What Is the difference between a man and a boy besides age? How

A man is able to make compromises, love his significant other without jealousy, acknowledges when people need their own space, including his own...

He doesn't do any of the things you'd consider childish. Bullying would be something like that. A Man also knows how to provide for himself, and stands on his own two feet in life, without being dependant. (Basically if he's a decent adult he's doing it right. It's the same with Women.)

Independence.

Just general signs of maturity.

>able to handle responsibility, understands that both a relationship and many other aspects of adult life take energy and work
>able to handle his emotions, there's flying off the handle and flying off the handle... there's a difference between yelling in frustration or saying anything he can think of to hurt you then going "oh I didn't mean it, I was just pissed and trying to tear you down"
>can own up to his share in problems within your relationship, is able to reflect on his behavior
>communicates in an adult way (minimal or no yelling/insults/YEAH but YOU, doesn't avoid but rather instigates serious talks when necessary) and is open about what he expects from you and the relationship both in the present and the future
>doesn't do childish shit like blaming you whenever he doesn't want to go out with his friends, trashing you to his family whenever he's upset over something trivial, flirting with other girls to make you jealous

>>17825373

everyone is going to give you a completely different definition of what a 'man' is. they will overlap a little bit, but a lot of them are going to be personal definitions.

there was a really stupid article recently called '15 signs your boyfriend isn't a real man'

and it had very shallow qualifications like 'he doesn't like to hang out with your parents'. really petty shit.

by a lot of woman's definitions being a man simply means 'catering to what i want'. that's it.

the big question is, does it matter? if you like your boyfriend and have no major quarrels with his lifestyle does it matter if its classified colloquially as 'man' or 'boy' ?

if you love a guy are you going to leave him becuase he doesn't meet some arbitrary standard set by other people?

>>17825495
>'he doesn't like to hang out with your parents'
To be fair, this is pretty common and there's a difference between not being crazy about spending time with her family and not wanting to sacrifice a couple of hours every now and then because your girlfriend finds it really important to see them on occasion.

Virtually no one likes to sit around their in laws and throwing a fit over not wanting to go (at all, not talking about weekly gatherings) doesn't just show that you don't like her parents but that you don't understand that you need to do stuff you don't particularly like for the sake of the relationship sometimes.

>>17825503

and thats fine, but saying someone isnt a 'real man' because of that is petty. its manipulation. and thats not the 'smash the patriarchy' tumblr talking.

I love masculinity. I love the variations in masculinity. i love seeing really sexy traditionally masculine men assert their dominance, and find young skinny non traditional men discover what masculinity means to them.

what i dont like is when women or even other men try to use vague concepts of masculinity to control or shame one another. and saying someone isn't a real man cuz he doens't like your parents is about as petty and manipulative as it gets.

i don't disagree with you, but i dont think it has to have anything to do with being a 'real man'.

that being said, relationships aren't that cut and dry. women often talk about how men need to do stuff they dont like in order to make the relationship work, but often aren't willing to do the same, because men want it in areas women don't like (like just giving in and having sex). The sex's see their own issues as important and each others as silly. both want the other to understand their needs and desires.

but heres a thing: why does the boyfriend have to be present when you are hanging out with your parents? i understand wanting him to meet them but why is it so necessary he be there a couple hours a week?

the idea that men and women need to be sewn at the hip it bothersome to me. if you want to visit your parents do it. if i want to visit mine i will. heck. to save and money, we can each visit our parents at the same time.

i can understand a girl just wanting a man to attend church or some other service with them, but when a man legitimately doesn't like your parents, then you're selfish for wanting him to put up with them. because what you are doing is literally asking them to pretend they are someone they are not so you can pretend things are the way you want them.

>>17825521
I agree that there's no point in calling someone that to their face. It is just a way to undermine and insult their character.

But the gist of OP's question to me is the difference between an adolescent and an adult. And for me, being an adult who wants a relationship means that you understand that you sometimes have to do stuff you don't like for that. And if you're talking about that category, visiting her parents is a much more understandable and human desire for your partner to have than let's say, demanding that you watch a certain show with her. You are a big part of her life, her parents are a big part of her life, and if you ever end up marrying her then it will count double for the future. And it is hardly sexy to see your loved one not put in effort for people you hold in high esteem. Think about how you'd feel if you brought your girlfriend around your friends and she was sulking and on her phone all the time - not attractive at all, pretty immature, pretty selfish.

That's not to say I disagree in any way with there being a shit ton of ways to give your own meaning to being a man in your own right. But no one in this thread was talking about carrying yourself in a specific way, just with priorities and an understanding of give and take in relationships. For what it's worth, I've been called a "real woman" in the same vein and that flattered me lots.

>women often talk about how men need to do stuff they dont like in order to make the relationship work, but often aren't willing to do the same
This happens but is not relevant. If OP had asked what a quality woman looked like I would've also said that she's able to compromise, respect his needs even if she doesn't share them and so on.

>a couple of hours a week
>not talking about weekly gatherings)
If you say "doesn't want to spend time with her parents" I'm thinking of not wanting to do it at all. Or meeting them once and then being done with it.

>>17825543
>but when a man legitimately doesn't like your parents, then you're selfish for wanting him to put up with them.
If someone legitimately does not like my parents I break up with him. Because my parents would never disrespect someone I loved, who made me happy, as they know that doing so would be disrespecting me. And if their hospitality, interest and politeness combined with them being the people who literally brought me into this world and gave everything to get me to go to college does not get him to like them enough to be polite and neutral then I am beyond done.

>literally asking them to pretend they are someone they are not
Not actively showing your dislike is part of being an adult. If you can manage to do your job in a civil way even when you don't personally like your coworkers or customers, you can deal with family. You don't have to fake enthusiasm, just be there at most twice a year and be polite.

Obviously if the parents are passive aggressive, hostile, bigoted against you, undermining your relationship etc - it's a completely different story.

i think an average mans erect penis is 4.5 inches long than a boys erect penis. though i could be wrong. id be glad to take a series of new measurements if you really need to know.

>>17825543

>this happens but its not relevant

its entirely relevant, its what we are talking about. being a man doesn't mean giving and giving when the partner takes, does it? then its relevant.

>someone meeting your own parents

this is why im understanding of a man (or a woman) not liking parents. because mine are awful. so i dont expect them to meet them and i certainly dont expect them to like them.

>its hardly sexy to see your loved one not put in effort for people you hold in high esteem

thats quite the assumption. people don't like other people for reasons. yes there are petty men (and women) who simply are acting like children because hanging with relatives isn't traditional fun. but there are going to be a lot of people who love you but hate your parents. or even just dont like them. to say they didnt put an effort in is insulting to them.

becuase if they did, and you're still insistent then you arent asking them to put in effort. you are asking them to pretend, to play dollhouse, to act like they dont hate your parents just so you can have an imaginary moment.

i agree on compromise, its true. but sometimes compromise means visiting your parents on your own becuase your boyfriend doesn't like them. sometimes its means visiting your parents on your own cuz it literally doesn't matter if they interact.

>>17825548

and thats the thing, the man (or woman) often will see the flaws that you do not. sometimes people don't mesh. and if they only need to see them twice a year whats it matter if they see them at all? if you know they're suffering and just being 'polite' for your skae, then why do you even want them there?

>>17825558
>being a man doesn't mean giving and giving when the partner takes, does it? then its relevant.
You're missing my point, I meant that two wrongs don't make a right. It would be relevant to argue that some women also have major issues with understanding they need to invest and sacrifice for a relationship to thrive if I thought they didn't, but I don't. The only reason why I'm singling out men is because that's what OP mentioned, not because I think what I'm arguing holds any less truth for women.

>because mine are awful.
But then you're talking about an entirely different scenario. "I want you to meet these people because I love them and they are important to me" is different from "I want you to meet these people because they happen to be family". Likewise, wanting someone to hold his tongue when he thinks your mom's small talk is boring is different from wanting him to hold his tongue when she insults his background.

>people don't like other people for reasons.
And they like people for reasons. I am friends with my friends because I think they're great people. I would not be friends with people who would be rude or dismissive to someone I was crazy about. If my SO is going to be rude or dismissive to my welcoming friends I'm not going to be happy.

>to say they didn't put an effort in is insulting to them.
Whether or not you put in effort is usually pretty obvious. If you never want to meet them then no, you're not putting in effort.

>sometimes its means visiting your parents on your own cuz it literally doesn't matter if they interact.
If it matters to one person in the relationship it matters to them. The person who doesn't want to can't decide that this is not important because they don't find it important.

And of course, sometimes compromising means accepting that your partner won't come around as often as you want. But that's what communication is for, to establish what you see as dealbreakers and what as workable.

>>17825564
Because it matters to my parents, who love my sister and me more than anyone in the world, to have an idea of who the person is that I am spending most of my time with. Because it involves my partner in my world and they will actually have a frame of reference when I am talking about my parents (and sister, for that matter) who obviously shaped a huge part of my childhood. Because it is VERY important to me, and I don't want to be with someone who finds it less important that this really matters to me than that he'll have a dull afternoon twice a year.

You can't mix and match people. Just like someone couldn't tell me "I'm crazy about you, but your hobby is unimportant and you shouldn't want to talk about it" they can't tell me that they love me but the people I love don't matter shit to them. Does not compute.

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boys talk, men do

boys blame others, men take responsibility

boys live the life they've been told they should live, men live the life they want to live

boys seek validation, men give validation

>>17825580
Also forgot another reason - practicality. Life is smoother and more relaxed if your loved ones get along well enough for, let's say, a shared Christmas. Which will be all the more likely if there's kids etc.

And for the record, I'm no hypocrite. If I love someone you better bet I'm going to bend over backwards to earn my spot among his family/friends and be someone he can proudly bring home to his mother.

>>17825571

>you're missing my points, two wrongs dont make a right
>when the girl wants something

then you're missing every point.

>im singling out men becuase that what OP mentioned

yes. so how women act is entirely relevant. relationships are cohesive. you do not lose your man card for reacting to the way the woman acts.

>but then you're talking about an entirely idfferent scenario

no. im talking about every scenario. men are not just not 'men' becuase they dont want to meet your parents.

>whether orn ot you put in effort is usually pretty obvious

not when a woman is selfish and self centered and thinks a man has to cater to her.


but here, I'll be the 'big man' and let you get the last word in. i promise not to respond to whatever drivel you insist is right becuase this isnt about women its about men and the two are unrelated cuz OP didnt mention them.

>>17825591
>It would be relevant to argue that some women also have major issues with understanding they need to invest and sacrifice for a relationship to thrive if I thought they didn't, but I don't.
>(...) not because I think what I'm arguing holds any less truth for women.

Don't know how to state more clearly that I never meant to imply anything I said did not apply to women.