i hurt my bf. he said he forgave me. but now he is acting extra

how did you hurt him

>>17879344
you know the answer already. i've texted inappropriate stuff with a guy online and he saw

>>17879348
i mean, i know i deserve this. i just need some advice on how to deal with this witheout doing stupid stuff...

>>17879324
>how do i deal with this?
You break up and stop dating people who act like children.

>>17879348
How inappropriate? Also why?

>>17879348
fuck you, don't tell me what I know

>>17879353
but...but... anon

it was meant to only be friendship. then we crossed some boundaries, cut contact and started talking again a few months later. we weren't texting any inappropriate things anymore, but we talked about how we are actually keeping the boundaries we agreed on and how we were soing very good, and it came up that we have had sexual tension in one of the messages my bf has read.

why i was texting him? because i have a strong need to talk things true and my bf was never available for various reasons out of his power. and even if he was, i was unable to talk to him like i was with that guy online. i guess it was because i was afraid to let my guard down completely in front of someone i am afraid to lose. worked like a charm... fml

>>17879324
you still have the thread you started earlier up

There's not much you can do, that's the standard reaction in this situation. Not constructive by any means, but pretty normal. You broke his trust and hurt him, he's afraid of being close and vulnerable to you again, but he still cares about you so he's afraid of ending it too. Some people get over it, at least enough to have a normal relationship in a few days/weeks, others never do. All you can do is to apologize, tell him it was a stupid mistake, that you don't want to do anything like this ever again (etc). Since it seems you already did all that now the only thing thats left is to wait and hope.

>>17879365
No buts. It's going to suck but it won't be a big loss in the long run. A SO, a friend or hell, even a random buddy isn't supposed to act like that. Normal people either resolve conflict (as he said he did by forgiving you) or cut contact. Doing some half assed in-between stuff is just a waste of time and additional stress for both of you.

Did you try giving him some time? If yes, next step is addressing the shit directly, apologizing but also telling him how you hate the silence and everything. If that didn't work, it just can't work. Relationships need two people trying, if he doesn't do his part, there is nothing you can do. You're hopefully still young, so it's just learning experience.

>i guess it was because i was afraid to let my guard down completely in front of someone i am afraid to lose.
Makes sense but sounds like you jumped into a relationship with him a bit too early then.
Did anything even happen with the other guy or it was just talk? Also who brought up the "we have a great sexual tension" part?

>>17879324
The thing is, this is your punishment. You can't make the pain go away sooner. You have to grit your teeth and bear it. Be on your best behavior. Show your boyfriend how much you love him. But it has to be unconditional love. Don't do things for him with the reason to make him forgive you faster. Do not push him to go faster than he's willing, because it will only make him stonewall harder.
He needs time to heal and process what you've done. Show him that you're a patient, loving, compassionate, considerate person.

When you feel hurt, you need to look at it. You can let yourself feel hurt, but you can't ask him to make you feel less hurt. Because this is what you have to feel now. Take it.

>>17879428
>punishment
Nigga, she's not a fucking dog.

Please use capital letters more diligently.

>>17879384
i know i will just have to wait it out and see how he will handle this

>>17879395
probably not enough. it's been two days. i've not pestered him in any way. i got one short text. i also tried to not send him too many messages (stuck to good mornings and good nights).
i promised him to come to him and talk things true if sonething is bothering me. i'm extremely bothered atm but i feel like i can't talk to him about it... i wish i could just tell him that this silent treatment is killing me. but i won't. i don't want to guilt trip him into acting as if all is ok.

well, we often talked about sexual stuff, and it had happened, that we got horny and masturbated. we usually didn't do that together, but would admit it later.

he didn't say that. he said something along the lines of "i'm glad we got over that sexual tension, i really like the way we are now".

>>17879428
i know that. the thing is that the reason i went online to search for someone to talk to, was that he was unavailable. ofc, the reason is also that i'm an untrustworthy idiot, but not only. so i promised him to make an effort to be honest about what's going on with me and tell him what's bothering me directly. i really want to... i want to tell him how this makes me feel but i fear this will get him to act against how he feels like acting.

>>17879495
sorry, i'm on my phone

5 bucks says she does it again in less than a month

Poor guy.

>>17879501
>>17879365

Maybe you should have a therapist or a same sex friend that you can talk to without any sexual tension. I understand the need to talk to a third party. That's also why you're here.

I don't really like the unavailable excuse. You can talk about your thought processes to come to the conclusion of sexting this guy, but you shouldn't phrase it as if it is excusable for that process. Justifying it opens you up to using the excuse again.

He was unavailable, yes. But that means you need to talk to him about unavailability, not turn to the next best thing. It's no different than if a SO is withholding sex, you talk about it or break - it isn't a good excuse to fuck someone else.

OP, I'm noticing a pattern of impatience with you. It's been two days that your boyfriend has been upset. That's not that long. You can't ask him to just get over how he feels for the sole reason that it makes you uncomfortable. You are uncomfortable with sitting with negative emotion. You can't just immediately "make it better". It takes time to heal.

This makes me wonder how long he was unavailable. Sounds like you rely on him to work through your internal struggles instead of having some individuality. Why is it that talking to another man was an easier option for you than being uncomfortable for a couple days? Why couldn't you have just waited for your boyfriend?

>>17879324
I been reading the thread
I hope Ur a guy trolling cause you sound like a hoe
Just let the poor dude be and cut it off for good, not the online dude your bf.
Tbh a guy dude deserves more than a part time slut