What the fuck /adv/ I think I'm insane. Today I realized

I knew that I could change at any moment...but I didn't..because deep down I enjoyed my struggles and my misery

>>17816666
You feel like you deserve to suffer. I'm the same way. I feel unworthy of happiness because I know deep down what a lazy good for nothing piece of shit I am, so I actively seek out a lifestyle that makes me feel horrible constantly.

I don't have an answer for that but I'm kinda in the same boat , mainly the college thing. Got in and already my first semester I have no motivation and just wait till I get to the point of having to drop out. Maybe I don't like to harm myself like how you mean by doing not so great decisions but it certainly something I can't help but do either.

>>17816684
Yes, it seems we are the same.
But why are we doomed to be this way?
I know it's a self fullfilling phropecy of some sort.. But why do we abide to it? Why do we follow this doom.

>>17816686
That's the point. Why we can't help about it?

Sometimes I think "whatever, the past is past, I will change and get my life back now" but then I immediately think "it's too late. And if it isn't you would'nt be able to recover" and so i return to the usual stuff...

Help.

>>17816666
I have the answer to your questions, but first, nice quads.

alright OP it doesnt matter if you are just pretending that you wanted to be a loser all along or actually intended to fuck up, in either case you didnt care enough in the first place.
You need to find something you care about. Something thats fun or a goal. Something which you value.
Post it

>>17816867
Thanks. Maybe it's a divine sign from Kek haha

>>17816877
But I have things that I care about. My friends, my family, my hobby, my career. But...it's like that destroying them is my way of caring about them.

>>17816666

thats normal. you're just self aware. a lot of people like this cuz they can feel like a special tragic victim. look at tumblr. hell, look at 4chan. people like to think they have it the worst. even if nothing at all is wrong they'll still play the victim by saying 'IM SO SAD AND I DONT KNOW WHY' and they think its even more tragic cuz they get tos uffer more than all the people who actually have something wrong.

>>17816896
I understand where you're coming from but I assure you that it's not because I like playing victim. In fact I kept all hidden and inside. I just like hurting myself because I think I'm worthless deep down. Like the first anon said.

Also, the argument "there's people who have it worse" is a colossal logical fallacy.

>>17816696
The true question is this one

>>17816908

>i dont like to play the victim
>i keep it hidden
>which is why i post about it here
>to keep it hidden

like every other channer looking for attention, you posted for attention and to feel bad about where you are. victims are usually the performer and the audience. it doesn't require outside validation outside of internet shit like this.

>people have it worse is a colossal logical fallacy

except for how its not. i nevcer said you can't be sad becuase someone else has it worse. just that people are so desperate to feel like the most special victim in the world that they'll create a depression out of nothing because they think its a way to compete with people who actually suffer.

also, you should stop trying to shut down people's points by chalking it up to a different kind of argument or 'fallacy'. the concept either has merit or it doesn't.

it has merit, no matter how you classify it. people ARE playing the victim. they ARE trying to 'compete'.

>>17816922
No. That's not it.

>>17816925

yes, it is.

>>17816926
No it's not. However you did made think about it. I searched victim complex on internet to verify if it really was it or not. And while it's not I round the exact definition of my condition in a related article: apparently I got a martyr complex.

Fuck, thanks anon for your intervention but what do i do now to defeat the martyr complex and rewire myself to act as a normal human being?

Apparently, this is what i have https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martyr_complex.

>TFW I'm a closet masochist

>>17816936

>not a victim complex
>martyr complex

not that different desu but glad i helped.

>In psychology a person who has a martyr complex, sometimes associated with the term victim complex, desires the feeling of being a martyr for his/her own sake, seeking out suffering or persecution because it either feeds a psychological need, or a desire to avoid responsibility.

Well shit what do I do?

>>17816966

seek other sources of validation. im not gonna lie and say we can all achieve a self sustaining internal validation, but if you need that kind of ego feed do it else where.

martyr's are generally called so becuase their suffering is for the good of others. do charity and volunteer work. legit stuff not handing out flyers and stuff. be the guy who serves people at the soup kitchen.

OR, do some great stuff and just get validation from praise. thats the route i try to go

>>17817038
Hmm...that's a good idea.

Maybe I'll go like this: I'll focus on personal self improvement as an engine to create self sustaining internal validation and then use the motivation born from it to fuel all my other interests and yes, I'll use it to be a better person too.

I'll have to deal with the ruins of my past but hey, if I want to restart I do have to start somewhere.

Before going restarting tomorrow though I have to find where does this complex came from..

>>17817062

in order to build the person you need to be, you have to destroy the person you were
-some guy


but yeah, its fine. just dont get stuck on phase 1 because of the lack of validation. its a long process of self discovery.

>>17817064
I think that the martyr complex came out of either a way to avoid making effort and turning all the brunt of the consequences as something pleasurable to keep being inert

or

as a distorted way to deal with the "bad stuff" in life a la "If I turn my life into hell/lose everything I'll have nothing to be afraid of anymore"

Simple answer. You're depressed. I reccomend seeing a doctor, getting on some pills that let you enjoy pleasureable feelings.

I also reccomend a spiritual lifestyle to understand that you are a human i this random existsance, and you deserve good things, success and hapiness.

Good luck OP

>>17816885
how do you care about them then?
Is there nothing you dont want to destroy?

>>17817130

Np anon. I've got the answers I came from plus the reason of why I behaved destructively like that. Thanks for the attention.