I think my boyfriend is emotionally abusive but I feel so conflicted

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>>17820777

>Is it really my fault?

There's something wrong with you. This guy is abusing the shit out of you yet your brain is incapable of standing up for yourself and leaving him.

You're so fucked up that you're actually trying to find ways to blame yourself for his shitty behavior.

>How do I make him stop and think how this is affecting me when I tell him every single time?

You don't. You leave him and immediately get therapy or else you are destined to live a life being abused by pieces of shit like this guy.

>>17820777
Nice trips OP. Your relationship sounds a bit toxic to this outsider. It sounds like your boyfriend has some mental health issues he needs to work on. Get him some help if you want to stay with him, but you are perfectly justified in breaking up with him. The choice is yours.

>>17820785

He constantly justifies his abuse by saying if I didn't make him mad then he wouldn't do it and therefore it is my fault

>>17820837
Sounds like a manchild that can't take responsibility for his own actions.

>>17820837

You're a complete idiot if you can't see how retarded that logic is.

>>17820777


Really sorry to hear that OP. My fiance used to be kinda emotionally abusive half way through us starting dating. But I talked about it a lot with her, she'd always apologize after the fact aswell. But it was generally over text so she wouldn't be able to yell at me. We've since worked on it, it still happens occasionally but no where near as much. She's just always been kinda spoiled and whenever she wouldn't get her way she'd take it out on me.

Do you know why he throws the fits?
Also how long have you too been together?

Break up wih him. Something is wrong with his brain

>>17820837
that's manipulation, OP. that is wrong, and you should NEVER feel like you're not enough for your partner, especially if they're making yourself seem like so.

i had a relationship just like yours, OP. literally exactly like it, except i was the guy, except of he sounds a lot more abusive than my ex.

honestly, OP, i would break up with someone like that. you dont deserve to cry over and over again almost every day for someone like that, and if they were TRULY sorry, they would fix themselves instead of perpetuating your sadness over and over again.

he is probably a psychopath, in the actual psychology term for it- someone with no morals and incapable of sympathy. he says he's sorry, but in reality he revels in controlling you, and making you feel like shit and he wants you around for validation because he knows that he's a piece of shit that is manipulative.

my advice, is to look at the relationship as objectively as you could- how long were you together, why do you love him, how does he make you feel MOST of the time, not those small good parts, and try to decide whether or not its good for you.

i made the mistake of blaming myself, constantly thinking i was the reason why her life sucked and all of her issues, and that i constantly said mean things, but in reality she was over sensitive and my constant devotion just ended up with her leaving me dead fucking cold, and me heartbroken.

>>17820777
if he threatens to kill himself to win an argument he's a complete loser.

If you think you have any responsibility for or control over his actions at this point you're an idiot.

Leave and find someone to talk to.

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No OP, you are not crazy, you are being gas lit.Please check out these resources.

http://www.lovefraud.com/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-craig-malkin/narcissists_b_3331293.html

https://www.psychopathfree.com/

http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/

http://samvak.tripod.com/faq76.html

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He is being abusive, OP. You need to leave, and you need to not look back.

It is not your fault. You've tried talking to him, you've tried working things out. He's not going to listen and he's not going to change. You have to get out for your own sake.

And maybe, if you leave, he'll understand that he can't pull this shit. That's the best you can do. It is not your job to fix him.

A guy here. You deserve better. Dump him before he totally destroys your confidence or worse.
I am not a violent person but dated a female who later turned out to be much like him. Mental abuse is worse than a beating.
My concern is that you are a female and the verbal abuse may progress to physical abuse. My ex girl friend could not do that to me because of my strength.

>>17820777
This is only the beginning.
He will become more and more abusive with time. You won't dump him though, regardless of whatever he does. You will accept every last bit of it with the blind hope to make him change. You won't. Your boyfriend is living piece of shit. You will complain and tell everyone how sad it makes you. Yet, you will still be there waiting for him to throw shit at you. Why ? Because this is what you want. Enjoy this relationship as it will probably your last one before ODing on valium

I have been there OP. I really have. It was 7 years ago and reading this is making me well up. He was my best friend. For 6 years beforehand; he confessed he was in love with me, and I gave it a chance. We fell madly in love, and were thick as thieves.

But stuff like this got worse and worse. I DID stand up for myself. I fought back. But I was all bark and no bite... as much as I'd yell and scream and argue, I still DIDN'T LEAVE. He'd come to me, crying, saying he hated himself for the way he treated me. He didn't know why he did it. He didn't know why he lied, he didn't know why he acted crazy. His apologizes soothed the damage he'd done. It escalated and escalated. Ridiculous shit; I remember him grabbing me by my hair, slamming me into the mattress, and telling me I was a stupid bitch for taking my car keys away from him because he kept driving drunk. I remember throwing an expired carton of milk at him after he slapped me. We laughed later at how crazy we were. He was my best friend.

It only gets worse OP. To this day, my heart still aches when I think of it. I had to piece my entire life back together. All I can tell you is that love isn't enough. He may love you, but if he's fucked up, it'll only destroy you. You can love him to the moon and back, and that won't fix what's wrong.

I know you won't leave him this time. I can tell. But I hope one day you do, and that you'll be ok.

>>17821102
I 100% would rather be punched than to be emotionally abused. That's what keeps me up at night, honestly. Not the physical stuff. I'm sorry you went through that.

>>17820777
Holy shit, OP, are you me? I'm not great at giving advice, but I'll share my own experience.

I was in a relationship nearly identical to how you describe. Only my boyfriend would sometimes break things to get his point across in the beginning, an eventually he would be physical with me, often leaving bruises. He was jealous and insecure and constantly accusing me of cheating. He also broke about 4 of my cellphones during his violent outbursts, leaving me completely helpless.

We were living together for maybe two years. I broke up with him countless times, but never left. I felt too guilty because his mother passed away very early on in the relationship. However, he would also use his own mother's death against me, and even wish the same upon me when I'd try to leave.I finally did leave, only a few months ago. I had to do it early in the morning while he slept, or else he would have physically stopped me and probably broken my phone again. I still have nightmares about these scenarios.

At this point, now, he harasses me nonstop. In one month,he has sent me over 1,000 texts. He shows up at my job nearly everyday. He threatens to kill himself everyday. He plays the victim and talks about what a horrible person I am for leaving him all alone.

My only advice is GET THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW AND NEVER LOOK BACK. Do NOT let yourself get to where I am.

>>17821196 speaks the truth.

Has there never been any cases of these relationships being fixable?

>>17820777
Male BPD is rare but I guess you hit the jackpot, congratulations!
In the case he really has bpd, there is one thing you can do : Leave. Good luck OP.

>>17820777
Well your not giving me a bj is why cleft lip has begun and is increasing. You should understand this flawed reasoning but you don't understand the flaw in his reasoning. PS. It's the poison and literal junk in your foods literally rotting your brains and making you less capable of thinking, thinking is important and useful and you do it a lot btw. We are deceived. He will understand if you tell him this and you can work on a way to get past his triggered moments if you remind him and he gets it when he gets lit.

I asked what he loves about me that is different to his ex and he told me to fuck off.

The fact you're even having to ask this question I think is answer enough. It's not healthy, it's not normal, it's not going to get better so just get out and the sooner you get out the better.

>>17820837
That is like hallmark abuse. I went into therapy for coming off as abusive to people and even I didn't come close to touching how abusive he's being.

It is not your fault. Leave this person as soon as you can. You get one life to live. Live it with a man who will love you and not abuse you. Don't waste it on him.

Not to mention when you get pregnant down the road it would be terrible for your child to grow up with an abusive parent like him. Give your child a good loving childhood. Find a dad that will be loving caring and responsible. Just imagine your child asking in tears "Why is my daddy making mommy cry? That's like one of the most heart breaking things you'll ever hear if you stay with him. Don't do that to your kid.

Get out of this situation as soon as you can. Don't sit around and give him a chance to get better. Chances are he won't. It is the right thing for you to do to leave him.