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>>17892050
black dude here. would you white women date me?

i'll start :

Girls and guys who're actually in couple :

Would you, if you had the chance, get back in the past, in your old self, to get back with a now-ex gf/bf knowing why it didnt work out + all your personnal experience and maturity gain since the break up ?
Would you say that you loved an ex more than you love your SO now ?

I'm just asking this by curiosity, i'm currently single, but if i had a chance to get back in time, i'd totally do it even if i'm 99.8% over my ex, i still believe that we would had a great life if we were still together, because of my maturity grow etc.

what about you /adv/ ?

>>17892059
white guy here.

Dude, you know that mixed couple exist, so why do you ask ?

>>17892060
Other than still wanting to take my 8th grade girlfriends virginity, no.

Reposting question.

Everyone, why is being confident for a man so important?

I welcome input from guys, but I'd really like input from girls.

And please don't "redpill" me.

>>17892111
It's one of the differences between men and women

Men like physicality more than other things.
Like big tits, fat asses, sexy eyes.
You know what you like
It's about the body

But for a woman, a man is attractive in more abstract things.
A muscular man is attractive to many, because damn, look at him
But a fat uninshape man can be just as attractive because of how he acts and why.

For women, power is sexy.
That's the bottom line
What gives power?
Having big muscles gives power
But there's more types
Money, position, intelligence, charisma
These all give power and different types of women want it all

For women, power in all its forms is the basic source of attraction

>>17892111
Confidence is important for both genders. It's too easy to become prey to sexual predators, emotional manipulators and gold-diggers if you have a low self-esteem. And naturally, confident people just come out better and get more attention in a social setting, which consequently means more approaches and positive reactions. Think of it as much as an attractive trait as a security need.

>>17892059
19 yo white girl here, fuck no niggers are disgusting

>>17892117
>For women, power in all its forms is the basic source of attraction
I'm gonna have to respond with a question. What if I'm a guy, and I have little to no interest in power at all?

>>17892121
>It's too easy to become prey to sexual predators, emotional manipulators and gold-diggers if you have a low self-esteem.
Eh... Fuck, I've fallen already to that.

>And naturally, confident people just come out better and get more attention in a social setting, which consequently means more approaches and positive reactions.
Even if I don't care about the attention either? I mean, I'm not too eager to be the spotlight at all.

>Think of it as much as an attractive trait as a security need.
In what sense? That it will... I don't know, shield me?

>>17892123
I need your input here >>17892111

It's probably super easy for you to give me a decent answer.

>>17892131
>What if I'm a guy, and I have little to no interest in power at all?
Power takes many form
Knowledge is power, for example

But if you are unwilling to seek power in any form, then you have nothing to offer

>>17892134
>Knowledge is power, for example
So is ambition, from what I can draw?

>But if you are unwilling to seek power in any form, then you have nothing to offer
It's not that I'm unwilling, it's just that power doesn't really interest me much. If I have to pursue something, I definitely will, but it's not in my top priorities.

By the way, why is power that important for women anyways? Because it's "sexy"?

>>17892141
Why are nice big firm round tits sexy?
No reason
It just is

Power doesn't mean being a total dickwad
It just means having control and confidence

Like, you can be a skinny stickman but have your hands be confident and precise and I know there are women who will melt to see you do things with them.

I have to repeat myself, but women like power
Think of all the forms it
It's not all monetary and physical

>>17892148
>Power doesn't mean being a total dickwad
>It just means having control and confidence
No, I totally get it. I know that I don't have to be arrogant in order to be confident.

But my point stands. I don't really care about having power or being powerful. It's not in my top priorities. If I want something and I have to get power to achieve it I will. Power, at least for me, is not an end by itself, but rather a mean to whatever end I'm seeking.

For instance if I need to make my work better and my current level of knowledge is not enough I will pursue a career, or get a degree if needed. But I don't care about having the power as much as meeting the end.

If something must be done and I need to achieve some sort of power to achieve it, then so be it, I won't reject it. But I will not seek it without a good reason.

>>17892155
You got a type of power attractive to a type of woman
That "I will find a way to win" attitude is attractive

There are all kinds

The least attractive trait is "Egh, I'm ok here"

But you don't got that do you?

>>17892158
>That "I will find a way to win" attitude is attractive
Oh, that's a good way to put it. If I want something I will do whatever it takes. But usually I just wait until the chance happens, so even then I will look passive.

>The least attractive trait is "Egh, I'm ok here"
>But you don't got that do you?
...I do. Why make any effort if I don't really need it? I can be very determined once I've set myself a goal, but I could very well stay in a place and not do a thing, especially if the position is very comfortable.

>>17892131
>In what sense? That it will... I don't know, shield me?
Low self-esteem is what they prey on. They use all your insecurities against you, for the better or worse. Gold diggers will try to feed these insecurities and make you feel like a god for a while until you become as dependant of their affection as they are of your money. Emotional manipulators will use them to control you and ensure you take their abuse and still refuse to leave, just out of the fear they create on your head that you're simply not good enough. Predators use a similar tactic to affirm how incredibly lucky you are to be with them and make you think you'll never have it better, so you better comply and do whatever they whatever they want. Being confident leaves them with no weakness to explore.

And I don't mean attention as spotlight, but as being noticed by the opposite gender instead of flying under their radar of perception entirely.

Guys and girls,

Any advice on things to talk about over text? I'm aware it's a poor medium for communication but I won't see my gf for another 8 months and I'm looking for any general advice on texting frequently. We check in on the other pretty frequently just to ask how one another's days are going or talk about random bullshit. We video chat occasionally which I highly prefer, but this is solely about texting.

Girls
If you get asked out but it isnt specified if it's a date or not, do you assume it is ?

>>17892176
Always specify dates or I'll think you're just saying it.
Like when a person you rarely see meets you on the street and goes "Yeah, we should catch up!" and you reply "Totally!" in the polite certainty they'll never contact you.

>>17892165
I'm trying to wrap my head around everything but it's difficult. I know that confidence is important but I just don't seem to be able to feel like I'm confident. I feel like, I'm being forced into doing something that I outright don't want to, yet if I don't I'm pretty much doomed.

I understand what you mean and how important it is. I've fallen already for emotional manipulators, and damn if I wasn't an easy prey. I've had to learn to create defense mechanisms, and even then I'm certain that I don't want to defend myself from anybody but rather not have any weakness whatsoever.

can we drop the facade of these threads being an ask the OPPOSITE gender. seems like every question can't be fucked to specify one gender

>>17892191
Have you ever been in one of these threads? Literally every question starts with "Girls:" or "Guys:"

>>17892199
see
>>17892060
>>17892111
>>17892173
all but 2 questions were nonspecific

>>17892202
It's mostly because most of these questions are directed to the opposite gender, yet our same gender can also be a contribution to the discussion.

Mine was mostly directed to females, but I see no reason as of why men can't respond.

>>17892202
So? Meanwhile in the other thread, there's many that are one or the other.

>>17886760

If you don't like the thread, too bad.

>>17892186
You don't *have* to be confident, it's just very helpful. If you can't fight the manipulators, learn to identify them. Generally speaking, these relationships will make you feel similar to a bipolar person - one moment they'll make you high with affection and joy, the other, they'll make you feel low and unworthy, to make you feel high and happy again later. Identify these peeks as a toxic sign and leave when they appear.
As you've seen for yourself, not having confidence doesn't mean you'll never find a partner, but having it will give you more options of partners, which makes it easier to find a good one. You can do well in relationships without it.

Girls: A few girls I know are pretty racist and have grudges against men since they've been sexually assaulted by a few black people on trains. I know a lesbian couple and they're pretty cool and nice, the main girl I know and she's cool with me but her girlfriend has a thing against men and she makes an effort to be comfortable around me but when she got drunk, she let a lot slip and made some comments about men directly to me (which she doesn't remember luckily).

Is there anything I can do to make her more comfortable around me? I've tried a few ideas like dressing in lighter colors, being smooth shaven and looking approachable but I don't know what else to do.

>>17892212
>You don't *have* to be confident, it's just very helpful.
Ya sure? I mean, girls do list this as basically a must have.

But, I've had people interested on me in the past. Sure, they weren't the best people, but it's something I suppose... And I still wonder what's in me that kept them interested, at least to a point.

>If you can't fight the manipulators, learn to identify them.
I'm learning. I've had to learn to enforce my boundaries, so maybe I can be more upfront about them and whenever I see that shit is going on I can put everything to a stop. Besides I can identify it, or so I want to believe.

>As you've seen for yourself, not having confidence doesn't mean you'll never find a partner, but having it will give you more options of partners, which makes it easier to find a good one. You can do well in relationships without it.
Well, that is a good point and possibly why it's difficult for me to find a partner right now. So, not having it is okay, but I gotta keep in mind that finding a couple will be more difficult like this, right? Because otherwise I'll stay under their radar...

>>17892216
You can't fix racism and general prejudice, anon. It's better for you to leave them alone, lest you be hurt and have your self-esteem shaken by what bigotted jerks say. Keep the friend ofc, but stay away from the gf as much as possible. I'm a little horrified that you go through this. Is it an area thing?

>>17892227
It's a public transport thing. I've known girls from all over and a lot of them have been harassed by a black person on a bus or train and they've ended up with a warped view that's not just racist but sexist too.

I really don't know how to deal with it. Her girlfriend is really trying to make an effort but I still get the occasional strong sense of her not being comfortable. Naturally my friend likes seeing me so her girlfriend has to come along but I feel uncomfortable too now.

>>17892224
Exactly. Or you mind find other ways for them to notice you, by skills, achievements and talents.
GIrls say they want confident guys but that's not always what they end up going for. How many guys have you met that had this or that requirement while single, but dropped it entirely when they fell for someone?

>And I still wonder what's in me that kept them interested, at least to a point.
A bad partner will want your worse traits to play them against you.
A good partner will want all of you.

>>17892231
>really trying to make an effort
If this is the case, you can try to give her a shot. Lesbians are very likely to be manipulated into misandry by the many feminists in their circles, and coupled with a few bad personal experiences, they can become unintentionally defensive. Positive experience can totally reverse this though.

But you need to be able to handle her sour moments. You can't let remarks that definitely do not come from personal issues with you affect you. If you have tendency to low self-esteem and self-hatred specially this will do you no good, no matter how well you understand where she comes from.

Just make sure you back off if it isn't a positive experience for you.

>>17892232
>Exactly. Or you mind find other ways for them to notice you, by skills, achievements and talents.
I think that I could go for this, at least. Confidence isn't my strongest suit, and I must play to my strengths. I thiiiink that I can bring other things to the table.

>GIrls say they want confident guys but that's not always what they end up going for. How many guys have you met that had this or that requirement while single, but dropped it entirely when they fell for someone?
Uh, I have no idea. I don't track their preferences on girls.

>A bad partner will want your worse traits to play them against you.
>A good partner will want all of you.
My ex wanted to outright change me. I don't even know what the other girls I had informal relationships with wanted from me. Probably to play them against me, I'm unsure. But I do gotta keep an eye on them, so that I don't fall prey to their bullshit.

Thank you, this was encouraging!

>>17892247
I'm happy to have helped. I'm not the most confident either, and only now at my late 20's I found a happy and healthy relationship. It's even improved my shyness and confidence a lot.
It might take a while, but we find it as long as we keep trying. My best wishes for you, anon.

>>17892254
Thank you. I'm in my late 20s as well and I've never had a happy or healthy relationship, which honestly has killed my self image and it has also forced me to pick my pieces and begin from scratch. I wish it was any different, but I can hope I suppose. Thank you again.

>>17892238
>If you have tendency to low self-esteem and self-hatred specially this will do you no good, no matter how well you understand where she comes from.
I do have a hint of that. I've avoided seeing my friend and her girlfriend for a few weeks now. I'm supposed to see them for new years but I'm afraid of it being awkward since we'd all probably be going in my car and it would just be the three of us.

>>17892289
Play music and sing along, pretend it's to get everyone hyped up. It might help the car ride. At the party, you'll at least have escape opportunities if you feel weird.

>>17892060
No. I am so in love with my current partner and it would make me sad to spend the rest of my life with someone who isn't him.
I'd go back in time to make our relationship better now that I know how this shit works. But not to be with someone else.

>>17892060
God, no. We broke up for very excellent reasons. I refuse to be sucked by stupid nostalgia.

I just ended a friendship with a girl whom I've been friends for a long while and dated for a few weeks. I'm feeling terribly sad, right now.

Was it a good decision?

>>17892404
I'm sure you had good reasons to do it, and now you're grieving. Take you time, anon, but remember it's a brave thing stepping back from a relationship that isn't doing us good.

>>17892173
Here's a trick I've been using with my long distance boyfriend:
Don't reserve phone calls and video chatting for only longer conversations. You can do these things just to say hi.
I tend to send my boyfriend messages about what I'm doing.
>Going off to see my friends!
>I just read this funny quote in the book I'm reading: <quote here>
>I saw this link and I thought of you: <meme>

For more extended conversations, I like to make a point of asking about his past.
>I just read to my nephew. It was pretty nostalgic. Did your family read to you as a kid? What kind of books?

>>17892176
Depends on how well I knew him before and how he asked me. I hang out with guy friends pretty frequently.
If it was the first time he and I had hung out AND we were to hang out alone, I'd be pretty suspicious of it being a date. Usually it's pretty obvious by the way people ask if it is a date. They're a little nervous and/or flirty.

>>17892464
>tfw you're old enough to read fairy tales again
I notice a lot of anons mentioning being fond of books here recently. It pleases me.

>>17892468
I stopped for a while as a teenager, so I'm happy to get back into it as an adult.

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Anyone can answer this.

Dinner and a movie is a worn out cliche right?

Not, cook dinner together at either house and watch netflix and chill.

No twist to it.

Or is it a timeless classic

>>17892478
Considering the amazing restaurants that have been popping up everywhere and the experiences movie theaters offer nowadays (they're becoming more comfortable and cool than any couch), go for it.
If it's a fancier theather with waiters, it's worth getting dessert instead of the restaurant just for the experience.

guys, i'm going to fuck my bf in about 2 minutes. anybody has any good ideas for something exciting i could do with him?

>>17892512
Lick his nipples

>>17892512
walk his dog

girls,
If a girl I recently know says she's interested in me and, questions me why my grades sucked last semester while I seemed so intelligent, should I tell her that I masturbated twice a day (to a specific type of porn), and watched the entirety of the Office, Modern Family, Poldark, and some other soap dramas...instead of, studying...? I mean how quickly would a girl lose interest? I feel like such a loser, while she's both pretty and has good grades.

>>17892559
you can say you were disinterested in studying and did other shit instead, but i'm not sure she needs to know the exact details of the type of porn you watch...

>>17892559
You should, so she won't waste her time on you. You really are a loser.

Girls:

I'm thinking about giving a girl homemade chocolates as a Christmas present. How do you think this would be received?

For context, we are involved with each other sexualy and emotionally but aren't together.

Girls and guys

as a 25, almost 26 year old male. How much relationship and sexual experience SHOULD I have?

>>17892561
Yes. My famous disinterest. She knew that, most of my friends know that, too. But she's still surprised (it was when I said I got a B on Perturbation theory, and how I stated a few days earlier that, in my opinion, a simple tool (Watson's lemma) could be useful for some ideas of hers), hence the question "what did you do?"

>>17892562
No. I only "feel" inferior to her, not to other people. I mean, I sorted of let go one semester, while not really being sure of my direction, research or accept the offer to work for some software company in SF bay area, which means moving to a different environment, and probably dealing with algorithms on large scale data, given my past interests, was rather banal. Then again, I am not sure the other direction will be fruitful, while definitely earns less money.

>>17892586
>hence the question "what did you do?"
oh shit lmao
well leave out the porn part at least. and you already know having good grades doesn't mean shit. she's not superior to you because she has better grades.

i've started worrying about the tone i think i see in the texts she sent me yesterday

i'm being stupid, right?

>>17892518
i did

>>17892546
dude... his dog died...

>>17892596
Did he liked?

>>17892604
me liking his nipples? yes. hes really into me playing with them. but he's more for sucking, nippling, pinching and pulling than licking.

any other ideas for next time we fuck?

>>17892609
meant nibbling ofc

>>17892609
Slap his face, do all that you mentioned but to his stomach/abs instead, finger his prostate.

>>17892609
invite your friends

>>17892593
yeah, text messages suck at conveying that kind of thing.
maybe she intended a tone in there, maybe she didn't, but it's really hard to tell from text. i choose not to read tone or things like that in texts, it saves me a lot of hassle.

>>17892609
bring the corpse of his dog

>>17892559
Absolutely not unless you are trying to scare her off. Yes everyone has periods where they slack and procrastinate and do bullshit, but painting them word pictures of you doing all that stuff hardly makes you more attractive. Just say you watched too much tv and had no motivation. No point in saying you strangled your dick twice daily while watching some niche porn.

>>17892563
Great, safe choice and shows effort.

>>17892614
that seems kind of mean...

fingering his prostata is on my list anyways. i do fingerfuck his ass frequently. how do i give a really good prostata massage? just hook my finger in the right direction and massage?

>>17892616
that would be awkward

>>17892624
that would be gross

>>17892626
>that seems kind of mean...
That's the point, a girl being aggressive and trying to fight and harm you is incredibly erotic.

>>17892626
http://www.whitelotuseast.com/SacredSpotMassage.htm

Do you think others' opinions have an impact on two friends becoming a couple? I'll be more specific. I'm in love with a friend and we're just that. However, every time we're with some other people/friends, they always make an observation about how cool and cute we're together, etc. strangers even think we're a couple and shit. Just want to know if these kind of things have an influence. I'm deeply in love so these things don't really matter to me. Just a thought

>>17892649
oh, I'm a dude and she's a girl. Forgot to mention that

>>17892635
i dunno anon... i'm into donination and humiliation, but being mean just seems - mean?
i believe there's good pain and bad pain. pinching nipples seems like good pain to me slapping someones face not so much.
but that might just be me
>>17892642
will check this out. thanks!

>>17892405
After we broke up we would hang out a few times as friends. But gradually it was reduced to only fb messaging then even that's been reduced as of late. So earlier she texted me to tell me about some stories at work, and we were chill and shit. Then I told her we should hang out tomorrow's night and she said she didn't want to. At this time we haven't seen eachother for almost 2 months.

So after some thinking and maybe a bit spur of the moment kind of thing I typed out a long rant which basically said that if she wanted to avoid me we should end this friendship entirely instead of hanging on. She didnt say anything that disagreed with what I said so I guess that was it.

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Hey girls, how could I suggest to my fwb/girl I'm seeing (& sleepign with regularly) that I'd really appreciate if she shaved down there? I've never got the chance to lick a girl who's all shaved and I would like to experience it.

>>17892669
If you're comfortable around each other to fuck you could just mention it while talking about things that turn you on. It's not such a big deal.
My boyfriend has preferences in terms of what I wear/how I do my hair/if I shave or not, I know it, I play along.

Girl whom I talk to (always have to be me to start conversations, though) all nice-like and laughs at my jokes and we see eachother kinda in social settings don't talk (usually we end up far away) but she, after leaving, texts me that I'ma dumbass who doesn't even look her in the eye...Isn't really interested, just being polite, right?

>>17892050
congrats in not giving the thread a title

>>17892625
>shows effort

Thanks, that's what I was going for. I am worried it's a bit boring though, like you said, it's very safe.

Do any other guys here get insecure/feel uncomfortable when you see your race of women with another race of guy?

Not sure why this is happening to me. It also confuses me as to which girls to go for and Im a rather good looking guy as I've been told and Im fit.

Hi, I'm
>>17892260
>>17892111

I thought of this a bit more. I think that I'm definitely not fit for having a partner and that I'm better off opting out of the dating pool.

The reason is that it's not healthy for me and my partner that I needed constant reassurance or that I relied so much on her for my emotional welfare. I want respect from women and in my current state I'll get none of that. My self esteem is not in an optimal point and all that I will do is to push my baggage on the girl.

What baffles me is that there are guys in situations worse than mine (like stoners or people with crippling, clinical depression) yet they manage to have a girlfriend. I kinda want to be talked out of my decision, but I also feel like I'm undateable like this. I have little confidence, and I'm unsure if girls will be able to put up with my emotions.

Help?

Girls

Could this be a reason for you to randomly stop responding?

We agreed to get together over break, but nothing concrete was set. When I tried to actually arrange something, she disappeared after telling me she was busy on that specific day. No reply when I tried to see if she knows when she's free

I've kinda been figuring that it may be some social anxiety. I am kinda thinking that she started to overcome her anxiety enough to make a tentative agreement but not enough for it to be set in stone.

Could explain why she didn't just say she's busy this week. Instead said nothing, so if she does work up the nerve, she can just say that she didn't see the message, while offering up a day. While if she said she's busy this week, would completely close it off, even if she worked up the nerve

>>17892754
Who the fuck knows, you dumb cunt? Every person is different and you don't give us enough personal info about her to make anything other than worthless assumptions.

>>17892761
I was just asking in general if it is possible.

Girls

If you're fooling around with a guy and you pull his pants off and his dick is just leaking so much pre-cum. Would you still blow him or would that be a turn off to see so much draining out?

>>17892754
Few details about this

>She is shy, and kinda doesn't acknowledge me unless I say something, then we can talk for a good while without issue. This is even when it is just us standing next to each other before class.

>Does not initiate texts, but is willing to talk for hours with detailed replies once I get her going

>I have seen her looking at me from a distance, sometimes locking eyes. (Once she began to crack a smile)

>When I asked for her number, she took my phone and punched it in. (It was the actual number, obviously)

>When I asked her to grab lunch the first time, she said she was busy that weekend, so I offered up Monday, which she accepted.

>When I ask her to meet up, it seems like she wants to, but we never actually follow through with it.

Girls :
On a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy anal sex ? (Assuming you already do that with your bf etc)

Girls who enjoy anal look pretty rare, i just want to have an hint on how much rare it is.
Guys, if you had anal sex with girls that liked it a lot, feel free to contribute.

>>17892814

Guy here. Never done that before, infact I've only ever had sex one time, and that was years ago... BUT, I have female friends, and they openly talk about sex. 4 out of 5 of them have done buttstuff. They said it feels really good

>>17892685
sounds like she's interested and you're shy
next time sit next to her, make the effort

>>17892822
Where are you from ? Im european and the girls i know mostly dont like it at all (2 are completely against it, a few tried and dont like it, i know only 1 who really love it and thats my fucking crush ;_;)

>>17892841

US. Female friends say it's fun, but some of them prefer vaginal sex, but they say buttstuff is close.

>>17892855
Oh yeah, all the girls who've done it, even the girl who like it vert much say that vaginal sex is better, but mostly because it's less work i guess ^^
Thanks for your experience bro

How unethical is it to be the catalyst that causes an online relationship to fracture?

Met this girl at college, over two years we end up getting close. Found out a couple of months ago she is in an online relationship with a guy she has never met. I am know if I make a move she would be receptive. And yes I legitimately like this girl.

What should I do?

>>17892868

>thanks for your experience

What. I don't have any experience. I was just relaying what I've heard

How do I convince my friend/ roommate that I'm not "using" my overweight girlfriend?

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I feel really fucking bad about myself

I had sex last night, for the first time in the past 6 years. I shouldn't have done it and I feel really fucking depressed right now. The 2 times I had sex in the past (6 years ago) were with 2 dumb sluts that I didn't care about. Both were a terrible experience and I promised myself that I wouldn't have sex again until I met someone I actually cared about. Well.. last night I was fucking stupid and lonely and went home with some slut. god fucking dammit I feel bad. I feel like I threw my fucking values in the trash. I feel dirty

>>17892707
bump
>>17892884
tell him you like fat chicks? Some guys do, I don't but I accept that some guys do. Some guys like fit girls, some like bodybuilder girls, some like model skinny.

>>17892869
go for it
i just wouldn't get too far in the relationship without being sure that she broke up with the LDR guy

I realized in most cases of me having to get over an ex, deal with just being friends with someone I liked, etc. My sexual feelings towards them brought me down much much much more than my romantic feelings. Yes the romantic feelings do get to me and bring me down, but sexual feelings towards people really really really gets into my head and f***s with me. It has me worried, is there something wrong with the way I perceive sex? Why is it I develop what seems like a sexual obsession towards people?

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>Ask girl out/tell her like her
>"Anon, you're my perfect guy, but not for where I am in life right now."
>"You're too much like a brother to me."
>"You seem like a relationship guy and I don't want to hurt you."

You get the idea. This has been a recurring thing for my whole time in college and I must be giving off some sort of vibe but don't know what it is. I don't have major trouble for one off flings but when it's a girl I actually give a damn about it always ends like this, any advice?

>>17893005
Chances are if it happens with all attempts at getting girls your the problem

>>17893009
You're their future beta provider, when their looks start to fate and they aren't sexually attracted to you.

>>17893057
It really is shitty to think that some people are so inherently unattractive through no fault of their own that they're just never gonna find women that like them

Whats a good way to open with girls on tinder or dating sites?

Always feels like the most awkward part. In person I can do it no problem but over text its just weird

>>17893066
In his case I think it's less because he is ugly and more because he's boring and naive (they can easily fool him to marry them with their looks later in life, maybe even raise a kid that's not his, and he will provide).

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>>17893066
>>17893096

Kek, thanks guys for the pep talk. Any way to bypass this at all?

If it helps I've gone out of my way to be more outgoing in general. I started even doing stand up regularly with my college's comedy group and have done pretty well, and friends have told me I'm a lot more confident and sociable than I used to be.

>>17893009
>>17893066
>>17893116

Stop fucking around with relationships and just women in general

Just focus on your shit, you need to be more of a dick
Be selfish, self serving, focus on you above others first.

It'll make you more interesting, you'll feel more fulfilled, you'll do more fun things and be a more attractive person for it.

Guys,

How do I get out of the friendzone and into the hook up zone with a guy that I'm interested in?

>>17893124

No such thing as the friend zone with guys

If he finds you attractive, he'll be down to fuck if you openly flirt with him and make yourself available.

If he doesn't, he wont

>>17893124

Go get drinks with him and be touchy

>>17893124
text him you want to watch netflix at your or his place, while at it put your hands in his pants.

>>17893132

Guy here

That's not true. Just because sex might be "avalible" doesn't mean I'm going to do it.

this is for the girls:

i don't know if i should text her now or wait or what

didn't send her a christmas card because she should show me how much she means the text she sent me

but
on the other hand i want to know the truth behind all of that text
just tell me if you're still with him or if you guys have broken up and you're ok with me making advances

>>17893124
we have 0 details, so who knows
have you went on a date with him?

>>17893116
The guys that do well with girls are the ones that are happy enough with themselves to simply not give a fuck if the pursuits work out.

Get used to rejection, it can and will happen a lot.

I'd say to even the best "pick up artists" get shot down a solid 9 times out of 10, probably more

>>17893009
I'm going to guess that with people you fall for you befriend them first and show very little signs of affection towards them. You have to approach them the same way you would those flings, you need to flirt. You need to make them attracted to you. Don't confess your feelings, and don't even ask them out. Once you decide you want them, make them want you and WHEN they want you, ask them out on a date somewhere.

>>17892888

Anyone have anything for me?

>>17893150
yeah it's just sex don't sweat it
sex isn't some kind of sacred ritual, sometimes you have it, sometimes it's good and sometimes not

>>17893155

The part that's really Fucking with me is I abandoned my values. You might not value sex, but I think it's a big deal. Think of something that's really
Important to you, and just think if you fucked up and threw away whatever value that is. I feel fucking awful and gross

>>17892649
shameful bump

>>17893139
bumping

>>17893124
he just has to like you. For people saying guys don't have a friend zone, Im a guy and I do. I have 8/10 looks and a fit body, so I can get female attention without trying. If a girl wants to fuck me and I know she does interracial hookups, I'll hang out with her if she's cool. I will not fuck her though, that's instant friend zone.
>>17892707
bump again

>>17893140
No. I've known him for a couple years from uni stuff.

>>17893132
>>17893133
I invited him to get drinks with me, but no dice. I'm pretty sure there's no hope, I Just didn't want to give up without trying.

If you take a break from working, it looks bad on your resume.

If you take a break from dating, does it look bad?

I just got out of a LTR which helped me realize everything I need to work on in life before I'm really ready for a relationship.

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I've been friends with a guy for 15 years. I am his closest friend, and the only person he talks openly to.
I have been in a relationship for 10 years. He has fucked around and had brief flings since we were 14. He's attractive, funny and I care about him a lot, but he's a mess - he has a bunch of mental and emotional issues I can tolerate as a friend, but would never tolerate in a relationship.

Yesterday he told me he is in love with me.

How do I handle it gracefully?

Anybody? >>17892725

>>17893222
You tell him that you don't see him likewise and that you don't see him as a potential couple.

I don't know if this is graceful enough, I'm not feeling well but at least I try I suppose.

>>17893222
foxanon, is that you?
on your issue, do you really think he is a unfixable mess you can't even try?

To girls who like bad boys... why don't you like crazy guys? More often than not they're the baddest

>>17893137

If you're available and you like a girl why wouldn't you get with her?

>>17893165

>You might not value sex, but I think its a big deal

Thats the thing: You are wrong and by being wrong you are causing yourself distress

>>17893216

People will only care as much as you make them. Make a big deal out of it and people will make a big deal about it

>>17893238
I eventually will have to. But what the fuck can I say, if he asks me why?
I cannot just tell a person "I am in love with someone else, and even if I wasn't I wouldn't date you because you're too messed up. Still besties, right?"

>>17893300
No, it's not me.
I am in love with my boyfriend, I don't want to break up with him. And yes, he's fucked up, and I'm not great at fixing people.

>>17892725
You didn't really ask a question, that's why nobody's answering you fucking loser.
Start meditating.

>>17892944
Anyone got anything for me?

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>>17892050
Women: What would you consider a fuckboy? I'm afraid I might be one

>>17892944
Human primal instinct. It's regret that you missed those chances to spread your seed.
Only solution is more intercourse, have you tried tinder?

>>17893325
>But what the fuck can I say, if he asks me why?
You don't owe any more explanations. You don't like him, period. "I have a boyfriend" is an acceptable explanation however, so long as it's true.

>>17893326
I did, although you gotta read carefully. Please talk me out of my mindset or tell me that I'm in the right track.

>>17893345
I use Tinder frequently, not very much success though. I'll get maybe 1 or 2 matches every couple of weeks, most of them don't even talk to me.

I've gotten one date off of Tinder, we made out and then she blocked my number for some unknown reason. Seems like I ONLY get the rare tinder girls that actually are on there looking for something more, too.

Basically, tinder isn't getting me laid

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Went on a not-date with female friend who I havent seen in years, she was pretty nervous and admitted to it, made lots of jokes, played with her hair and did pic related. There was also a lot of touching going on.
Why would a she be that nervous if we are just friends? Am I right recieving mixed signals?

>>17893349
You are emotionally unstable. Solve that by going to therapy or do as I do. Start meditating. Get a grip on your thoughts and feelings and don't let them take you over and enslave you. First step is deeply observing those thoughts and emotions and becoming more aware of them. (Tip: try an app called smiling mind).
Love and all that blabla comes after you've fixed this.

You could also stay skeptical to I've everything I've said and continue your life as emotionally unstable by never adressing this core issue.

>>17893320

How am I wrong?

>>17893317

Because I won't have sex with someone I'm not in a relationship with. I don't care how hot they are, they could be a 10/10 but I still won't do it unless we were dating.

>>17893357
from what you're saying, it seems she's interested in you anon

So you know that classic joke "men can either be right or be happy in a relationship"

Are women generally that childish? Do you honestly just have to smile and nod to even the most insane bullshit that comes out of their mouths?

Speaking of, why does it seem like every woman nowadays is a psycho, alcoholic with trust issues?

Guys,

I started to like a guy I put on the friendzone and it seems that he has moved on, how do I get him to like me again?

>>17893467
Show him some leg.

>>17893467
WTF is wrong with you. Are you only happy if this guy is miserable

>>17893467
Leave him alone. You don't like him you're just bored.

What you're doing is only making men more emboldened in their beliefs that women are crazy

>>17893457
"Women" aren't anything.
There isn't a characteristic typical to all women, as there isn't a characteristic typical to all men.

Some women are childish and want to be always right, some women aren't.

>>17893467
>>17893357
Is this you?

>>17893379
any other possible reasons? I know we both like each other but I am in a relationship and so is she, even if she's unhappy.

>>17893457
I think you're looking in the wrong places if you think women are that neurotic. In general they have the same anxieties men have about relationships and it comes off more direct because they are you upfront about their emotions while we prefer a different method.


The drinking is a problem though

>>17893467
Fuck off and leave him alone.

>>17893457
As a non-drinking girl, it seems every guy is an alcoholic. I think it's fair match between the girls and the guys. My ice tea preference seems to bother anyone who isn't religious.

>>17893369
I'm undergoing therapy. It's just that I haven't had my sessions in two weeks and apparently it's starting to take a big toll. I honestly feel lost at this point. I'm addressing everything but I need ways to cope... Meditation sounds like something that I should be doing, to be honest. Thank you very much.

>>17893472
>>17893473
>>17893480
He currently is my landlord/roomate, We've known each other for 10 years and we even dated a bit at one point.

I moved in with him because I was having problems in my parent's home and he was renting a room to my best friend. At first I thought that there shouldn't be any issues with her living there but I started to get really irritated by her while also developing feelings for him, It's really interesting how living together with someone makes you know them for who they really are.

>>17893501
No way, I try not to give mixed signals or be that obvious.

>>17893581
Luckily enough I'm not alcoholic so, you know, not all of us follow that route. Oh, and I'm not religious either!

My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me because "she feels like she needs to go out on her own and live life".

How the fuck could she do this to me, throwing this away basically because she wants to go around and fuck other guys.

>>17893623

:(

>>17893623
Have you ever noticed that the people with this

>I need to fuck the entire world!

Mindset are always paired with people who want something more stable?

Is a lack of sexual experience a bad thing?

>>17892908
I said I truly find her attractive but she didn't believe me. My friend is a woman and she isn't jealous either since she's a lesbian. I've never dated an overweight girl, the reason she thinks I'm using her is because I previously dated traditionally attractive women. My last gf was literally a model.

>>17893623
Be greatful that it didnt last three times that.

>>17892059
No

>>17892060
I've only ever been with my one partner. Feels good man.

>>17893665
If you're a guy, yes.
But girls are pretty stupid, so it's easy to lie to them.

>>17892111
Like the other anon said, confidence is powerful. Confidence is necessary for overall success in all areas of life, which is attractive on a conscious, rational level. Confidence is also attractive on an unconscious, biological level for this same reason.

>>17893930

I am a guy.. why is it bad

>>17893947
Who knows the exact reason, but I got my first bitch by lying to her about my past experience with girls.
It just makes you more attractive since in the girl's mind, she's thinking ''Other girls liked him, so I must like him too.''

Girls

How would you interpret the inclusion of smiley in a Happy Birthday message?

>>17893457
No, I think even the bitchy women who insist that that's what they want end up unhappy because they really would rather have a strong man instead of a weak "yes dear" kind of spineless beta guy.

>>17893665
Nope. Promiscuity is a bad thing, at least to me.

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Alright. I’ve had enough.

To summarize some things, I’ve been thinking about this particular girl on a daily basis with constant romantic thoughts and scenarios. I want to date her, I have this animal instinct to get to know her. But here’s the problem: I can’t predict her. On some occasions it seems like she wants to talk to me but I have theories. On the other hand she’s shown like she finds me as an annoyance, which to me sounds accurate, although it conflicts with the possibility that she can see me more than just a friend. Here is the scoop:

>Good stuff:
>She’s shy and an introvert who doesn’t open up completely unless she knows you well.
>Previously, we sent each other music she and I enjoyed, and although I was the person mainly sending stuff she still sent me some good songs
>Once she gave me the other end of her earpiece and we listened to Kings of Leon and shit. She wasn’t sitting next to me but rather the seat in front
>She said she wanted to hang out after school because we haven’t seen each other in a while
>We talked about our families and actually had good conversations
>Friday the 16th I asked her to a movie and she responded with “I don’t know” and “maybe”. The key here is that she didn’t say “No”. I told her to text me later if she wanted to or not.

>Feels Bad Man
>She rarely texts me if ever
>When I see in the halls during school and I try to say hi, she either doesn’t respond or mouths the word Hi and rolls her eyes
>I have a feeling that my friend (Let’s call him ‘Chad’) told her how I feel (That I feel ignored) and that she’s making an almost hated effort to seem kind me.

What now, Anons? What can you make of it?

>>17893352
That's pretty par for course here for me, these girls don't understand what tinder is actually for

>>17893992
>>Friday the 16th I asked her to a movie and she responded with “I don’t know” and “maybe”. The key here is that she didn’t say “No”. I told her to text me later if she wanted to or not.
Mistakes were made.
When someone turns you down for a date, say, "Okay, when will you be free next?"
Ask her out on another date. And use the word "date" in your request.

Sounds like she's just messing around.

>>17893978

Then why is it so normalized? It seems like everyone does that now adays. I asked a female friend last night on average how many boys have Uni seniors slept with. And she told me 10. she said "I'm below average, but I've been with 7 guys".

>>17893970
I wouldn't think about it

>>17894012
I guess probably won't have an affect.

But what if the guy never uses smileys?

>>17893341
Fuckboy is now a meaningless term that was appropriated by normies. Here it used to mean pretty much the same as faggot, "boy who gets fucked", so that's what I still see it as. I have no idea what these other girls mean when they use it, probably just "guy who used/scorned me".

>>17893936
You can be confident in different areas, and unconfident in others.

The sort of confidence I'm talking about is more social in nature. Knowing how to talk to girls, showing a certain demeanor, I don't know, something.

I don't even know what women like anyways. I had a lengthy talk with my mom on this topic. I brought a point up and she was unsure about what to say anymore, but she did say something interesting:

>Anon, it's not because I want to be annoying but, you gotta dress better. Well dressed men are hot and sexy. Why do you think your ex liked you? Because you were dressing very well when she met you.

Girls, is this true?

>>17894016
I wouldn't think about that either.
I might notice it if he always does/never does and then switches to never using them/using them excessively.

>>17894021
Yes confidence in social situations and interacting with girls is attractive, and so is dressing well.

>>17894028
True. True.

I guess a singular smiley won't have much of an affect. If anything, maybe slightly positive, but not necessarily negative.

Because with this girl, I never used any sort of emoji, so I was questioning if maybe a single use might be interpreted as something by her

>>17893972
A friend is a yes dear husband. I get his wife all amped up telling her to do some housewife shit like taking out the trash, cleaning her shit out of the sink or the pile of laundry on the floor. I can see the "oh no please don't start this shit again" in his face. And then I leave and go home to peace and quiet and a clean flat. I'm not really invited out anymore..wonder why

>>17893222
I suggest telling him that you don't feel the same way. Don't use your boyfriend as an excuse, because he'll just wonder what would happen if you broke up with him. If he keeps pressing you, just talk in circles.

"I'm sorry, I just don't feel the same way."
>Why not?
"You're a great friend to me, but I want to keep it as that."
>But why don't you love me?
"I just don't. I'm sorry."
>Just tell me why!
"I don't know what else I can tell you. I'm sorry."

>>17894011
Probably just the environment and people you're around make you think it's normalized. Universities, especially party ones, are an environment that doesn't accurately reflect the whole world. The average number of lifetime sexual partners in the US is something like 4 to 6, and millenials are expected the have the lowest since the Greatest Generation, as number of sexual partners has been decreasing since the baby boomers high, interestingly enough.

>>17894036
>Yes confidence in social situations
Uh, how do you go about improving this especially if you're shy or awkward?

>and interacting with girls is attractive
Wait, what? A men who interacts with girls is attractive?

>and so is dressing well.
I suppose that I could do this. I've got some sense of aesthetics so I guess I can pick decent clothes for me. It's gonna be expensive but if anything it'll pay in the long run.

>>17894052
Sorry, I probably should have worded it better. Confidence when interacting with girls, as well as confidence in any social situation, is attractive.

>>17893485
I had a ex like this. Would not admit she was in the wrong no matter what. Like it was a game or something. One day she said something along the lines of if you don't like it why don't you just leave. So, got up, put my shoes on and walked out. Was literally begging and pleading for me not to leave and that she didn't mean it. Well, one reason she's now an ex

I broke up with my girlfriend due to being depressed. Now I'm fine. Always around the same time of year, July/August, too. Like late summer seasonal effective disorder. Wondering if I should get in touch with her? I didn't really miss her then because I just needed to unfuck myself and mindset but now I find myself doing so, holiday season aside

>>17894052
>a men
a man* christ I'm tired

>>17894054
Oh I think I get it.

My question still stands, it's already difficult the more socially awkward of us, especially when our confidence is down the drain.

What do? Because I don't even know how to be more confident. I could fake it until I make it, maybe show some body language, but confidence is super difficult to fake and the lack of it will eventually slip. So there has to be another way I suppose?

>>17894050

Ok that's interesting.

I'm a guy, and I don't believe in hook ups or casual sex. I think both of those things are very trashy. I hooked up 1 time and it was a big regret, I felt really bad about it. that was years ago, I've never had a girlfriend before either tho... it just seems to me all people do is sex sex sex. So it makes me feel as if I'm doing something wrong because I'm not going along with the system? the few people who know my huge lack of experience were shocked and acted like I'm weird..

>>17894071
You're not weird anon. Don't let others pressure you into that stuff, and hopefully you'll find likeminded people.

>>17894077

I've never met a single like minded person. All of my friends are Alphas and get sex a lot. My female friends are hot and are always going out with guys. And they all always say "anon go meet some girls, you need to use your dick!" And "sex is the most natural thing we humans do, go be natural and enjoy sex with cute girls" all the time....

>>17894085
Perhaps you just have the kind of personality or mutual interests that attract those kinds of people, but keep searching and give it more time and you'll find others like you.

>>17894071
>>17894085
Guy here and I'm literally likeminded. The only time I had a "hookup" with somebody I already knew, I regretted it. I felt shitty and super attached to her and that's when I realized that I am literally unable to have hookups, not at least without an emotional toll.

We're not wrong bro. We know what we can give, and we cannot afford to give it to just anybody because not every girl is worth it. Don't lose heart!

>>17894093

It just seems like that any girl I'll meet in the future will probably have done the casual sex thing. My female friends say all girls have done that at some point. It's just really disappointing because I just think it's such a trashy trait. It makes me not even want to date Tbh. Just because it's such a high probability that the girl has engaged in casual sex and FwB before.

>>17894095

It's hard to not lose motivation man. I'm 26 years old. The older I get, girls have been with more and more guys..

>>17894111
Lol well you're talking to a girl who has only ever been with one partner and we are waiting to have sex. Don't get discouraged. Being older might make it harder, but I'd say you could find a girl with an equal sexual history and value system to yours.

>>17894111
https://www.reddit.com/r/thelastpsychiatrist/comments/5iylah/jean_claude_guillebaud_1999_the_tyranny_of/

>>17894111
>It's hard to not lose motivation man. I'm 26 years old. The older I get, girls have been with more and more guys..
I know. I'm 27 and I'm >>17892111 and all the corresponding responses. I know how it feels. It's super difficult to not lose heart, hell even I have no idea what to do about it, other than just find a way to be attractive at least. Because in hell I'm going to just go around in casual flings, those aren't for me.

But I refuse to believe that this is the end of it. Somebody HAS to like us somehow.

>>17894124

I just don't know.. i just can't see it happening Tbh.

>>17894126

Nobody has to like us anon. I think it's just luck, and the values we have are dead in our society..

>>17894132
>Nobody has to like us anon.
Billions of women (...fine, a reduced universe of them, but it's still a lot) in the world and not even a single soul likes what we have to offer? Let me say that I find this impossible. Chances are high.

>I think it's just luck, and the values we have are dead in our society..
They are not. Sure, we are some sort of counterculture. We don't follow the "pleasure first" whole thing and we cannot detach sex from affection. Rare traits in a man.

But aren't things that are "exotic" more attractive anyways? Girls could find an easy fling anywhere. But a man who will follow through? Their efforts must be doubled.

Guys,
If you tell a girl you enjoyed talking to her and that if she ever gets bored she should hit you up again sometime, and she says the same goes for you, how long do you think it should take her to talk to you again? A day? A couple days? A week?

A guy I recently started talking to said that to me last night before bed and I don't want to seem annoying or anything by texting him too soon, but I also don't want to take too long and make it seem like I'm not interested in getting to know him. We've only talked a couple times, but he always intitated.

>>17894143

Perhaps. But for me, it's just hard to accept that pretty much any girl I'd ever date will have more than likely experienced casual sex. I don't expect to find a virgin. But I just think casual sex is wrong.

>>17894187
It's a case by case basis. I'd love it if she hit me up as soon as possible, maybe the following day, two days tops.

But then that's me, I hate emotionally distant girls. There are some guys who prefer them to be a bit more distant.

>>17894193
You don't have to, for two reasons.

1) Not all girls experience casual sex like you imagine. And consider that some of them even get tricked into casual sex while they expect a decent relationship and then the guy bails.

2) What you really should consider is if the girl respects the monogamy in the relationship. She could've been a whore, but if she's with you, respects and loves the hell out of you, makes you feel like a king and on top of that is super loyal (unlikely for a woman who's more sexually liberal, but not impossible), then you should weight all of those factors to her favor. Her history should not be a burden, unless she keeps indulging on the same behaviors.

>>17894216

>she could have been a whore

That's a problem for me. Because it shows people's values. It's a trait. I just think it's really trashy how people can just have sex with really anyone so freely as if it's nothing. That's a trait I really really dislike...

I understand what you mean by as long as she's loyal to her boyfriend. I get that part. But it just bothers me how some people can just fuck each and swap body fluids other like it's not big deal. I see that as a personal trait that I find really unattractive

>>17894234
>But it just bothers me how some people can just fuck each and swap body fluids other like it's not big deal
I get you, I really do. Some days ago I was chatting with a female friend and she told me something about her sexually liberal past. Although I do value the courage that she had for telling me (you don't tell this to just anybody so openly), I did feel like crap because I'm unable to do the same - it was some insecurity coming from me (isn't this your same issue? I'd suggest self examination). I cannot wrap my head around their mindset (her explanation was "it was fun!"), but hey, my opinion about her wasn't any better or worse.

tl;dr: The issue is on me. Each to their own. I don't understand their mindset either, but if a girl comes and admits to be sexually liberal I would indeed feel insecure.

men, is there any reason why you would not get your GF or wife a Christmas present? like is that just a regular guy thing forgetting about something like that?

>>17894244

I don't think it's a insecurity. We just have values.

>>17894216
That makes sense. I don't know him well enough to know what he'd prefer though. Maybe I'll try hitting him up tomorrow then. Thank you!

>>17894234
i feel this exact same way. the idea of letter random guys fuck me makes me feel physically sick. I'm not embarrassed or anything I just don't want to sleep around like that it's trashy and usually ends up in STDs or multiple baby daddies.

>>17894250
I have values, yes, but sometimes tradeoffs must be made. I'm not going to ditch an otherwise wonderful person just because of a detail, although if that detail on top of other personality quirks make it clear that we're not compatible that's fine too, I'm not gonna lose my time with somebody whose values do not match mine.

I would only look at that if the rest of her values aren't matching to mine, or if our personalities don't mesh together easily.

I'd still suggest self examination. It's up to you if you believe otherwise, but those are my two cents.

>>17894255
No problem!

>>17894257
This >>17894258 also goes for you. I agree with your point of view, because I cannot wrap my head around that sexually liberal mindset. But if you see a guy who is otherwise great, go for it. If he keeps having flings or you just do not mesh well together, then of course ditch him.

>>17894247
My family doesnt really do presents. Not just for Christmas, but also stuff like birthdays and whatever else. Admittedly I forget that it goes against the norm at times. If his family does do gifts for holidays, I don't really see an excuse. If it was a matter of budget, I would have assumed he'd have talked to you about it.

>>17894216
>Her history should not be a burden, unless she keeps indulging on the same behaviors.
Strongly disagree. I've always had the same general values, at a bare minimum it shows we reached the same point for fundamentally different reasons. Your history is a part of you, and a relationship means you accept the whole of who they are.

>>17894250
Not that anon (I'm the girl who was replying to you earlier if I'm still talking to the same anon I'm thinking of), but I agree with you. I know what insecurity feels like, and what I feel towards promiscuity isn't insecurity. As horrible as it is to say, it's a feeling of aversion, disgust, and looking down upon the person.

>>17894247

I have skipped a few gifts on different occasions for different reasons (overworked, stressed, busy, etc;), but not for christmas I think. I might go buy it on Dec 23rd, but I always make an effort to get something

>>17894187

Talk to him. If he didn't mean it, it's his fault, not yours. Assume that he was honest and text him too. Always having to start convos sucks as a guy because you never know if you're being inconveniente or not, so make sure you start it now that he gave you the opportunity.

>>17894266
no it's a deal breaker for me. I find it repulsive and nasty when people sleep around. I'm married I have only ever fucked my husband. he's had two serious relationships before me. if he had been one of those guys that sleep around with random girls I would have never talked to him. ever person I have met that is slutty like that is a bad person in other ways to. usually they use people like to party and drink regularly, are stupid and vapid. like you can tell talking to them they are either stupid and don't realize they are being used or they are the user themselves. I have just never seen the appeal in that.

>>17894268

>it's a feeling of aversion, disgust, and looking down upon the person.

Exactly. It would be the same for me as if I started dating a girl and if I found out she used to be addicted to drugs in her past. But she was currently clean. I wouldn't be able to date someone like that. There is no way. I see casual sex the same way. just how can people so freely suck on each other's body parts and everything like it's no different than any other activity.. I really think it's gross.

If a girl says "I was hurt in my last relationship and I'm taking a break" does that mean "maybe later" or "give it up"?

>>17894288
You should treat is as a "give it up"

>>17894282
Alright, I definitely will then, thanks. But regardless of gender, I think the second thing you said goes both ways. I always feel like I'm being inconvenient when I text people first. That, and I don't want to come off as annoying and clingy or anything like that. I never know how to start conversations either, so I just generally never initiate. I have no idea what to send to him so I'll probably end up not doing it until tomorrow anyway.

>>17894286
yes, like maybe I'd make an exception if they like had a sluty fase in highschool or something or tried drugs for a short while. but if a person dose that for any extended period of time then they are probably just that way, like it's in there personality and something they are going to do there whole life. I'm not going to condem someone who had sex with a few guys in highschool or tried coke once or twice but if they are doing that stuff regularly or for like years in their adult life then I wouldn't want anything to do with them

>>17894267
>>17894268
>>17894285
>>17894286
>>17894301
Damn. I don't know if I'm too naive or accepting, then. I wouldn't do it, I totally wouldn't, and I don't agree with that lifestyle. But maybe I overvalue people? I don't know.

>>17894293
Thanks. I was hoping it meant the former. But you're right, even if it's "maybe later" it would be subjecting myself to torture by holding onto hope. Still feels bad though.

>>17894299

It's just that some women have the impression they should play hard and never text first. I agree that the feeling of inconvenience can go both ways though. But since he gave you that opening, I don't see a reason not to use it.

Ladies

Will it be any sort of red flag that I work out to compensate for my 5.5 inch dongo?

>>17894332

Guy here, but dude your dick is bigger than mine.

>>17894307
maybe so. I don't really value people at all. there are hords of us the world is over full. I care about my family and realize other people care about theirs but there are tons of shity people I the world, junkies, lazy neck beards, stupid sluty girls that dump out babies they don't take care of. I only value people who are trying to make good lives for themselves and contribute to our species as a whole. people who work hard and try to make the world better. seems like most people are very selfish and don't really think outside of what feels good or is fun for them.

>>17894337
I'm also 24...

So theres this girl I like and I want an excuse to hang out with her. I am getting lunch with a good friend tomorrow. Would it be weird to ask this girl if she wants to come with? She knows both of us but rarely sees us because of homeschooling/ college.

>>17894341

I'm 25

>>17894340
There ya go, I don't think likewise. I value people and genuinely care about them. But eh, each to their own.

>>17894310
That's annoying as hell, and a very stupid notion. I never text first simply because of my insecurities and poor social skills. You're right though, he gave me the option so there's no reason to not take advantage of it. I'll definitely contact him soon then. Thank you again!

>>17894348
why? why care about people who are bringing themselves and our wold down? this whole pc everyone is a special snowflake doesn't make any sense

>>17894345
>would it be weird if you asked a girl out for lunch

yes, women hate eating and only achieve homeostasis through extracting alpha chad seed, which you clearly do not possess.

>>17894360
I will leave it at that. I won't explain my point of view because it's very unlikely to be understood by anybody here. If you don't value people that's okay!

My gf wishes she cared less about me so she had more power in the relationship, is this normal?

>>17894376
She might be a sociopath

>>17894376
No, your relationship is clearly messed up

>>17894380
>>17894379
What if your bf lies on the internet to get random anonymous people to be against you?

>>17894386
He sounds like a cool guy

>>17894376
It's not really normal for her to voice this to you.

I can sort of kind of understand her mindset, because I'm coping with a form of that right now. My last relationship was unhealthy and codependent. I was my ex's everything. My current boyfriend, we are equals. It's taken me some time to get used to it, because I had equated my ex's obsession with love. It was an important lesson for me to learn.
I wouldn't ask for my current relationship to be any different, though.

I am surprised that your girlfriend phrased it as her liking you less, rather than you liking her more.

>>17894369
every time I ask someone who has a view point like this to explain, they always either start hurling insults or just say they won't be understood. I mean thank you for not flinging insults right off the bat, but I have to wonder is it just that you think we are to narrow minded or is it that you don't really know why you feel that way yourself other then that you've been told it's the more exceptible way of viewing things

>>17894392
It's neither of those things. I don't consider others more narrow minded, that would be an insult, and the explanation is pretty clear for me.

Think of this as political thoughts. None of them is clearly in the wrong, yet trying to explain one is worthless because every person has their own thoughts on the matter. It's highly controversial and likely to initiate a pointless argument. And as such I just opt out of the discussion.

>>17894386
Then you're the one messing it up one

>>17894392
I'm not that anon, but I'll give you some perspective on why I care about and value people.

I value people because I view humanity as a collective. I want us all to succeed. It's hard to balance that on an individual scale to a global scale, because sometimes the success of an individual takes away the success of the group, or vis versa.
I do think that being kind and open to individuals builds up and makes things better for everyone. I set a standard for the people around me. I improve an individual's day, even if just for a moment.
Of course, there is a selfish side to this where I do this because I want people to like me. It works pretty damn well. But I like to see people happy. I don't need them to know it was me. Because I know it was me, and it makes me like myself better.

I consider the human race to be part of a family. Why do people care about their family's wellbeing, even if they are assholes? Sometimes you have to cut particularly unhealthy family out of your life. But generally, people have a higher tolerance for family than for friends/coworkers/strangers. I just extend that tolerance out wider, I suppose.

>>17892725
I think the decision to avoid dating for a little while is a wise one. You'd probably be able to find a girlfriend in your state because as you said people in worse situations than you are in relationships. However you would just end up dragging some poor girl into your mental drama and it would eventually ruin your relationship.

>>17894415
I'm that anon and although my reasons are not exactly the same, I agree with your mindset.

>>17894418
Precisely, I don't want to break anybody. Thank you, I should probably fix myself first!

>>17894415
being polite isn't valuing someone tho. that's more a reflection of your worth as a person that you aren't an ass hole. like I'm polite to people all the time, it doesn't mean I like them or think they are good. it just means I want to make my way through the day without and issue or unpleasantness. I don't really cut my family anymore slack then anyone else. like my dad's abusive so I don't speak to him. i know he has a host of excuses as to why he's like that but since he's not willing to work to change that I just cut him out of my life. I don't except and bull shit behavior twords me from strangers and I don't from people I know.

>>17894436
It's less about what I do for people and more why. You are polite because you want your day to go smoothly. I am polite and go out of my way to do nice things for people because I think they deserve some niceness in their lives. I think everyone has their own things going on. I think there's a reason that people are cruel, and that is it sad that that happened. There is a lot of pain in the lives of cruel people. I've had to learn to step back from them because they need to help themselves. I have tried to help them before. Like your dad, if they can't change I have to value myself too.
I still care about those people, and I hope that they find peace.

I value everyone, but that doesn't mean that I let them all into my life.

How do guys feel about 'open relationships'? A guy I like is apparently in one, but the girl has another boyfriend besides him.

>>17894578
>/pol/ is satire

>>17894578

That's fucking werid

>>17894578

Not my tea of cup, but to each their own. I'm becoming more open minded after me and my gf grew some feelings towarda a girl we had a threesome with. It sounds weird and maybe it will ever be, but just like gay people, they're people like anyone else besides their relationship options.

Girls:

Do you still expect the guy to foot the bill on a date?
And if you're a girl going out on a date with a couple, would you expect the couple to pay for everything?

>>17894769
No, and no. I have a good job; I can pay for my half (or third, in that case). I wouldn't deliberately 3rd wheel in the first place though.

>>17894307
>I don't know if I'm too naive or accepting
Or you just have different values? I don't really give a shit about what you do, it just gets old when people try to tell me it's just a matter of insecurity when I just find their actions pretty sad.

>>17894578
Never. Would probably dump a woman on the spot if she asked for one. Generally find them pathetic, since in the real world one partner is almost always forced into it. I'd be inclined to guess that's what's going on with your guy there at a glance, but nothing I'd stand behind.

>>17894376
Major red flag, don't be surprised if she does something stupid in the near future.

>>17894774
That's what I expect desu. But we only did this once. The girl was our age (28) and also had a good job, so there wasn't even a concern for us.
We're doing it again but the girl is in college, no job (not common in my country), 22, and likes to go to a bit more expensive places to drink, and she doesn't drink much. Like I said, I wouldn't expect a girl to anyone else to pay for her in this day and age, not to mention doing something so "modern" as going on a date with a couple. But it couldn't hurt to ask.

>>17894787
>Or you just have different values?
Probably.

>it just gets old when people try to tell me it's just a matter of insecurity when I just find their actions pretty sad.
I don't know, I was projecting and telling you what I thought made more sense. But it's okay, it's up to you really.

ladies or dudes:

how obvious is it to somebody that you have the hots for them?

heres my situation: im p much completely socially retarded and i dont even know how to make friends, and the only thing close to a social life i have is my shitty retail job. one of my managers is a super hot (to me anyway) lady that is for the most part nice to me and id drag myself through a mile of broken glass if she asked me, and i get really uncomfortable about if she (and anybody else) can tell my feelings and end up mocking me behind my back.

i mean i dont creep on her or anything as far as i know, but shes like the only girl i really go out of my way to talk to

>>17894645
I think so too. I thought open relationship was another phrase for FWB. But he calls her his girlfriend.

>>17894651
Maybe it's something like that? But it would be full time love triangle. He's long distance with her and has mentioned "her boyfriend". I've never heard of something like that.

>>17894800
Not sure if he's the other guy, or the original boyfriend. Glad it sounds odd to other people honestly. I just wonder if he's happy with the arrangement.

>>17894943
>I just wonder if he's happy with the arrangement.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I always hear about these perfect poly relationships online, but never seen it in the real world. Hell I remember one chick who described her primary relationship as exactly that, but then I actually met her and realized it was just as fucked as all of the others.

A happy poly relationship is pretty much a meme at this point.

>>17894852
if it's your superior at work I'd not shit where you eat and assume she's just being nice

>>17894945
I've only heard about it as religious cults or swinger couples.

he hasn't said anything bad about either of them so I can't tell. I guess it's not really my business, just feel bad since he's a really sweet guy. I could never be in poly relationship so it's hard to understand.

>>17894943
Are you sure he is her "boyfriend", or just a lover?

Idk, like I said, I've been more open to poly love recently. But when I looked into it I got surprised by how many names and settings they come in. "Polyamory" people seemed to me like the gender theorists nuts, full of definitions and labels, but most of the time you can boils it down to the common terms: fwb, cuck, and so on.

I don't know if you asked this because you like this guy, but personally I wouldn't recommend you go beyond fwb, unless you're extremely open minded to those poly relationship setups.

>>17894968
I'm not sure. He seems to do boyfriend/ girlfriend stuff with her and drives out to visit when able but I don't know if the other boyfriend is just a FWB on the side or what. I didn't really want to pry.

I did ask because I'm attracted to him, but I wouldn't really want to "get in" on something like that. I just wanted some male perspective. I'm more conservative on relationships I guess so it bothered me a bit.

>>17894963
It's pretty popular in the college crowd I've noticed. They think they're being "edgy" and breaking the system, yet they usually wind up realizing the system isnt as horrible as they thought it was. Like the hippies becoming yuppies.

>>17895039

Yeah I have to say I was very conservative to. I mean, we had a few threesomes, but the bond we felt to that specific girl was so strong that it felt like a bit beyond a fwb thing.

I wouldn't like to share my gf with another male. Call me a chauvinist, but this triggers something in me that doing so with a female doesn't. Maybe some primitive instinct that we'd be competing to impregnate her, while doing so with two females would be an advantage since I could impregnate both.

But, like I said, to each their own. If all of them are in good terms with it, who am I to judge? Maybe the guys now each other and are bros, or the girl convinced them that she'd fuck them both when she wanted and whoever was against was out.

>>17895039
>>17895066

And just adding to it, like I said, there are tons of setups to poly relationships. You could be with the guy but not share moments with the girl, like he's just a lover to the two of you. Or you could all share moments where you're all friends but he only goes to bed with one at a time. Or the three of you are sexually involved (if you're bi). My thing with my gf is that I'm only allowed to be with another woman if she's toghether, some polys work like that too.

It all depends on how you deal with jealousy, relationships and so on. Not trying to convince you, but if you keep an open mind I don't see any harm in trying. Just dip your toes with him if you're into casual, no strings attached sex, and see how it goes from there. If it doesn't work, just bail. Experimenting won't hurt, at most it will show you that your convictions are strong. But like I said, nothing wrong in avoiding it without trying too if it's not your cup of tea. It certainly isn't mine

>>17894578
First, not everyone is the same. Some guys would like it, other guys won't. Myself, I'm completely uninterested in an open relationship. I'd potentially accept being in a one-sided open relationship (that is, my partner being okay with me seeing other people), but it's not really something I care one way or the other about.

>>17894651
>>17895066
I know of several groups of people who are in stable, exclusive, long-term relationships consisting of more than two people. Non-monogamy doesn't necessarily mean non-exclusivity.

>>17894943
The term open relationship isn't extremely well defined. You can have open/poly relationships where casual sex is allowed and ones where it isn't. Sounds like this one allows actual relationships outside. In my opinion that's more poly than open, though.

>>17894945
>>17894963
I know of several groups of poly people in real life that have no issues of the kind you are probably thinking of. They do exist.

Girls:

This one's a bit weird. Would any of you be willing to voluntarily let a guy drug you and rape you while you're asleep? Possibly filming it so that the two of you can watch it later?

I'd like to ask a friend of mine to let me do that to her, but I'm worried that it might come across as too weird. There's a lot of stuff she doesn't mind, so I'm hoping she'll be receptive to it.

>>17895061
He's in that age group and a bit of a reddit hippy type so he might be in that crowd.

>>17895066
>>17895082
Thanks for the input. I think the fact that there was another guy is what confused me the most, since I figured most guys would be bothered by that.

I could never be in something like that though. I understand why people do FWB things, but a group of people being in a relationship is just too weird to me but I'm not very social and quite private too. That sort of thing just isn't for me. I just haven't had a relationship for a very long time so my attraction to him is probably more due to loneliness anyways.

As long as he's happy with it that's fine. I'd rather not ruin our friendship.

>>17895090
I know everyone isn't the same, I was just looking for some input and if people had any experience with this sort of things because I certainly don't.

>>17895138
No. No I would not. But nice bait.

>>17895138
I think the term is "rapeplay"?

Depends on what the girl is into. If you've done some stuff like that with her before she could be okay with it, but otherwise that might be something you want to work up to.

>>17895138

This is pretty obvious:
If she never mentioned she is into this kind of thing, don't even bother.

Even if she is, if she never said something to you, means you are not intimate enough (even as friends) to even consider "talking" about it, let alone actually doing it.

File: 1465566969481.jpg (357KB, 1280x854px) Image search: [Google]

357KB, 1280x854px

Why is dating all on the man to impress the woman?

>Pick where and what the date is
>Pay for it
>Be funny and interesting, entertain me while I don't have to do shit other than maybe let you fuck me while I lay here like a dead body
>If you don't deserve me at my worst...

What does the girl contribute to a date?

>>17895290
Bait. Mostly it's not like that.

>>17895138
That's actual really hot to me, and I'd do it if I wasn't completely abstinate from drugs. I'd totally do a role play.

>>17895290
Because you are doing it wrong.

File: 1481694627187.png (761KB, 625x460px) Image search: [Google]

761KB, 625x460px

Females.

Why would a girl agree to hang out, then dissapear?


THEN try to get your attention when you dont contact her?

My brain is hurting with this girl, pls help.

>>17895339
We're fickle creatures, like cats.

She's probably unsure about her feelings. If she agreed to meet you but was a no-show without reason she's just a shitty person most likely.

Men:

What's your impression on piercings? I've read the FAQ, I still want to ask. On [spoiler]leddit[/spoiler] the general impression seems to be negative, so I'm curious if it's different here.

>>17895359
It depends on the piercing honestly. Bull ring/nose ring/whatever on the nose is definitely very unattractive, ear piercings of most kinds are fine by me, lip piercing is a maybe and eyebrow piercing depends on how big it is.

Though that's just my opinion for facial piercings anyway.

>girlfriend literally tells me "I didn't do x because I didn't want to do it

how can I talk some sense into her? She legitimately believes that if she didn't intend to do something she shouldn't be held accountable for it

>>17895385
It depends on what X is exactly.

>inb4 she didnt do anal because she didnt want to

>>17895359
Anything not the standard ear piercing is absolutely gross. Some worse than others. Especially if they are conspicuous, nose piercings, or nipple/genital piercings.

In all honesty if there were a sizable enough subset of the female population that didn't pierce their ears, I'd exclusively date people with non-pierced ears. I'm probably in the minority on that. That's more of a minor preference rather than anything though, it's not the end of the world if someone has an ear piercing.

>>17895388
Oh, she did something but claims she didn't "actually do it" because it was an accident.

How do i flirt.

A girl called my profile picture on Whatsapp cute.

>>17895359
Ears only. Anything else I wouldn't date you and would break up with you if you were my current girlfriend and got them.

This piercing talk is making me curious. I have no piercings, not even ears, and I wonder how guys feel about girls with none at all.

I've heard opinions ranging from ear piercings are pretty and a plus and girls without them give off a weird vibe, to girls without them seem very unique and pure.

I'm supposed to meet up with a girl tmr in a mall. Aside from getting her something, what else can I do with her?

We only met yesterday and don't know that much about each other yet.

I really don't want to fuck this up and be alone again

>>17895404
Ears are normal with or without piercings.

Ideally, wear them to compliment an outfit or not at all

>>17895404
I'd prefer unpierced but it's not a dealbreaker and not really much preference.

This is for the girls but even guys can answer if they have advice.

I fell for this girl months ago, we had sex but she didn't like me anymore. I felt depressed, disappeared for a month to regain my composture and started seeing her again, even joined her social group.
Being the confident piece of shit I am, I become liked by everybody in there and she told me she was happy to see me and spend time with me.

She started to give me signals of interest, just like she did the first time, like texting me out of the blue, randomly tagging me on facebook, even coming to work to stay with me and talk for a while. She always mentions how she wanted to punch me or hit me, and once she looked me like she wanted to be kissed. My judgement is biased by the fact that I like her still so I can't tell for sure if she still does. People who saw us together swear she is in love with me even.
Anyway I left the group like a douche on christmas day and she was disappointed and asked me why. The reason is that I get jealous of seeing her hugging everybody but me and treating me differently than the other friends, but I didn't tell her.

What should I do? I want to tell her the thrut because I feel like a jerk but I'm afraid that it will hurt her. She has anxiety and panic disorder and generally had bad relationships in the past. I'm lost.

>>17895363
>>17895389
>>17895403
Thanks for the input anons. For you guys who don't like them, is it because there's a 'slutty' connotation to them or is it something else?

>>17895404
>girls without them give off a weird vibe, to girls without them seem very unique and pure
what
I never thought about this...
but now that you mention it, yeah all girls whose vaginas I've seen seem to have their ear pierced, does it make them feel pretty or sth

>>17895423
No, not "slutty". Maybe "trashy" though. The normal ear piercing is mostly an exception to this, but even so someone without piercings seems more... "pure", I guess? Which is a good thing.

>>17895404
I prefer them. No piercings are a huge plus. Unfortunately I have to deal with the fact that virtually everyone has pierced ears.

>>17895400
"You're pretty cute yourself"

>>17895423
It gives off sort of a vibe of someone being a little bit scummy. It might be because a lot of people with extreme piercings are those kinds of girls who have issues.

>>17895423
Its because of the implications of mutilating yourself to get attention (let's be real, mostly sexual) from men.

>>17895423
I think part of it is just a natural reaction to someone puncturing a hole into their body. Any kind of permanent body modification like that is bound to give an unconscious reaction of "self harm".

>>17895423
It looks ugly. Doesn't matter the connotation.

>girlfriend does something wrong
>immediately starts making excuses/defending herself
>only apologizes after like 10-15 mins of that

why does she do this

Girls

What can a bf do to make you feel more "feminine"?

>>17895490
Because she is tired of arguing or didnt realize her mistake before?

To everyone, but especially geek girls.

My brother is 19 years old. He never had a gf. I used to assume it was because he didn't try, and didn't care.But he recently admitted to being constantly rejected.
As far as I can remember he's always been almost exclusively into japanese pop culture. To the point that it can be obnoxious (like speaking random words of japanese he learned from anime).
He listens only to japanese stuff, watches japanese movies and drama, draws and reads manga. His stories are filled with cliches from shonen books.
I've always told him he needs to branch into other subjects if he wants to be a good artist, but I'm wondering if that's also affecting his love life.

SO would you say it could be a deal breaker for girls? How about nerdy weaboo girls? Would they go for a guy who likes the same stuff as them? My gf says he should go to a convention to get girls just like him.

>>17895500
Be more masculine

>>17895522
Being a major weaboo is a major turn off.

>>17895522
Not a chick but holy shit man, you need to slap his shit straight.
He will be bullied and the only weaboo girls are fat ugly bitches. Save him before it's too late.

>>17895500
Buy dresses or something? idk, it's up to the girl mainly. Need more context.

>>17895555
I don't think he'll be bullied. People seem to have accepted him and he has friends and such. I bet he's the animu guy of the bunch.
I do suppose his obsessions aren't a deal breaker for his friends, but might be for a potential gf.

What i wonder is wether or not he could score with a girl who likes that shit as well.

>>17895522
Damn straight it's a dealbreaker. I'm a guy that occasionally reads manga and anime, and it's not an issue. It WOULD be an issue, if it was something that dominated my life. The fact ihe only consumes media from Japan pretty much says he puts the whole nation on some weird pedestal. Even weebs will probably want nothing to do with that nonsense, it gets old when all you can talk about is nip media.

Especially blurting out random words from another language, I hated the spergs on /twg/ when it was trendy for that and its no better if its in real life.

>>17895522
I guarantee he hasn't found a gf because he's going for Jap girls because he wants a weaboo Japanese gf. The reality is that a lot of Jap girls aren't that into anime.

>>17895587
Apparently he's going for all kinds of girls. He didn't tell us much, but the main information was that they all rejected him.

>>17895440
We had a conversation. She finished with xxx. Shes not done this before.

What now.

>>17895605
I don't know dude. I opened the door but now you have to walk through it.

Guys,
So there's a guy I study with and I'm kind of into him. Like, butterflies-in-my-stomach into him. We're having dinner tonight, I wanted to bring another friend for emotional support because I turn into a blushing retard but she wants to leave us "alone and romantic".
So how do I not fuck this up? I don't want to seem too eager and I definitely don't just want to dicked and dumped (honestly sex isn't much of a priority for me) but at the same time I don't want to come off as disinterested or cold either (which I'm told I sometimes seem like).
I've never really properly dated so I'm a bit fish out of water here.

>>17895623
> I wanted to bring another friend for emotional support because I turn into a blushing retard but she wants to leave us "alone and romantic".
Bringing a friend would have sent the wrong message for sure so that' for the best.

Just be yourself and use your best judgement to know if you're being too eager. Treat it like seeing a best friend but with a little romance in there. Don't worry about awkwardness and blushing, he'll love it.

>>17895627
I know taking a friend with me would've maybe made me seem disinterested but I figured I might need someone to hold onto.
The thing is, he's just out of a serious long-term relationship (well, four months since they broke up) and I don't want to be "rebound".
But she's cheated on him apparently and at times he seems so sweet and vulnerable and it just melts my heart.

>>17895631
Go easy then, if you go in too eager you'll be a rebound. Hold strong but be fairly clear that things should go slow while he recovers from the relationship.

>>17895631
As soon as you sit down and get comfy at the date, tell him that you're not that experienced with going on dates, and you're nervous about coming across as awkward. If he's a decent guy he should accommodate to your concerns and it won't be a big deal even if you do act odd.

I also have a question for the ladies.

Imagine you've had a first date with a guy who lives in another state.
Both expressed interest.
Chat now and then and both keep saying it would be good to have a proper conversation over the phone. Phone calls with him in the past have been enjoyable.
He asks if you have time to talk tonight, and you tell him you're busy and will call him tomorrow.
You never call him. Let's just say you forgot.
The next time you both communicate he ends up expressing his annoyance at being forgotten. Would you appreciate that he was honest about his feelings, or would you think lesser of him for not sucking it up?

>>17895637
Yeah, that's the thing. I think I'll try to go slow and easy but I feel that's a bit of a tightrope walk, if I don't seem interested enough it might turn him off - and I really don't want that. Like, I'm very much into him. Dreamed about him even.

>>17895638
You mean I should just outright tell him "hey btw I'm a total virgin and really bad at this kinda stuff"? Wouldn't that be a huge turn-off? I mean I'm sure he's used to another kind of girl.

>>17895638
I wouldn't be particularly think lesser of him really, if it was honestly my fault. But maybe if he expressed his annoyance in a more casual, nonchalant way ("Hey, I thought you were gonna call me? ") it'd be even less of a problem.

I've been dating this great girl for the past 8 weeks. She's sweet, cute, kind, funny and smart. She's all I should want in a girl and I lost my virginity to her. We have recently became official and initially I was really happy.

Lately however I've been feeling that I don't really love her and I've been doubting whether I'm attracted to her or not. I really like her and I want her to be happy, but I don't feel crazy about her the way I felt about my crushes when I was younger. In fact, I find myself more attracted to other women.

This led me to feel trapped, extremely guilty and depressed. I was diagnosed with depression in my youth but didn't have an episode in years.

Should I break it off with her and let her find happiness elsewhere?

>>17895658
>"hey btw I'm a total virgin and really bad at this kinda stuff"
Don't say it like that.. lol. It'll sound like you're putting yourself down.
"I don't go on dates that much and I'm a little nervous that might come across as awkward. So.. if I do something that bothers you let me know, and I'll do the same if you're feeling nervous too."
It's not a turn off for me if a woman admits her quirks or faults. I'd prefer to be around someone who is self aware and can be transparent about these things.

>>17895658
>"Hey, I thought you were gonna call me? "
Thanks :) Haven't been able to think of a casual way to bring it up cause I'm still a bit annoyed about it.

>>17895660
>Should I break it off with her and let her find happiness elsewhere?
YES! You'll feel much better!

>>17895422
Sack up and tell her the truth, otherwise you wont get over your jealousy and you dont give her any closure and she will internalize it and blame herself

>>17895671
That sounds like a good idea. I'm just not sure how to come off as self-confident enough to date, but not overly faked (or accidentally overconfident, turning him off)
So yeah. I guess you can see that I'm pretty nervous, aha.

>>17895689
Totally get how you feel. I get nervous and awkward on dates too.. even though I'm almost 40 and show confidence with other things that most people struggle with.

>>17895699
I guess that's just human. I mean I'm 19 but I'd say I generally have my life under control, except the whole dating thing.

new thread?

>>17895490
Maybe she doesn't feel like she did anything wrong and may apologizes because you want her to.

>>17895674

Is there any way to do this without hurting her or her self-esteem? She's a sweet, fragile somewhat insecure girl. I really don't want to hurt her, but I cannot form a proper relationship with her if I'm doing this out of guilt.

What makes it worse, that she was initially reluctant to date me. She has recently broken up and was up for something casual. When we first started dating I was going crazy for her and my persistence had won her over. I still don't know why my feelings have changed so much so quickly but all this makes me feel terrible guilt. If I knew this would happen I would have never pursued her.

So how do I do this? It's my first relationship and I never imagined I would be the one to end it. Is there any way to salvage friendship out if this? I truly adore this girl as a person, but I'm just not sure if I could see her as a long term partner.

>>17895522
I'm really into anime but I wouldn't get with a guy who is obsessed with Japanese culture to that degree. I think it's a phase that he needs to grow out of.

>>17895726
>She's a sweet, fragile somewhat insecure girl. I really don't want to hurt her, but I cannot form a proper relationship with her if I'm doing this out of guilt.
>When we first started dating I was going crazy for her and my persistence had won her over. I still don't know why my feelings have changed so much so quickly but all this makes me feel terrible guilt.

Say this but direct it at her. You're admission is heartfelt and it shows you care about her feelings.

>>17895660
It depends. it's normal to not feel butterflies and whatnot for your partner once you leave the lust/honeymoon phase. I think you should get out of your head and stop comparing this to previous crushes.

>>17895746

Thank you anon. I will give it some time and will probably do that. We're away from each other due to holidays. But once we get back, I will see how I feel. If these doubts persist it's probably best to end it quick.

>>17895748

Thank you Anon. I was wondering if maybe I was just leaving the honeymoon phase. But this feels much stronger. I've began noticing her physical flaws and every time I do, I begin to obsess that it must mean I don't love her and if I did I would find her beautiful. But I don't. She's fairly pretty, she's neither fat, nor super skinny. She's just a normal girl. There's nothing really wrong with her and I feel guilty for not loving 100% of her and her body. There are days when I'm really attracted to her and days when I'm not and I hate this feeling. I would catch myself thinking of ways to turn her into my perfect girl. But I know this is wrong and that if I truly loved her I would accept her for who she is and not compare her to my crushes and fantasies. There's someone out there who will love her unconditionally and she deserves to be with them.

>>17895798
>There's nothing really wrong with her and I feel guilty for not loving 100% of her and her body.

I get what you're saying, but most people aren't 100% in love with their partner after 8 weeks. I'd just hate for you to ruin what could potentially be an amazing relationship because you gave up on it too soon.

But at the end of the day you know yourself best, so if you feel like you're not happy with this girl, you can't be yourself with her etc. then it's better to call it quits. Only you can determine if your relationship is fulfilling your needs.

>>17895902

You're absolutely right. In fact, I've been thinking about this non stop. Every time I come to a conclusion I should end it, I look at the photos of us together, listen to the song that was playing when we had our first date, or she sends me a cute message and I hesitate. What if I lose a potentially great girl. What if I leave her only to realise how much she meant for me. What if I could learn to love her. Then I begin to think, what if I won't. What if I just end up leading her on for months, she falls in love with me and I end it then, hurting her even more.

I've been replaying this cycle in my head for the past 3 weeks and its draining me. I can't sleep, I feel depressed and it's affecting my work.

I wish I could talk to her about it, but since it involves physical attraction I would just hurt her. So I keep it bottled up and my only outlet is to post anonymously.

I love spending time together with her and I've never felt so good around a woman before. But when shes not around these doubts, weird desires for other women and guilt hurts so fucking bad.

Girls

Girlfriend posted a snap to her story without a shirt on (small bit of clevage but no tits showing) is this in bad taste or considered acceptable?

>>17895941
I think you should talk to her about it even if you think it might hurt her feelings. It's better to be honest in your relationship about what you want and how you feel, that way if things end you at least know you put everything out on the table and tried your best. If you just end things without letting her know what's bothering you all of the "what if" questions will eat you up inside.

I also think some of the relationship problems might be stemming from preexisting anxiety/depression issues. Maybe try to resolve some of that first.

>>17896045

Thank you. I think I will hang on for now and I will do that. I was considering talking to a therapist because there must be some unresolved issues I need to deal with.

How can I talk to her about it though? I can't tell her I find other women more attractive than her, or the fact that the small amount of body fat she has bothers me (I was always attracted to naturally skinny girls and I'm very lean myself). She's told me she's insecure about her looks and I don't want to cause her any esteem issues or give her an eating disorder. I have always been insecure about my own looks so perhaps I'm pushing my own warped standards upon her.