every time theres a guy i like i always ruin it by becoming clingy

Be honest? Try being more with your partner but also remember to be an individual. If you're too clingy I'd say maybe you jump the gun and devote all of your waking time to the person? Why not treat your partner as friend and not over think the relationship and just have fun.

>>17805903
thats what i try to do

but I'm scared just being chill and treating them like a friend will make them think I'm not interested

Problem is, you're more concerned about what you're showing than what you're doing underneath that.

You need to seriously address why you personally feel compelled to cling. It doesn't matter what acts you put on if you're still feeling the same underneath.

Since we don't know you, no one here can exactly say what the reasons behind your admittedly exaggerated need for attention/approval & sense of safety are, but know this:
You have to know how to be alone & satisfied with yourself before you can ever be in a great relationship. Otherwise, you will always be asking, in some way or another, for your significant other to provide you with senses of comfort that you are still convinced you can't provide yourself, because something in the way you view life or yourself keeps staining that.

And no healthy relationship will ever last if you continue to need things of other people that you should be providing for yourself in the first place. Make sense?

>>17805932
I've been alone and single my whole life i just get really excited when someone i actually like shows interest back since it doesn't happen often

but yes there is some inner work that needs to be done.

Guys tend to be insecure about this sort of thing too so I recommend just being as blunt as possible. Tell him you really really like him but are afraid of coming off too strong. Guys always feel pressured to be cool so it's a big relief to know that the girl isn't going to be pushed away if we go too hard.

>>17805974
Well that excitement is nice, but know that a fast and strong flame can die just as quickly if it's chiefly based around novelties. The novelty of having someone else. The novelty of all the newness they bring. But then once the excitement fades as the new becomes the known, the dynamic changes, and you two may not like it as much anymore.
Keep in mind, in all relationships, how long you realistically could & want to be with them. This is the biggest factor in learning how to be. If you try to make a husband out of a situation where the guy is not at all on the same page, strain comes. Same as if you try to make a brief thing out of a relationship where the man wants to make you his wife.
Honestly, you need to be able to read people.
You need to get good at discerning the type of dynamic you have with any other person. Some people you can positively have in your life until your death. Some people you will only have in your life a short while. Some people will dislike you the instant they see you, and some people will love you til death instantly too. But you can't try to forge a timespan of a relationship with anyone, friend or lover, if it's not already spelled out in the dynamic you two naturally have between eachother.
So again, just really pay attention to how you get along with any given person. It's different between everyone.
The better you get at this, the less confusion you will have in your thoughts and actions in social settings. Peace

>>17806002
thanks anon, thats some great advice.

>>17806002
>>17806022
Not him but I'm going to add a bit on this.

Guy here. I also have clinginess issues, very similar to yours OP. But lately I've been learning to listen to myself much better and to put myself first and foremost, and to ask myself if I really want to be with someone or not.

Some weeks ago I met a friend of a friend through Skype. She's an okay girl, a huge nerd, and AT FIRST she seemed like someone I'd like. But it didn't take too long until something inside me spoke and... to be honest? I'm not really interested. Something about her is clearly wrong, and I cannot even put a finger on it.

Thing is, OP, you gotta learn to listen to yourself and to put yourself first. Put a bigger emphasis on YOU and how you feel about the other person. They should earn your approval first!

>>17805984
this

i always, always make it clear that i want transparent, honest, blunt relationships. be it with a friend or a partner. i don't want ambiguity. i am open and honest when i care a lot about you, and if you care about me a lot too then cool, we can be great friends. it's a waste of time pretending to be cool, like you don't give a fuck, when you both care about each other and enjoy each others' company. i stress again that this applies to my friendships as well. if you don't act like you care about me, you're not my friend. friends care about each other. for context i am male.

most people i think are cool are receptive to this and appreciate it too.

<>< are cool

>>17806075
Fish are cool?

Yep

Do you like fish?