>father was a shitter who beat my mother, drank to feel better,

>back when i tried to kill myself she told me if i did that it would mean she was a horrible friend
>all she cares about is if she'll feel responsible if i end it all
>she cares about the fact she feels responsible, not about me
>i want to drink and smoke until im dead, never really done either regularly
>realize these are all things my father did, still does
>realize all i need to do now is beat on women and old men to feel better about myself
>im becoming my father
>understand that i cant base my happiness on a single individual
>fact is i do and i cant improve
>im a hopeless useless individual
>im never going to be okay again because the one i hold in the highest regard doesnt want to help me and is instead focused on working this shitty full time job, saving a lot of money, shutting out all her friends, and i guess getting some apartment and being alone for the rest of her life
>i know for a fact the two of us were happy, more social, better people when we were together
>seriously just fuck this whole life thing
>we live for maybe 80 years and i'm already fucked as a human being at 20-years-old

i get this is advice but honestly i dont know what i can do to fix myself at this point, considering just going dark on everything and sleeping my days away

>>17825501
>i know for a fact the two of us were happy, more social, better people when we were together
Learn to be that way on your own, you can do it. You always had it in you, you just needed her to bring it out. But now she's not around, nobody is ever around forever. It hurts that things ended like this, I know how it feels, but you can't force her to be with you. Look at it this way, she taught you something important. She taught you how to be happy and pull yourself together. And once you can do that by yourself, trust me, everyone will want to be around you. Then you just need to pick and choose the ones that are worth YOUR time.

Eminem took that pain and became a rapper

Stop being a bitch, no wonder she left
You just whine
You act like you can't do anything
Youre the only one holding you back
"Oh I'm 20 life is hard I'll never be happy in all of my 80 years"
Come on man get real

You need to become a man. Get your own place op

been there felt that, bitch lived with me, took all i had at 18, smoke some dope, realise shes a cruel fucking bitch for leading you on like this when you feel like you do, understand your her back up plan incase the grass isnt greener on the otherside...
Find some good weed, smoke dope, dont drink, change job, get a new haircut, hang with friends and realise theres tons of girls out there and theyll be interested in you but as of now you need to fix yourself up and get your confidence back! and if you want her back that bad just know she isnt going to come back if your a more broken version of what she had before! fix your damnself