Hello, it's me... The anon who almost hanged himself the

I can't tell if the post is troll just gonna guess not lol take acid read books learn about philosophy I suggest watching the philosophy vids on the YouTube channel The School of life they are all good my favs are the eastern philosophy vids specifly the one about Lao Tzu and the Western one about Albert Camus make meaning because sorry to break it to you there isn't any intrinsic kind you have to try to have a happy fulfilling life it doesn't just happen and if you're not happy 24/7 that's OK no one normal is happy all the time emotions are like waves they come and go always

>>17869959
What happened, if you don't mind reposting?

>>17869983
My bad I read the post wrong the first time it's not troll

>>17869985
Here's the archived thread
>>17865932

>>17869983
I don't do drugs... Still, I got plenty philosophy books though...

>>17869991
You're missing out on a whole nother world good luck with your life

>>17870000
... I don't really want "another world", I just... want someone I can trust to the level I trusted my other friend, but precisely because of how much I trusted him and loved him, this hurts... I'm scared of being betrayed again...

I'm not ignorant, it's just as a friendless, kissless virgin, I rather treasure... whatever friends actually trust me...

>>17869991
Damn, that sucks :/

It's a thin line, I find, that you have to walk between being too trusting and not trusting enough. If you just go with the whole "everyone is gonna fuck you over sometime, look out for number 1" mentality, life is pretty depressing and lonely, and I can see why you wouldn't want to go on.

On the other hand, if you put your trust in people entirely not to fuck you over, you leave yourself open to situations like this.

I think the thing to remember is everyone CAN fuck you over, everyone has the capacity to, but that doesn't mean everyone will. It comes down to priorities, this guy prioritised his gf over you, and that sucks, but doesn't mean you're worthless. If someone put a gun to my mother's head and told me to break up with my gf, I would. I love her with all my heart, but I value my mother's life over my relationship, ygm?

What I'm trying to say is, just because you don't always come first place, doesn't mean you're not valued by people. The best athlete in the world doesn't win every race they run, right?

Try to remember that people do care about you, but there are other factors in their lives, and sometimes you gotta take second place, hope that doesnt sound too harsh?

Change starts within

Your life is fucked up
You need to accept that

Start changing
Every day spend 15 minutes doing something that will change you
It's like jogging
You start with a little bit and you go from there as you get used to it

It can be as simple as cooking or reading a book.
Just do something that changes you

>>17870015
It's not too harsh, but it just hurts that these past years he became increasingly more offensive with his comments, to outright insults... He was so different, I swear, I wish I could relive our past once more...

But after school, he got angrier and angrier...

I'm also angry at myself for "taking him for granted", I believed the concept of "bromance" was real and that male best friends would never leave one another on despite of anything, but... Then he blocked me and I... Yeah, that's when I almost hanged myself.

... I got another job-app rejection email as I wrote this... What are seriously the fucking chances...

>>17869959

>almost hanged himself
>almost

what did it snap while you were hanging? dont dramatize events that didnt happen by saying 'almost'.

>lost best friend
>betrayed / forsaken

you gonna tell us what he did for context? that being said all relationships end, even friendsihps unfortunately.

>>17870030
Shit things happen, I know, but try to remember that good things happen too :). Try to keep your mind on some of the good things in life, and how when you're dead you're dead, and you'll never get any of the good stuff again

>>17870042
>what did it snap while you were hanging?
More like I didnt had the guts to kick the stool too far away. I moved it by the side, felt the pull but still was able to stand, if that makes sense?

>context
He changed from an afable, friendly fellow to someone who began calling me, first, childish, annoying, it escalated into fucking migrain, now "stereotypical millenial", even though all I wanted is support him through his job hunt by saying stuff such as "good wishes dont get jobs, shut the hell up". It escalated into actual insults in which I felt I couldn't retort because when I tried he was like "I had to grow up and mature by fire while you still like talking about games/comics/series/whatever". We used to play roleplay games and every time we tried he began just "scolding me" for my least good storylines from almost 10 years ago when we were teens.

And then he blocked me after saying I was annoying. I tried to block him back and "move on with life", but then it hit me I literally, LITERALLY have nothing to move on forward. No friends, no actual stable job (only various smaller jobs), a career that doesn't have any demand where I live, and my rejections keep piling on my mail inbox. I just everything as a whole built up on me.

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>>17869991
>I don't do drugs

Why? I don't know how adamant you are so I'm just wondering.

>>17869959
>I don't know how to know more people and... And I'm brutally scared of being one day forsaken and betrayed again...

Drugs would certainly help with that, I'm not talking cocaine and speed (they would help temporarily probably) but LSD and mushrooms like the other anon said. Some introspection would be pretty good for you because relying on people, especially this "best friend" who calls you all this shit is no way to live your life.

>>17870012
"another world" was metaphoric, he just means you will just start seeing the world for what it is through these lenses that you can't seem to access, where this guy is just a guy a human who is just flesh and blood, that's all he is. One guy who sounds like a cunt, a negative in your life which you don't need right now. It could also help you with this attachment that you seem to be clinging onto with dear life, like what the fuck are you doing man, you have to cut this cunt out, delete the programs you use to talk to him.

It's hard but you can leave early my friend.

>>17870109
>Why?
I don't know, I just don't. I'm not going to go full on "morality" as a shield or any like that, I just... never had any interest on LSD, weed or any like that you know?

> Some introspection would be pretty good for you
... This I completely agree with you... I need introspection badly.

>It could also help you with this attachment that you seem to be clinging onto with dear life, like what the fuck are you doing man, you have to cut this cunt out, delete the programs you use to talk to him.
I know man, it just... hurts, it physically hurts to loose him, I feel horribly anxious...

I don't want to "play hard" or any like that anon, I know what you mean, that I should just... get away from him forever, even if he unblocked me but doesnt talk to me...

Ugh, I... I sort of wish I never met him, but during my teen years he made me so happy...

>>17869959
I knew you didn't have it in you.

>>17870351
What...? Who?

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>>17869959
Read Toni Morrison. Start with Sula. You will thank me later.

>>17870109

>do drugs to solve your problems

Don't do this; you're in pain because you began to depend on a person. If you try to self-medicate with drugs, you'll only become dependent on them. That's how you become an addict, and I don't want you to become an addict.

OP, it sounds like you need to connect with people on a human level. Are you religious at all? Would you consider joining a church for the sake of community? If not (in either case), maybe look for some volunteer work in your area. It could really help to give you opportunities to network locally and to learn about yourself while doing good for others.

>>17869959
>>17869959
op what's your family like ? you don't see anyone ?
have you ever done psycho therapy stuff ?
you need love my friend, from yourself and from people, from the universe, are there activities that light up your mood ?
you need to put your energy into loving yourself you deserve to be free of everything that bothers you in your mind and life, but this can't happen by itself, you have to wander in your mind and your feelings to try and heal your wounds by stepping out of the identification of your losses, your -less things that you identify with, you are more than your history or your personnality or your netfriend's ideas about you. you are a really decent human being, in need of connection, prolly with a diamond shaped heart, your netfriend seems to be living from a selfish frame because noone should abandon and reject in this manner. you might have portrayed clingyness that was perceived annoying by him, but it was only the expression of your desire for connexion. This desire ought to be expressed from your heart and in real life too, but the desperate attitude where that desire stems taints it with colors that most people would react to with reject, but not all people, some might peirce through your own insecurities to be present with you, you are not your problems and feelings, you are deeper than these, and nothing in life happens to a person that they are not BUILT to WITHSTAND and EVOLVE FROM.
Remember this.

>>17870495
>Are you religious at all?
Not really? I do believe on a major force/God, but I don't consider myself part of any religion. I am "catholic" by family, and I go to church every now and then.

Last time I did volunteer work as pet rescuer I got massively screwed over and accused of stealing the equivalent to 500 USD from the place... And "suddenly" the owner had a new car. It was shite, but I guess I could try again getting christmas money for orphans.

>>17870531
>op what's your family like ?
Constantly arguing, this season is anything but jolly, I'm TIRED of the screaming.

>you don't see anyone ?
As I mentioned on the last thread I have 1 IRL friend but we don't really connect on a human level... Just on a "similar hobbies" level.

>you might have portrayed clingyness that was perceived annoying by him, but it was only the expression of your desire for connexion.
I feel really guilty about this... I wish I could fix it ,but he thinks it's a "forever" thing, that he can't change his current view of me..

>but the desperate attitude where that desire stems taints it with colors that most people would react to with reject
This bothers me too... I really want to control it but quickly revert back either by desperation ,or fear of being rejected from the getgo...

>you are not your problems and feelings, you are deeper than these, and nothing in life happens to a person that they are not BUILT to WITHSTAND and EVOLVE FROM.
... Thank you, but then, what am I? I'm not trying to be a smartass, I'm just... very confused about myself, I feel I just exist aimlessly.

>>17870550
I have felt like this in times of troubles, and I actually didn't want to aim at nothing, and really forgot things that used to make me want to do things, but this is only a transitory state of mind which can change by focusing not on problems but on solutions and just.. things to do that make you connect to the present time and forget about your troubles, things that can make you be proud of your own accomplishment even if its the smallest thing.
guilt and self-pity are the worst kind of feelings to entertain.. with hate and self loathing.. its not your fault that you're like this, you don't know how life works like everyone, but lemme tell you that you and I are made from the same cloth and you deserve as much as I do to live your life with self love.
You personnality complex is infested by years and years of unconscious negative training, which grants you the terrible cross to bear of everything that makes you feel guilty, despaired, unloved, unfit etc.. this is due to you environment, your life experiences, and how you incorporated these in your history of your self, which your present self is the result of, and i'm telling you it's OKAY, it's not your fault, you should absolutely not feel guilty for ANYTHING you have done, you can make mistakes, it's okay, and sometimes it's not even mistakes, you know, saying to someone clingy things is just a statement of how you feel, you shouldn't feel guilty about how you feel man, and don't feel guilty about feeling guilty either ! Really, you feel guilty because you judge yourself from a point of you of 'i shouldnt have done this" "why am i this stupid" etc.. but you have to start building a part of yourself in your psychology/psyche/personnality and your own brain that says "its okay" for EVERYTHING, you have to create and FEEL a part of you that can be of support to you

>>17869959
You can start practicing viewing your mind and your life as something that can be transformed at will to an infinite extent, in this game you can never run out of things to do, of purposes to set to yourself, of things to give to others and receive from others

>>17870577
Woah... Thanks man, that really got me thinking... Especially because you're right, I need to start building that part of my mind... Because I am tired of feeling miserable on a daily basis.

>>17870602
I haven't read it, but it seems to be a good start

https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy-ebook/dp/B009UW5X4C

The good news is that anxiety, guilt, pessimism, procrastination, low self-esteem, and other "black holes" of depression can be cured without drugs. In FEELING GOOD, eminent psychiatrist, David D. Burns, M.D. outlines the remarkable, scientifically proven techniques that will immediately lift your spirits and help you develop a positive outlook on life:

-- Recognize what causes your mood swings
-- Nip negative feelings in the bud
-- Deal with guilt
-- Handle hostility and criticism
-- Overcome addiction to love and approval
-- Beat "do-nothingism"
-- Avoid the painful downward spiral of depression
-- Build self-esteem
-- Feel good every day

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1T5uMeYv9Q

If what I said rang a bell, please imprint its sound in your mind and wake up to it everyday. Remember this feeling of "Woah..", this is your essence recognizing the flexibility of your ego/self/personnality whatever you wanna call that with which you identify when you say "I"

>>17870646
Thank you man, I'll check out the book. It really sounds like I need.