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3 months ago I broke up with my first girlfriend. I was scared

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3 months ago I broke up with my first girlfriend. I was scared of her, as she was suicidal and many times I had to stop her from hurting herself. She also treated me like shit, even according to her mother.

But, every single time she makes me cry or I am feeling really down I feel that I love her. When I'm happy it does not happen. How can I avoid such a feeling and why does it happen?
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>>17834787
How was your childhood growing up
Parents friends family
>>
>>17834833

With my parents I had a conflictual relationship because I'm one-of-a-kind type of person. They tried to send me to psychologists, uselessly, to solve my issues.

I had few friends in elementary and middle school but we're really close friends today, we write or see each other on a daily basis.

My extended family I don't see them often because they live a couple of hours away by plane. They are generally good people though.
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>>17834866
Tell me more about your conflictual relationship with your parents and what it means to be a one of a kind person to you
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>>17834878

I discussed with them a lot because I'd argue a lot against teachers in school.

One of a kind means I have my own style, my own thoughts, distance myself from the mass as much as possible without rejecting mass culture per se just because it's for the people.

In a few words, I have my own ideas, own weird life experience and people around me always have told me I am particular and they cannot find the words to judge me. I have been told this by teachers, family, friends, randomers and my former psychologist
>>
Any information will be welcome. Bumping again
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