Help me figure out what happened? My mind has been a mess ever

Then the break
>Me still being an oblivious fool thinking nothing was wrong at the time decided to go through her instagram, usually I only check her fb but she rarely updates it
>see one post of her being kind of emo
>comments on that pic goes something like her friend calls her cute and she goes on that no one else calls her cute, her friend then replies "guess we have to look for a bf for you" and she replies "yes pls pls pls"
Imagine my shock
>I texted her about this
>It so happened this was when she was really busy with her company's work (legit as this is government related and some big government announcement was coming up)
>She wouldn't pick up my call and she ended it by text with me
>She said it was because of her work, she can't maintain a relationship as it is causing her stress and she feels guilty I am just there. Thanks me for appreciating and loving her (wth is that).
>She also said that we should take a break and give ourselves time. Wants me to grow.
>"the instagram post was just rubbish" "my company checks social media and my boss said I can't be in a relationship" "I'm getting this big project because I'm not in a relationship" All her words.
The worst part is she is now flirting with guys on instagram (desu it could just be my jealousy talking but I see this one guy comment she is gorgeous and stuff like that and she likes and comments on his pictures with smileys)

If you've read till here, thank you. It's been slightly longer than a month and I'm still stunned. It came out of nowhere. It's not like I did anything wrong and yet the relationship failed. My thought process has really been a mess.

She likes drawing with pencils. I am thinking of getting her a set of art pencils for Christmas. I always wanted to get them for her when we were together.

I guess I just want to know if I should go through it? It will just be a gift with a card saying I like her art. I'm not going to put my name on it. No strings attached. Frankly I'm not even sure why I am still considering doing something like this.

Pull the plug....you'll be glad you did. Relationships take work on both ends, if she isn't there then move the fuck on. Yes people will tell you to fight for love and try anything to make it work but that's exactly why you are in this situation in the first place. Good for your "girlfriend" one day she'll look back and regret being a cunt but for now let it go. If you're a hopeless romantic then you can still say at the end of the day that you tried. Either way end it. Assuming you're young you still have a lot of shit to put up with until you find the right one.

Don't beat yourself up OP. on to the next one.


Sorry I'm drunk atm but I'm for real trying to help

>>17821575

Me again. Sorry man it seems like you really like this chick. Get the gift. Fuck her brains out if the oportunity arises. Good sex helps significantly. Don't look back years from now and regret it. Go for it. Just don't go and post a suicide thread if you fail....and good fucking luck

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>>17821580
Don't apologize I really appreciate your reply. So I should just end all contact?
I really want to give her the gift but are you saying I shouldn't?
I also wanted to ask if I should try to contact her again but I guess that is a straight no.

The best possible scenario is that she doesn't want to be in a relationship at all. It sucks, but you gotta move on.

>>17821582
Guess that answers my question here >>17821583.
Yea I think I will. Lol don't worry I'm not suicidal. Just sad.

>>17821568
Same drunk idiot again...


Let me help you by providing an anecdote. Hang tight cause it'll take a minute to type

>>17821585
Yea I keep telling myself that but my thinking has been screwed up lately. I just can't help going back to wondering what went wrong, did she find another guy etc.
I probably will move on I just need time. Sad thing is I really liked her and the relationship was going fine till this all happened so I'm really confused.

>>17821575

Duddeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee just leave her alone and move on, don't buy her anything just leave. You were barely even together for long, it shouldnt be too difficult to move on from. Just ghost her from now on, ignore her completely.

Now about what you did wrong, probably nothing, maybe you're just not her cup of tea, and thats fine, not everyone is suited for everyone else. I'm sure theres a girl out there that would think you're the bee's knees. You can't think every relationship failure was due to you not being good enough, it's just a matter of compatibility from both sides.

And yeah she is flirting with other guys, probably enjoying being free again, she doesn't seem to be ready or willing to have a relationship at this point so let her do what she thinks will make her happy.

I dated a girl in high school and broke up with on neutral ground...saying may be one day but not now...
>same girl goes to my college
>start hanging out
> start getting feels
>she's enganged to a marine
>I can tell she is starting to like me
>realized what was happening and cucked out like a bitch
>told her we can't be friends
>depression
>fails classes
>moves back home
>finds new girl
>still love first girl
>first girl ends engagement
>in to deep with current girlfriend
> stuck where I'm at cause I don't have the balls to do anything about it
>first girl told me a few weeks ago she still has feelings for me.
>confusion

Women will fuck your day up and then some. You can either try to win this girl with the full expectation of failire....or you can end it now and forever wonder what could have happened.

>>17821599

Why are you stuck with the new girl? Just end it gently as possible, you're doing both of you a favour in the long run. You deserve another chance with what you perceive is the love of your life and your current girlfriend deserves someone who feels that same way about her.

>>17821598
Ahh damn. Just when I was pretty sure I should get her the gift.

Can I just get her the gift and then ignore her completely? What do you say to that? I don't know why but I really want to give her those pencils. It was something I really wanted to do when we were a thing.

I guess deep down inside it's just symbolic for me. I'm not sure if it really is so (I blame my screwed up thinking condition) but it feels like it's the last thing I should do so I can move on for good.

>>17821598
Oh yea on the barely together part. We actually knew each other for 8 years. Weren't really that close but she started hanging out with me and my friends for the past year and that's how I realized I actually liked her.
3 months shouldn't be an issue but the fact that we were friends for so long... That's what hurts.

>>17821609
Great idea...buy her the gift and then ignore her. Play some mind games with her lol

>>17821609

You can do what you want, if it will help you feel better then go ahead. But just know from her side it won't change anything, she will probably also think it's your way of trying to get her back so she might judge you for it. But if you're going to ignore her afterwards anyway then who cares. As long as you're only doing it for yourself and don't get your hopes up she will just fall in love with you because you bought her some pencils.

>>17821599
Haha are you the drunk guy? No offense but this anecdote is making things worse for me.

But it is true. I am not expecting anything from this gift.

Your situation has an outcome though. Why don't you go for her? Since you both still like each other. She also ended her engagement, not necessarily for you but you could be a factor.

>>17821616

Well if you still have feelings for her then you can just wait until that's gone and try going back to being friends. If you don't think that's possible then you'll have to cut her out for good. You were friends first and foremost try to remember that. And be thankful this wasn't a long term thing, the pain from being dumped after years is much worse then a few months.

Still here and still drunk. Im trying to help you so don't worry about me. I'm complacent with being miserable

I'm honestly leaving that up to fate. I refuse to end my currently relationship just to be with someone else. But if my current girl and I don't work guess who I'm hitting up lol

And it isn't a heartbreak if you and a girl don't work out...its a learning experience. Everyone once in a while you gotta either try some Hollywood love story type shit or move on

>>17821638

Why do you refuse? If you prefer the first girl then just end it and go back to her. In the long run you're fucking yourself over, by the time you and your current gf break up (and you likely will if she isn't your number 1) the other girl could be in another relationship and you will be kicking yourself regretting everything.

>>17821642

I can't break up with someone during the holidays that would be mean

>>17821617
Lol that wasn't where I was coming from. But yea that I wouldn't mind that playing out in my favour.

>>17821623
Nah I don't expect anything. I guess if I look through all the brain fog the message I really want to send her is that even despite all this, I still care and I am still a friend. But yea I'm definitely not getting my hopes up.

>>17821628
As of now I don't think that's possible which is sad. A friendship ruined just like that.
>And be thankful this wasn't a long term thing
I'm definitely thankful for that. I blamed timing for ruining everything (short relationship and this stress happens right at the start) but sometimes I'm thankful because like you said the relationship could've lasted longer just to have something like this happen and she cuts if off immediately.

Don't make excuses, I'm just telling you to really think about this and if you could regret your inaction later in life. There is always going to be something around the corner like valentines day, your bday, her bday, her mums bday, easter, her goldfish death, her second cousins abortion. Just pull the bandaid off and go back with the girl you truly love and that wants you too. Unless of course the girl you're with is on an even playing field and you like them similarly.

>>17821645
Do it after the holidays then man. I agree with >>17821642. You need to go after your own happiness.
What do you want? From what you are telling us it is the first girl you want.

And I really appreciate all your replies. Talking it out (or typing rather) helps.

>>17821653
>like them similarly

That's what's fucking me up

>>17821641
Are you saying I should give her the gift?

>>17821653
>>17821645

This was referring to that guy

>>17821659
Drunk mate here.

Yes, do it

>>17821656

Well in that case maybe have a good long think about who you actually would prefer to be with. If they are equal to you then staying with your current gf makes the most sense, but I'm sure you're leaning one way or another.

>>17821666

Sorry for bringing my own problems into this. Just trying to show this shit gets the best of all of us. I'm leaning for the other girl (not my current gf) but it's also something I think about a million times a day. You're human and part of that is experiencing all these emotions. Its beautiful in its own fucked up way.

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>>17821675
>You're human and part of that is experiencing all these emotions. Its beautiful in its own fucked up way.
I really like this quote. I'm gonna use it in the future. We're all gonna make it.

>>17821679
Thanks man. I've just had so much happen to me in my 23 years of exsistence...you name it and I've probably been there. Oddly enough I find pleasure in helping people over 4Chan deal with their problems because of this

>>17821683
OP here. I appreciate you posting in my thread. I can't say for sure but this thread has somewhat helped and given me direction for my next step which is what I wanted in this confusing times.

>>17821686
Give her the pencils. Talk to her If it seems right. And I can't stress enough how important sex is. If you get the opportunity to stick your dick in her again you better fuck her brains out. Im cheering for you OP. Whatever happens you'll learn. Good mother fucking luck!

>>17821691
Thanks mate. I really appreciate your encouragement. That's what I'll do while moving on. Good luck in your endeavors too!

>>17821568
Omfg this whole thread is autism. Look dude, she wants to break up, but she's the non-confrontation type. She'll ignore and make up bull shit excuses when you try to talk to her. She just wants you to forget about her, as she's trying to ghost you. Is that too fucking hard to believe? Fucking open and shut case. Everyone on this thread must be fucking retarded.

>>17821714
Haha damn. This thought did come up in my mind. I just refuse to think she could be someone like that but it is possible from what happened.
If that's the case getting her the gift might actually be bad.

Distace, lack of communication and ultimately radio silence cannot be justified by her new job. She is a glorified secretary for fuck's sake. A busy one I'm sure, but I have friends with much more demanding schedules and they're still able to maintain friendships, relationships and families.

The reason communication took a hit has very little to do with her being busy. Whatever the true reason is, she seem like the non-confrontational type (like anon said >>17821714) and is willing to end it without giving you closure. She is a cunt for that and you need to understand that.

Now, you either find strength, forget about her and realize your self worth should not be tied to people who mistreat you, or you confront her and ask that she explains how she grew apart so you can get over this.

No unsigned Christmas gifts. You are too weak for those games. And you are not in a position where it's smart to have an agenda or get your hopes up.

Stay strong OP, don't be foolish and look after yourself.

>>17821774
I see. Both your posts show a different perspective. One I've considered but I've put aside because I didn't think she could be like that from our time together.
But logically speaking the things that happened adds up to that. I think I'm going to choose move on then. I just can't believe she would go from how she was when we were together to the person her actions show her to be.

You mentioned I am too weak for those games. Let's say I would like to try the game, how would I go about it?

>>17821880
I don't know, I avoid those types of games so I'm not the best person to ask.

>>17822185
I see. Thanks for your reply. It's given me something to think about. I'm back where I started though but this thread has definitely help with my thinking.

Forget figuring out what happened, you can try and try to think about it but it probably won't be until your in a relationship with someone else or something like that then you'll click an have your 'aha' moment to figure out what's different.

This relationship with this girl is clearly far more draining than rewarding and it really doesn't seem like she's looked out for your happiness or to support you much from what you've described.

Things will suck right now and they might suck for a little bit but then they'll change and everything will be fine and if you're lucky things will be great. You'll meet someone else and you can give them the love and support that hopefully they'll reciprocate.

>>17822336
Thanks for the positivity. Yea I just need to give it time and see things from the outside.
I've been stuck in this thought loop by myself for the last month but this thread has really helped me. I'm starting to see things clearer. Even the gift now sounds like a bad idea haha.