Should I ask out a recovering alcoholic? He is a very nice person

Well it depends how serious the relapses are. If he's trying and has good prospects I don't see why not. It's hard but possible.

>>17835088
How long has he been sober

>>17835093
Apparently he's one of the few who might just make it in the end. He has awareness of his problems and a sense of responsibility. Genuinely wants out of it. He still relapses, though.

>>17835095
Since summer. It's happened about once a year since I got to know him.

>>17835093
>it depends how serious the relapses are
Aren't all relapses serious? You can't relapse just a little bit and that is the problem.

>>17835103
Seems like a good person with a real issue that's trying
I say go for it

>>17835103
Sounds like a good fellow. If you think he's worth it be sure to encourage him to keep going. Good luck
>>17835112
Well yeah but I'm not sure how bad this person is based on the information given at the time. If he relapsed every month or so while promising to "be better next time" then I'd call bs. A slip up annually isn't too bad.

>>17835114
How would I deal with a relapse, though? If we married and started living together what do I do if he starts drinking or taking drugs?

>>17835132
You probably always will have that risk and have to be there for them or maybe even leave but that's the risk you take

It's not for everyone but there's a lot of other problems put up with for people they love

You're not marrying him yet though so chill?

Unless you're too old and tryna get married asap

>>17835153
I am only looking for serious relationships so I should at least consider the possibility before getting involved.

>>17835088
I'm in recovery myself. We are complicated people who are very hard to be in a relationship with. But if you like him go for it. Does he have a sponsor? Is he working on steps? If he's not don't do it. >>17835093

>>17835186
>Does he have a sponsor? Is he working on steps?
What do these two mean? Why would an alcoholic need a sponsor?

>>17835199
Lol

Alcoholics Anonymous uses steps and sponsors to keep people sober

You should read some of the basics

>>17835186
>We are complicated people who are very hard to be in a relationship with.
I am sort of aware of this but could you go more into detail?

>>17835221
He's not in AA as far as I know. I'm not sure they even exist where I live.

>>17835199
A sponsor is someone like myself who has been in recovery for a while who walks fellow addicts (or drunks) through steps. The steps are hard to explain if you are not in recovery. But basically admit that you are a fucked up dope fiend (in my case). You have no control over using. Start to see what roll you play in all the things that MADE you use (or drink ). Stop blaming other people and take personal responsibilities. Then when you learn how to stay clean (sober)help out a new addict.

>>17835235
AA and NA meetings are everywhere. Ruff area of where you are from and I'll post where a meeting is at. Could be a good first date. Saved my life that's for sure.

>>17835239
Sounds like he is well on his way if you go by this.

>>17835247
I googled it and found one. There are also secular alternatives which I think might be better.
>Could be a good first date.
Really?

>>17835291
Yes really. Shows that you care about him getting help. Can be very uncomfortable walking into a room full of strangers by yourself. Aa and NA meetings are fun and funny to hear others experience. Then go get food or coffee and just ask how he liked the meeting. Others in recovery are his best chance to stay sober.

>>17835088
I don't know, OP. Do you want to be another one of those ditzy women who ask out low-quality men and then complain when they do the same thing they've always done? "All men are pigs," am I right? No, just the ones you insist on seeing, because you are a stupid bitch.

>>17835305
You are a fucking fag. I am a tattooed con witch on paper I look like a monster with my record. Ask my wife and son if I do the same things I used to. No prison in five years. My own house and a great relationship. While you probably live with your momma bear still.

>>17835317
I'm worth half a mil and work in finance in Chicago. You're still borderline-unemployable and forever atoning for your past indiscretions. Fuck off.

>>17835303
It's not like he isn't dealing with it already, though. I'll have to be careful to not come off as condescending.

>>17835305
He isn't a bad boy or anything, though. He actually wants to stay sober and he is on his way there.

>>17835088
Depends on how he acts during relapse. But otherwise, if you're not sure you want to put up with all of that, then don't. Because it sucks, believe me.

>>17835342
>I like him for him
>I will be the one who fixes him because I am so special
>I don't want people who were smart enough to do the right thing in the first place, that sounds faggy and boring
>Oh no he relapsed again, all men are pigs Becky

>>17835339
And I am 7foot tall. Haha. Newfag I swear. You can catch me at UFC 207 fag. Prelim of course but still 25k for 25 minutes of my time. In retrospect I make probably quads what you do in an hour.

>>17835357
I'm always amused when people question these things. Lmk when your code runs in 3 microseconds, apeman.

>>17835346
He just gets passive afaik. He didn't respond to any of my texts this summer to give an example. He just sat on his sofa all day.
As long as I am just friends™ with him this is acceptable.

>>17835354
>>I will be the one who fixes him because I am so special
I can say that I do not have delusions like this.

>>17835317
My friend is calm and cozy. Has a troubled soul but tries his best to find peace by going out in nature and going to saunas. No violent or criminal tendences. More of an artist, actually.

>>17835369
Ape haha first off I am 5'9" and 170 far from ape status. I live in orange county. One of the most beautiful places to live. You live with a bunch of trash niggs. I'm winning. And 500k is not shit. My house alone is 850000. I would not change places with you ever. I have lived more life in the first 20 years of my life than most people dream of.

>>17835088
Let me put it this way:

Do you like babysitting?

Because until this guy is RECOVERED, he is not going to be able to act responsibly on his own and will need help on a regular basis to deal with his addiction. Depending on how severe his drinking relapses are and what kind of drunk he is, it could mean the difference between coming home to "Okay, look, I fucked up. I had a few beers while I had nothing to do and I relapsed. It's hard, but I'll keep working at it." or coming home to "Well FUCK YOU. YEAH the houseis a mess because I FUCKED UP. Huh? LIKE YOU'RE MISS PERFECT? AND I'M THE DRUNK GUY WHO JUST FUCKS IT ALL UP!? YEAH FUCK you go call your mom she'll just bitch about me anyways" etc.

He may even end up leaning on you and expecting your help so much that he stops working on improving himself. Relationships with people who struggle with addictions are a tricky thing, it's difficult to tell when a relationship is helping them with the extra support, or when a relationship is actually just distracting them from trying to fix their problems and making things worse for them.

>>17835410
We all have a different past. Witch makes us unique. The things that we have in common are the feelings that are associated with addition. The desperation of never wanting to be loaded again. Like I said monster on paper. I was simi pro surfer before addition led me to prison. Now doing the whole MMA thing surf run a troubled youth surf team. Recovery is all about changing for the better.

File: drinking_songs.jpg (83KB, 700x700px) Image search: [Google]

83KB, 700x700px

>>17835088
The only man I've ever really loved is an alcoholic (he was recovering when we started dating). Our relationship didn't work out, on and off every few months. I wasted a lot of time and tears on him, it went nowhere.
Still I don't regret it and miss him horribly but if you're not totally into that guy I'd pass. If he's more than "experienced" with drinking there's a small chance he'll recover.
Also alcoholics even when they're amazing people normally, tend to be compulsive, paranoic liars and they always fuck shit up.


Also - calm and cozy troubled soul, damn OP I'm getting flashbacks.

>>17835467
>The only man I've ever really loved
Please tell me you're not currently in a relationship.

It's not fair to tell someone you love them when you don't actually mean it.

Can I be in a relationship with him and not live in the same apartment as him?

>>17835430
>I had a few beers
Does "a few beers" even count as a relapse? It takes a few weeks/months for my friend to stop drinking once he's started.

>>17835475
I'm not, still recovering.
I'm a loner and being in a relationship for the sake of being in one is retarded imo.

>>17835467
I like him a lot as a friend. Even thought we've lived totally different lives I can relate to him and feel comfortable around him. I feel like we have the same values. I strongly dislike people who drink at parties but I have no problems with him. He is the same as a non-drinker to me. He knows it's retarded.

Why didn't it work out? Was it the drinking or was it the relationship itself?

>>17835484
If you are like us ONE is to many and a THOUSAND is never enough.

>>17835545
It was similar with me - disgusted with people getting wasted during parties, okay with that sensitive guy drinking alone.

In answer to your question - it was his drinking, maybe not directly but it caused severe paranoia while his jealous best friend did everything to turn us against each other. It worked. We got together again and again afterwards but it has always ended badly because of his relapses. He was never aggressive though.

I don't believe in soulmates and stuff like that but I've never had such connection with anyone else. I'd do all of that again.

If you have feelings for him - give it a shot, if you don't i'd keep it friendly (at least until he makes the first move).