How do people have sex without emotions? And how do people really

>>17841306
Why do you wish you could

Some ppl just aren't made for that life

>>17841321

i haven't had any luck with finding a relationship or love, but i still have sexual feelings

>>17841306
>How do people have sex without emotions?
What's so complicated about it? I find a hot prostitute, dick gets up, fuck her, pay her and leave.

>>17841306
Seriously, this sounds like a great idea in your head but in reality it's just fucking sad.

You will have the excitement of the chase. You'll get her. You'll fuck. You'll have all your chemicals running through you. Feel fantastic for that short SHORT time. 1/24th of a day.

Then you crash. They leave your body. The person you had sex with is gone as well. You'll feel incredibly alone. You'll question the point of it. You'll think..."I wish I had someone to do that all the time with..."

So you'll go out looking for that feel good feeling again. You'll get the chase. The sex. The crash. The loneliness. Time after time after time.

You'll start to wonder "Why won't any of them stay? Sure I told them I didn't expect anything but... aren't I a pretty good person? Why wouldn't they not want more? I do...." This is where you start to hate yourself. You'll feel like all you're good for is sex. You'll get depressed as fuck. Your life will be consumed by looking for this type of love...

People will try to rationalize, lie to themselves that they are happy being a whore. Men or women. They aren't Odds are they fucking HATE themselves. They know this but can't admit it to themselves. They will fuck anything and everything no matter what. Ruin mrriages, hurt people. Use people. Their self worth plummets every time. Their denial, their psychosis becomes harder and harder to break. They end up bitter, old, alone with multiple STDs.

Human relationships are not geared to constant changes in partners. Societies views on sex exist for a reason dipshits. The human mind deals with social situations in a very understood way. Google that shit. Very interesting.

>>17841429

If you're going through a new partner a week, or even a month, it's incredibly unhealthy for your body and mind. That is not enough time to build trust with someone. Not enough time to build a true connection. Without any real love for someone it's harder to care about what happens to them. For them to care what happens to you.

They will hide their stds to get what they want. That cheap happiness. There are STDs that are not prevented by condoms. Moving through partners constantly puts you at a considerably greater risk. You could spread HIV for 6 months before test results come back positive.

Someone that would move through partners so quickly clearly is mentally ill. They need help. They don't care that they could potentially ruin their lives, and the lives of others, for 30 minutes of "happiness". They have no respect for themselves and lack the ability of empathy. They are dangerous people.

>>17841429
They aren't geared towards monagamy either
A man should spread his seed

Some people can recognize the difference between physical attraction and emotional attraction.

Some can want to fuck a person, and not click with them on an any other level. Sometimes that's enough.

>>17841429
Dang, dude, that hit pretty close to home.

Listen to this guy

>>17841306

its an emotional development thing. and i dont mean that in the 'ur just not mature enough' insulting way. its more about experience.

your opening line, for instance, is that you can't have sex without emotions. the two are inseperable for you. either you have to love them to stick your dick in, or sticking your dick in will make you fall in love.

which is rather true of young people. young people feel VERY strongly when they're in love. love at first sight is something that young people talk about, and young people ex[erience. every relationship feels so powerful they think losing it will destroy them, and then act as if it does. they will start dating someone without knowing anything about them and just be blown away by the fact that they are dating. all of them think it must be destiny.

but they break up. and then do it again. and again. and again. and everytime they date its a little harder to find the right girl and the feelings are a little less intense.

that is because emotion, just like time, just like anything, is relative. the more you have experienced, the less each of it feels like.

you are at a stage where you havent had too much experience, so every experience is intense. sex and love have to go together because your brain can literally not handle it otherwise.

but for people who have experienced this many times, they realize that not all girls are special. its not some amazing coincidence that you seem to meet the 'right' girl. it was just you wanting to find love and not knowing better.

so as you get older you tend to like people for who they are instead of what random feeling they inspire in you. the feelings are still there, but they just arent as intense, and they're only there for the RIGHT kind of girl.

so when they need sex they can understand liking someone enough to want to have sex with them without having to commit to a potential life long situation.

>>17841306
>>17841306
I don't get it either. I only want him, of course I want to fuck him lots but I'm so emotionally tied to him I can't be with another

>>17841468
>>17841429


>>17841429

the problem with this anon is he is very young.
>this is the way i think
>therefore it applies to everyone
>and anyone who disagrees is a whore who hates themselves

where as my explanation:
>>17841468

is more true to what you have already experienced: everyone is different and in varying levels of development.

I'm afraid to lose you but don't regret.. I'm going to tell you how i feel, how good this feels. My fear stops me every time, I find a reason to avoid my desire, my love, my soul, it means the most, it does

>>17841471
I bet you wear glasses

>>17841434
ummm, what?

Life long partnerships are rare. Yes, that's true. That doesn't change the fact relationships are meant to last a very long time. Security, protection of your offspring.

>>17841471
I dunno man, I'm 26 and I think he's pretty spot on. I think you are, too. Not everyone who sleeps around hates themselves, but everyone gets lonely, and loneliness somehow feels worse when someone wants to come get a nut but doesn't want to stick around and watch a movie.

As someone who sleeps around, and so logically /knows/ a lot of people who sleep around, this is a pretty common theme.

>>17841482
Women stay in village, raise baby
Man has best odds pollinating many flower

>>17841429
Reminds me of this 'essay', very well put.
http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2012/03/shame.html

>>17841471
I'm 30. I have seen many people fall into the cycle I mentioned above including the woman I loved.

But sure, try to rationalize fucking as many people as you can being a good thing. A healthy thing. Please tell me how hooking up with a complete stranger ISN'T something only a mentally unhealthy person would do.

Having sex with someone you feel no emotions for, the littlest bit of care, is extremely dangerous in so many ways. You don't know that person, what they are going through. That you might be taken advantage of someone... that you end up hurting so many people for no reason at fucking all other than to feel good for a short period.

reason FWB never truly works and always ends with someone getting hurt is because of this, again. >>17841429

They will want to feel that love time and time again. Go to the same person over and over. There is a high risk of at least one of the people growing a dependency. The chemicals released during sex are MEANT to create a bond.

Maybe the other partner has many partners so they are more spread out. This again, will end poorly more often than not. Runs the risk of stds, power imbalance, abuse, and more.

When I say "never truly works, someone get's hurt." could mean hurt in a huge variable of ways in varying degrees of severity.

Its a bad lifestyle no matter how you put it.

It's easy once you've lost a 'love' or two lol

It's pretty easy. You get fucked emotionally and are no longer capable of feeling genuine love for another human being

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>>17841429
>>17841501
Rare illustration of what this poster looks like in real life has been leaked.
Pic related. Holy shit.

Casual sex is so irresponsible and damaging in ways that people just have no clue about, makes it very difficult for someone like me to find a good partner for the long haul.

I don't know ..... I never had sex and I'm glad. Proud to be a virgin to have great emotions towards my spouse in future.

I do masturbate ( who doesn't).
Hand is a big help. It's a lot better to do this than be with lots of partners who never had feelings for you

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>>17841501
>Please tell me how hooking up with a complete stranger ISN'T something only a mentally unhealthy person would do.

>Having sex with someone you feel no emotions for, the littlest bit of care, is extremely dangerous in so many ways.


Kek

>>17841537
So, what out of that is untrue?

Okay, I don't mean that I want to have sex with hundreds of random strangers, but, how do people emotionally handle the FWB/fuck buddies thing? How do you have sex with someone and not feel all this fuzzy romance stuff towards them?

I wanted to do an FWB thing with a friend because, well, sexual frustration sucks. At first my friend were willing, but the situation was hard for me. This person felt it, said I was too emotional, broke it off. I need to avoid this happening in the future.

People who can divorce sex from love and from emotions seem much happier than those who can't, with a few exceptions, to be honest.

>>17841772
Hate their personality but like their body

>>17841306
They're dead inside.

>>17841772

If I hadn't gotten so attached, I think my friend and I could have had a lot of fun together and it could have been a really positive experience.

So, basically, I want to have sex with partners I know and like, but not get attached to them. Is there a way, /adv/?

>>17841800

Why, though?

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>>17841772
>seem much happier than those who can't,
They aren't. At fucking all.

Sometimes... it get's really bad.
Many of them are hardcore addicted to drugs and alcohol. They have no self worth. They HATE themselves. I'm not talking about your teen emo or mopey loner going "Aw man I hate myself. I don't have a GF" The people addicted to sex, the people that try to find love through the physical, hate themselves to their core. They believe they arent deserving of love. Being used as an object is their purpose and they won't bother telling anyone or trying to improve themselves because there's just no fucking point. They are able to do the disgusting as fuck things they do because they believe it's what they are.

Sometimes those addicted to sex find no pleasure in it at all. They actually find it disgusting, painful, and revolting. They will fuck people they have no attraction to at all. Even people they talk trash to, people they look at as failures. When these people touch their bodies, that disgusting pain they feel is like a knife cutting open their wrists. It's confirmation of what they think they are. When they are harming themselves in this way... the relief they feel is from the release of guilt.

They will cheat on their partners with most disgusting, unclean people they can to deceive their own minds. To feel "This is who I am. This is what I am for and this is how a person like me exists. There is nothing I can do to change it and it's everyone else that should feel guilty for pushing their values on me." They will be accepting of themselves in this moment, free of shame, guilt, and at peace.

Problem is that after they are done fucking reality kicks back in. The realization that they fucked a person like that, that they cheated on their partner, that they didn't use protection despite knowing the other person had an std... all of that sets in. The psychosis that lasted a whole 30 minutes is broken and now they want nothing more than to fucking die.

>>17841845

I know what you're saying is true, but, this is about sex addicts and PUAs.

I know lots of people who can say things like "Yeah, we had sex, but it wasn't a big deal" or "We slept together, but it didn't mean anything."

I know people who do the FWB thing and like it.

That's what I want to be able to do.

>>17841843
read the fucking thread?

yes, it would be graet to be able to have sex with someone and afterwards feel just "that was fun"

instead of feeling afterwards like "i love that girl/guy"

>>17841871
>That's what I want to be able to do.
That's what ends up happening anon. It's not something you truly want. Nearly every time someone get's hurt. That's a best case scenario.

It's simply not a healthy way to view relationships or sex.

> know lots of people who can say things like "Yeah, we had sex, but it wasn't a big deal" or "We slept together, but it didn't mean anything."
Did you know I am the queen of France? It's true. I just said it after all.

I'm not addicted to drinking. I can stop any time I want.

basically, what I'm saying is what is the fucking point in spending so much time thinking about or trying to do something you know will most likely NOT be worth it? That will most likely end with your hurting or feeling guilty for hurting someone else?

Spend your time into something constructive.

I already know which you're going to choose because fuck it.

>>17841904

You really think they're all either dead inside or lying?

Of course I would prefer to have a relationship with someone I love, and have sex within that relationship, but a healthy relationship isn't so easy to find, and my sexual desires don't disappear when I'm single.

>>17841917
He's a bit extreme in his views
I would lighten his message a bit instead of taking it at face value

>>17841917
I'm saying it's not worth the fucking trouble. That no matter what, someone is going to get fucking hurt. That doesn't mean they "feel dead inside".

It's like smoking. One cigarette won't kill you. Still doesn't mean it's a good habit you should want to do.

>>17841920
I literally said "SOMETIMES it get's really bad."

I didn't say "THIS IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU."

Also, the extreme cases highlight what the real problems are, why people want those kind of things in the first place. It's easy to rationalize hurting someone or yourself when the effects are more subtle. But then again, read that over again. Hurting someone. Hurting yourself.

"I want to hurt someone or myself." and if that's something you truly want....

Why not just fucking try to not do something negative? Why not try to focus your time and energy on something constructive? "But I want it." is childish.

This is just some fucking life advice for people. Wanting something is not a good enough excuse if the end result is negative no matter how small. If you want a happy life, if you want a positive life, constructive life then stop doing bad shit.

Go out and build real relationships. Talk to people. Care for them. If you fall in love, if you find companionship then have sex in a positive way.

"it's hard. I'm scared of forming bonds with people." That's the shit OP should be thinking about. Why the fuck do you want FWB so badly?

That's what you need to fucking find out. That's what you need to spend your time and energy on.

>>17841958
>"it's hard. I'm scared of forming bonds with people." That's the shit OP should be thinking about. Why the fuck do you want FWB so badly?
>That's what you need to fucking find out. That's what you need to spend your time and energy on.

I am trying to form real relationships, talking to people, caring for them. This results in many friends, no sexual partners.

Actually, the friend I tried (and failed) FWB with still wanted to spend time with me platonically, to return to the friendship before benefits, but I didn't do that because the sting of rejection was too painful.

Appreciate your comments and perspective, by the way.

Holy fuck you people are pathetic it's just sex it's not like you're giving someone a lung or caring for them when they're sick get over it

>>17841981

yes, this is the freedom i want to feel

>>17841981
>it's just sex
Some of us cannot see it as "just sex" you dumbass. Some of us legit get attached to our sexual partners and the fact that there will not be any sort of affection is seriously painful.

Get over yourself.

>>17841833
Here's some more productive questions you should be asking yourself: Where is the line between friendship and romance? And why is it such a game-changer for you to cross that line?

I've had a few FWB over the years, and while we have strong loyalties and love toward each other, we differentiate between wanting to enjoy each other's company and wanting to intertwine our lives.

My FWB and I would kill each other if we tried to 'officially' date, because we have a lot of incompatibilities. Sex just isn't one of them.

So ask yourself what is that 'special' part of romance that you think would make a friend off-put or that would make you behave in an unacceptable way? Is it really something that is caused by sex, or is it like any other unrequited love, where you start visualizing a potential future that the other person might not be keen on?

>>17841972
>didn't do that because the sting of rejection was too painful.
And this is literally why it's a bad idea.

You have lived the reason FWB doesn't work, why it's unhealthy, and why you shouldn't pursue it.

it's hard not getting sex. It is. It sucks masturbating all the fucking time. You just need to realize that this is not forever, you will find someone that loves you and wants to make love with you. In the meantime, try to focus on constructive things and avoid the negative things that give you a cheap happiness that's short lived and will hurt you more in the end.

>>17841981
>>17841996
>I want to be a selfish cunt
>I want to repress the pain I'm feeling, the guilt and shame of hurting others.
>I want to be blind to the long term side effects, both mental and physical.

>>17842000
>>17842057
What pain? Do you cry every time you jack off? Grow up, move out of your mom's house, and get a life it's people like you that are ruining humanity for the rest of us with your safe spaces

>>17841904
You're naive to think that people can't enjoy FWB scenarios
>Not wanting a girl who is basically just a friend that you nut in
What?

>>17841306
>How do people have sex without emotions?
Same way they masturbate?

>>17841429
>Human relationships are not geared to constant changes in partners.
That's why prostitution was one of the most basic professions?

>>17842002
>we differentiate between wanting to enjoy each other's company and wanting to intertwine our lives
Pretty much the key here. Why is it such a difficult concept to understand for some?

>>17842183
>That's why prostitution was one of the most basic professions?
A lot of people do heroin too dipshit but look how destructive cheap thrills are.

>>17842152
>What pain?
You're a child.

>>17842195
Heroin got pretty clear downsides, identical to all users. Prostitutes and FWB relationships only cause problems for insecure betas.

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>>17842152
I have to say though...

You are a perfect example of someone that is clearly hurting. This is exactly the type of behavior I was talking about.

You are unable to see the world in anything other than black or white. (Splitting) It's either all painful, jacking off/crying, or no pain at all. You are unable to perceive the positives and negatives of something and comprehend it as a whole. As a realistic view. Also, rather than focusing on the content of my post, you use devaluation to dismiss what I say. Saying I don't have a life and I'm a loser will make everything I say to you worthless as well.

Rather than face criticism you pass the blame onto others. That it's not you ruining the world, it's me.

The complete lack of empathy, dismissing a point of view for being "overly sensitive", is ALSO a sign of someone with a personality disorder such as BPD, ASPD, sociopath and others. You are unable to accept responsibility for your actions and instead dismiss them as not important. Clear avoidance.

All of these are defense mechanisms for someone unable to cope with their actions.

You should honestly see a psychiatrist.

>>17842205
dat insecurity

>>17842232
I'm the other person they responded to and I gotta say that I couldn't have said it better. 10/10 post.

>>17842232
>that projection
>that flawed arguing and logic
>that pseud babble

Not him but you should definitely take your own advice. Also yes, being a loser with no life is a pretty bad starting condition to contribute to the topic. You wouldn't ask a random hobo about investment advice or a kindergardener about flying a plane.

>>17841845
Can a person addicted to sex ever come out of such a hole and be normal?

>>17841845
Can you stop telling us your personal life story in plural?

>>17842246
Ok anon.

>>17842258
Yes, they can. Super dependent on the person and the reason they are addicted to sex.

It's all about honesty with them self and with others. Sometimes (again people, SOMETIMES) there is a powerful psychosis, a physical alteration of the brain causing their behavior. Their ability to perceive threats is overactive and their ability to deal with those threats is under active in people dealing with psychosis.

It's their fear of abandonment. Worsened because they hate themselves and don't feel like they deserve anyone's love. At the same time, they desperately want to be loved. This causes all sorts of fucked up, erratic, dangerous behavior. A person dealing with a personality disorder, psychosis, and sex addiction is a whirl-wind of destruction.

Anyone that gets in their life, their path, that they perceive as a way to validate themselves is going to get fucking emotionally raped and abused. Like... extreme degree. needing therapy themselves to deal with that person's issues.

People don't realize how important mental health is. Especially for people with extremely volatile interpersonal relationships. They will go to a psych, be diagnosed with depression, and given the wrong medication. They continue to be fucked up and never get better.

Some people are so bad that it's literally impossible for them to tell the truth. To be honest. They feel so much shame and guilt for their actions they just can't face them. Their brain just shutdowns completely. To cure people like that, you have alter the way their minds work with anti-psychotics to break their psychosis.

>>17842187

"Enjoying each other's company" means different things to different people. That's the problem. How often do we meet to enjoy each other's company? One FWB wants to meet every night, one wants to do it once a month. Do we cuddle and kiss each other? If so, how much? One FWB wants it, one doesn't care. If one FWB is gone for a while, do we miss each other? One does, one doesn't. Not very clear.

>>17842775
Communication. If your definitions are too different from the other person, obviously you're going to have a hard time enjoying each others company. Also most of the questions would apply to non sexual friendships.

They are disgusting degenerates, OP. Dont be like them

>>17841429


Best Post of the Day.

>>17842833
>Also most of the questions would apply to non sexual friendships.

Definitely! And when there's sex involved the emotion behind these questions is just so much bigger (at least for me).

>>17841306

I've never understood how people do it

If I like someone enough to want to be close to them physically and share bodily fluids with them, it means I like them a fucking lot as a person and want to spend lots of time with them and do it over and over again

People who don't make a big deal out of sex definitely do seem happier, though

>>17841504

wait why?

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>>17841429
>all this projecting
kys

>>17841306

i will never understand that

>>17842152
>>17841981
What a compelling argument.

>>17842232
I'm saving this thread.

>>17842232
I also disagree with the comment that was quoted but have to say that
>You are unable to perceive the positives and negatives of something and comprehend it as a whole. As a realistic view.
is pretty fucking bold to state on the website where either women are wholesome, pristine virgins or useless whores to most of the userbase.

>>17844521
>on the website where either women are wholesome, pristine virgins or useless whores to most of the userbase.

This is a pretty bold statement for a website that has a userbase in the nuber of the thousands.

>>17844527
Most of those who speak out about it, then.

>>17844532
Then what? because of that you're going to pretend there are no well adjusted people here?

>>17844537
Not going to pretend, I just never got the impression that they're even remotely the majority. It could be that the well adjusted people lurk or avoid threads that cover female sexuality to begin with.
You can't ever be sure but I've stuck around here for ~seven years now and have yet to be in a thread discussing female partner count or something where there are more nuanced and reasonable posts than this "splitting" if that's the term. Even despite especially /adv/ becoming a lot more female friendly over the past couple of years.

>>17844539
>I just never got the impression that they're even remotely the majority
I've met around 20 people off 4chan, all perfectly fine people, some of them I've become very close to.
If that were the case statistically at least one of them would have been an autist.

>cover female sexuality to begin with.
>female partner count
Wich this thread isn't about.

>>17844546
>If that were the case statistically at least one of them would have been an autist.
Only if you are assuming that an autist is as likely to meet up irl with someone from here than someone adjusted.

>Which this thread isn't about.
If it's about partner count it's always about what you feel about your own person doing and what you feel about your potential partners doing. Whether or not those feelings are the same. It influences different things.

>>17844552
>Only if you are assuming that an autist is as likely to meet up irl with someone from here than someone adjusted.
Fair enough, still doesn't justify considering them the majority.

>>17844552
>If it's about partner count it's always about what you feel about your own person doing and what you feel about your potential partners doing. Whether or not those feelings are the same. It influences different things.

Care to put it in a way that's easier to interpret?
Because don't know what the fuck you just said.

>>17844558
>Fair enough, still doesn't justify considering them the majority.
As I said I can't and don't rule out some silent majority who just stays away from threads like that. (I picked female sex partners because it is most related to this thread but it often does not matter much if you are talking about that or, say, discussing racism.) But the majority of real opinions you read are pretty damn black and white, so if there is some silent majority they don't have the same visibility in the slightest. What people post is all there really is to go by.

Basically that when people voice their thoughts about whether they care if people fuck around etc, they are not just thinking of how they feel about personally doing it but also about their partner doing/having done it.

>Whether or not those feelings are the same. It influences different things.
I meant that you can have a singular stance ("I'm against casual sex, I don't want my partners to have had casual sex, I feel no personal appeal there") or differeng viewpoints ("I want to fuck around as much as I can but want women to be picky") but either way if someone asks for an opinion on casual sex, both (what you would want for yourself and what you would want from your partner) factor in.

Sorry I feel like my English is getting real sloppy and half-assed sometimes lately.

>>17844572
>I picked female sex partners because it is most related to this thread
Why? why not adress the topic of the thread directly?

>Basically that when people voice their thoughts about whether they care if people fuck around etc, they are not just thinking of how they feel about personally doing it but also about their partner doing/having done it.
That's understandable, don't see the fault in that.

>Sorry I feel like my English is getting real sloppy and half-assed sometimes lately.
Well, I guess so,
because all I did was saying that not everybody share the same opinion to point out your original post was a bit over the line and not very constructive.
But then you took it in another direction and I still don't see any connection with your OP, or mine, or the previous conversation of the thread.

everything went too off ttopic
again

>>17841469

I feel for you, anon! The whole thing is a huge mystery. And then we suffer.

>>17841871
From personally experience, I was only able to do that a couple of times and it was utterly pointless. I wasted my time and I risked someone getting their feelings hurt now that I think about it.
I really don't see the point.
I did it to prove something to myself and to learn something. It was retarded.

>>17844867

Can you give some details? What exactly happened? If you're comfortable sharing

>>17842002
This af

>>17841833
You should have a self-quiz for yourself to determine what you do with your body because sex is a major thing, regardless of the memes perpetuated by the media that it's meaningless. Between STD's, accidental pregnancy, and potentially psychotic partners, it's a big fucking deal.

Think about it though, you're mating. This is what animals do to procreate. It's not something generally harmless and recreational like masturbating or giving head (not as harmless).

What I like to ask myself before I start sleeping with someone:
>(obviously) Are they fuckable (basically are they marginally attractive)?
usually the answer is yes, so this question is usually an instant decision
>Are they dateable?
>Am I prepared to be seen with this person (by my family and close friends) and not be embarrassed
>If things go south and I knock her up, can I tolerate staying with her?
because fuck baby momma drama

These questions determine if I decide to stay, have a prolonged sexual relationship, or keep it as a one time thing.

maybe it has something to do with how many partners you have had.

i think after you have had six or seven sexual partners, it is pretty easy not to feel much for them , besides vague fondness. or is it only me?