my gf has zero libido. Zero. What do? I'm desperate. >

How long have you been together? Has the situation always been this bad? If not, when did it start? How's your relationship otherwise?

>inb4 leave her
well what the fuck else am I supposed to say? There's no fixing low libido.

spike her dinner with Viagra.

some girls don't have high libidos. either talk it out like adults because your needs aren't being met or break up with her

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>>17790111
Grab her by her pussy Trump style, initiate your fucks yourself faggot, don't expect her to say "ok i am in mood, fuck me". Be dominant, be aggressive, strip her and fuck her brains out.

Fucking softies

>>17790117
6 years. We've been living together for 2.
>>17790145
Ohh man I tried, so many times. Every time is a pain the ass because it always ends up with her crying or being depressed: she's afraid that I'll leave her because of her low libido.

I'm 25 and she's 21. I feel like losing my best sex years

>>17790117
Sorry, forgot about the other questions: for everything else our relationship is splendid, awesome, we really love each other. It's been like this since always.

>>17790178
How often do you have sex with her?
Have you tried this >>17790168 ?

>>17790171
then either bail or get counseling. jesus stop being a retard about it

>>17790188
.. Can I have advices from somebody that actually have/had real gfs?

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>>17790171
>I feel like losing my best sex years
Don't project your own unhealthy expectations on her.

>>17790111
How long since?

Also, this is pretty fucked up but, since everything else is just fantastic what does she think about you getting your sexual needs outside of your relation.

I'm just trying to help anon

>>17790213
>.. Can I have advices from somebody that actually have/had real gfs?

Ayy lmao

You clearly have no idea whatsover about women

Talk to her in a sincere, non-accusatory way about your problems and how they make you feel. Don't make her feel like 'shit we need to have sex or else' just to get off, I know that's not true. But some girls don't. Some would happily feign sexual interest, break down crying during out of pain/severe dislike, and continue on that way forever because they don't realize the need for the bond and that if it was all about getting off your hand could do it just as well.

Other than that, you're going to want to try either couple's counselling or take a trip to the GP. There might be a medical reason beneath her lack of libido, or a psychological reason. Either of them can be worked with through professionals if you can't resolve it through just talking alone. And frankly, you probably won't be able to. Talking is just the first way to bring up the problem and explain how your needs and how it makes you feel.

>>17790230
I'm starting to think the same honestly now. I could be making some mistakes, it's just I dunno where.
>>17790225
It's like once every few months. Basically never.
And no, I can't have sex with other people, this would destroy her. And honestly I don't even want to do it.. Of course I feel the need, but I would be ashamed of myself doing it

>>17790111
why not just JO to porn when you are horny and she isn't dtf?

>>17790242
Couples tend to be complacent which ultimately ends in boredom. You are the man, you are leading the relationship. Make her feel desired by acting sexually aggresive and be very vocal about it, tell her that her body belongs to you and you will use it as you please while you fuck her. And if you are so chickenshit to do it, wine and dine her so you can blame it on the wine.

But i bet my balls, if you aren't a weird faggot she's gonna love it

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>>17790111

>>17790252
I do it already :(
>>17790255
I know anon. But I love her a lot, and I can't imagine my life without her anyway

Is she on birth control? Any other medicine? Often, stuff like that can fuck with womens' hormones. It happened to my ex, as soon as she started taking the pill she lost all desire to have sex. Totally defeated the purpose

I didn't have any libido with my ex and I thought I was asexual. My new boyfriend I'm obsessed with and we fuck multiple times every time we see each other.
Maybe she's just not sexually attracted to you, man.

>>17790111
Is she on any medication? How is her mental health? Does she masturbate? What are her attitudes towards sex generally?

>>17790298
>>17790349
She's on birth control since last September, but I see no difference honestly, nothing changed at all. No Sex before, no sex now.
>>17790335
At this point, I can believe it. Even if she touches me a lot and she compliments on my body a lot. We are very physical generally (lots of hugs, kisses and so on).. But no fucking sex

>>17790349
She doesn't masturbate. I was her first, she was a virgin. Also her mom didn't tell anything about sex (southern Italian Catholic bitch) so you can imagine. I had to tell her everything (she didn't even know women can orgasm).

>>17790368
>We are very physical generally (lots of hugs, kisses and so on).. But no fucking sex
I am a very touchy feely person, and I love hugs and cuddles. But there's only a choice few people I'm actually sexually attracted to.

>>17790375
So probably it is not related to the birth control, but I was also thinking anti-depressants or other drugs which can affect libido.

Do you watch porn together, or read erotica? When you talk to her about her low libido what does she say she feels like - as in, does she feel shame, or no arousal at all, or anxious, etc.? Have you ever tried smoking weed with her? Does she feel like having sex when she is tipsy?

I'm trying to get at if her low libido is due to anxiety or shame. If this is the case, you can work at it together by seeing a sex-positive therapist.

>>17790388
Not op,but I am sure she will be very mad if he tells her to watch together a porn.also,she will feel the same if she knows that he watches alone.

>>17790111
Is there something,that could make her depressed? Depression makes women have low libido. Also,if you try to talk about it(the low libido) and then try to have sex she will surely don't want to have. Also,if you talk often about the sex problem,might make her very anxious and maybe she thinks she is very bad on sex and maybe that's why she avoids it.

Sounds like there's compromise to be done on your part.
Either you deal with it or you go against your current morals and do as you please.

>>17790111
shes not highly sexual.
Man has to nut.

Big problems.

Maybe her problem comes from her family. You were her first. Were you like that even in the first months? Maybe the problem is more yours. You should fuck her mind, you should make her get used to having sex often,make her enjoy it. Anyway,the thing is that when you talked with her about that,what does she think? That she is normal or no? If she understands the problem then tell her to first talk with her gynecologist.

>>17790404
This is a problem in her relationship too, not just OP's. Based on what OP says, she is worried he will leave her because of this. They've been together for 6 years, so presumably she loves him. It is not unreasonable to expect her to try to work on this issue by going a little outside her comfort zone (not if watching porn would be traumatic for her, but perhaps by seeing a counselor, or even reading erotic literature to see how it makes her feel).

>>17790430
Oh yeah of course, good one, definitely she should see a gynecologist.

Once you have gotten over the mental barrier (if it exists), then you can work on making sex pleasurable for her.

>>17790404
Man you are spot on. On both your thoughts.
She doesn't want me to watch porn cause she's jealous (though I do watch it of course).
I don't know why she should be depressed, but yeah she's pretty anxious person usually.
>>17790430
She knows she has low libido, and I think she understands the problem. She's just anxious for everything, even for a visit to the gynecologist.

>>17790451
I think you should see a therapist together. Being jealous of porn is irrational and reflects her discomfort with sex, which makes sense based on her upbringing. Some therapy will help with her overall anxiety and this sex issues. Since porn is off the table for now, try erotica. Go to the bookstore and buy something romantic and not too intense and read it to her. Tell her she just has to listen and pay attention to her feelings - there is no pressure to have sex.

>>17790426
Anon is much more than that. I really miss that special intimacy that only Sex can give.

>>17790467
OP here. I agree on the therapist, but unfortunately right now we are temporarily living abroad and we are still learning the language. Seeing a therapist would be a problem. We will be off to an English country only next summer.

>>17790111
She's taking birth control right? Once she puts it away she will become a slut. Trust me, but that might not be the thing you want.

>>17790526
See
>>17790368

Protip she does have a libido, she just doesn't want to fuck ->you<-

>>17790213
see>>17790202

Same boat here too. My wife and I regularly go a few months without sex. It was an issue for me a few years ago when our sex life died after she got pregnant but now I don't care. We love each other very much and go out of our way for each other. Our problem is mostly due to stress and work.

Good luck buddy.

>>17790632
I guess it's possible, at this point.
>>17790676
I dread a life without sex.

I don't know what you expect us to say OP...
We don't know her. Maybe she had traumatic experiences...maybe she just doesn't like sex.

You have to think how much sex means to you and if you're okay without it worst case scenario. Trying to manipulate her into doing it though will never work.

>>17790765
I know, I just posted because I'm desperate. I love this girl so much I can't leave her, but I like sex at the same time. I guess only time will solve this.

>>17790451
>Man you are spot on. On both your thoughts.
I am a girl,that's why.
Well,seems that anxiety is the main problem and as a result the zero confidence. She will surely not go to a therapist,at least for now. First of all she needs to go to a gynecologist. This is the first step. Be sure that she realizes her problem,but she is afraid to face it. A gynecologist (a woman i guess will make her feel more comfortable) will see if there is any problem in her hormones. Since she takes birth control pills I guess she has already gone to a gynecologist. I hope she didn't get the pills without a doctor giving to them. I also guess that she didn't get them for protecting from sex,but she got them due to PCOS. Am I right? So going to a gynecologist isn't something new to her. So she will go again for a check up and to talk about the low libido. I guess that she will suggest to your gf a blood test to check the hormones. Maybe the PCOS causes all this,although I think that it's more mentally. So,the gynecologist in the end will suggest her to visit a therapist,so when you will be in your place,you can visit one,suggest her if she feels more comfortable to go together. If I were her I would prefer to be alone,I would be shy to talk about that in front of my bf. A therapist can find her real issues,and will lead her to a solution.
I suffer by deep depression,and my libido was really low.i am with my bf For 5,5 years,and he is also my first. I found many common things in your case,so you need to help her visit a therapist. For me it was also difficult but I did it and now everything is much better.

>>17790979
Me again,About porn,don't let her know that you watch. It will make her very jealous and nervous.

>>17790979
We still don't know if she has pcos or not, she is taking the pill just because she had pain when we had sex. But yeah you two are pretty similar. I'll try to get her to the gynecologist again, but for the therapist is gonna take a while. Thanks a lot, I appreciate the input.

>>17791875
>We still don't know if she has pcos or not, she is taking the pill just because she had pain when we had sex.
Taking the pill only for this reason isn't normal I guess. Also,the pain I am pretty sure it's because of the stress. If she is 100% relaxed then she will not feel any pain. I hope I helped. Good luck guys

>>17790773
>I guess only time will solve this.
Don't delude yourself into thinking this. If she doesn't want to solve it, it will only get worse.

force her into chastity

>>17790981
that's not true. women watch porn too. and sometimes is even hot to watch it together ;)

>>17790111

How did you make it 6 years and only voicing your frustrations now? This is honestly something you should have thought about and dealt with very early, you say she has always been like this but you decided to stick it out anyway, that's your own decision and you should have made it with the expectation that nothing will change.

If you haven't brought it up already (which would surprise me) you should tell her during your next session how much you love fucking her and want to do it more often, plant the seed in her head.

But ultimately you might just have to accept her and deal with your frustrations or move on if more frequent sex is something you absolutely need and cannot get past.

>we live and work together. I see her almost every hour of the day

this is the issue
you will get annoyed by someone breathing down your neck 24/7

>>17790111
Wow, I experienced just the same. 6 years relashiionship and we lived 3 years together. She had panic attacs and zero libido. I wanted a break-up but was always afraid to break her heart. In 2014 when she began to feel better she started seeing another guy and even travel with hem. I feld devastated thinking the same as you: I've lost my best sex years. This was 2 years ago and it still hurts not becausa of her betrayal but because of MY betrail. A cheated myself when I didn't do what I wanted (a breakup). This is what I advice you NOT TO DO: DO NOT BETRAIL YOURSELF

>>17792524
I voiced my preoccupation more than a few times, during our whole relationship. I sticked with her because I love her, and I won't leave her for this. Still, it's breaking me.
>>17792564
But she wants to see me every minute of the day anon, I barely manage to have some time to play vidya with friends
>>17792598
Thanks for the input
>>17792453
The gynecologist told her to take the pill to solve the pain.

She needs a psychiatrist.

She's prpbably co-dependent with a lot of unspoken things about sex in her family. You are her medic, not her man. THought she must love you deeply and sincerely, you cant do anything here. Reading this i really feel she has an unspoken traumatism that needs to be treated and not by you but a professional therapist.

Though, this guy is right too : why only now if it hurts you so much ? Its not only her, you made her believed you are ok how things are by not saying it out loud.

>>17792672
Take a look at her diet. My partner struggles with anxiety and depression and has gone through some periods of very low libido, and adding more pro-estrogen foods (such as tofu), really helped her get her libido back.
Also:
>How does she feel about her low sex-drive?
>What's her experience like as the one who wants sex less in the relationship?
>Is she comfortable with the amount of sex you have? Are her needs being met sexually?
>Do you both still engage in sexual behavior without the intent of full on intercourse when you're together?

All the suggestions for therapy and a gynecologist visit are very good for something that may be lying underneath the surface. Would definitely follow up with those.

So this may be a bit crude, but would she ever be willing to do other things besides penetration to satisfy your urges?

Femanon here, when im not feeling sex for various reasons I tend to either blow or give a handie to satsify my husband. Works wonders, keeps him satisfied and I dont have to feel bad for no penetration.

Just a suggestion, may not work in your case. I personally love giving blowjobs, its possible she might too.

>>17790111
Does she have trouble getting wet? If so, I would advice to go see a doctor

>>17792708
She has almost zero libido, so she's more than ok without sex.
She doesn't like the other stuff (cunnilingus, masturbation, and so on), only penetration.
>>17792712
She gives me hand jobs almost whenever I want. Sometimes (very rare) she gives me bjs. Very rarely.
But I don't want this stuff anymore, I want sex. I crave it. I feel like I'm detaching from her without sex.

>>17792672
>The gynecologist told her to take the pill to solve the pain.
Did it solve the pain? Because I am sure that the pain comes from the stress. Also,if you have sex once per few months,why should she get a pill every day just for that? If her hormones were normal before the pill,she shouldn't get the pills too. I would visit an other gynecologist if I were her.
>>17792473
>that's not true. women watch porn too. and sometimes is even hot to watch it together ;)
Not rly. Some women don't watch,and are very jealous if their bf watches.

>>17792805
It didn't solve the pain completely. At beginning, her excuse to avoid Sex (other than low libido) was that she felt pain during penetration. So we went to the gynecologist (after MONTHS and months of convincing her) and she gave her the pill for this. She also had some problems with her periods (now solved).
But, still no sex.

>>17792978
This pill is given by a doctor for two reasons.
-for protection from sex
-for PCOS.
Both cases,the doctor has firstly to ask for some blood tests to see some hormones and some other things. If the doctor didn't do it,isn't good. Because there are cases that you can't give this pill like mine. Also,if you don't have sex,and if the pain remains in some point the pill is useless,so she should tell it to a doctor and stop it. Btw,I don't know when she started the pill,but you can't take it for long periods. after a year of getting the pill,she needs a little break,and always talk with her doctor about it. She could destroy her organs if she gets it for long,without being monitored by a doctor.
Surely the pain was an excuse to avoid sex,but I am sure she feels a pain,which is caused by stress because she isn't relaxed. I am also sure that she is very shy to talk openly to a doctor about the sex problem,especially if we think in what family she grew up,but you need to convince her. Have a talk with her,explain her that you love her but you miss her sexually, convince her that you aren't going to leave her because of sex but make her understand that she needs to do it for you too. You can't be in a relationship so many years and don't have sex. She might likes it,but you don't. And since she loves you,she needs to fix her issues. Although you should have done it earlier. But anyway,talk about it,convince her to go to a gynecologist to talk about everything and then to a therapist.