I didn't have much of a father and not particularly more

>>17891245
Why do you need approval from a man specifically, how do you think would it change your life?

Barely had a daddy either (first just rarely there, then separated by two countries and then dead) and while I missed having a male role model in my early teens, it's practically irrelevant now. Be you own man, nigga. Also yes, military is a bad idea.

>>17891297
How did you fill the gap?

>>17891310
I think it filled itself with time, and I guess having to roleplay father-brother for my younger sis helped to speed it up.

All the things a dad can teach you, you can learn by yourself and will eventually learn by yourself. It's a lot like school; you can learn all the material by yourself, the way there is just harder (specially when you're still a kid) and needs more self discipline but if you take the harder way, or well are forced to take it, you'll also learn more than people who had an easier one.

Also there are so damn many examples from history one can aim for, although I am past looking for role models and more about the inspiration one can get from them.

As for the approval part, I was just rarely concerned by it at all. The most important was my own, getting it from other people I respect is just a bonus and eventually comes either with career/hobbies achievements and the likes.

>>17891358
How am I supposed to know what I'm even supposed to know? There's no list of learning material, no textbooks, no pop quizzes that won't be the real deal.

Women will love anything that's flawed and ugly and won't get in their way. Their love isn't worth dirt.

>>17891376
>How am I supposed to know what I'm even supposed to know?
Own experiences and other people and their experiences. Don't be afraid to try shit, even if you mess it up, it's another added experience, which can be learned from. In the end a "father" is just another male with his personal experiences with the only advantage over you being the age aka. making more experiences. Most likely.

> Their love isn't worth dirt.
Neither is love from men. Approval from other people has its benefits but if you don't love yourself, it won't make a big difference. (And no, just getting a lot approval doesn't guarantee that you'll start to love yourself.)

>>17891413
You weren't actually put into school, were you?

Human beings are social animals and the way your mind takes shape comes from what is given to you, starting from the core and edging to the borders like the trunk of a tree.

If you cut down a tree, you can see the rings by the years. You can tell a bad year 14 years ago by the ring of that year.

People can't just decide to have self-worth and love themselves without having been given love, any more than a tree can decide there was not a dry summer and snowless winter 20 years ago.

>>17891447
The metaphors fall flat because unlike trees, humans are sentient with perks like consciousness and self-awareness.

>self-worth and love themselves
Are just own perceptions, like everything else. People can get love from all sides and still feel unloved, just like people can get none from others and still love themselves. Since we're indeed social animals, getting the input from our environment usually makes it a lot easier but won't decide much alone.

>>17891466
Do you actually have anything worthwhile to say or do you just like having someone pay attention to you?

>>17891474
>not procrastinating while you're running late on a project
What's even the point of deadlines then?

Although I think I am done. The key fact is simple in this scenario: "Your well-being is solely up to you and while other people can complement it, none but you will affect the basics." Now whether you see it as worthwhile, that'd depend on you.

>>17891510
Okay.

I came here, asking for advice.

Instead of advice, I was told I do not need this advice, and instead of wanting, I should not want.

Which is all very helpful if you're not the one needing the help, I suppose.

I hope you feel very smart and useful right now, because it would be a pity if this was all a waste of time for the both of us.

>>17891536
The advice was that you should be able to recognize that the thing you WANT is not the thing you NEED, because the thing you WANT doesn't address the actual problem nor will help with it. It's somewhat similar to the "how do I get my ex back" - threads when in 99% of cases, it won't fix shit.

Sure it's a pity if you don't see it yet but there is only so much a random Internet person can do about that.
But hey, have another bump, perhaps we can lure someone in with a perspective and answer more to your liking.

>>17891572
This is one of those things I didn't learn, being raised by women.

If a woman encounters a problem and tries to solve it in a way that proves to not be effective, she will shrug and try some other route that will lead to the same solution.

If a man first tries something that doesn't seem to be working, he will force it and force it and force it until it works. A sufficiently large sledgehammer WILL get a square peg into a round hole, and the fact that both are broken was simply an unfortunate but completely unavoidable loss that was inevitable and can't be held against him.

I'd like to point out that you didn't help with the problem you WANTED to focus on, either. Just getting some hobbies and doing good at them is yet to fix the hole in me.

If you have a sledgehammer big enough, feel free to try.

>>17891297
>enlisting in the military is bad*
Ftfy, officer life is comfy

>>17891615
I should point out that I am not an american, and was excused from madnatory service out of mental reasons. So changing my mind and volunteering anyway won't necessarily bring me a career.

>>17891610
The excuse only works for a certain age though. At some point you're supposed to look for an approach that works for you yourself and not fully rely on the stuff that you learn from people who raised you. Hell if you can differentiate between the typical male-female approach, you're at that point.

>the problem you WANTED to focus on
The exact one still needs figuring it.

>Just getting some hobbies and doing good at them is yet to fix the hole in me.
What hobbies? How long are you doing them, how "well"? Were you really focused on the hobbies or just saw them as means to fill a hole?

Also what mental reasons?

>>17891615
Officer isn't a job one enlists for if I remember it right, and the stuff one enlists for is everything but comfy at start. The stuff can still help with growing and developing a discipline but depending on the person it can just as well break someone too.

>>17891710
So I am supposed to find an approach that works for me to fix my problems, but YOU get to decide that the course of action I've seen best will not do?

I don't draw or write nor did I ever sing in hopes of gaining intimate affection nor approval of it. Whatever teachers and tutors I've had in them have all been women. Their praise means nothing, because women will like anything that doesn't inconvenience them.

I've had diagnosed depression for longer than I've had pubes and I've attempted suicide a few times. None of it ever gets treated, of course, they'll just give me some pills and a pat in the head and sweep me out in hopes that I'll either be cured by the pills or find a more efficient way to die. All the same to them, really.

>>17891734
>but YOU get to decide that the course of action I've seen best will not do?
I noted that what you see as your problem might be related to things you overlook and in that case focusing on that problem won't do much, hence the course of action is suboptimal at best ... from my POV, based on personal experiences (and experiences of other people), amateurish interest in psychology and so on. You're still free to (and should) pursue whatever approach you consider best even if it goes against the advise, but generally it'd be a good idea to seriously consider what others suggest and get different perspectives. Hell, it's the only thing this place is good for, for everything else there are professionals.

>draw or write nor did I ever sing
Sounds like a pretty good range, what was your motivation to pick this stuff? Also it sounds pretty hard to master it all to a level that can be considered "well enough" to boost your self-worth.

>Their praise means nothing, because women will like anything that doesn't inconvenience them.
That's too simplistic, specially when it comes to higher level shit, nobody cares enough about you to praise you for the sake of praising beyond friends and family. If something doesn't inconvenience people, they usually just ignore it. Also how comes you didn't find any males to praise you for stuff like writing or drawing? If not tutors than at least older male class mates or some artists you know. The absolute easiest way to get approval from older guys would be doing almost any job, even if it's some minimum wage cancer.

> diagnosed depression
Jeez, talking about figuring out THE problem. Although when it comes to actually dealing with it I have no experience to draw from beyond "it gets better ... or it doesn't and the person pulls an hero", and I guess you tried basic shit like routines, diet, light exercise and looking for someone who gives slightly more shit than writing a new prescription.

>>17891710
Officers in all U.S branches generally are recruited directly into officer programs from civilian life, not promoted from enlistees. (Though that does also happen)

>>17891942
I HAVE considered everything, and that is how I've concluded that THIS is the core of the problem and the way to mend it.

There were no men because there were no men, because men do not care. I have never had an art teacher who wasn't a woman, I haven't managed to make ANYBODY read my writing (so I have no clue whether it's good or not) and my singing teacher was a woman and most of the audience of the matinees that we sometimes pulled together were little old ladies.

And I don't have access to anything worth showing that I'd made, I can say without lying that I could sing Voi Che Sapete at 14. My teacher thought it hilarious to get an actual boy for Cherubino's role.

But still, my voice broke eventually and I haven't sung for years.

I am currently working in a minimim wage cancer job, and I have no goddamn clue what you are talking about.

>>17892579
Do you do a shit job at your work?

>>17892632
The only way to do a shit job at my work is to break the product or not work fast enough. When you do a shit job, they'll tell you to undo it and then do it all over again. When you do a good job, they'll renew your contract at the end of it.

There has never been a praise or a thank you, and the closest thing I have gotten to an apology was when I wasted 40 minutes first doing and then undoing a pallet that I put together incorrectly because the shift manager didn't tell me what this order was when I asked him.

He said he didn't hold it against me.