How do you emotionally distance yourself from the person you're

>>17815516
please help I tell my spouse I'm so upset I want to die and he falls asleep while I'm talking to him but I can't actually kill myself because I created life and have to be responsible

If you're not going to leave him, cheating on him or getting a really intense hobby is probably the only way to feel human again.

You want your kid to grow up with your marriage as a template?

>>17815516
GO TO COUPLES THERAPY

>>17815547
If I cheat on him he will know and he will punish me (basically make me miserable)
He's smart. and I think he might feel some love for me but in a way that's really unhealthy and selfish. Intense hobby....I'm in school. I've tried to commit myself to my studies but it backfires because occasionally he uses school to manipulate me. Make me upset so I'll study harder. Because having a smart wife looks good to others, not because he actually cares if I succeed. Also because accountability, so I 'can't blame him for getting me pregnant while I was in school'

>You want your kid to grow up with your marriage as a template?
I'm a good actress. Also, what other choice do I have?

>>17815552
He would never go. He has all the money (I'm younger, I'm in school, he's established.) SO I have no say in the matter.
His excuse would be work. He works 12 hours minimum on every day but Sunday. On Sunday he spends a little bit of time with his baby so I can study.
Also he would see no reason to go because he's perfectly content with the way things are.

>>17815563
Sounds like you're pretty miserable already, you could probably turn the tables and make him just as miserable, you know, for shits and giggles (See: War of the Roses [the movie not the actual war])
And you are not giving kids enough credit. They are far more perceptive than people think, there is an expiration date for how long you can fake your entire life.
Divorce is the option. Do it before you finish your studies so you're not indebted to him.

>>17815516
>I want to be able to enjoy the perks of being married to them (money, etc.)
lmao.

>>17815597
basically he thinks all women are heartless golddiggers but I could care less about his money and met him before I knew he had money and loved him but he treats me the same, so I want to become what he thinks I am to spite him

>>17815593
I'll give it a watch, thanks.
I don't think you understand. Divorce is not an option. Without him I have no money (22, only ever been in school). Also signed a prenup. He wouldn't want custody, most likely. I mean I'm still breastfeeding at 10 months so I don't see how that would even work out. And without school I have no job. 2 more years and I'll be an RN though. We'll see then

>>17815516
YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT YOUR THERAPIST.
You're not entitled to sit around and have someone listen to your shit all day. Pay a therapist for that.
If you feel depressed, go to therapy. If you are bored, get an hobby.
Your partner is not responsible for your happiness or your wellbeing.
Holy shit.

>>17815593
>>17815593
I wouldn't feel indebted to him btw, he told me he loves me and that we should do this (have the baby) when he obviously didn't believe it so he basically stole my youth and altered my entire life because his father is a pastor and believes abortion is a sin. He's extremely manipulative and I didn't catch on until it was too late.

>>17815628
But is working 15 hours a day and not seeing your baby or talking to your wife for 3 days at a time about once or twice a month normal/acceptable? What about intentionally not talking to me/seeing baby for a week because I made a C on a quiz that I couldn't study for because baby was sick and demanding (wouldn't sleep). What about irrationally insisting I cheated on him because I spilled ice cream or something in his car and he thought it was a cum stain so he was cold to me for months right after I had the baby and we went to a huge concert together and he sent me to get a beer when I was super drunk and I lost him in the huge crowd and was scared and crying and he ignored my texts and just said "I met new friends" and leaves me. Even when I beg to take a polygraph to prove my innocence he still to this day believes some crazy shit faux-"evidence" that I cheated on him. IS any of this and loads more normal/acceptable? Or am I just a whiny little cunt that needs a therapist and it's all in my head?? Entertaining the possibility because that would be much easier to swallow than the fact that I'm married to a sociopath or narcissist.

>>17815622
>>17815632
By indebted, I mean legally. But since he makes more than you, and probably still will once you're a nurse, go ahead and finish your degree.
Go ahead and give the movie a watch. Good for a laugh too.
But my mom left my dad, when he treated her like shit, and she had nothing. No education, no job, no support. She is poor as fuck, but she made it, and I respect her for it above everything else she has ever done. She did it for us, and it was the right thing to do.

All three of her children are in stable, long term relationships, it's kind of insane.

>>17815656
>IS any of this and loads more normal/acceptable?
Hell no

fuck man if you get a therapist they're probably gonna try to advise you as professionally and unbiasedly as possible that this is some bad shit.

Being a single mom sucks but stoking the flames with some cold hearted spite of your own puts you in a loop. You gotta figure out if your kid is gonna be worse off with a single momma and maybe a new daddy, or if they'll be with an emotionally distant father and to parents trying to constantly spite each other. My assumption is the former. But I am not you.

>>17815675
>>17815681
Thanks anons. I will consider leaving him after I finish up my degree so I at least will be able to feed us. Maybe things will get better by then LOL I'm honestly so naive and stupid like why did I let him manipulate me into having a baby. That poor child deserves so much better. Now I can't kill myself. It's all I think about but I'm just not that selfish.

>>17815726

I'm curious, how long have you been together?
My situation is a a bit different but when you get used to splitting expenses, it's easy to rationalize staying.
I pay half of the bills so im not spoiled like you but i know if i leave, I'll struggle to survive on my own because i make a lot less.

At the same time i want so badly to pack up and go, so i feel for you.
He's ignored my struggles with depression as well.

>>17815656
You made the decision to marry him knowing this
Remember that

>>17815773
I like how everyone's writing this off as depression rather than abuse

1 year

>>17815864
oh nooooo he was totally different before
a godsend miracle fucking living angel
and then we got married and the chase was over so he lost interest