So I'm writing personal statements for phd programs and

The reason I'm so iffy on the second paragraph is two parts.

I don't know if mentioning a close family members death would make the commity reading this feel akward. I'll openly admit I have a hard time understanding how people react to shit.

Secondly I the last thing I want to do is sell my fathers death to get pity points and this kind of feels like its what I'm doing, even though it really is a huge part of what motivated me go to graduate school. and hes huge reason I am where I am right now.

I'll bump a few more times.

Also is it too short, only two paragraphs and they're small on top of that. They also previously asked me to talk about my teaching experience so I can't talk about that again.

>>17869027
"Throughout life, my now-deceased father..." is a nice subtle option here. Then you can remove any other mention of his passing.

The mathematicians that read this shit honestly skim over this stuff and don't give a shit, all of these statements sound exactly the same and are equally unenlightened.

Basically the first part of Pete L. Clark's answer here:

http://academia.stackexchange.com/questions/81486/what-should-one-look-for-in-a-statement-of-purpose-from-the-admissions-side-in/81493#81493

Your statement should amount to "I want to get a phd because I love math, I'm good at it, and I'm eager to learn more of it"

>>17869371
Thanks a lot that really takes most of the awkwardness out.

>>17869392
meant to say equally unenlightening*

Not as an insult, it's just that there's really nothing you can say other than the standard shit, as long as you don't set off any red flags

>>17869392
>>17869395
Also read this:

http://academia.stackexchange.com/questions/55077/answering-why-do-you-want-to-become-a-research-mathematician-type-questions-i?rq=1

>>17869395
I saw that when reading about do's and don'ts but they also say "answer the damn questions asked" and this one wants reasons (i would guess?) I chose math and these are pretty much the only reasons I can give, I don't want to be fake.

On the other places I apply I'm sure ill be more fake with the "i love math i want more math ----" like you said. Just I'm very touchy about mentioning my dad in these circumstances because like I said it makes me feel like I'm profiting from him dying.

Also you saying that I know isn't an insult, it does make me feel more relaxed because these personal statements are going to the worst part of my applications its a relief they dont matter too much.

>>17869027
>when I was young math
>opionion

Into the trash it goes.

>>17869468
This is also the responses I want. English is by far my worst subject. I may actually be retarded if math didn't exist and I was somewhat good at it. Please tell me how to fix it. "While I was young math" would be better?

>>17869496
When I was young, math...

>>17869537
Thanks, this may seem obvious to you but I'm really bad at it. A professor I've had a few times said I could be a good mathematician, if only I didn't suck at writing (he was nicer about how he said this but it was pretty much his message)

>>17869405
Actually thanks, I'm going to follow this and pretty much scrap whats in the OP. This sounds like solid advice and much easier to follow.