So this morning I woke up, took a shower, and then starting cutting

Are you cute

>>17807534
Drugs by themselves won't fix your depression and those are more likely to fuck you up.
You should get a hold of antidepressants instead. Maybe a psychologist to go with that.

If you need help immediately, contact a suicide help line via phone or the internet ( http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx )

Ask them for help, and for resources you can use. You need to go see a psychiatrist, and if you don't know any or are not sure if you can pay, they can help you. There's several psychiatrists who have a sliding pay scale to accommodate people who can't pay the full rate.

You need to stop doing the drugs, too. I know why you're turning to them, and as much as they can help temporarily, they only make things worse in the long run. You need to focus instead on getting real help and making your life stable, because that is what will actually make a difference.

I've lost friends to drugs, and the reason they started was to self-medicate, and it just made everything worse. Get help to improve your life and you won't need them anymore.

In the meantime, focus on anything that you want to do, that gives you joy. Paint something, have sex, anything that tethers you to life and makes you want to keep living if only for another few minutes. You can make it.

>>17807581
I've slowed down my drug usage a lot since summer ended, my concern though is that the drugs (LSD particularly) have warped my perception of reality to the point where I can't function as a "normal person" anymore. It's not that I'm hallucinating all the time or at all, it's things like in a conversation, hearing clearly all the sounds an noises a person is using to make "words" but all it is to me is noise, no concrete meaning. I feel like I've deconstructed language, art, music, and sight down to their basic elements and understand the movements of light and sound but can't always understand the meaning placed on them. It's really fascinating from a psychological/artistic viewpoint but unfortunately that way or thinking doesn't fit seamlessly into real life.

Stop doing drugs, find a psychologist and psychiatrist, you need to talk out your problems. Get antidepressants. Source: me.

>>17807616
What you're likely having is processing disorders, such as an auditory processing disorder making it so you can't register the meaning of sounds.

Stop the drugs, see a psychiatrist, and be honest with your history of drug use. They have a policy of nondisclosure which means they cannot contact the authorities and get you in trouble unless you are posing a risk to others. But doctors NEED to know when you're taking drugs or else they can't effectively treat you.

>>17807616

While lsd may have given you a peek into the world beyond, It is not the cause of your depression.
You should drop the drugs because you're obviously very sensitive to societies perception of them and how they "effect" you.
I know people who have done both for years and still lead a normal life.

>>cutting in 2016

Really now? Come on op, stop scratching up your legs. You don't like how it feels anyway. You might feel alone but it's only because you're isolating yourself and that's not healthy for you. Keep your mind busy by creating. Express your experiences in your artwork and look for local events that might let you meet other artists.
You need to open up your heart to new possibilities. Your life may seem dull today but it's only if you let it get that way.