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Alright so on March 15 my gf broke up with me. I was devastated and have still have not gotten over it. Eventually I heard from her friends the reason she broke up with me was because "I was abusive and controlling". This shattered me as my father was the same way and I had always tried to be the opposite of what he was. Nevertheless I accepted it not being in any mindset to think critically.
Fast forward about 3 months. I live in a town where the job market has only one place hiring and it's a well known fast food chain. Being that no one else is hiring I apply for a job there, so does my ex. We ignore each other until 2 weeks ago where she opens up and tells the truth.
In her own words she says the following:
"Yea you were bad but I was the worst" "I started stupid fights" "The relationship ending was my fault. I'm not with you now because I can't forgive myself for what I did to you"
I don't know how to take this. About a month ago I started getting over the relationship, but after this I'm reverting back now that I know I'm not to blame. I turned her down one of her attempts to refriend me recently. But now we're pulling to each other.
I don't know the exact advice I'm looking for. I guess what you make of the situation /adv/? What angle do you think she's playing? Should I go back with her if the opportunity presents itself?
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>>17808790
there are usually multiple reasons for a relationship breaking up, since not even couples that stay together are perfect.
don't put excessive store in what you heard afterwards, or in second hand stories
you'll just end up boxing with shadows
these are subjective issues, she might say you were too controlling, but another perspective might be that she was imprudent
take a balanced view of what went wrong, relationships go south all the time, problems behind them are seldom huge
it just seems that way because they mean a lot to people
you should be friends with her, make peace
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>>17808874
>you should be friends with her
nah, don't do that if it's only going to hurt you and stop you from moving on
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>>17808790
NO, you should not go back with a girl that slandered your reputation as someone who abuses women (do you even realize what that can do to partnership and even job opportunities?) just to justify to herself and her friends why she broke up.
Get the leech out of your life. Fast.
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How about this:
Since you're already on your way back into this, you should get to know yourself a bit more. Try and understand your boundries and deal breakers.
>Should I go back with her if the opportunity presents itself?
No, you should go forward WITH HER, IF she treats you right. And that uncludes making sure that her friends also accept that accusations of you being abusive where straight out lies, and you're a good man. If not, she'll constantly be pressured into breaking up with you, only hang out with them when you're not around or herselv being accused of being a woman in an abusive, manipulating relationship, and I can speak from experience, you don't want any of the aforementioned to happen in your life.
That being said, the journey to when you have this very important conversation can still be very sweet. Don't be too serious, just set limits and stand by your own values.
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literally same shit happened with me and an ex - just feel good man - she took some of that guilt off your shoulders and you should appreciate that but also know that ya'll didn't work out - now thats fine because you both have accepted your share of the responsibility and can move on - congrats bro
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