crushed until you finally hate this lifestyle or this person.

>>17893232
That's not quite what I meant - It's clear that it's real for you, that you're willing to do whatever it takes to hold the relationship together. It's a little less clear whether or not he shares your commitment.

You were willing to get a job and support him temporarily until he could find more fulfilling work. He was unwilling to let that happen; he said (or you believe) that he'd be miserable in the relationship if it didn't fit your shared fantasy of a dom/sub lifestyle, even temporarily. The thing is that real life will occasionally interrupt that fantasy, and when that happened, he couldn't or wouldn't adapt.

>>17893266
I can't tell you that you're wrong. It's unclear to me as well. For all I know, he could pack up our place in a week or two and be out here before January is over. He could stay with me as long as he wanted. We could come up with a plan together, face to face. Or he could just dick around and forget me. I can only guarantee my own commitment and love. I can trust and have faith, but at the end of the day, it's up to him at this point.

>>17893377
Well I wish you the best of luck, and I hope it works out the way you want it to. If it doesn't, though, just be aware that this is a pretty common pitfall in kink relationships. It can be so exhilarating to find someone to indulge & enjoy your fantasies that, for a while, it's easy to ignore deficits in other areas of the relationship.

A D/S relationship really isn't much different from any other; if it's gonna last, it has to be built on the same foundation of trust, love, mutual respect & support as any "vanilla" relationship. The shared kink is the icing on the cake, not the other way around

I don't know if this applies to your relationship or not, I'm speaking from personal experience here, I had to learn this the hard way a few times before I really found a good match.

>>17893403
I've talked to a few men about it, but this ones had my heart and my submission for most of my adult life (by adult, I mean 18+). I realize I have a lot of life ahead of me. I'm just hoping he's for me. If he isn't, lol...I don't care to think about that option.

Bump incase someone is willing to talk via some kind of messenger.

The only answer for you is the one you don't want to hear. But you gotta move on.

>>17894249
No I don't >:C .....maybe

>>17893166
One thing I have to say to this:
What happens to your idea of raising a family together? You have to be an adult in order to be a mother. If he won't let you have a job, will he let you have children?

>>17894327
Oh yes. It's one of the main reasons he loves me. He would love to have children with me. That much, I know.