Boyfriend wants to wait until 30 or over to have kids (depending

I don't blame him to be honest, having a baby is a huge life changer. At what age does he want to get married?

>>17783087
Around the same.

I can't understand why people won't acknowledge that it starts to get dangerous for the woman and child at that age. And I want to have energy to play with my kid. But mostly I just dont want to wait that long.

We talked about it (argued about it) and he said he'd think about it but mostly his side was "I wish you luck finding someone who shares your goals"

Everyone I know, friends, and family waited to have children around their thirties. ESPECIALLY these days it just isn't reasonable to think you'd decently support a child or children prior to that unless you have insane amounts of family support.

If you're itching to get pregnant and anchor your life down for the next 18 years, and he isn't, he can't be blamed.

He is 21 for fucks sake, he was a teen not to long ago. I guarantee you, having a child has never been on his mind, and you scared the absolute shit out of him by bringing it up.

I wouldn't be surprised if he breaks up with you. There is no compromise in this situation. You can't go "Well, if not soon, then get me pregnant at 25". Guys don't think ahead like that, and generally think that doing so is crazy (because it is).

you don't compromise on such a big choice
You're both young and the stakes are low if you split (luckily)

I also am going to wait to have kids till I'm 30 but I'll also have a wife that's 5 years younger than me. I don't think any girlfriend could convince me otherwise.

Yup, I'm the same way as your boyfriend. I will not have a child prior to 30. It just isn't going to happen.

If I have a kid, I'm going to give them a decent life. I'm not going to get some girl pregnant in my early to mid twenties while I'm still going to school and trying to find a decent career.

Because if I did, then that kid is honestly fucked. Its just delusional to think you can reasonably raise a child without a decent income if you live in the west.

They say that raising a middle class kid in U.S./Canada without massively spoiling them until their 18, costs around $400k. That is JUST the expenses on the child alone, not the house, or living expenses for yourself and partner.

Fucking crazy bitches thinking any dude wants a kid in their twenties.

>>17783164
This, from a practical standpoint, unless you're rich, having a kid in your twenties is bordering on complete lunacy if you're in the states.

Unless you just want to have a kid to have a kid, like getting a dog, and letting it live a shitty welfare life, like a lot of women seem to do these days.

>>17783164
>>17783144
>>17783087
Should all girls just be dating someone 10 years older than them then?

>>17783180
I thought this was obvious

>>17783180
If they are desperate to get pregnant, yes. Because no fucking moron is going to get a girl pregnant in their 20s, like the others said, having a kid in your 20s is idiotic, practically speaking.

>>17783072
>If I have to start dating at 30 I'll be screwed
Yeah I always prefer 18-19 yo as a 26

>>17783072
Tell him that the older you get the more likely complications will happen during birth. Autism percentage doubles once you hit like 30

>>17783197
I did but his whole family had kids at 30 so he doesn't believe the danger

>>17783072
You're gonna have to feel the waters and see if he's gonna take it serious and put a ring on it by around 25-26. If you can tell he's just not gonna so that, then find someone your age who will take it seriously, OR date an older guy that's gonna put a ring on it by that time. Otherwise, you could try to stay with him and get married at 30 but you run the risk of your ovaries drying up. And then you're fucked for life. Another worst case scenario is he wastes your time and never marries you. Or even worse, he marries you at 30 you guys try to have kids, can't do it, and he ditches you for a hot 21yo that can give him children. Geez. I don't even know what you'd do at that point. If I was a chick and that happened to me, I'd probably kill myself. Anyway, good luck.

>>17783180
Yes I personally recommend an older man. My current boyfriend is 4 year younger and I'm struggling to stay with him.

>>17783230
This desu. Or, if you're feeling impatient you can tell him to get on board or get the hell out.

>>17783230
This seems like a good plan. The biggest problem is i have a plan for specific ages and he doesn't believe in even bothering to make a plan. His answer is just "I'll get married and have kids when i have enough money" but i need a plan from him. That could be when he's 50. For a man there is no timeline.

theres 7 BILLION people on this planet so stop contributing unless at least one of you has contributed to humanity in a way most have not

File: 1464447244376.jpg (36KB, 351x329px) Image search: [Google]

36KB, 351x329px

>>17783180
If they want to get knocked up asap, generally yes. I want kids, I'm nowhere near ready for them though. Barring any significant tragedies, I should be ready to start a family around 28 with my current plan.

It's just not a good idea right now at 24.

>>17783256
The lack of a timeline is a pretty valid complaint I think. I'd probably stress that and see if you guys can reach a compromise, it's not as if you guys want fundamentally different things. The big debate is just the date.

>>17783263
Western nations are below the replenishment rate. The only reason the population is increasing is because of countries like India where people had to breed like rats because they died like rats, but the latter is no longer an issue.

I'd much rather have a stable western couple raise a child than someone who shits on the street. If you want to address the rising world population, focus on modernizing the third world rather than neutering the west even more.

>>17783271
no. even average tier western lifestyles are massively resource intensive (in,a way thats currently unsustainable). most westerns literally dont deserve their lifestyle.

>>17783263
Who cares how many people there are. The whole meaning of life is to make more life. Besides its biological for women to want kids.

>>17783268
Right but he says "when i have a good job and after i make something of myself. Theres no point in planning because anything could happen. I could get a job today or 10 years from now"

But i don't think people are just going around letting fate decide. If i want a job at 23... maybe my luck will be bad and it'll take a few years, but not 10 years. You can still plan things and aim for those goals.

>>17783295
>Theres no point in planning because anything could happen. I could get a job today or 10 years from now
That's just dumb. Of course there's a degree of luck involved but not to that level. I'm still going to strongly suggest you try to work something out, a firm plan and to convince him to stop being retarded. However at the end of the day there is only so much you can do, and quite frankly I'd be hesitant to raise a family with someone that refuses to plan anything because they're afraid of owning up to their actions.

>>17783072
No bait on that hook

>>17783120

30 isn't old at all unless you're one lazy fuck. You'll have plenty of energy. I don't blame your bf, I'll be 26 in 6 months and I'm nowhere near close ready for a kid.

File: 1401407230219.png (54KB, 581x307px) Image search: [Google]

54KB, 581x307px

>>17783876
Buddy of mine recently had a child. He is 30.
Nigga got about 5 years older the first 3 months. White hair, white beard, didn't get fatter but weaker. He is on the breach of a mental breakdown.

I'm with your boyfriend, OP. Setting an artificial timeline to hatch out a little spawn is silly. It doesn't even seem like you're in love if you are worried about wasting time in which you could find another partner. Sounds like you just want someone, anyone, to give you a baby.

I just turned 30 myself. Thought I'd be ready for a kid around 28 or so. At 28 there was so much unexpected upheaval in my life that it would have been an impossibility. Now it's *kind of* time where I could support a kid, but I'd still feel awful about it, since the kid would likely have to spend a bunch of time in daycare if we wanted to support it well financially or mom & I would have to stretch out my salary pretty thin so she could stay at home.

Modern day child rearing is fucked. I only know like three happy parents, the rest are stretched to the bone.

>>17783072
Meet him in the middle. Try to compromise.
28.
You must understand, almost every responsible man wants to have stability before having children.
It's for the sake of your child.

>lets have autistic kids

My mom had me and 34, dont do that shit to your kids.

>>17784178
So do I. And i know crazy stuff happens in life, but I'll be looking for a job as soon as i graduate in 2 years so i can have a family. He will graduate a year later than me and said even if he gets a good job he'll still wait until 30

File: 1408600647754.jpg (124KB, 480x480px) Image search: [Google]

124KB, 480x480px

>if something doesn't work out I'll have wasted time I could have been looking for another partner

>I love him

People like you who say shit like that never seem to notice the incongruity of those two sentiments. Your notion of what love is is flimsy and loathsome and, worst of all, completely typical.

I swear, all the true romantics must be alone.

>>17784712

Come back when noone hires you, and you grind 40+ hours doing shitty customer service jobs. See if you want a kid then. If you do, youre a shitty parent.

>>17783072
Sounds familiar - I can't wait to get pregnant and start a family but my bf wants to wait until he's 30. We're 19, been together since 16

After reading the thread, I think I should have waited for someone much older than me but there's no way i could break up with my bf, or even find a man as good as him now

this thread was a massive blackpill :(

this thread was

Simple fact is women have an internal clock that just keeps ticking away every fucking day. Women are pathetic sheep for the most part when it comes to having kids sadly. They see some dumb young mom with a kid and they feel that instinctual need to have one for themselves. I honestly don't think women really think about the enormity of that situation. Nor do they have to worry as much as a guy. If you're a guy in the relationship YOU have to worry about the finances, if you guys break up it's the man who doesn't get his kids but gets a court order payment plan. You should think about his responsibilities OP. He's trying to be an adult about this shit.

>>17784817
If no one hires me then im not good enough and need to improve myself.

>>17783072
You're fucking 21, what you do when you're 25 or 30 is completely irrelevant. You may not be a couple anymore. Specially since you seem to be a totally selfish bitch who already thinks about breaking up with his "loved" one.

>>17783896
it will only get worst kek

>>17785077
Don't think a responsible adult should be planning for something 5 years in the future? 5 years is nothing... 10 is a lot more, which is why I'm not looking to wait until I'm 30.

At the very least, you can't tell me its a bad goal to try and find a job, car, house in the 5 years after i finish school. Am i expected to just sit on my ass working minimum wage and living with my parents until 30?

That may work for a lot of people on advice but I want to get my life together and be prepared.

>>17783072

>WOMEN LOOK AT HAVING CHILDREN THE WAY MEN LOOK AT LOSING THEIR VIRGINITY
WOMEN LOOK AT HAVING CHIDlren the way MEN LOOK AT losing their virGINity
WOMEN LOOK AT HAVing children the way
>MEN LOOK AT LOSING THEIR VIRGINITY


ITS THE SAME FUCKING THING. So I'll give you the advice everyone gave me OP

Having kids really is not as great as you think. :)
Get over it :)
Nobody cares if you have kids or not :)

>>17785094
You're 21, you're not a responsible adult. You're barely adult. Everything you want now will change when you're 22, and again when you're 23. Maybe at your 25s if you're mature enough you will have some sort of vague path and you can start following it by collecting the random things you got in your early twenties.

You bf is much better and realistic at predicting and planing his future than you, and probably more mature.

>>17785097
Lol. Seems true enough.

>>17785101
And i realise that what i want my change, however it's still good to plan to get a job and a house and a car. That's the responsible thing to do and those things are needed regardless of whether or not i have children.

And i doubt most women stop wanting children after wanting them.

21 is a very good age to start being responsible and planning your future. In fact you should be planning it as soon as you graduate high school.

I resent the neets who life off their parents until they're 40. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be independent and improve your quality of life at any age.

Would you make fun of a 12 year old for wanting to get a job or saving up their money for the future because hes not "an adult" yet?

>>17783072
I got a question for OP that's kind of off topic, but here goes:

how do you feel about couples 10 years apart? 20 years apart?
Would you find it off-putting for an older, financially established man to be looking for a young woman willing to start a family (like yourself)?
How would you feel if one of your friends was dating/marrying someone like that?

>>17785157
Everyone in my family has an age difference of at least 5. 10 seems fine. 20 would be to much i think.

From this thread it seems like a guy 10 years older than a girl just works out better for family life.

>>17783072
This is such fucking bait. If this is real, you're INSANE.

Yes, your bf is justified. Wait until you're 30.
You'll have at least 20 years to have kids, assuming you hit menopause at 50. Enjoy your 20's while you can.

>I feel like if I wait that long and something doesn't work out I'll have wasted time I could be looking for another partner
Are you autistic?
You do realize that regardless if children being in the situation, something could happen in your relationship to end it by the time you're 30.
Children do not magically bring a couple together and closer than ever.

If it upsets you so much, break up with him.
It's retarded that you're planning a life with someone you've dated since you were 19. Look for other people.

File: 34576u4fj.jpg (14KB, 625x626px) Image search: [Google]

14KB, 625x626px

>>17785199

it blows my mind that there are actual people who think like this

>>17785232
wut did I do

>>17783072
You've dated him for two years and just now came to this conclusion, huh?

Sounds like some more thinking should have been done on your part.

As for compromising. How many children do you want to have with this man?
What traits and qualities do you have that will make someone want to start
a life together with you?

Your boyfriend is justified in being hesitant in what the future holds, and
it looks like he wants to be well prepared for it aswell.
Why must it be between 25-26? You don't think your body could handle those
extra few years until 30 to produce a healthy and normal child that your so
concerned of not having?