So my parents are away on a trip and I took the opportunity to

is there a window in the bathroom?

alternatively, which parent would judge you less? maybe confide in them and be honest about being VERY embarassed and ask them to sneakily let you into the bathroom first to hide it. just say you have left a sextoy in there. they are your parents after all, they know you masturbate. they won't disown you for that. they will probably get a laugh out of it but you will sinply have to endure the embarassement

>>17871045
> they won't disown you for that. they will probably get a laugh out of it but you will sinply have to endure the embarassement

seriously, i think you're parents would be more understanding than you expect. Or climb the window, or unscrew the door knob, or use a paper clip and spend half an hour trying to bump it/pick it with bobby pins (indoor locks are surprisingly easy to pick with little expertise) google it.

whatever you do, dont kick the door down, your rents will be severely more pissed about that than a sex toy all day.

>>17871045

there is a window to the bathroom and it's currently open, but the bathroom is on the second floor and there's a screen which isn't a sliding screen. i have a ladder. it's dark right now though and i don't want to look like a thief to any neighbors. i've never removed a screen from the outside before, does anyone know how to do it?

acknowledging the bathmate with either of them is not an option. i'd never live it down.

>>17871054
>They get back on Friday.

Wait until morning, no rush atm. Screens are easy to get off. Your neighbors arent stupid, they should at least be mildly familiar with your face in to not call the cops on your in the day time. Besides being locked out of a room is a very reasonable excuse, and you'd be telling the truth.

>i've never removed a screen from the outside before,
For when you can do it tomorrow, just know that one side of the screen has springs of sorts (usually on the inner side of the screen), Slide that side in and pull out. Google, youtube, whatever, take your time figure it out and be home free by the end of the week.

>>17871053
i agree that your parents will probably react a lot less judgemental than you think. they probably do pretty embrassing stuff to when no one is looking.

but if you insist on keeping it a secret, try to get into the window. can you find a pic of a similar screen so i can see if i know how to taket it away?
maybe wait till tomorrow when it isn't dark anymore. take saome cleaning supplies with you so no neighbours will question what the fuck you are doing on that ladder.

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pic of the door. will try to take better ones

Inside house door locks are usually extremely fragile things that, with enough torque, will give out and damage the lock in a way where it will be able to be used as a knob, but not a lock. They're kind of designed this way intentionally.

>>17871082
Getting enough torque on a ball shaped knob is going to be a hell of a struggle though, and maybe you should look into "lock bumping" which may or may not knock the lock open with minimal effort and no/very little damage.

>>17871036
I have a question OP. Why would your parents take their bathroom key with them? Isn't it more likely you just locked everyone out of that bathroom?

>>17871100
Is it even normal for bathroom doors to have keys?

>>17871100

they didn't take the key with them. i don't know where it is but i suspect it was probably just left inside the actual bathroom.

>>17871107

my mother bought it and her sole motivation was probably just getting the cheapest one she saw

>>17871116
>i don't know where it is but i suspect it was probably just left inside the actual bathroom
What a stupid place to keep the keys

>>17871122

believe me, right now i am in full agreement

Kick door down, take the hit and pay for the damages. Just tell your parents you needed a shit really bad or needed to be sick or something

Its a choice between the cost of a new door or the embarrassment that would ensue from your parents finding your PE scam lying in the sink

Think about it

>>17871054
Ah ez pz
Thank god the window was open lol

>>17871036
Kick the door open, tell them that the toilet clogged and you went to find something to help clear it, then locked yourself out. Once you came back to unclog it, you discovered your fuck up and then the toilet started running, so you had to kick the door in to save the house from flooding.

Hope you didn't kick that door down. Take a plastic card, like a credit or id. Shimmy it into the jam above the door knob and work it down past the lock. If you're lucky, it will pop open

Its a bathroom door. How fucking hard can it be to unlock. Seriously. Bathroom doors are probably the least secure doors in a house. Use a credit card. A butter knife. Bobby Pins. Shoulder yourself in. Look up videos on youtube.

remove a piece of the door frame to insert a credit card or knife. afterwards, simply hammer it back into place and fill the cracks with wood filler?

I have been in worse situations anon, if it's any comfort, i jacked off once and left a huge glop of cum in the living room, my mom got home as soon as i tried to clean it up, so i was forced to leave the cum there and hide. way embarrasing... thankfully she left to go buy groceries shortly thereafter..

Btw, next time get one with a medical pump, those are the real deal. gf may thank you for it someday,

>>17871082
hmm.. two options. break the knob itself (you can use a saw) then use a thin knife or screwdriver to open it from within.

or break a piece of the wooden frame protecting the latches, insert your knife or card, then repair it..

first option is cleaner if you have a replacement knob to install

OK, it's morning now and I'm going to attempt to get through the window. Wish me luck. If I don't make it back, I probably fell and ended up a paraplegic.

Also for people suggesting credit cards, hinges, popping off the knob, etc., I covered all that in the OP. I tried or considered all the easy stuff first and it simply won't work.

>>17872291
Let us know how it goessss

No luck with the window.

The screen is an old metal screen that's held in place with a metal strip on one side fastened with two screws. I got the bottom screw out but the window's awning blocks easy access to the second screw. I can get the screwdriver in but at that angle there's no way I can generate enough torque to unscrew it, no matter how little the screwdriver is or if I use a wrench.

Any ideas? I can't take pics up on the ladder.

If it comes to this, kick the door down, and say you did it pulling the knob from the inside because you got locked in

>>17871036
>bathmate penis pump
I heard those were a meme. Do they actually work?

>>17872698
They do in terms of temporary gains

>>17872684
You could break the screen instead of the door and crawl in

>>17872684
See>>17872094

>>17872702
>You could break the screen instead of the door and crawl in

damage to the door would probably be more minimal/concealable/fixable than damage to the screen. like I said in OP, the door frame is already broken (from a previous incident) where the lock is. it's only being held in place with two long screws.

destroying the screen would also take a lot of effort and i'd be worried about falling. the screen is metal and feels very solid. i could cut the actual mesh but then there'd be no way to replace it and my parents would inevitably see it and be like wtf.

>>17872727
Ah I didn't know it was metal
Break the door time

>>17872094
>>17872716

In the OP I explained that I already called my parents and left them a message about what happened. I explained it in such a way that I can't backtrack now without it being an extremely obvious lie.

OP, get yourself a multitool and some paper clips. Assuming the lock is cheap and residential, this means that there is one set of pins and can easily be picked with a rake and tension wrench. You can make these in a few minutes, and they aren't hard to use once you understand the internals of the lock.

There are tons of videos online about how to make these tools and pick simple locks with them. I locked myself out of my room in a place I was renting and picked my way in within an hour or so.

Here:

http://www.itstactical.com/skillcom/lock-picking/how-to-make-a-paperclip-lock-pick-that-works/

If the lock isn't your standard type that's amenable to this sort of picking, then I say listen to the rest of the folks here and just come clean with the parents.

>>17872684
pic of screw
pic of window from ground level
list of shit your dad has in the garage tool-wise

>>17872930

there's no way to get at it. the space between the awning and the top screw is only a few inches. the screw itself is short & tiny (like my dick amirite), i had to use my smallest phillips head to get it to fit. but with the space available and the angle there's just no way to generate enough torque to unscrew it, the screwdriver popped out no matter how many ways i tried to approach it. i tried just using a wrench too but the screw is too small, too flush with the metal strip, and the angle and space is still bad

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>>17872956
don't strip the head

damn anon, i feel for you bro.. this has gotta suck

just kick the door open and fix it later with your dad, tell him it was an emergency and you had to shit, but it got stuck n you had no way of getting in.. technically it's not a lie, if it's the only bathroom in the house, you're not gonna wait till Friday to take a dump..

might as well either take a hammer to the lock, or kick the door down

Call a locksmith.

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Apply the channel lock to the knob and twist, it'll break the lock cylinders and open the door.

Thank me later, OP.

>>17871036
Get the sharpest skinniest knife you have, I know you said you tried this already but I've done it on a door like the one you posted a picture of. Slide it pretty much in the middle and try to shove it into the metal part, it should push down and open the door if you do it right, it will scuff the wood a little but it shouldn't tear it up completely. Just aim for the middle and relax, it really shouldn't damage the door that much and your parents shouldn't notice.

Are you guys all a bunch of literal faggits? How in the fuck are you this useless?

1. Kick door in
2. Fix door frame

If you can't do that yourself with the shit you've got in your house, you're not a man and therefore don't need the fucking penis pump anyway.

>>17871036
It's not as bad as masturbating at the bottom of the pool and getting your intestines sucked out by pool cleaner