I have literally zero sexual attraction or desire for my boyfriend

However, for some reasons (probably fear of the unknown etc and because my then ex-bf actually is such a good person with a heart of gold) I returned to my boyfriend. at the beginning it was nice, but well... the experiences I had with that other guy just stick with me and I can't get rid of them. I tried explaining what I felt to my boyfriend and that I NEED to feel these things in my life. But since I was his first gf and only sexual experience so far, he only learned what I taught him, i.e: making the girl cum is not as important, the girl likes when the guy is pleased.

He just doesn't know how to change this and I understand it. But my sexual desire for him is so low because of this... I really don't know what to do. He is the sweetest, most caring and loving person ever, stable, considerate, very handsome and successful - everything. I would love to build a life with him. But the sex is just so bad. Like: I see him as the perfect father. but the thought of conceiving a child with him is revolting. The thought of creating life during an act which disgusts me and doesn't satisfy me and mostly leaves me crying is impossible.

2/2

You've destroyed your chances at being intimate with anyone in a ltr because of your poor choices in your youth.

>>17838036
please elaborate

>>17838028
>>17838026
1. of all, if you're his only sexual experience you have fine opportunity to teach him new stuff, but it's very clear from your post you don't communicate at all!
it takes about 1 hour for me to orgasm, and i can't do it via penetration at all.
I need a vibrator, and well in the beginning my bf wasn't very keen on bringing toys into our sex life, but now, he's almost more keen on it than i am (been with each other for 3 years)
BUT WE COMMUNICATE
in the beginning it was all about him, so we sat down and talked, i told him it felt like he was bored and like he didn't really wanted to spend the time on me cumming as well.
it was a bit awkward in the beginning after our talk, but we eased into it, and now we only have sex AFTER i have cummed, so he uses an hour on me, with a vibrator and whatever he thinks is funny that day, and then we have sex.
while he does stuff to me, i of course touch him or give him oral while he does his business, cause it needs to be pleasing for both of us..

but honestly i don't think sex is your problem, it sounds like you don't really talk openly with each other and it sounds like you're NOT attracted to him anymore, you don't want to kiss him, or have him touching you etc. That is not right, and you say you keep thinking of another guy you fucked while your bf and you were apart.
i read it as you broke up for a short period of time, and in that short period you fucked two other guys, which to me doesn't sound like something a person does if they really love their partner/ x-partner.

Sorry but you really have to reconsider your relationship, cause i think if you're willing to talk with your bf he would change for you, but you also have to be willing to change for him... and it doesn't sound like that

>>17838040
In your youth you decided to troll image boards instead of something productive, and as a result you have stunted your emotional/social growth so much that you will never experience intimacy