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>Growing up I was a normal kid.
>Normal everything
>A little poor but nonetheless normal
>My mother was a little slut that got knocked up at 16
>I was likely the product of rape due to her story I heard in my early 20's
>I was a smart kid
>Mother emphasized school and studying
>Grew up super nerdy but with all the charm and good looks of my father
>Find out I have a sister at 14
>We knew of each other but rarely ever met
>Shes a year younger than me and we hit it off
>Dad starts becoming involved, picking us up every weekend
>We get a lot closer, start experimenting sexually
>Its clearly a phase for her
>I never really get over it
>It was about this time I start experiencing depression and doing weird shit
>I experience a gradual decline
>I try and be honest with my sister about how I feel
>"I think you're just confused"
>I wind up dropping out of high school
>Teachers try drastically to keep me in the system
>huge breaks in grading and changes to my curriculum to ease whatever the hell is wrong with me
>I can't tell anyone whats wrong with me
>Incest fetish buds to help me cope
>In my late teens I move in with a roommate and start working
>We party every other week
>Drink and get laid a lot more than ever thought I would
>have "girlfriends" but can't emotionally connect to anyone
>normal girls stop being able to get me off
>My best friends 12 year old sister starts messaging me over fb
>Shes like to write and wants some advice on stories
>At this point I know exactly how sexually depraved Im becoming
>I have every opportunity to not do what I did but I did it anyway
>Now 19, maintaining a sexual relationship with a 12 year old girl
>Feel sick every time we do anything not platonic
>I've tried to kill myself twice by now
>self my wrists didn't work, nether did swallowing a lethal amount of pills
>doc says its a nothing short of a miracle my body was able to metabolize everything
>fucking sweet
>wind up breaking up with the 13 year old
>can't handle the guilt
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>>17795242
How does ingesting a high dose of Ayahuasca with shamanic guidance to help break your destructive cycles and reevaluate your life sound?
>>
>friend finds out 6 months later that I was diddling his kid sister
>I lose my entire friend group
>8 years of bonding down the drain
>I fall into a deep depression
>more so than whats the norm
>my mother put herself through college and graduates as a RN
>makes enough money to support me while I destroy myself
>stop talking to girls
>just wake up, jerk off, play vidya and sleep
>3 years of this
>I try to shoot myself with the revolver in the bar I worked at
>spend 2 weeks in a psyche ward
>lie through my teeth to get out
>nothing inside of my head has changed
>anti-depressants make my dick stop working
>unfulfilling sex with my kind of gf takes priority
>throw out the pills and have unfulfilling sex for a few months
>she dumps me for being a fucking loser
>start banging 2 of the girls next door because jacking off to cp doesn't cut it anymore
>1 cucks me and the other pretends we never did anything
>move to florida for a year
> a year of drinking, beating off, and palying vidya completely unemployed
>move to illinois, no longer taking my mohters money
>doing sort of ok
>I dont even try to interact with women on any level but friendship
>I dont think im right enough in the head to develop meaningful relationships anymore
>I work paycheck to paycheck
>Looking to move back to NY to start over in my hometown
>I dont really feel anything anymore
>I still hold a flame for my sister, whos engaged now
>I cry a lot
>Still drink heavily
>Drinking right now
What do I even do?
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>>17795255
Wow man. Life is hard.
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>>17795254
I'd be down
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>>17795242
www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKkazr8M-n4
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>>17795325
That's the most inspiring shit I've ever heard.
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>>17795255
>What do I even do?
Fuck off would be my suggestion.
>>
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>>17795380
>>
Get on anti psychotics, do biweekly individual therapy
Tell your family about your relationship with your sister
You won't have any productive relationship until you fix your own brain
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>>17795436
Im open to therapy and medication, just a lot of money I don't have.
My mother knows, no one else does. It really isn't right to bring it up after so long. At least it definitely doesn't feel right.
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