question to femanons: if you're not going to talk, why

>>17868889
Women are passive they dont have the testosterone to be aggressive like men.

>>17868889
>what he needs to write to you? WHAT?

Maybe your problem is what you DON'T have to write. How do you greet them?

>>17868889
When I didn't reply it was either because their first message was boring/made them sound stupid, or because I found someone I liked and was busy talking to them.

>>17868914
give me boring/made a guy stupid message examples, please. i will compare with mines.

>>17868911
come on. i'm checking their profile. trying to find something common and going over there. greet is usual. hi, how re you? what should i say?

>>17868942

What about you pick? Or your profile? Any red flags there?

>>17868947
could you please explain a little bit? what do you mean by red flags?

>>17868889

Writing in proper English might help

You're assuming she just matched you. As a woman she matched 9 other guys by the time you started typing

>>17868966

Are you wearing a fedora and holding a katana in your picture?

Is your profile really empty? Or full of try-hard BS?

Also, another question: Do they respond to you and then stop, or never actually write back?

>>17868928
>"Hey"
>That pseudo funny reference about something I wrote in my profile that 40 other guys already made
>Comment about how hard is my uni or how cute is my dog
>That icebreaker you read on buzzfeed
>Bad grammar or spelling mistakes
>Doesn't capitalise the first letter of the sentence
>Abbreviations
>Bad punctuation
>Uses emojis

I am not going to reply to "hey..... you're dog is so cute.... how r u ;) :)".

>>17868889
They may just push their ego. Some girls are honestly shit.

>>17868982
photos are fine. no fedora nor katana nor something weird. i believe profile is ok too. like this and that. nothing fancy. there're no long sentences nor quotes nor philosophical sentences either. so far, only one responded, no response back from the rest.

i've unmatched so many times after i greet them. this is also something i find really weird.

>>17868989
fair enough. what makes you to reply then?

>>17869006

And you don't do what Anon says here >>17868989?

>"hey..... you're dog is so cute.... how r u ;) :)".

Then it's something in your profile. think hard about it, there must be something wrong there.

>>17868989
not OP but that's seriously BS if you have such standards you're either a whore that chats with 20 guys every day or seek for a Chad that doesn't exist. Don't wonder if you're still single with 30.

>>17869015
i'll give you one example. i matched with a girl who is an arthouse fan and loves directors like trier, gus van sant, lynch, goddard etc. and i said hi there, i also like arthouse and the directors you like. what do you think about tarkovski? he's my favourite and mirrors is a beautiful movie. did you watch it?

no response. none. literally none!

what a good profile must contains? i really want to learn from a girl perspective. really.

>>17869044

Try starting in a more general sense and sharing about yourself. It sounds like you are just regurgitating their profile info in a desperate attempt to make a connection.

>>17869060
uhmm i didn't look this way. fair.

then, what should be the fire starter? we matched. you looked at my profile. i looked at yours and we matched. what should i say to you?

>>17868989
So, men aren't allowed to comment about something in your profile, NOR are they allowed to make a friendly greeting. What the fuck do you want, then? A poem?

>>17869011
Good grammar, no abbreviations, punctuation, no emojis.
In general I like genuinely funny jokes, or interesting questions/comments about things I wrote in my profile. Even a funny story about your day works well. Something like
>Today x and y happened to me. How was your day?
Keep it brief and witty.

I met my boyfriend online.
In my profile I mentioned that I was starting to take fitness seriously and would have loved an exercise partner to keep me on track. His first message was something about how lazy he was, and how he was going to encourage my debauchery. He said he was going to take me out for dinner at a fast food. It made me smile. I even fucking accepted the fast food date.

>>17869017
How can I be simultaneously be a whore and have high standards?

I am in a happy long term relationship anyway, thanks for your concern, much appreciated.

>>17869080

I don't use those sites, but I'd say:

A greeting, a starting point for a conversation, and a question.

Ex: Hi. Saw you are into cinema. I try to go once a month, but my buddies aren't always up for it. How about you?

Something simple and open ended. I don't know.

>>17869091
Men are allowed to write me anything they want. They aren't going to stand out if they write me "Hello", make a comment I have already heard a thousand times or a joke that 105 other people already made.

If you are average looking and you write me an average message, why should I notice you over 10 other dudes who did the same thing?

>>17869119
so, we stuck again. i mentioned above; i found a starting point but it turned into something regurgitating.

>>17869100
i find jokes are very dangerous. you don't know the person and you're trying to make a joke. jeez. what's the success rate? 1%? this is not about being funny. this is more about the connection what you wanna make a joke.

in general, this is nice conversation and don't want it ended quickly. your comments are much appreciated.

>>17869154
>i found a starting point but it turned into something regurgitating.

No. Saying "let's talk about cinema" is not the same as saying "I like the same genre and directors as you, what a coincidence!"

>>17869153
if i'm average looking to you, why did we match? what drove you to choose me? sorry but very weird answer.

>>17869161
good catch. didn't think like that.

>>17869153
>why should I notice average guys?
Because YOU are average. What makes you think you deserve the best? What makes you think you can sum up an entire human being by the first few words they sent you?

All you're doing is using highly exaggerated examples to prove a weak point. Yes, "Hello" is a shitty message, but nobody is defending hello. If you're hearing the same joke over and over, it's probably because you have so little to work with. Don't blame men for TRYING.

>>17869154
I don't know, I think an honestly good joke is the best way to start a conversation. I like wit. Don't be so scared!

>>17869162
How is it weird? I don't pick just greek gods. Average is still perfectly attractive to me.
If we seem to share hobbies/interests and they seem fun, why shouldn't I choose them?

>>17869188
I don't blame anyone for trying. But don't blame me for ignoring a person who doesn't interest me.

If I get 10 messages a day, and yours sounds like exactly like every other, and you don't look particularly better than the others, why should I notice YOU and not Tommy or Jimmy?

I obviously text back the one I like more, and it can be either because he is more attractive than the others or because he is funnier or sounds more interesting to talk to than the others.
If you're mediocre I have no reason why I should text you back.

>>17869153
that's so womenlike. judging a book by it's cover. you could have given every men a chance and probably 50% would have been nice and normal guys, but you chose a guy that doesn't support your ambitions, wants to make you fat and invites you into a shitty fast food restaurant. seriously if you want a lazy ass bastard then you could have chosen anyone of those 'hey', 'how r u', 'wanna smash' guys, but you chose the one with the best grammar. as if someone with a typo or an emoji would be a weirdo. just because you can match everyone it doesn't mean you have to lie and seed them out by their first sentence. you shitty women make honest guys hope and then seed them out because they can't read your dumb mind.

>>17869214
>why should I notice YOU and not Tommy or Jimmy?
It's kind of comical how you don't understand this.

You should notice them because you don't even know a shred about them. I could understand your logic if you exchanged a few messages back and forth, but using this to justify not even replying a single time? That isn't cold or condescending; it's moronic. For real, I don't know what you expect to learn from one message and a picture. You keep using the word "average", or comparing guys as "exactly the same". Let me ask you. How would you feel if you messaged a guy who you thought you'd hit it off with, you sent him a message, and he said "Sorry, you're the 4th blonde to message me." or "Heard that joke before. Bye."

If all you're looking for is instant attraction to a picture, then you're doomed to leave your romantic and sexual happiness up to LITERAL CHANCE, because you're basing everything on one picture and one or two dozen words.

>>17869222
I am not a charity. I don't feel any moral obligation to give everyone a chance. I pick the guys who interest me more.
Dating websites are literally a catalogue and you pick the people you prefer. They judged me by my cover too, and choose me over completely superficial things.
My boyfriend is very supportive of my ambitions. He is a marathon runner and pretty in shape. And our fast food date was actually fun, and different from all the other dates I got that far.
Someone with a typo or an emoji isn't a weirdo, I haven't said it.
Relax. You honest guys are stressed.

>>17869249
I don't honestly have time to put effort into communicating with every guy who messages me.
I choose the ones I like most, to the ones who impress me. If someone doesn't do anything to impress me I don't know why I should prioritize him over the other guys exacly like him.
Of course, I don't think he is horrible or repulsive for not being amazing at first sight. But I don't have any other indicator about how amazing he might be, and I have to pick guys based on the first impression they give me. If I have time I reply to most guys, but I generally prefer putting effort in one conversation than having shitty conversations with 20 dudes.
My approach was good this far. Maybe unfair, but worked out.

>>17869214
it's weird because i would like to understand what is average from your perspective. the man or the message? because, you're stating two things, man and the message. i can create so many combos from here like i'm a greek god and my message is average, what then? would you give me a chance? then, where is the wit?

>>17869290
>I don't honestly have time to put effort into communicating with every guy who messages me
Funny you say that, because I don't believe you for a second. I once dated a girl who said that exact thing to me on initial contact. She made the time, we got to know each other where we otherwise wouldn't have, and had an amazing relationship. Eventually she moved across the ocean for schooling in Europe, but I understood.

Look, I get it. Really, I do. I know there are a TON of guys out there who aren't worth the time. I've made fake female profiles, I know how bad it gets. But it would better suit you to give others a chance than to have a shitty skim-system where you check for a 6 pack, high paying career, etc. You don't HAVE to date them. Just look through their profile and ask them a question. A question that will give you a better idea if this person is worth your time. Keep filtering out the "dam ur cute babe ;))" and "lol you go to _____ university too? guess we're meant to be! haha" messages, but don't condemn a guy for saying "Hey, we both like swimming, ever been swimming in the ocean?" just because you've heard it before. You literally know nothing about that person from that message. They could be hugely successful financially, they could have an amazing singing voice, or super creative, or just downright dependable, funny, honest. You're NEVER going to tell that by rating the originality of the message and rating their pictures hot or not.

Apps a shit anon, women go for 20% of guys, no matter how compatible they are with you, had this happen over and over. The difference between us and them, is that we're willing to stoop as low as a fatty for the opportunity to make someones life great. To make someone truly feel appreciated. Womens standards are unrealistic and generally undeserved, they bring garbage to the table and expect 100%, on top of the fact that the playing field is disproportionate (more single men than women). So forget apps, better off going to walmart or a mall or something.

>>17869306
I had time to chat, otherwise I wouldn't have been on a dating website.
I talk to one guy at a time and put effort in the conversation. I cannot keep 4/5 conversation going, reply quickly and be actually funny.

I prioritized the most interesting guys. If it didn't work out, I went for someone else.
If 10 guys write me every day, I am going to pick the impressive ones first. If they aren't as good as they seem, I will stop talking to them and talk to someone else.

The guy who tells me "I like swimming too" might get a reply if I have time, unlike the "sup baby". But he probably won't be the first guy I talk to. And maybe I will never talk to him because I hit it off with some other dude.

>>17869340
true, apps are shit. but i've a really high level social anxiety which is keeping me away from meeting with people on a random location. i tried so many things and didn't work out.

>>17869298
Average as in average looking.

Let's say I get 6 messages
>3 from Greek gods - one is a good message, one is averages, one is shit
>3 from average dudes -one is a good message, one is averages, one is shit.
Ugly dudes aren't included because I don't match them.

I won't reply to the bad messages.

I'd go - Greek god + good message, average guy + good message, Greek god + average message, average guy + average message.

>>17869370
thanks for the comments. i've to sleep now.

what i've learnt from here made me hopeless so far. mos def, i'm an average guy, and mos def sending average messages and mos def, never recognized from a girl i matched by any chance. i do have six packs but who gives a fuck anyways. i'm not going to take couple photos and act like a greek god on a fucking dating app. that app will make me more miserable than ever if someone will show an interest after i share the packs. and i think i'll hit by a depression tomorrow, again.

>>17869431
It's silly to let something like this hit you so badly. I am sorry if I made you feel hopeless.

Learn how to initiate a conversation well! It seems like texting is your main problem and it is very easy to solve.
Bump your thread tomorrow morning, I'll look for you and see if we can chat a bit and see how to improve your skills.
Goodnight anon, sleep tight.

>>17869459
no, it's not about you. don't be sorry for anything. i just don't understand how hard i try to achieve something, i failed somehow. even on a fucking dating app, no one gives a fuck. so, maybe silly or not, but i'm alone for a very fucking long time and i feel like all doors are closed to me.

see ya tomorrow. i'll bump the thread or will create a new one to discuss.

>>17869361
dunno what to tell you man, i even regret typing what i did, but sadly there is some truth to the statement, clearly not everyone nor all women are the same. that said, i dunno that i should encourage you to destroy that more timid aspect of yourself, i tried my best to, sometimes still do, but with every attempt to attract someone into my life, i lose a little something... something good about me dies.. and with passing time, i feel less n less compatible with girls.. even inserting myself in this little weeb world feels artificial now.. the only thing i wish for you, is peace of mind.. that in your daily life, you don't lose your happiness due to your choices.. as i do.

>>17869290
>Dating websites are literally a catalogue and you pick the people you prefer

dont you see the problem though? it is like this for you because you're a women. as guys we have to put all the effort in while you sit back and basically see if we're right for you. if you're going to say "yeah, well its nature". i dont exactly disagree but then how the fuck can you also support feminism, and equality. its contradictory. i could also use the argument for sexual abusive "its natural for men to be controlled by their urges". if you expect us to control our nature, why dont you. you have no idea what it is like to be ignored by the other gender for your entire life. have some respect.