I'm in a rut. I'm a paranoid, anxiety-filled mess

>>17784009
Sounds like either sever anxiety, have you tried ativan?
Alternatively it could be borderline personality disorder senpai.

>>17784070

I haven't tried ativan. I've tried a number of other antidepressants. At best, they've helped numb the anxiety at the expense of numbing me to all my responsibilities that caused me anxiety. Made escapism too easy and largely unsatisfying.

It also all but killed my libido, which made for sad porn sessions.

>>17784095
Ativan is better for anxiety.
Tell me, are you depressed? Do you find you take lots of drugs or drink?
What's your perception of yourself? Do you feel in control of your actions and emotions? Have you tried to kill yourself? Do you feel like your feelings about others will flip flop daily, weekly or sometimes hourly?

>>17784107

I am depressed, yes. I don't take any non-prescription drugs unless caffeine counts. I know caffeine makes anxiety worse, but I have frequent anxiety spikes on days I have 0 caffeine. Same even with 4 consecutive days of no caffeine.

I drink maybe once to three times a week spaced by several weeks of no drinking. It isn't a consistent thing for me.

I don't feel that I am in control of my actions and emotions normally. That's a particularly weird part - I avoid doing a lot of stuff to avoid generating new signals to be recorded by either a commercial or non-commercial entity.

I have never tried to kill myself nor do I have any inclination to do so.

I don't feel like my feelings will flip flop daily, weekly, or hourly.

>>17784157
Would you say your feelings toward others will flip flop? Like, one day you see a friend and everything is good and then the next day it can get sour?
Alternatively do you feel like you over react?
Also you male or female? If female are you on contraceptives like mirena?

>>17784157
* it's particularly weird that I try to avoid generating signals not because I think I'm particularly important, but because of the complete loss of control and the vulnerability that comes from it.

>>17784161
>
>Would you say your feelings toward others will flip flop? Like, one day you see a friend and everything is good and then the next day it can get sour?

Nope. My mood is typically consistent outside of some days I feel more depressed than others.

>Alternatively do you feel like you over react?

One time when I went off of my anti-depressant, yes. There were a few weeks where I was quick to anger, though I had no particular change in how depressed I was until after the several weeks ended. I'm back on a different anti-depressant now. Low dosage.

>Also you male or female? If female are you on contraceptives like mirena?

Male.

>>17784171
Good news is it doesn't sound like you have borderline personality disorder.
However, it does sound like you have, to some degree, a paranoia personality disorder. You fear loss of control in social situations because how others perceive you. The quick to judge and anger are typecast of this disorder. Extreme worry about surveillance can also be associated to others judging you. Consider this;
When government surveillance increases, so does the rate of suicide. Why? Because of increased paranoia. The snowden example is key to that. Typically people feel depressed and paranoid under surveillance and you're mention of him and how he reveiled it shows your anxiety of that. Typically people with paranoid personality disorder don't run high risk lifestyles in comparision to borderline personality disorder, which you don't by neither attempting suicide or doing drugs. Antidepressants aren't helpful to the issue you have, ativan probably wouldnt be either. cont

>>17784249
If it is paranoid personality disorder, you suffer from a disorder quite close to schizophrenia. Early childhood experiences play a role in causing this. If you're on this site there's probably a good chance you were bullied i assume.
It's also more typically present in males and is usually not diagnosable until adulthood.

Now then. That said, I am no expert. There could be a multitude of other things that could potentially play a role in your emotions. If it is paranoid personality disorder, you unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your opinion) can't take meds for it. The plus side is this is treatable. You'll need psychotherapy to help understand the causes of these thoughts, and establish tools to prevent them and stop them. It's not a quick fix but it's treatable in a way that is far lower risk than, say, effexor (if you're under 24).

I wish you all the luck in the world with this. If it is this condition than know you can absolutely get better, and if it isn't, you have all the time in the world to find the cause.

>>17784249

>Good news is it doesn't sound like you have borderline personality disorder.
>However, it does sound like you have, to some degree, a paranoia personality disorder. You fear loss of control in social situations because how others perceive you. The quick to judge and anger are typecast of this disorder. Extreme worry about surveillance can also be associated to others judging you. Consider this;

I am not quick to anger. I'm usually mellow. The anger part was during the withdrawal period from the SSRI I was taking.

As for quick to judge - I like to assume the best in people. I despise partisan politic tribalism normally and am depressed at communities its engulfed (see: SJWs vs alt-right).

Even with mass surveillance, I don't assume most of people involved in it are bad people. While I initially assumed the worst about spooks (consistent with the views the hacker communities I grew up around espoused) I've spoken with a number of spooks and some cops post-Snowden and I've largely mellowed out about them. There's this bizarre naivete that's consistent in who I've spoken to about not understanding why people who aren't committing a crime care if their personal communications are being screened at by the intelligence community.

My anxiety around the mass surveillance itself hasn't been mitigated much by this, though.

>When government surveillance increases, so does the rate of suicide. Why? Because of increased paranoia. The snowden example is key to that. Typically people feel depressed and paranoid under surveillance and you're mention of him and how he reveiled it shows your anxiety of that. Typically people with paranoid personality disorder don't run high risk lifestyles in comparision to borderline personality disorder, which you don't by neither attempting suicide or doing drugs. Antidepressants aren't helpful to the issue you have, ativan probably wouldnt be either. cont

I'm curious if there's suicide stats attributable to Snowden leaks.

>>17784257

>If it is paranoid personality disorder, you suffer from a disorder quite close to schizophrenia. Early childhood experiences play a role in causing this. If you're on this site there's probably a good chance you were bullied i assume.

A little? I was mostly left alone. My views and fears largely have come from hanging around hackery-themed online circles when I was between 8 and 20 years old. To say there was a cultural mistrust about the intelligence community and law enforcement is an understatement.

>It's also more typically present in males and is usually not diagnosable until adulthood.
>Now then. That said, I am no expert. There could be a multitude of other things that could potentially play a role in your emotions. If it is paranoid personality disorder, you unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on your opinion) can't take meds for it. The plus side is this is treatable. You'll need psychotherapy to help understand the causes of these thoughts, and establish tools to prevent them and stop them. It's not a quick fix but it's treatable in a way that is far lower risk than, say, effexor (if you're under 24).

I've been having problems finding a psychologist worth a damn. I'm on my third one. None of them have had any familiarity with social media or Internet subcultures. I am typically poor at verbalizing my thoughts. The first two had the view of "if you have nothing to hide you have nothing to fear" and one of those two had the gall to ask me if I was taking any illegal drugs after I showed her this article: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-watch/wp/2016/03/10/surprise-nsa-data-will-soon-routinely-be-used-for-domestic-policing-that-has-nothing-to-do-with-terrorism/

The third one is better than the first two but it's a struggle to communicate to her due to her unfamiliarity with Internet subcultures or the realities of mass surveillance. She is under the impression that I fear I am being tracked in the traditional sense.

>>17784286
Not everyone displays the same symptoms, or severity of symptoms, to any disorder. I'd reccomend talk to not only a psychologist but a psychiatrist (any psychologist I've seen perscribes fucking awfully) and a psychotherapist. Getting all three will give you a better idea than just a psychologist. I've heard of a psychologist that told a friend that if they were actually suicidal and wanted to die than they would have killed themselves already. Not a thing to say.

>>17784321

I'm seeing a psychiatrist as well and he's okay. He's the one that writes my prescriptions.

I'm not sure what the difference between a psychologist and a psychotherapist is.

And ew, that's awful.

>>17784334
Psychologist tries to find root cause and behavioural fixes. A psychiatrist will try to find brain chemistry fixes, a la perscription. Psychotherapist will help you the most. They will break down these ruminations you have and helps find Brain activities to fix this

>>17784354


I'll take a look into it. Thanks anon.